


Far From Gone

by Agnes Joseph (alray)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec and Izzy are besties, Background Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Background Luke Garroway/Maryse Lightwood, Catarina is the best, M/M, Original Character(s), self-harm (but no more than in the show)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-03-27 02:34:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 124,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13871256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alray/pseuds/Agnes%20Joseph
Summary: When the Soul Sword is threatening all of the Downworld again, Magnus' solution comes with a price. A price Alec finds too high to pay.





	1. One More Kiss and Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> This plot bunny attacked me while I was waiting for 2x10 to upload. I was lying on the couch, thinking about Jace and Clary's vision in 2x07 and this story just appeared in my head. It seemed too out there to turn it into a fic, but it kept calling to me and wouldn't leave me alone. So a year and 120K words later, here we are.
> 
> Fic is mostly done, just needs a little tweaking here and there. I should be able to post a new chapter (seven in total) every few days, latest every week.
> 
> As we've only had about two lines of dialogue from Catarina, I didn't have much to go off for characterisation, but I hope I did her justice.
> 
> Titles of chapters are lyrics from Billy Lockett songs. Thank you, Shadowhunters, for introducing me to this wonderful artist!
> 
> A world of thanks and praise has to go to my wonderful beta reader, [Keiko Kirin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakana17/pseuds/Keiko%20Kirin). This fic would never have been finished without her encouragement and invaluable comments. Thank you so much, my friend!

This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening.

He strained against Jace's arm around his middle holding him back. He'd have wrenched himself free, if it weren't for Clary and Izzy on either side of him, holding onto his arms. He couldn't fight against all three of them.

"Please..." His voice sounded broken to his own ears. "I can't..."

Again the thought shot through his head that this couldn't be happening. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. He was going to spend the rest of his life with Magnus. They'd barely had a year together. It wasn't enough. It would never be enough.

"Alec..." Izzy's tone wasn't unsympathetic but resolute nonetheless. The three of them knew what needed to be done. They weren't the ones watching their lives walk away from them.

He turned pleading eyes towards her, the one person he hoped would not be able to resist him. "Please," he begged again. Her eyes softened, but her expression stayed resolute. She really wasn't going to let him go to him? How heartless could a person be? "I love him," he said on a quiet shaky sigh.

As those words came out of his mouth, three things happened at the same time. Jace whispered a heartbroken, "Oh, Alec," in response to the turmoil he was feeling through their parabatai bond. Izzy took a shaky breath while bracing herself to stand up to him. But most importantly, the figure walking away from them, his coat billowing behind him dramatically, came to a sudden standstill.

He couldn't have heard, could he? He had to be out of earshot by now.

And yet, he slowly turned around, and Alec stopped breathing for a moment. He was going to change his mind. He wouldn't go through with this insanity. Magnus was going to come back to him. 

Alec couldn't read his expression. He was too far away and Alec's siblings were restraining him in case he did something stupid like go with him.

He didn't have to wonder. There was a whoosh of wind and suddenly Magnus was standing in front of him. Alec wasn't surprised the cat eyes were out or at how they blazed with a hot passion. That wasn't why he gasped with shock. Magnus' face... It didn't even look human anymore...

This was what Magnus was trying to protect him from. This was what Magnus didn't want him to see. The tough, red scales that had started to form a few days ago were now covering his face almost completely. Magnus had insisted they didn't hurt but the way they pulled at his skin looked painful.

"Magnus," he breathed, pain stabbing through his heart.

A sad though warm smile flitted across lips that could barely be called a mouth anymore. Magnus lifted a hand; the smile faltered as he hesitated, but then he carried the motion through and put it on Alec's cheek. Though it still felt soft, Alec could see the back of his hand too had been completely overgrown with the same harsh red scales. He suspected they went all the way down the sleeve of his coat. Most shocking of all were the fingers. Where there should be fingernails, there were now talons. That was new since Alec had last seen him.

When he spoke, his voice was gravelly, but still so gentle and so very Magnus. "Who could love this?" There was not a trace of self-pity in the words, just a cold hard statement of fact.

His heart aching, Alec leaned into the touch. Magnus had heard. "I told you once," he said, his voice quiet, "I told you a million times. I love you. All of you." Demon and all.

Magnus gazed at him a moment longer, but then, his hand lowering, he looked past him, a red haze of anger flashing across his eyes as they met Jace's. "I told you to keep him away."

The arm around Alec's waist tightened, in protection of Alec or reaction to the dark threat in Magnus' voice, he wasn't sure.

Jace's voice shook just a little before he got a hold of himself. "You know how stubborn he is."

If there was one thing Alec couldn't stand, it was talking about him like he wasn't even there. "At least I'm not a coward," the anger bubbling inside him made him spit out.

Magnus' gaze snapped back towards him. "Is that what you think?" Did he actually sound surprised? "That I'm taking the easy way out?"

It wouldn't be the first time. He almost said it, but held his tongue just in time. It had been a hard learning process when they first moved in together, keeping his temper from lashing out in harsh hurtful outbursts. But when fury was raging through him, along with a bone-deep sadness, like it was now, it was still difficult to keep that side of him under control.

Alec suddenly realised the pressure on his arms was gone, as was the arm around his waist. A quick glance to his left, then right, was all he needed to determine his siblings had decided to give the two of them some privacy. They couldn't have gone far; Alec really didn't care where they were. As soon as he realised his arms were free, he let out a strangled sob and flung them around Magnus, hauling him close.

There was a moment of hesitation, a rigid tension to Magnus' body, but then he sighed and relaxed against Alec. It was the first time Alec felt at peace since he had realised what Magnus was planning and he had rushed over. The scales scratched against the skin of his neck, but Alec didn't mind; he welcomed the discomfort. This way he could concentrate on the physical pain and ignore the one ripping his heart to shreds, a habit he still fell back on in moments of extreme stress.

Somewhere in the distance an owl hooted, the only sound to be heard over their own breathing. It had to be said, Magnus had chosen the perfect spot for this. The wind rustled through the leaves of the tree they were standing under, before it resumed on its path towards the grassy hill where it would all happen. Of course the stars were out; even they wanted to be present for Magnus' grand finale.

The thought made a sob unleash from Alec's throat. "I can't let you go." The words were true on so many levels. He couldn't seem to physically let him go, his arms clinging even tighter. "There has to be another way."

"There isn't." Magnus' voice was once again harsh with truth. "This is only going to get worse, Alexander."

Alec shut his eyes, pain threatening to swallow him whole when that beloved name came out in that pained, scratchy voice. He could feel tears falling from his closed eyelids.

"You haven't even tried."

"I'm barely holding on as it is." Those words, spoken with such raw candour, Magnus' voice shaking with the need to keep himself under control, made Alec's eyes snap open. 

"What?" he gasped, pulling away to look into Magnus' eyes. Everything suddenly fell into place. It was so obvious, now that he knew what to look for. That unstable glint in his cat eyes, the harsh breathing, the way he'd snapped at Jace. He really was coming apart at the seams.

Magnus' eyes lowered for a moment while he took a few deep, calming breaths. When he met Alec's gaze again, there was a sadness in his eyes. "It's too late for me anyway." Alec started shaking his head in denial, but before he could speak, Magnus added, his voice suddenly soft with sympathy, "The demon is taking over, Alec. There's no reversing it. I have to do this." A ghost of a smile flew across his lips. "At least this way I can do something useful at the same time."

Eliminate the threat of the Soul Sword. Protect all of the Downworld, all of Magnus' Downworld children. Alec understood the appeal. It was just the price he couldn't agree with. It was high, way too high, more than he could bear.

"I can't lose you," he said, surprised at how small his voice sounded.

"And I don't want to lose you." The words were no comfort, not with that inevitability in Magnus' voice. 

Alec leaned towards him, like he'd done a million times before, but when he saw something shift in Magnus' eyes, the smile on his lips faltering, he pulled back in alarm. Magnus seemed to be flinching away from him. That hurt almost more than anything else. He found there were tears falling from his eyes, as he swallowed and asked, "May I?" He'd never had to ask before.

The hesitation was still there. Alec understood, he really did. Ever since the scales started coming through, Magnus had had trouble letting Alec so much as touch him. It wasn't shame; he'd always worn his demon half with pride. But now it was right there, on the surface, for everyone to see. 

A shadow flickered across Magnus' cat eyes, but then he reluctantly nodded. Alec never broke eye-contact as he leaned closer again, his eyes falling shut at the last second.

The moment their lips touched he understood why Magnus was hesitant to kiss him. There was a coarseness to his lips, a dry crackling sensation that made Alec's heart shatter into a million pieces. He could already feel Magnus pulling away, probably in reaction to Alec's gasp of surprise, and grief, but he wouldn't allow it. One hand at the small of Magnus' back, he pulled him closer against him, using the other one to cradle Magnus' cheek, as he deepened the kiss.

The sharpness of the scales against his palm, that strange new taste on his lips... It all drove home the message even harder that this was really happening.

There was nothing but understanding, no reproach, in Magnus' eyes when they pulled apart. His eyes closed briefly when Alec's thumb stroked his cheek. For a moment Alec thought he might even get used to the feel of the scales. If it meant keeping Magnus in his life, he would.

As Magnus' eyes slowly opened, the hard look in them shattered that dream right out of Alec's mind. That look said it all. Magnus was as determined as ever to go through with this.

"I love you," Alec said, his voice breaking on the last word. He wasn't trying to manipulate Magnus into staying. He just needed to say the words.

A look of such tenderness crossed Magnus' face. "Oh, Alexander," he breathed, "I love you too. So much. I feel so lucky to have met you, to have loved you. For the longest time it looked like my life was going to end with my heart closed to love."

It was too much, hearing Magnus speak of his life coming to an end. "Magnus," Alec pleaded on a sob, tears streaming down his face. He leaned down for another, so very needed kiss. He'd been right; the strangeness didn't even bother him anymore. They could make this work.

His heart grew cold as he felt Magnus pull away. No, not yet. He wasn't ready to let go. He never would be.

"Alec," he heard Jace's voice close by. Another reminder that the time had come.

Straightening, he turned away abruptly, needing a moment to collect himself. He felt Izzy's arms go around him in comfort, but he shook them off. He couldn't stand anyone touching him right now. She'd understand; he was sure of that.

After a few deep breaths, he ran his hand across his eyes and turned around. He found both Jace and Magnus looking at him with concern. He didn't think he would ever forgive them. Either of them.

"Go on then," he said, grief turning his words harsh as he tilted his head towards the hill.

From this distance he could see shapes waiting for Magnus. Dot. And Catarina, probably. The third person he could see might be Raphael. Seeing how Magnus didn't want Alec with him in his final moment, he probably asked his son instead. That didn't hurt at all.

Pain flitted across Magnus' expression, but he quickly masked it. "I hope you can forgive me someday," he whispered. When Alec snorted, he nodded sharply and turning, started walking away.

And that was when Alec lost it completely. When he felt Izzy's arms around him, he didn't shake them off this time. He clung to her, his tears flowing freely as he buried his face in her hair. He sensed Jace reach towards him through the parabatai bond with calming energy a moment before he felt his cool forehead press against Alec's temple. He could feel a hand running soothingly down his back; Clary's, he suspected.

"Alec," she said, confirming his suspicion, "wouldn't it be better if you weren't here?"

He shook his head. He couldn't go. The Angel knew he didn't want to be a witness to what was about to happen, but he couldn't seem to leave either.

"What was that?" Clary suddenly asked, looking behind her.

Jace's forehead left his for a moment to look at her. "What?" 

"Sorry," she said, "thought I saw something."

Trust Clary to pull the attention to herself at a time like this. If he was being uncharitable, Alec didn't care. All he cared about was Magnus, and the knowledge he was never going to hold him in his arms again.

When the first crackle of magic filled the air, the sound of it pierced through Alec's heart like a knife. He didn't want to know what was happening on that hill, but it was almost a compulsion to look towards it. He raised his head and peeked through Izzy's hair, much like a child peeked through their fingers at a scary movie.

It was simultaneously the worst and most stunning thing he'd ever seen. The Soul Sword was held high in the air - Alec imagined that scaly hand wrapped around the hilt; it was too far away to see. Brightly coloured magic swirled all around him, held in check by Dot and Catarina. Alec's head lifted. Spellbound by the beauty of the sight, his mouth fell open in wonder in spite of what it was taking away from him. He should have known Magnus' exit would be the most spectacular show ever put on.

The glow around Magnus and the sword kept building, the magic so forceful they could feel it throbbing in the earth below their feet. It was almost too painful to look at now. Alec had to narrow his eyes, but still he couldn't seem to look away. There was a boom in the air that grew ever higher in pitch, until Alec wanted to press his hands to his ears to block out the sound.

The noise in his head kept rising, as did the bright ball of magic in front of his eyes. It climbed higher and higher until he thought he'd lose his mind. Izzy had her head tucked against his chest, her eyes shielded from the brightness, but she let out a pained moan at the attack on her ears. It couldn't last much longer, Alec was sure of it. There was nowhere higher it could go. And so he kept his eyes open, no matter how painful, so he could look at that shape he knew to be Magnus until the very last second.

And then everything turned white before his eyes, the earth shaking below them with an ear-deafening boom. He had to turn away, his eyes squeezed shut in reflex. When he turned back, his heart hammering out of his chest, he saw there were three shapes on the hill, where once there had been four.

It was done. The Soul Sword was destroyed. And Magnus was gone with it.

Alec's legs wobbled. He would have fallen to his knees if strong arms hadn't closed around him to hold him up. Izzy was shaking against his chest; somewhere behind him Clary was sniffling. But the tears had dried on Alec's cheeks. He didn't feel anything. He was numb.


	2. I'm All Right, I'll Be Fine, I'm a Liar

  
_Alec's story_

 

 _Day 1_  
The twinge shooting up his arm and across his shoulder as he pulled back the bowstring was exactly what Alec had been working towards. It made the sound of the arrow swooshing into the night sky even more satisfying. He relished the pain as the bowstring snapped back across his already bloody hand.

A full hour of relentlessly slamming his fists against the punching bag had been a start but not enough to create the distraction he needed. As he watched the arrow shoot across the New York sky, the pain in his hands was just right to make him forget the numbness in his heart.

The arrow vanished out of sight, but he knew it wasn't lost. Magnus had put a spell on them; they always magically reappeared in his quiver.

Magnus.

The thought of him made Alec suck in a shuddering breath, the pain in his heart almost as real as if someone had stabbed him with a knife. There was only one way to deal with a pain this devastating.

He reached behind him to pull another arrow out of his quiver and nocked it. As he pulled back the bowstring, he heard a sound behind him. It didn't surprise him. He'd felt him approach the Institute's roof.

He released the bowstring just as Jace said behind him, "There you are. I've been looking for you. There's a strange echo on our parabatai bond. Can't you feel it?"

A small smile pulled at the corners of Alec's mouth. He appreciated the jovial tone Jace was going for and missed by just a fraction. Even without the parabatai bond Alec would have sensed his worry; the tension in Jace's voice gave away his unease.

Jace wasn't the first to approach him. Izzy had tried while he was mistreating the punching bag, but she'd left Alec in defeat, unable to make him open up and unable to make him stop punishing himself. It stood to reason they'd send in Jace next.

He watched the arrow vanish before he replied without turning around. "There's nothing you can do," he told him, beating Jace to the punch.

"I know that, man. I know there's nothing I can say that'll make this better. I just..." Jace's voice trailed off into silence as he let out a sad sigh. "I want to be here for you." His footsteps came closer until he was standing next to Alec. "Even if you don't want to talk."

Jace knew he didn't want to talk about it, knew him better than... well, almost anyone. The hand still holding the bow slowly lowered to his side as Alec's gaze sought out the direction of Brooklyn and the loft.

The last time he'd tried to escape Jace's need to comfort him he'd jumped off this very roof, and run straight to Magnus' loft. It wasn't because he'd felt a greater need to open up to Magnus than to Jace. He'd just needed his proximity. He'd climbed the fire escape and sat there, basking in the knowledge that Magnus was so close. Who knew how long he might have sat there if Magnus hadn't noticed him...

He couldn't do that now. He could never do that again. All he had to run to was an empty home.

The bow fell out of his hand and clattered against the floor, as Alec fell forward, bracing himself against the balustrade. Pain swept through him when the open cuts on his palms scraped along the hard stone, but he welcomed the discomfort, savoured the sting that shot across his arms.

They stood there, side by side, in utter silence. He could feel Jace's gaze on him, but he couldn't turn towards him, couldn't face the pity he'd see in his eyes. He was probably wondering why Alec hadn't cried since they'd left the meadow. He simply had no tears left.

"Did you know Magnus and I broke up once?" His voice shook only slightly on Magnus' name.

Jace blew out a chuckle that held more sadness than amusement. "Yeah, I did. You were insufferable."

A smile was torn out of Alec at the memory. He knew he'd been. He'd missed Magnus like a physical pain. It had made him curt and impatient with everyone.

"It was just two days but it was more than I could stand. When we got back together I told him, we're never doing that again."

At this his voice broke. Two days. That was the longest he'd been without Magnus and it had torn him apart. And now... Now Alec was expected to live the rest of his life without him.

His hands curling tighter around the balustrade, he embraced the discomfort of the hard stone against the gashes in his flesh. Breath was snatched from his lungs, but not because of the searing pain in his hands. The thought chased through his head, devastating and unbearable. Magnus was gone. He'd never hear that soothing voice again. Never see that soft smile reserved only for him. Never kiss those sweet lips.

He gasped in a shuddering sob. "I can't...," he stammered. "Jace, I can't..."

He didn't know how to end that sentence. Breathe? Live without Magnus? He could feel his breath speed up, but he couldn't seem to stop it from happening.

Jace's hand pressed into his shoulder, but what was no doubt intended as comfort felt like torture to Alec right now. His response was to go on autopilot. Lifting his stele from his back pocket, he activated the rune on his hand, quickly reached down to pick up his bow and jumped.

"Alec!" he heard Jace call down to him, but Alec barely heard over the buzzing in his ears. He landed on two steady feet, but the turmoil in his head made him overbalance. As he steadied himself with one hand on the cold hard pavement, he sucked in a hiss of delight at the pain shooting all along his hand and arm.

Straightening, he looked around with indecision. Even without a jacket, he didn't seem to feel the cold. He wasn't in any hurry to get to the loft, the way he'd been the last time he jumped off the roof. But where else could he go?

His feet made the decision for him. It probably wasn't fair, he realised, as he walked towards the destination he'd settled on. She had her own mourning to do. Her loss was just as profound as his, maybe even more so. Could he really intrude on that?

By the time he reached her door, the sun had started to rise. His hand poised to knock, he hesitated, barely registering the blood running from his palms. It was too early. She'd still be asleep.

As he turned to walk away again, he startled, surprised by the sound of the door opening behind him.

"How...?" He never got further than the single word. For one thing, he shouldn't be surprised by anything Catarina Loss could do. She was a warlock, after all.

But the thing that struck him into silence the most was how terrible she looked. She looked casual enough, dressed in jeans and a soft, knitted cardigan, but her eyes were puffy and still wet with tears. She must have been crying for hours.

He shouldn't have come. She was grieving too. It was selfish of him to burden her with his pain. Still, watching her brush the tears from her face made that numbness inside Alec's own chest weigh down on him even harder. He hadn't shed a tear since they'd left the meadow. The loss he felt went beyond tears.

"I'm... I'm sorry," he stammered, "I shouldn't have...," but she was already waving him inside.

"Madzie's still asleep," she said in a quiet voice, closing the door behind him carefully. "I didn't want your knocking to wake her." Her eyes flitted away before she added, her voice breaking, "She doesn't know yet."

Alec sucked in a breath. By the Angel... Madzie adored Magnus. She'd be devastated. Maybe it was a good thing she was still too young to fully comprehend death. Then again, like Alec himself, she'd been surrounded by death from a very young age. Maybe she understood more than they realised.

He snapped out of his thoughts when he saw Catarina watch him with expectation. "I didn't know where else to go," he admitted, his voice low.

An attempt at a smile broke through Catarina's tears. "Come on in." Leading him further into her apartment she motioned him to a chair.

It wasn't the first time he'd been there, but as always, he couldn't help but be struck by the difference between Catarina's place and the loft he shared with Magnus. It stood to reason that, as a nurse, Catarina didn't rake in the vast fees that other warlocks did, and yet, he never failed to be astonished at the humble way she lived. Or at least it seemed that way in comparison to Magnus' lavish lifestyle.

The living room might be barely bigger than the loft's guest bedroom, but it was cozy, with a roaring fire crackling in the fireplace. It had everything to make Alec's troubled spirit find at least a moment's peace.

A moment was all he was given. He'd barely sat down, his hands folded in his lap, when Catarina's sharp intake of breath made him look up in alarm and he realised what had drawn her attention.

"Alec, your hands," she gasped, staring at them in horror. She reached down to take them, but he snatched them out of her grasp.

"No... no...," he insisted, his eyes wide. She wasn't allowed to heal them. He needed the pain, needed the distraction.

She held up her hands with a soft smile. "I'm a nurse," she said warmly. "I can't help myself." Her expression turned pensive as, with a graceful flick of her wrist, she pulled an easy chair closer.

"How angry are you at me right now?" she asked, sitting down in the chair.

He looked up at her, startled. He hadn't even thought about that when he came over, about her part in Magnus'... No, no, he couldn't think about that yet. He pushed the notion aside, in the same way he'd done with the knowledge that Magnus and Catarina, along with his siblings had conspired behind his back. Instead, he'd taken his anger out on the punching bag.

"Is that why you think I'm here?" He flexed his fingers. The skin pulled tight around the open wounds. It felt amazing.

She shrugged. "I certainly wouldn't blame you."

He was angry, at all of them, he couldn't deny that. And yet, that wasn't the reason why his feet had carried him to Catarina's door.

"How do you do it?" he blurted out, taking in the surprised look in her expressive dark eyes. "How do you lose people over and over, and just keep going? I feel..." He took a deep breath, groping for the word to describe how he felt.

He remembered how scared he'd been, searching every fallen body in the wake of Valentine's Soul Sword attack, hoping and praying the next one wouldn't be Magnus. He thought of the blind panic his mind had been under when Max was at death's door. Nothing he'd felt then came even close to the numb emptiness inside his chest right now.

"Hollow," he finally decided. "I feel hollow." Like someone had scooped out his innards and left a husk of a man behind.

She took a deep breath, sighed, "Oh, Alec," in a voice so soft and sad, but then she lifted her head, something fierce and determined in her eyes. "You cry." She'd clearly done a lot of that; her eyes still looked swollen.

"I can't." It felt like a betrayal to Magnus to admit it. There was such warmth and sympathy in Catarina's gaze, he had to turn his eyes away. "I can't cry." He focused on the palms of his hands, picking at the open wounds, relishing the pain it caused. "I want to, I want to so much, but I can't."

"Alec."

The warmth in Catarina's voice made him look up at her. There were more tears gathering in her eyes and for just a split second he hated her for the ease with which they came.

"Punishing yourself won't help anyone."

He didn't know if she was talking about his hands or his state of mind. Either way, she was wrong. It would help. It was helping him now. The pain gave him something to focus on outside of the dull, hollow ache in his chest.

When he didn't reply, just went back to picking at the open skin on his palms, she sighed. "There is no wrong way to grieve, Alec. For me, crying is a release for the pain." As if to illustrate her point, she wiped away a tear dangling from her cheek. "It doesn't mean it's the same for you. We all cope with loss in our own way."

He'd often wondered how Magnus had done it, suffered loss after loss, and never let it harden him. If anything, it had made him even kinder, love even deeper. Now he was baffled by it more than ever. Alec didn't think he could survive this pain a second time. He wasn't sure he'd survive it now.

Looking at his hands lying on his thighs, blood drying on their open palms, he wondered just how healthy this method of grieving would be considered.

\---

A loud voice yelling his name woke him from a fitful sleep, from disjointed dreams featuring magical swords and demons. As he blinked into consciousness, he realised, with confusion, he must have fallen asleep. Right there in Catarina's chair, from the looks of it, covered with an old afghan she must have thrown across him.

He didn't get a chance to wonder how he'd managed to fall asleep, or when exactly. Just as he was sitting up a small whirlwind hurled herself into his lap, her small arms wrapping around his neck as she squealed with delight.

"I told you not to wake him up," Catarina said from behind her but meeting her eyes over Madzie's shoulder Alec could see a twinkle in Catarina's eyes that belied her scolding tone.

"It's okay," he assured, lifting Madzie to sit her more comfortably on his lap. It was then he noticed his hands were healed. He should have known she wouldn't be able to help herself.

The accusing look he threw at Catarina was answered with a shrug. "I'm a nurse," was the only explanation she gave. He supposed it was a sufficient one.

Turning back to Madzie, something much more pressing grabbed his attention. The little girl was beaming at him. So she didn't know about Magnus yet? No, no he couldn't be the one to break it to her. She'd be shattered.

"Hey," he said, forcing a smile for her. He cleared his throat when the single word came out as a croak. "How are you, sweet pea?"

He winced in sudden pain. The nickname had come out without any real thought. It was what Magnus always called her.

He'd never be sure if it was the nickname that did it, or the look she could see on Alec's face. Her smile faltered, her expression turning serious, as a little hand reached out. She put her hand against his cheek with the words, "Magnus isn't gone, Alec."

By the Angel... He couldn't do this. His eyes closed for a moment, as he sucked in a shuddering breath. When he opened them again, his gaze caught Catarina's. She seemed as perturbed by Madzie's words as he was, her eyes wide in alarm.

Squatting next to the chair, Catarina put a hand on Madzie's back. "Remember what we talked about this morning, baby?" she asked gently. "About Magnus being gone?"

Madzie shook her head, a determined grimace settling across her face. It almost looked comical, on someone so young. Alec certainly didn't feel like laughing.

"No," she insisted, a stubborn frown between her eyes. "He's still here. Can't you feel him?"

The words sounded even more uncanny in that soft lisp of hers. Alec turned pleading, almost desperate eyes towards Catarina. _Please,_ they were begging her. _Tell me you feel him too._

There was no need for her to say anything. He could read the answer in her eyes, the hopelessness shining there as she shook her head with regret.

Something broke inside Alec. It felt like that little hand still on his cheek had reached through the hollow shell in his chest, pierced the protective layer keeping all his pain and grief safely hidden away, allowing all of it to come spilling out. Feelings rushed through him with such a powerful surge he couldn't hold them back if he tried.

With a startled gasp, he buried his forehead against Madzie's tiny shoulder and sobbed, deep wracking sobs the likes of which he'd never cried his entire life, not even as a child. He was vaguely aware of arms, stronger, longer arms than Madzie's coming around the both of them.

"Let it out, Alec," Catarina's voice said in his ear.

Not that he needed encouragement. He'd passed the point of no return. All the despair, the pain, the loneliness he'd ever felt came out in heaving sobs, until he was gasping for breath. He could feel Catarina's forehead pressed against his temple, her tears mingling with his own. With one arm he held Madzie close; his other wrapped around Catarina, he offered as much comfort as he was given.

\---

The feeling swept across him the moment he opened the door and stepped inside. This was the precise reason he'd avoided coming back. Everything still looked the same, felt the same, not at all like Alec's world had been turned upside down. Magnus' scent still lingered, like he'd just stepped out to meet a client and would be back soon, tired but smiling as he greeted Alec with a soft kiss.

That fist closed around Alec's insides again, squeezing the very breath from his lungs. It was a good thing he'd let it all out at Catarina's place, or he might have crumpled in on himself right there at the door. He took a deep calming breath, closed the door behind him and...

For a moment he just stood there, at a loss as to what to do next. He'd lived here for the last nine months, but without Magnus it wasn't home. The place felt like a stranger's, like he was just visiting. Like he was intruding.

Could he keep living here without Magnus? The loft didn't belong to him. What would happen to it now? Had Magnus made arrangements? The thought of going back to living at the Institute was unbearable. So was the thought of living here alone.

His thoughts ground to a halt as his gaze fell on Magnus' desk, more specifically on the items on them. They were all still there, just the way Alec had left them when he'd rushed out of there, his heart thundering out of his chest in a blind panic.

As if in response to the memory, his heart rate picked up as he walked closer, in slow-motion it almost felt. The paper bag with the takeout he'd gotten for the both of them stood forgotten, a dirty stain forming at the bottom where the sauce had leaked out of one of the containers. Alec found his fingers were shaking as he picked up the message lying next to the bag of food, right there where he'd thrown it after reading the words scrawled in Magnus' elegant hand.

 _My darling Alexander,_  
_Words fail me right now, so I will borrow them from your favorite poet and mine._  
_Then love knew it was called love. And when I lifted my eyes to your name, suddenly your heart showed me my way._  
_My way, my beautiful Alexander, goes where you don't want it to go. I understand if you'll never forgive me, but never forget that I love you._  
_Always._  
_Magnus_

He'd barely taken the words in as he rushed out, one thought racing through his head. He had to get to Magnus before it was too late. How he'd found the presence of mind to use his parabatai bond to track Jace's whereabouts, when both he and Izzy ignored his frantic phone messages, would forever be a mystery. He could only credit it to his strict Shadowhunter training. He'd been so out of his mind, his training had taken over and he'd gone on autopilot. Right up until the moment he found them. And Magnus...

None of it had mattered in the end. Not his mad dash to find Magnus. Not his pleading with him to change his mind. Magnus had sacrificed himself for the good of his people. Alec understood why he did it. He didn't think he'd ever forgive him for the how.

As he put the message back on the desk, his hand already closed around the bag, intent on disposing of the food before the grease leaking from the bag ruined Magnus' desk, something else caught his eye and his heart froze.

No, no, it couldn't be gone. It had to be there.

A white mist seemed to form before his eyes, a dull echo booming in his ears. The bag was unceremoniously dropped to the floor as his hands scrambled through the papers Magnus had left lying across his desk, lifting them, moving them, to see if maybe it was buried somewhere beneath.

It had been there when he'd stormed out; he was sure of that. It had been lying on top of Magnus' message. That more than anything had convinced Alec of how serious the situation was. Because Magnus had left it there for Alec to find and there was no way he would leave behind his most treasured possession.

He hadn't cried since he'd walked into the loft, but as he searched and searched, and couldn't find the _omamori_ , he could feel the tears form and drip down on the papers he was ransacking. Maybe he'd dropped it in his haste. Alec fell to his knees, sweeping his palms along the carpet beneath the desk, praying they'd encounter that small charm.

"No, no," he choked out, "please be here. Don't you dare leave me too."

Ten minutes later, he sat back on his heels and hung his head. It was gone. It really was gone, the last thing he had left of Magnus.

His spirits completely sunk, he rose to his feet, suddenly weary to the bone. He didn't even care about the bag of food on the floor anymore. He dragged himself to the bedroom, kicked off his shoes and dropped down on top of the covers.

Once there, he realised his mistake. His head hurt with how much Magnus' scent still clung to the bed covers. He wanted to drown in it, have it surround him completely, so he could pretend Magnus was still there.

Lying on his side, he stared at Magnus' pillow. He wanted to haul it to him, bury his face in the soft fabric and drink in the smell. He forced himself not to. It seemed impossible that just a few days ago he'd woken up, just like every other day, looked to the pillow beside him and seen that face, relaxed and so beautiful in sleep. The scales were only just starting...

When had he stopped marveling at how lucky he was to wake up to that sight almost every morning? He hadn't, not really. He'd just fallen into the familiarity of being in a relationship. He hadn't thought their happiness would be ripped away for another fifty or sixty years, and even then it would be by Alec's death. Magnus leaving him first had never been part of the plan.

With a soft sob he gave up on his resolve, grabbed the pillow and hugged it to his chest. His face pressed up against the pillow, he curled around it and took a deep breath, letting the scent of Magnus permeate every part of his being. For the first time since he'd walked away from that meadow he felt like he could breathe past the heavy thing sitting on his chest.

\---

 _Day 4_  
Of course Magnus' funeral would be unlike any other warlock's, not in the least because he hadn't even left behind a body. Alec couldn't dwell too long on that thought without a dull ache in his chest and so he'd resolved to do so as seldom as possible.

The Hunter's Moon was packed, a testament to how much Magnus was loved. It was Alec's first time arranging a warlock funeral - and he hoped to the Angel it would be his last - but he and Catarina had agreed that Magnus wouldn't want a sad affair. He'd want people to celebrate his life with joy and booze, lots of booze.

Maia had been given instructions to let the drinks flow freely and she appeared to be taking those words to heart. "Generosity was Magnus' default setting," she told Alec with a bright smile that offset the sad look in her eyes. "I can't think of a better way to honour his memory."

Izzy was there, with Jace and Clary. Alec hadn't talked to them much in the last few days, mostly out of his own choice. They'd ask him how he was feeling and he wasn't ready to talk about that yet. He was glad to see they'd valued his request not to wear white. He didn't want anything associated with sadness or grief. Izzy brought colour to the room in her bright red dress, as did Clary in a more subdued blue one. Jace had opted for a dark suit, much like Alec had.

Even their mother was respecting his wishes, her choice having fallen on a dark blue dress. Alec wondered how much of her reason to be there was to support the new man in her life, and wasn't that still a weird thing to adjust to. Then again, she and Magnus had grown quite close together in the last few months, as his mother's own developing feelings for Luke had softened her to Alec's relationship with Magnus.

As his gaze swept the rest of the room, Alec noticed many unfamiliar faces. Clients of Magnus, probably, not to mention his colleague warlocks, some of whom, Catarina had told him, had traveled from abroad to show their respect. It struck Alec with sadness, yet again, at how little he knew of Magnus' life, even when they were together. After one year, they'd only scratched the surface of those four hundred years he'd lived before Alec. They should have had more, so much more than a year.

He swallowed down the pain with a long pull of his beer. When he lowered the bottle he found Luke standing beside him, watching him with a sad, understanding smile.

"Hey," he said, his voice warm as he clasped Alec's shoulder with a strong hand. "You should be the one to speak, but I'll do it if you don't feel up to it."

Over Luke's shoulder, he could see his mother looking at the both of them fondly, something almost resembling pride shimmering in her eyes. He remembered a time when he never thought he'd see that emotion from her. He'd been so terrified he'd lose even more respect from her if she found out he was gay.

And here they both were, both learning to love themselves, find pride in who they were, through the love of a Downworlder. If he'd told any of this to the Alec he'd been one year ago, he'd have laughed in his face. Or probably just have rolled his eyes with disbelief.

He shook his head. "No, I need to do this."

Luke nodded, pressed his hand down on Alec's shoulder in silent support, before he retreated to go stand by Alec's mother. He couldn't help smiling when he saw her hand reach out to lace her fingers through Luke's. The sharp, painful reminder he could never lace his fingers through Magnus' again that immediately followed made him blink away the sting behind his eyes.

Before the pain could swallow him whole he took an empty bottle from a nearby table and banged it against his own. The noise stopped the buzz of voices chatting among themselves. With every eye now directed at him, Alec's posture straightened almost automatically. This was no different than addressing people at work, he reminded himself. Well, maybe just a little different.

"For the people who don't know me, I'm Alec Lightwood, head of the New York Institute..."

A smattering of angry mutters rose from a few Downworlders but it was quickly smothered by their friends who nudged them and shook their heads. Though relations between the Institute and the Downworld had been better lately than ever before, there were still a lot of Downworlders who couldn't let go of old grievances. Alec didn't blame them, but now was not the time.

"... And Magnus' partner for the last year," he continued, pretending he hadn't heard them. "I want to thank you all for being here, especially those of you who've traveled a long distance. Magnus wouldn't expect anything less."

The low laughter warmed his heart and told him he was on the right track.

"I could go on and on about how powerful and amazing a warlock Magnus was, but I don't have to. He kept reminding everyone of that fact himself."

He caught Catarina's eyes, his confidence boosted by the warm glow in them, by her soft, fond smile. She knew Magnus' ego better than anyone.

"He'd never let anyone forget that he was Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn." He said the title with all the pride he felt inside, in much the same way Magnus always did, his heart lifting at the cheers rising among the crowd.

As the words left his mouth, he suddenly realised there'd have to be a new High Warlock of Brooklyn. How was that decided? Was there an election? Had they already replaced him? Would Alec have to work with her or him?

"So we'll skip all that," he said, with a wave of his hand, "because we've all heard it before. Ad nauseum."

Clary widened her eyes in momentary surprise, but then the corners of her mouth lifted in a smile. Izzy too couldn't hide her amazement at the direction his eulogy was taking, but she looked delighted, her dark eyes shining with approval.

"No, he wasn't modest," Alec continued, "but that's because he knew his worth." In spite of all the self-doubt and self-loathing he only showed a select few, he added in his mind. "And he made you pay through the nose for it."

He nodded at his mother, whose mouth tilted to the side in memory. "But he was never cheap." He raised his bottle towards Maia who raised her own drink back at him from where she stood behind the bar.

"In fact, if there was one thing his generosity was outmatched by, it was his kindness."

The jocular mood suddenly gone, Alec had to take a moment to breathe. He closed his eyes briefly while he collected himself. When he opened them again, he saw the encouragement in Jace's eyes as he nodded at him, signaling that he was doing great. Right. He could do this.

"Any fledgling Downworlder could count on his help." Sure he'd seen Raphael cowering in a corner somewhere, he scanned the shadows, a nod of acknowledgment his only answer when their eyes met.

"Here, here," Simon chimed in to a chorus of subdued laughter. "No, really," he added, his expression one of mock seriousness as he pointed a finger at his own chest. "Fledgling he took under his wing right here."

From his place in the shadows, Raphael shook his head in exasperation, but Alec could see the amusement in his eyes. Guess things between those two were still sketchy at best.

Now they were getting to the difficult part. Alec took a deep breath before he continued.

"And there was one confused, lonely, repressed Shadowhunter whose world he turned upside down." No matter how hard he tried he couldn't hold back the tears stinging behind his eyes. He sniffed them away, determined to get through this. "I didn't thank him for it. Resented him for seeing right through me. He shook my world and I didn't know what to do with the chaos he left it in."

He felt fingers slide against his. When he looked to his side, he saw Izzy had moved to stand next to him. Grateful for her support, he slid their fingers together and returned her encouraging smile.

"I can't imagine what my life would have been if he hadn't come into it."

Married to a woman he didn't and could never love, most likely. Lydia, perhaps? She couldn't make it, stuck in Idris now the Clave was due for a complete overhaul.

"He gave me the courage to be myself, loved me for who I was, not for who they wanted me to be."

Maybe it was unfair to pick at an old wound and it certainly gave him no pleasure to see his mother wince, the point clearly understood. But so much of his resistance to Magnus had been tied up with his need to make his parents proud. And Magnus had freed him of that need.

He sucked in a shaky breath. "And by the Angel, I loved him." Tears were rolling down his cheeks now, but he didn't care who saw, didn't care to brush them away. It wasn't like he was the only one openly crying now. "I'll always love him."

Lifting his head high, he raised his beer bottle. "To Magnus Bane, wherever you are, you magnificent son of a bitch! You will be missed."

"To Magnus Bane!" the crowd chanted, glasses and bottles clinking together before they drank to the memory of the man who had enriched all their lives and had left it such a duller one without him.

The pain suddenly too much, Alec hauled Izzy into a tight hug, crying against her shoulder while she stroked his hair and whispered, "You did great, big brother. Magnus would be proud."

She was only trying to help, but if anything, it made him feel worse. He couldn't breathe. He had to get out of there before he passed out.

Pulling away from her, he gave her an apologetic smile, one she answered with a nod of understanding. With that he fled through the backdoor...

Right into the alley... That alley, the one that held so many memories for him. He could still feel how nervous he'd been when he led Magnus here for that much needed talk. Breath had been stuck in his throat when he turned around towards him and saw the same hesitation and uncertainty reflected back at him.

That Magnus Bane, four hundred year old High Warlock of Brooklyn, was dreading a conversation with him had floored Alec. And he'd been pretty much down to the floor already by how good Magnus looked.

It was in that precise moment that Alec had decided he'd do whatever needed to be done to get this man back in his life. And the words had tumbled out of his mouth.

"I don't think I can live without you."

Surrounded by the memories, that heavy weight was pressing down on Alec's chest again. He still didn't think he could live without Magnus. But he was going to have to...

Tears were clouding his vision and maybe that was to blame for what happened next. All Alec knew was that his heart suddenly lurched, his breath caught in his throat as something in the shadows moved and caught his attention, making him squint in disbelief. There was a silhouette of a man in the doorway of one of the shops, a silhouette he'd recognise anywhere.

Even though he knew it was impossible, he couldn't stop himself from hoping. "Magnus?" he whispered, one foot already in front of the other.

His heart suddenly beat wildly, as he blinked the tears away and walked closer. There was so much turmoil inside Alec's head, he didn't even see it happen. Between one blink and the next the figure was gone, and Alec froze where he stood. Had he imagined it? Was it a trick of the light?

Without even allowing himself to think about it too deeply, he took to a run, but as he skid to a halt in front of the shop, he couldn't even be surprised to find there was no one there.

Great. Just great. That was all he needed. Grief was making him lose his damned mind.

\---

 _Day 15_  
"That... That can't be right."

Alec leaned across the desk, trying to process the information he'd just been given by the man sitting behind it. Once again, he was startled by the rectangular pupils in the eyes blinking back at him from behind round, steel wire glasses.

A warlock notary. Until a few days ago, Alec didn't even know there was such a thing. Then again, why would he have? He'd never been in need of one. And he supposed warlocks too needed their immortal affairs in order.

The notary took off his glasses and settled the most level look at Alec. "It's quite straightforward, Mr Lightwood. Mr Bane's instructions were perfectly clear. He leaves the rest of his worldly possessions to you."

Even hearing it a second time didn't make it sound any more real. He knew Magnus loved him, but this... This was too much.

He fell back into his chair, suddenly dizzy. His elbows on his thighs, he leaned his head in his hands, until the lightness inside it went away.

A soft hand touched his shoulder. "Alec?" Catarina asked gently. "I know it's a lot."

He snorted out a huff at the understatement. He'd known, when he was summoned to the notary's office, along with Catarina and Raphael, that Magnus must have left him something, but he hadn't expected him to have made such dramatic changes to his arrangements. They'd only been together for a year. When had Magnus...? Before he decided to sacrifice himself?

And okay, it wasn't like he'd left everything to Alec. Provisions had been made for Catarina and Madzie. And he'd left a hefty sum for Raphael, with the strict instructions to take care of Magnus' Downworld children. But the rest... Everything else... The loft...

Lifting his head, he took a deep breath and looked around the office. It looked like any other notary office. He supposed. He hadn't really had any need to be in one, Downworld or mundane. There was a bookcase full of thick tomes and what looked like scrolls. Guess Downworld notaries still preferred old school paperwork.

He looked to Catarina sitting in the chair beside him. There was a warm, encouraging glow in her eyes, but Alec had made up his mind. "I don't want it," he stated blankly. He'd never wanted anything from Magnus, only his love. Aside from that, accepting an inheritance made it real, final.

Maybe he shouldn't have been startled by the lack of surprise in Catarina's expression. Her hand moving from Alec's back, she turned to the notary with a smile.

"Roland, can you give us a moment?"

The notary couldn't hide his irritation, but finally, with a sigh, he heaved himself from his chair. As he started moving to the door, Catarina turned to Raphael leaning against the bookcase, but he must have guessed it included him. He'd already detached himself from the bookcase and with a nod at Catarina and Alec, followed Roland out of the office.

"It's no use," Alec said, as soon as the door closed behind the other two. "I don't want any of it."

Sitting back in his chair, he crossed his arms stubbornly. Or maybe he was trying to protect himself. This was all... Too much.

"Don't you want to stay at the loft?" Catarina asked.

The question took him somewhat by surprise. If the loft belonged to him it meant he could live there. Indefinitely. Did he want to keep living at the loft? He couldn't find it within himself to go back to the Institute, but the loft didn't feel like home anymore either. Not without Magnus. He couldn't even sleep in his own bed. He'd slept on the couch for the last two weeks.

In those same two weeks he'd kicked Izzy out twice, when she'd come at his own request, looking to help him sort through some of Magnus' stuff. But once they got started, the thought of throwing any of it out had felt so abhorrent he could barely breathe. If he didn't know Izzy would never do such a thing, he'd almost believe she was throwing Magnus' stuff out behind his back. He wasn't sure, but he could swear volumes of Magnus' library had disappeared. After all, there were so many. How could he be sure?

"Probably," he admitted reluctantly. He'd never have to throw anything out.

"As for the money," Catarina continued, but she stopped herself when she noticed the way Alec's breathing picked up at the reminder.

By the Angel, so much money. He'd known Magnus was rich, but just how rich defied belief. And that was without taking in account the value of the diamonds and other gems in his possession.

"Breathe, Alec," Catarina reminded him, a note of amusement creeping into her voice. Alec glared at her. "As for the money," she repeated, "nobody's saying you've got to keep it. You can give it to charity, if you want."

That made him sit up and pay attention. The things he could do with that much money. He wasn't sure he felt comfortable giving away Magnus' hard-earned riches, but he could set up a foundation, maybe. Find some worthwhile charities to take under his wing. He didn't have to limit himself to the Downworld. He could maybe even explore some mundane causes. Magnus would probably have liked that.

Catarina smiled; she must have seen she was getting through to him.

"Okay," he admitted, "that's actually not a bad idea."

She grinned. "I've been known to have them on occasion." Her grin grew even wider as she added, "If you're in a giving mood, the check can be made out to the Beth Israel Hospital."

Somehow he suspected he'd find quite a few check stubs made out to her hospital already. "Is that where you got the idea?" he asked, narrowing his eyes in suspicion, but she laughed and shook her head.

He could feel his own spirits rise. And with that another question that had been plaguing him. Now that they were alone...

"Catarina..." Unsure how to broach the subject, he looked up at her cautiously. "Did Magnus ever mention talking to Ragnor?" When she shook her head with incomprehension, he added, his voice growing softer with each word. "After Ragnor died, he said he still talked to him."

Her eyes grew wide. The alarm in them made Alec wince. He was aware how crazy it sounded. "He never said anything to me."

Alec nodded in acknowledgment, not really sure if he should pursue it. If Magnus hadn't confided in Catarina, he must have had his reasons.

She tilted her head in curiosity. "Why are you asking, Alec?"

He chose to focus on the wall behind her, unable to meet her gaze, as he confessed, "I thought I saw Magnus the other day."

He'd gone back to the alley every day since the evening of Magnus' memorial service. Unsurprisingly, he hadn't caught sight of the shape he'd thought to be the man he loved.

"Alec," she said, her voice so full of pity, he quickly stumbled out the rest of his words.

"Magnus said he saw Ragnor the first few days after his death. He couldn't explain how, but he was there and Magnus talked to him. I thought..." He stopped for a moment to take a breath, as he turned to look Catarina in the eye, almost begging her to confirm his next words. "I thought it might be a warlock thing."

Her smile was so sad and full of sympathy, his heart ached. He could tell her reply would be damning. And it was. "I'm sorry, Alec. I've never heard of such a thing."

Alec took in the words, trying hard to process the disappointment. It had been a crazy straw to clasp, he knew that, but letting it go proved hard. He frowned when Catarina's expression turned pensive.

"It's funny you should bring that up now," she said, her voice quiet with consideration. "It's just... Madzie... She's..." She seemed hesitant to continue, but when Alec quirked an eyebrow at her in question, she shook her head, took a deep breath and added, "I can't get her to stop insisting Magnus isn't gone."

That spark of hope inside his chest shouldn't have flared up as bright as it did at those words. "She does?" He winced at how hopeful he sounded. _She's just a child,_ he kept repeating in his head. _It's what children do, make up stories._ But Madzie wasn't just any child.

Catarina's thoughts seemed to run parallel with his. "We've had the talk. Several times. She knows what death is. It's like she's in denial."

Maybe that's what Alec was: in denial. Maybe it had just been a trick of the light and in his desperation he'd seen something in the shadows that wasn't there. He still had to ask.

"It can't be true, can it, Catarina?" The pity in her eyes cut right through him, but he couldn't stop now. "He can't have survived, can he?"

"Oh, Alec." Reaching out, she took both his hands in hers. "There's nothing I'd want more. I miss him too, you know? More than I can put into words."

He had to look away from the pain in her dark eyes. He was so focused on his own grief, he sometimes forgot he wasn't the only one who'd lost Magnus.

"But the Soul Sword was obliterated," she continued relentlessly, her voice shaky with unshed tears. "There's no way anyone could have survived the blast. That was the whole point of the spell." The next words she spoke solemnly, reciting a prophecy almost. "His demon blood destroyed the sword and the sword in turn destroyed him."

Alec nodded. He knew that part. Knowing it didn't make it easier to accept.

\---

 _Day 17_  
"Alec, you've got an apartment in Paris!"

He didn't even look up from his tablet to where Izzy was lounging on the couch in his office, going through the list of items he'd inherited on her own tablet. He didn't need the notary's inventory to know about the Paris apartment. Magnus had taken him there lots of times for a romantic getaway. Alec still didn't get what all the fuss was about Paris. New York was just as romantic as far as he was concerned.

"And one in Flushing, Queens?"

The hesitancy in Izzy's tone wasn't the only thing that made Alec look up from his work. An apartment in Flushing? Magnus had never mentioned that. Why would he have an apartment there?

"Yeah," Izzy said, in reply to the question in his frown. The confusion in her eyes suddenly turned to mischief. "Let's go check it out!"

He knew the excited gleam in her eyes was fake. She wasn't morbidly curious about the things Magnus had left behind. She just wanted to pull him out of this gloomy silence he'd fallen into. She'd been doing it all week, and wasn't exactly subtle about it, visiting him every day in his office, making sure he ate.

It was almost second nature now, how in moments like these, his gaze was immediately drawn to the framed photo on his desk. It was one of the Tokyo set he'd had blown up because of how much he loved it.

In the photo Magnus was being silly and acting it up for the camera, but it was his own reaction Alec was fascinated with. Watching Magnus be... well, Magnus, he was laughing and he looked... happy. He looked so happy and in love. Pre-Magnus, deep in the closet Alec, would never have believed he could be allowed to be this happy. With a man, a man he loved with his heart and soul.

He touched the tip of his index finger to the glass, a poor substitute for caressing Magnus' face, and with a sniff, turned back to his paperwork.

"Maybe some other time, Iz."

He didn't need to look at her to feel her disappointment. He could practically feel it vibrate towards him. It was hardly a surprise when she rose from the couch, her heels clicking on the hardwood floor as she walked towards him. With a sigh she perched down on the arm of his chair, her arm snaking around his shoulder as she leaned closer.

"You can't bury yourself in here, in your work." Her voice was gentle and compassionate, despite the admonition in her tone.

He could try, he thought stubbornly.

"For one thing it's not healthy," she added, "and for another..." She stopped herself, as if she wasn't sure she should voice the thought. That alone told him that whatever she was about to say would hurt.

He braced himself for the impact, but even so, he sucked in a pained breath when she said, "Magnus wouldn't want you to."

Once again his eyes sought out the photo and the laughing, happy face on it. He would never be that happy again. He was twenty four and this was the rest of his life.

He swallowed hard and, resolutely pushing her away, turned back to his tablet. "I'm trying to get this foundation off the ground, Izzy. Mundanes do love their red tape."

His heart went out to her as she sighed with resignation and stood up. "Don't be here all night again, Alec," she said, her voice soft as she leaned down to plant a kiss on top of his head.

Watching her walk out the door, he wondered why it mattered if he did. It wasn't like anyone would be poking their head around the door frame, inform him he'd missed dinner and then conjure up the dinner table, lit candle and all, right there in his office.

The words on his tablet were starting to blur through the tears forming in his eyes. With an angry snarl, Alec closed the file.

\---

With nothing waiting for him back home but a big empty loft, it was hours later when he finally left the Institute. At least he'd gotten a lot of work done. The foundation was as good as set up and he'd ploughed through a ton of Clave admin.

Most astonishingly, he'd survived a meeting with the new High Warlock of Brooklyn without falling apart. She looked competent enough to Alec, if somewhat wary of Shadowhunters. He couldn't really blame her.

And yet, he felt no satisfaction on a good day's work as he unlocked the loft's door and walked inside. He couldn't get the thought out of his head. Twenty four and this empty, dull feeling inside was the rest of his life? Everyone would probably tell him he was too young and it was too soon to make that decision, but he knew he'd never feel about anyone the way he felt about Magnus.

The door slammed closed behind him with a little more force than he'd intended. Half of him still expected Magnus to come out of the study, a thick volume open in his hands and a worried frown on his face, wondering why he was upset. The look would turn into delight when Alec marched up to him and pressed a soft hello kiss to his lips. Kissing Magnus always was the best part of his day. It made him feel better, no matter how horrible his day had been.

He found he was staring at the study door, as though he could will Magnus into stepping through it. Of course nothing happened and with a sigh, Alec shrugged out of his jacket and threw it across the back of the couch.

And then he stood staring at the couch. His pillow and blanket were still lying where he'd left them this morning. He hadn't bothered to clear them away. What was the point if he was just going to sleep on the couch again?

His gaze drifted to the bedroom door. It was once his safe haven and now it felt like it was looming over Alec's life like a dark shadow. He felt daunted by all the memories that room held, not just of all the times he and Magnus had been intimate.

So many nights they'd lain awake talking, wrapped in each other's arms, Magnus usually playing with Alec's fingers. They'd talked about everything, from small stuff like how their day had been to life-changing decisions like moving in together. He was sure the memories would suffocate him if he stepped into that room. He hadn't since that first night he'd fallen asleep curled around Magnus' pillow.

Squaring his shoulders, he made up his mind and with a few long, quick strides reached the bedroom door. He took a deep breath, slid open the door and stepped inside. And let out a quiet sob...

He hadn't been wrong to feel worried. A tidal wave of emotions crashed into him as soon as his gaze settled on their big comfy bed. Of course the bed covers were the gold set Magnus loved so much.

Alec had to admit he was fond of it too. He'd never have considered himself the type to sleep on gold-coloured silk sheets and love it as much as he did. Maybe because they came with the memory of the first time he and Magnus had tumbled onto this bed in a tangle of limbs, happy and laughing and desperate to get the other one naked.

His face set in a grimace at the memory. A cold determination swept through him as he walked to the bed, grabbed the covers in both hands and just yanked. It was fury driving him now; he wasn't even sure at who it was aimed. At the universe for taking Magnus away from him, at the thought of having to live without him for the rest of his life, at Magnus for leaving him in the first place. He pulled and tore with all his might until the entire bed was stripped, the sheets lying in a messy pile at his feet.

Only then did he look up at what he'd done, his breath coming fast. Gathering the sheets in his arms he carried them to the laundry room. By the time he returned to the bedroom with the deep green sheets he'd picked out, a set he and Magnus rarely used, a sense of calm had descended on him. He set to work making the bed, smiling at the thought of how easy this task used to be. Just a snap of Magnus' fingers and the bed made itself.

Five minutes later he stood back to look at the result. Yes, this would do. This was a bed he felt he could sleep in. Suddenly bone-tired, he stripped down to his underwear where he stood and got under the covers. There was nothing but fresh sheets assaulting his senses, no lingering traces of Magnus' scent.

For a second he panicked, wondering if he'd made a mistake, if he'd banished the ghost of Magnus too soon. But the fatigue of the last few weeks, the bad nights on the couch and the lack of sleep caught up with him and he was asleep before he even realised it.

\---

 _Day 35_  
Blood pumped through his veins, air rushed through his lungs, adrenaline along his entire system. Izzy was right. It felt amazing to be out on a field mission again. Running along with the other three, his bow and quiver bouncing against his back, he could feel his parabatai rune call out to Jace, pulled in by his brother's excitement.

"This way!" Izzy called out as they halted at a subway station. "The Ravener demon disappeared down here."

Just one lonely Ravener demon. It didn't need all four of them to dispose of it and certainly not the head of the Institute. Alec suspected the others cared as little about that as he did. Leading them down the subway stairs, Izzy looked thrilled she'd gotten him out of the Institute at all.

Of course they were glamoured, which caused quite a few confused looks from mundanes whenever one of them bumped into them. It couldn't be helped. It beat a widespread panic in the middle of rush hour because tattooed people were running around the subway station brandishing weapons.

Mundanes running around like ants didn't fill him with as much disdain as it used to. For one thing, Magnus' fondness for mundanes, having dated quite a few, had given him a new perspective on them. For another, he was just as dependent on public transport these days as they were.

Watching the people milling about on the platform waiting for their train to arrive, he thought fondly of portal travel and how convenient it was when you were dating a warlock. He sighed. He could actually think of Magnus now and not feel like a dagger had pierced through his heart. He wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not.

"There!"

Clary's cry snapped him out of his thoughts and made him look up in the direction she was pointing. And indeed, there it was, clambering up the train station wall. He lifted the bow from his shoulder.

"Got it," he announced, nocking an arrow and aiming carefully.

No matter how long out of the field he'd been, there was always a rush of excitement at this part. He took a deep breath and released the arrow; it struck the demon right in the middle of the chest.

They were lucky the train came rattling into the station just as the Ravener demon tumbled down with a loud shriek. Not that any of the mundanes could see or hear what was happening. It was just convenient that they all cleared the platform, making it easier for Clary, Izzy and Jace to run towards the fallen creature, their Seraph blades drawn.

Alec would have done the same if something hadn't caught his attention from the corner of his eye. A man was boarding the train, nothing out of the ordinary in and of itself. The man himself wasn't remarkable, just one of the many commuters, average height, bland tan jacket, messenger bag slung across his chest. And yet Alec's gaze was drawn to him like pulled by a magnet.

Whatever he thought he'd seen, it was already too late to do anything about it. The doors of the train had closed. But as the man jostled for a place on the crowded train, Alec caught his profile and with a startled gasp, he knew why he'd been drawn to him.

Magnus. He looked just like Magnus. If Magnus had lost all his style and personality, that was, but still...

He was so transfixed by the sight, he was rooted to the spot, unable to do anything but watch the train pull out of the station. Whoever that man was, he was disappearing out of Alec's life faster with every second and there was nothing he could do about it.

He startled when a hand landed heavily on his shoulder.

"Hey." Jace frowned when he noticed how freaked out Alec looked and how hard his breathing was as he turned to Jace. "We got the Ravener demon."

Alec had been so wrapped up in his thoughts he hadn't even noticed. "Yeah, yeah," he stammered, "that's good." He quickly shouldered his bow, hoping Jace didn't notice how badly his hands were shaking. "Well done," he added, forcing a smile.

Jace didn't look in the least convinced by it. "You okay, buddy?" he asked, his voice filled with concern.

Alec threw a look over his shoulder, towards the lights of the train disappearing down the tunnel. What direction was it heading? Downtown? Was that where he should start looking?

Suppressing a shudder of foreboding, he turned back to Jace. "Yeah, sure, of course." By now, Izzy and Clary had joined them, both looking confused by the weird vibe between the two of them. He turned what he hoped was a convincing smile at the two ladies. "Let's head back to the Institute."

Izzy didn't even try to hide her disappointment. "I thought we could do a little more patrolling." Now that she'd gotten him out of the Institute, she was determined to keep him out in the field, it seemed. She looked worried he'd bury himself in his office again.

"You go ahead then," he told her. "I'll get a head start on filing the paperwork on this demon attack."

He wasn't fooling her one bit; he didn't need her narrow-eyed scowl to tell him that. She knew a Ravener demon attack was routine and he'd have it filed in less than five minutes. What she didn't know was that he wasn't going back to the Institute to wallow in self pity again. He had something much more urgent to do, something she'd like even less. It was better if she believed that was what he was doing.

"Alec," she said, grabbing his arm as he was about to turn away from them. He wasn't sure what hurt more, the pity in her eyes or the disappointment in her frown.

His smile felt tight. "Maybe it was too early, after all." He hated lying to her, but the truth would hurt her even more.

Before she could stop him, he held tight to his bow and ran back up the station stairs. He knew exactly where to start.

\---

Catarina looked surprised when she opened the door. "Alec? I wasn't expecting you today."

He shrugged, hoping it looked as casual as he'd practiced. "I missed Madzie. Is it okay if I see her?"

The confusion on her face lingered a moment longer and Alec held his breath, sure she'd seen right through him. He released it in a soft sigh when she snapped out of it.

"Yeah, of course, come in." She held the door wide open for him and laughed as she closed it behind him. "I was just about to head out. I'm on the night shift and I thought you were Dot."

Alec smiled back at her, hoping it didn't look too forced. "You know, you can always call on me if you're in need of a babysitter." He and Magnus babysat Madzie all the time. Was that why she hadn't asked him since Magnus...?

Apparently so, as Catarina replied, her smile warm. "Thanks, Alec, I appreciate it. I wasn't sure..." She hesitated for a moment. "I wasn't sure you were up to it."

Fortunately, for him, he got a chance to get his emotions under control when Madzie ran into the room with a loud, "Alec!"

His smile was never forced around this little treasure. He grinned wide as he scooped her up in mid run, bouncing her in his arms before he settled her on his hip.

"Of course," he told Catarina, widening his eyes comically at Madzie. She giggled with delight. "Any time."

"Great." Catarina beamed at them both. "Can you stay with Madzie until Dot gets here? She's running a little late and I really should be going."

"Sure, no problem." He hoped that had sounded more casual than he was feeling.

This was perfect. Alone time with Madzie meant that he could take his time easing her into the answers he needed. She was the only one who wouldn't look at him with pity or concern for his sanity.

"We'll have a great time, won't we, munchkin?" He laughed at the way she wrinkled her nose at the nickname.

"I've growed a full inch," she announced indignantly, wriggling out of his hold in response to the insult.

As he put Madzie back on her feet, he smiled reassuringly at Catarina who was putting on her coat. "Don't worry, we'll be fine."

"Thanks, Alec." Grabbing her purse, Catarina opened a portal with a casual flick of her wrist. "Behave, kiddo," she told Madzie with a loud kiss on top of her head.

As soon as the portal whooshed out of existence behind Catarina, Madzie grabbed Alec's hand and pulled at it impatiently. "Look, Alec, look what I learned today!"

Swept up in her enthusiasm, he laughed as he was being pulled to the couch. "What amazing thing have you learned, sweetheart?" he asked, sitting down and waiting for her to dazzle him with her warlock powers.

Her little fingers did a wiggly thing; Alec was so concentrated on what her magic would do he didn't immediately notice when Catarina's stereo system sprang to life. Soon a trumpet blazed through the room and Alec could feel his face split into a giant happy grin when Madzie started dancing to the sound.

By the Angel, she made him so happy. He hadn't felt this light and carefree in such a long time, not since...

No, he refused to let bad thoughts drag him down. Determined to stay in his happy place, he clapped along as she began to sing, a song he thought he'd heard once or twice. Something about a tisket, a tasket and a basket.

"Sing with me, Alec," Madzie encouraged, but he shook his head.

"I don't know the song, sweetheart."

He was very bad with mundane culture. Magnus had tried to instill some appreciation in him, but aside from movies and TV shows he'd introduced Alec to, nothing had really stuck. But that shouldn't interfere with Madzie's joy.

Getting off the couch he bowed to her. "May I have this dance, young lady?"

Madzie gave him a look. "You're weird," she admonished, but then giggled when Alec took each of her hands in one of his and twirled her around the living room.

By the time the song was done, they were breathless and laughing on the couch. Her gills fluttered as she tried to catch her breath; the sight made Alec's heart glow. It also brought another matter back to the foreground, one that wiped the smile clean off his face.

"Madzie," he said gently, trying to broach the subject as carefully as possible. "Remember what you told me a while ago? That Magnus wasn't gone and you could still feel him?"

"Ahah," she muttered, but her attention was clearly on something else already. With a wiggle of her fingers she'd summoned a book from the bookcase and was now laying it open on the coffee table, her whole focus on the pictures inside.

Some time passed; Alec realised the book spread out in front of her was a colouring book when she summoned colouring pencils with another wave of her hand.

He'd thought she'd forgotten all about his question, but then she announced, her eyes intent on the picture she was colouring, "I don't feel him anymore," and pulled the rug right from under Alec.

No, no, it was too cruel to destroy his hopes so completely. He snatched for breath as the shock wave swept through him.

"You don't?" he asked, trying hard not to let the despair shine through in his voice.

She shook her head. Unaware of how devastating her words were to Alec, she continued colouring, her tongue now poking out between her teeth. "Haven't in a while."

His eyes fixed on the concentrated look on her face, he blinked away the tears, fingers curling tight in the item hiding in the pocket of his jacket. He hadn't had any luck with it, but he'd hoped maybe Madzie would. Or was there even a point now that he knew she didn't feel Magnus anymore?

As he tried to come to a decision, finding comfort in the soft fabric slipping between his fingers, Madzie put down her pencil and turned towards him.

"Don't worry, Alec," she said, in a tone so calm and sure it almost seemed impossible to have come from a five-year-old. Even her eyes seemed to hold wisdom beyond her years. "He's just hiding for a bit. He'll come back."

And with those words she turned back to her book, deliberated on what colour pencil to choose and resumed her colouring like nothing had happened. Alec was left staring at her profile in utter shock, his heart racing as his fingers twisted even harder in the fabric in his pocket. If there was even the smallest possibility, he had to try.

Coming to a decision, he pulled Magnus' favourite cravat out of his pocket. "Madzie," he started, but he had to clear his throat when just the name came out as a croak. "Do you think you could track him?"

She put her pencil down again and gave him a frown, as if he was asking something really stupid. After a moment her gaze fell on the cravat he was holding out to her. Alec was almost afraid to breathe when her little hands reached out and touched the silk fabric.

Her eyes closed and no matter how hard Alec told himself not to expect too much, he couldn't seem to hold back the hope blossoming in his heart. Hardly two seconds later she opened her eyes again. That couldn't be good. She couldn't have found him that quickly. Even knowing that Alec couldn't stop himself from staring at her expectantly.

His world came crashing down a second time when she shook her head with a blunt, "No, he's not ready yet," in a tone so matter of fact, it seemed to suggest Alec should have known that.

The tears he'd been holding back with all his might came spilling down his face and he didn't even care. She'd said he wasn't ready yet. If that was the only straw he was given, he'd grasp onto it for life.

"Do you know when he will be ready?"

When she shook her head this time it wasn't as devastating as it had been before. It was the answer he'd been expecting.

A knock on the door startled him. Dot, he realised, even as Madzie ran to the door shouting her name. Stuffing the cravat back in his pocket, Alec tried to pull himself together, but as he got up from the couch to greet Dot, he could see from her expression he hadn't done a good job.

"Alec," she sighed, her voice warm with empathy, as she shrugged out of her coat. "Thank you for taking care of Madzie. I got stuck with a difficult client. Catarina called me and said you were here, so I had a chance to round things off with him." A twinkle appeared in her eyes; Alec half-suspected she was trying to lighten the mood for his sake. "Charged him extra for my time, of course."

He'd always felt slightly uncomfortable around Dot. Not just because she was an ex-lover of Magnus'. With the tears still drying on his face, he felt that she could see right through him. And the last thing he wanted her to find out was what he and Madzie had been talking about. He prayed Madzie wouldn't blab.

"No problem," he assured her, smiling down at Madzie. "I missed her." He squatted down in front of her. "See you later, sweet pea," he said, mouthing the words, _Thank you_ , immediately after.

He already had his hand on the doorknob when Dot put her hand on his arm. Momentarily alarmed at what she'd guessed, he stared back at her.

"We all miss him, Alec," she said softly, squeezing his arm gently.

The kind words made him feel even worse about what he'd asked of Madzie and yet, he still couldn't feel he'd been wrong to do so, not in the least when he was looking in Dot's sympathetic eyes. Magnus had been convinced she was dead because he couldn't feel her magic anymore. If he could be wrong about Dot's death, maybe they were wrong about Magnus.

With a tight nod, he quickly left Catarina's place. Making his way back to the loft, he took comfort in Madzie's words that Magnus wasn't ready to come back yet. If patience was all that was required, Alec could deliver. He'd waited twenty three years for Magnus. What were a few months more?

\---

 _Day 51_  
A Downworlder party. Why was Izzy always dragging him to these? Yes, it was vital they discover who was behind the new vampire den that had cropped up, but he hated these affairs.

Unsurprisingly, Jace and Clary were doing a fantastic job blending in. They'd found a spot on the dance floor and were managing to question people while simultaneously grinding up against each other. Alec shook his head as he watched them. He didn't begrudge them their happiness, but it was just like heteros to rub their sex life in everyone's face.

When they first started dating Magnus had tried but eventually had given up on getting Alec on the dance floor. It had nothing to do with being embarrassed; his relationship with Magnus was one of the things Alec was proudest of. He just didn't possess a rhythmic bone in his body. He didn't want to make Magnus look bad. Besides, they had plenty of rhythm in private, where it mattered.

As he turned back to Izzy beside him, he found her gazing up at him with an uncertain look. "What?" he asked, maybe a little harsher than was necessary. He always got defensive when she gave him that look.

She tilted her head towards the other end of the crowded room. "That guy has been eyeing you since we first walked in."

Following her line of vision, he did indeed spot a guy watching them. So what? People's heads always turned when they walked in. They were Shadowhunters at a Downworlder party. They were bound to stand out.

When his gaze met the guy's, he smiled back with what Alec assumed was something seductive. "He's a vamp," he stated blankly, not even slightly impressed by the other guy. He wasn't bad-looking per se. He was just nothing special.

"Vamps can be fun." The suggestiveness in her answer made Alec's gaze immediately snap back at her. Was she saying what he thought she was? He was all in when it came to getting answers, but he drew the line at certain things. "I'm just saying," she said, in reply to the outraged way he raised an eyebrow, "you could do with a little unwinding, big brother."

The words, _I'm not going to cheat on Magnus!_ , were ready on his lips, but he yanked them back in the nick of time. They didn't know. They didn't know of the sliver of hope he was still clinging to, a spark of hope built on the words of a five-year-old. They'd call him crazy.

If he was being honest, he'd admit he was starting to lose even that tiny spark of hope he had left. It had been weeks and still nothing had happened. He'd even gone back to that subway station, more times than anyone would deem healthy. He'd tried going during rush hour. That was the time he'd spotted the Magnus lookalike the first time. If it was part of his daily commute, he'd have a good chance of seeing him again.

When that hadn't yielded any results, he'd tried various random times but all in vain. He'd never seen that mystery man again. It was probably a waste of his time anyway. No doubt he'd imagined the resemblance with Magnus, just the way he'd seen a figure in the shadows outside the Hunter's Moon when there was none.

Maybe it was a sign that he needed to stop clinging to impossible things and move the fuck on. And Izzy wasn't wrong about one thing. He hadn't had sex in months. It had been all right before he'd ever had sex. You couldn't miss something you'd never had. He'd never wanted anyone else but Magnus anyway...

His gaze flitted back to where Jace and Clary were practically having vertical sex on the dance floor. Before Clary, Jace had certainly never had a problem picking up randoms for sex. Trust their parabatai bond to give him useless information like that.

As if she could read his mind, Izzy said, her voice soft and sympathetic, "It doesn't have to mean anything."

For him, though, it might. Why else had he waited as long as he had? Was it just because of how deep in the closet he'd been about his sexuality? Or was there more to it?

Before he could overthink it and chicken out, he straightened the collar of his jacket and without a backwards glance towards Izzy walked up to the guy. Like Izzy said, it didn't have to mean anything. Besides, there was no harm in talking. And they were trying to get information out of these vamps.

The other guy seemed surprised when he realised Alec was walking towards him; there was definitely a hint of suspicion flashing in his eyes. "Hey," was his only greeting when Alec was close enough not to have to shout over the loud music.

"Hey," he said back and then fell silent, feeling awkward and completely stupid.

He'd never done this. He'd never had to walk up to a guy and start... what? Flirting? There was no way he could that. It was bad enough he could feel Izzy's eyes boring holes into his back.

"Shadowhunters at a Downworlder club?" the guy picked up the conversation, to Alec's relief. "You're looking for something specific," he concluded.

There was definitely a hint of suggestion in his tone. Did he think Alec had come down to slum it with vampires because he had a thing for them? Sexually? Well, that was a disturbing thought.

"Yeah," he said, desperate to set matters straight. So to speak. "The vampire den that's risen up on Essex Street. I don't suppose you've heard anything about it?"

The dismissive shrug looked way too casual. "Nope. Can't say I have."

As if they would just volunteer the information if they did, especially to Shadowhunters. This was why Alec hated missions like these. They were doomed to fail from the start.

"But hey," the vamp continued, his voice dipping low and seductive. "That doesn't mean we can't pursue this conversation about more..." He halted for maximum effect. "Pleasurable topics."

Alec almost rolled his eyes at the vamp's obviousness. There was no way he could miss the giant deflect rune on Alec's neck. He had to know encanto wouldn't work on him.

"I'm Alvaro, by the way," the vampire added, his tone suddenly less confident, as if he'd come to the same conclusion.

"Alec." The single word shot out of him when he realised, to his growing discomfort, that Alvaro was sidling up into his space.

He was certainly not unattractive. Full lips and deep brown eyes. But he was close now. Too close. It felt like a hand was tightening around Alec's throat, cutting off his breath. This had been a mistake. He was nowhere ready for this.

"So what do you say, pretty boy?" Alvaro's voice was low and seductive, and all it did was send shivers down Alec's spine, but not the good kind.

All Alec could do was stare, immobile with a discomfort Alvaro didn't seem to pick up on at all. He proved that by running his hand all the way up Alec's arm.

Something snapped in Alec. He wasn't sure if it was set off by the moniker or the way the vamp's touch made his skin crawl. With lightning speed he grabbed the offending hand, twisted Alvaro's arm to his back and slammed him face first against the wall.

"Don't fucking touch me," he hissed in his ear.

"The fuck?!" the vamp yelled loudly. "You're the one who came on to me!"

An instant commotion broke out around them, but Alec had already snapped out of the red haze that had flitted across his eyes. Shocked at his own behaviour, he immediately let go of the vampire and staggered back a step.

Had he? Had he come onto the vamp and then practically assaulted him? What the hell was he doing?

Izzy had reached them too and was staring at the bewildered look on Alec's face. "Alec, what the...?" Her voice trailed off as everyone started shouting at the two of them.

Through all the voices rising simultaneously and the loud music he caught snatches of "Fucking Shadowhunters, always treating us like shit. Why are they even here? Stay on your own fucking side!"

Dazed, he just stood there, taking it all, as Alvaro straightened, brushed himself down and glared at Alec. He wanted to protest. No, he really wasn't like that. The love of his life was a Downworlder. He would never...

But Izzy was already pushing him towards the exit. "Yeah, you really aren't ready." She sounded sad rather than pissed off he'd messed up their mission.

She must have signaled towards Clary and Jace. Moments later they joined them at the exit.

"What happened?" Jace gave Alec a worried look but he was still too stunned by the whole experience to get a word out.

"Vamp making trouble," Izzy said.

It was commendable of her to try to protect him but it was a lie. The vampire didn't do anything wrong.

"No," he stammered, "he didn't... It was me who..."

Izzy cut him off sharply. "It doesn't matter how it started. The mission is a bust." She sighed, her expression and tone turning softer as she rubbed Alec's back gently. "Let's go home."

Jace and Clary gave them another confused look, but then seemed to take Izzy's word for it and turned to go back home.

"Alec, it's okay," Izzy said softly.

It wasn't, though. It really wasn't.

\---

 _Day 68_  
Neither he nor Madzie ever brought it up again. She visited the loft with Catarina; other times Alec was over at their place to babysit her. But the subject of Magnus was never discussed again.

To Alec, it was closed. Holding out hope was too painful and too exhausting. He couldn't live like that. He couldn't build a future on the words of a five-year-old. He'd been insane to think he could.

And at the same time, moving on from Magnus proved to be an impossible task as well. It was two weeks since he'd turned on that vampire for the mere offense of touching him, the incident leaving a deep impact on Alec. That was another thing he wouldn't try again.

In essence, he was back at square one, burying himself in his work and pretending his life had meaning when it really didn't. Even Izzy had stopped trying to drag him to anything. She seemed to have resigned herself to the same truth he had, that he would never be happy again.

Or at least not for a long time, not until the ghost of Magnus was no longer haunting him. And just like the man, Magnus' ghost too was larger than life. It would take a while for it to disappear in the ether. This had to be the depression part of the stages of grief. Acceptance was the final one, but he wasn't ready to do that just yet.

Alec wriggled in his chair. His back was starting to hurt from being hunched over his desk all day. The clock in the corner of his tablet said it was nine PM, but he ignored it. What was there to go home to?

He ran his hand along his eyes to clear his blurry vision before he turned back to his tablet. Zoe, the mundane lady he'd hired to run his foundation, had sent him a list of charities she wanted him to take a look at as potential recipients. He was getting up to speed about a centre for homeless LGBTQ kids that looked like a worthwhile candidate when he was startled by someone clearing their throat in his doorway.

It was a testament to how tired he was that for just a second he forgot and smiling brightly he looked up, expecting to find Magnus smiling back at him. The sight of his mother standing in the doorway hit him so hard, it felt like an actual blow to his guts. He had to gasp for breath.

"Mother!" He scrambled to his feet, desperate to hide how devastated he felt she wasn't Magnus. "I didn't realise you were still here."

If there was one emotion he could read on his mother's face like no other, it was disappointment. It wasn't the same kind as in the past, though. This wasn't disappointment in him or his accomplishments. It was frustration with his attempt to fool her. He should have known she'd see right through him.

"I could say the same thing about you." Her voice was a lot gentler and understanding than her expression would have suggested. "It's late, Alec. Forget about work. Go home and relax."

If only it were that easy, if only relax was a thing he could do when he was home. Alec knew his smile was forced, but it was the best he could do under the circumstances.

He wasn't sure what he'd expected her to do in reply, but it certainly wasn't hanging her head with a sigh and saying softly, "I guess we're the ones to blame. We're the ones who taught you to suppress your feelings."

When she looked up, the fierceness in her dark eyes took his breath away. He stood transfixed as she got closer and took both of his hands in hers.

"Throw something," she said, the suggestion the last thing he'd expected her to say. "Scream at the unfairness of it all. Don't bottle it up."

Not sure how to react, Alec smiled nervously. "Is this Luke's influence talking?"

She was clearly not happy with the way he tried to deflect with a joke, but he honestly didn't know how else to react. He'd never seen his mother like this.

After a moment of eyeing him sternly, she shook her head and pulled him to the couch by his hand. Once he'd sat down, watching her with a frown between his eyes, she sat down next to him.

It was obvious from the way her gaze was focused on their hands locked between them that she was carefully contemplating her words. When she took a deep breath and looked him straight in the eye, he held his breath.

The words were spoken softly, but they hit hard. "You will love again."

Fuck no, no, he couldn't do this. Yanking his hands out of hers, he shrank away from her. His heart was racing. He was going into panic mode, he realised.

"Don't," he warned, his voice cold, one finger raised to ward her off.

Her expression spoke of her resolve. She wasn't going to let this go. "I know you don't want to hear this, but it's true. Take it from someone who knows."

He shook his head stubbornly. He wasn't having this conversation, not now, not ever. "You don't," he grit between his teeth. "You don't know."

Magnus was the love of his life. And he'd lost him. How could she possibly know what he felt?

The impatience was practically radiating off her. "You're right." Sarcasm was dripping from every word. "I couldn't possibly know what it's like to fall in love."

Not like he did. What he and Magnus had was unlike anything his mother could understand.

He couldn't keep the frustration out of his voice when he spoke, frustration at his mother for not getting it. "I was supposed to grow old with him."

Well, Alec was supposed to grow old. Magnus would stay young and beautiful forever.

Her expression softened at the pain in his voice. "As was I with your father."

See? She really didn't get it. His father hadn't died. Their marriage just fell apart. He was shaking his head again in denial, he realised.

"He was the love of my life," he burst out in sheer frustration. "Shadowhunters fall in love for life. I'll never have that again!"

It was finally out, the feelings he'd buried for so long. They were out there in the world.

For a moment his mother looked shocked, more proof to Alec that she really hadn't understood why he felt such despair.

"Oh, Alec," she sighed. He tried to evade her grasp when she wanted to hold his hand again, but she stubbornly held on. "Don't you think I thought your father was the love of my life when I married him?"

That took him by surprise. The last years of their marriage had been marred with so much stress, he couldn't even remember when his parents were happy together. Had there ever been such a time?

A soft wistful smile appeared on her face. "I was so in love with him, Alec. I thought he'd hung the moon." His breath caught, he watched her expression harden. "Right up to the moment he stabbed me in the back."

"Mom," he whispered. Unable to think of anything to say, he squeezed her hand gently.

She smiled back at him full of warmth. "Are you saying, because I've had my chance at true love, I'm not allowed to love again?"

"What?" he replied without thinking, genuinely stunned she would suggest such a thing. "Mom, of course not!"

If anything, she deserved it more. What she'd found with Luke made her so happy, and because it made her happy her children were happy for her.

Too late he realised what she'd done. The look on her face was so smug he wanted to scream. He'd walked right into that trap.

"It's not the same," he said softly, hurt coming through in his voice.

The amusement slid from her expression. "You're right, it's not," she agreed. "I got twenty five years and four amazing, beautiful children out of it." She rubbed her thumb across the back of his hand. "I wish with all my heart you could have had the same."

"I miss him so much, mom," he stammered out through the tears he was loath to show but could no longer hold back.

His whole life Alec had known his mother as this closed off woman who always wanted more than he could give and told him emotions were a waste of energy. He couldn't remember a time she'd hugged him or comforted him when he was sad.

It was not the same woman who pulled him into a tight hug, running soothing hands across his back and whispering, "Oh, honey, I know," her voice shaking with her own tears. "But you can't give up living because he's gone."

He was gone. Magnus was gone. Those words made him cry even harder, his face buried against her shoulder. He should feel embarrassed to cling to his mother like a child, but that was the thing. Even as a child he'd never done that.

"Let it go, Alec," his mother encouraged in his ear and that was apparently what he'd needed.

He did just that, let it all go. The grief, the denial, the hope he'd clung to against all better knowledge, until he was a sobbing, trembling mess held together by his mother's strength.

If this was acceptance, it sucked.

\---

 _Day 84_  
What had started on a quiet Monday evening as a way for Alec and Izzy to bond, had for some reason morphed into a weekly movie night tradition at the loft. How Jace and Clary had been invited, Alec couldn't remember, but he was sure the two of them cuddled up together on his couch made more sense than Simon and Maia sharing the same blanket on the opposite couch.

The sight of so much coupley bliss should have been a thorn in Alec's side, but the fact that it didn't even bother him anymore proved how far he'd come. He was sure it was all very healthy.

Watching the antics on his TV screen he wondered how they'd landed on a soapy teen show with ridiculously over the top good-looking people. Not that Alec was complaining. He was in the mood for some eye-candy he didn't have to put too much thought into.

"Oh, he's hot."

Alec pulled an incredulous face as he turned to Izzy sitting beside him on the couch, her head leaning against his shoulder. "Are you kidding? He's way too skinny. He has literally no ass."

Clary chuckled. "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." Alec's glare only made her laugh harder.

"What are you doing looking at my brother's ass?" Jace wanted to know. Alec was asking himself the same question.

"What about him?" Clary quickly diverted the attention away from her boyfriend's awkward question, when another blonder dude showed up on their TV screen.

"Too short," was Alec's immediate verdict.

"Alec, everyone's short next to you," Izzy pointed out, laughing.

"Oooh," Maia piped up. "His friend is a cutie, though."

"You can knit a sweater with his arm hair," Alec said, with a dismissive shake of his head. "You all have no taste in men."

"Hey!" the men in their lives objected.

Jace shook his head. "Alec, if you're gonna keep comparing every guy to Magnus, you're always gonna come up short."

It was amazing how fast the animated atmosphere was sucked from the room with that one statement. The silence suddenly falling over the company was only broken by the back of Clary's hand smacking hard into Jace's chest and his startled oomph.

What surprised Alec the most was that he barely flinched. Magnus' name didn't cut through him like a dagger, the way it used to. At most it was a dull ache, the one that always seemed to accompany him these days.

He knew every eye was directed at him as they waited for his reaction, almost afraid to breathe. A collective sigh of relief seemed to be taken when he smiled with fond remembrance.

"It's true. Perfect height, muscles for days, smooth skin. Perfection, thy name was Magnus Bane."

Izzy's hand squeezed Alec's arm. He wondered if it was in reaction to him using the past tense. He'd had to fight long and hard, but he finally seemed to have reached acceptance.

"You know..." The cheer in Simon's voice promised a joke from him to lighten the mood. Alec had almost grown fond of him. "With Magnus' looks, it wouldn't surprise me if he'd been an actor once upon a time."

Among the murmurs of agreement, Clary said, "Nothing about it in his file at the Institute." Alec frowned at her for a moment, wondering why she'd been going through Magnus' file, but then she added, "But he was a coiffeur once."

"Of course he was," Izzy and Simon agreed, while Maia laughed, "It makes so much sense," and Jace grimaced and whispered to Clary, "What's a coiffeur?"

"A hairdresser," she explained.

Jace's face lit up with understanding. "That would explain his hair."

Alec chuckled. Magnus' hair, by the Angel... "Even I wasn't allowed to touch it." He sighed dreamily. "Except when we were in the middle of s..." He didn't get the rest out, a pillow smacking him square in the face.

"Too much information!" Izzy laughed.

"I was going to say when we were in the middle of some fun," Alec protested, but he too was laughing.

"Sure you were," Maia countered.

Jace pulled a face at her. "I shared a wall with them. You don't wanna know."

Alec threw the pillow back at Jace, grinning when he dodged it like an expert.

It felt amazing to talk about Magnus with joy and remember all the good times they'd shared without feeling like he was going to break down into a sobbing mess.

He snorted. "Like your impromptu meetings of your book club were so much fun to overhear."

Clary looked up at Jace, her nose wrinkled with held back laughter. "Book club?"

Jace glared at Alec. "Dude, not in front of the girlfriend."

"Yeah, Jace can get a little loud," Maia said, her voice and expression full of mischief.

An explosion of mock outraged cries echoed around the room. "By the Angel, has everyone slept with everyone here?" Izzy sounded appalled, but she couldn't hold back her laughter.

Alec held up his hands. "Don't look at me. One man guy me."

If anything, he'd always been baffled by their turbulent love connections and secretly grateful he'd met Magnus and was spared all that nonsense. One day he might find that again. He wasn't in any particular hurry. He'd found his once in a lifetime love. His mother might have found it a second time, but he was under no illusions he would be that lucky again. If he did, great. If not...

"Look at her, getting all high and mighty," Jace was teasing Izzy. "You've had your share of strange loves." She stuck her nose in the air haughtily. "And what's this about a Shadowhunter you've been seeing?"

All eyes turned to Izzy expectantly, even Alec's. "What Shadowhunter?" he asked Izzy, one eyebrow raised in both curiosity and concern for her well-being.

"It's nothing." The way she started to squirm told them it was anything but, as did her huge happy smile. "We're still getting to know each other."

"Who is this guy?"

Jace shrugged in reply to Alec's question. "I just heard a rumour. I didn't know there was any truth in it."

"Who says it's a guy?"

Izzy's quiet admission brought forth an avalanche of excited exclamations. Alec smiled as, all pretense of still watching the TV show now abandoned, they crowded around Izzy, wanting to know more about this mysterious Shadowhunter she was seeing. He'd lost something precious, but at least he still had this, family and friends who he loved and who loved him.

\---

 _Day 93_  
There were good days and there were bad. Today was one of the latter, where nothing seemed to go right. It started off badly when he stubbed his toe against the bed frame on his way out of it, knocked over the milk carton for his cereal and worst of all, the coffee maker decided it was the perfect moment to break down.

As he glared into the instant coffee he was stirring, he tried to squelch down the image that rose despite all his efforts: Magnus, smiling warmly, while summoning a steaming cup of the finest, freshly ground and brewed coffee with a snap of his fingers. He'd even had to learn how to cook, now he could no longer rely on Magnus to pull delicious dishes out of thin air.

Any desire for coffee gone, he shoved the cup away from him. That hollow emptiness in the pit of his stomach widened up again with a longing he'd thought he was growing past. But no, it was never gone. It was always lurking in the back of his mind, waiting for a chance to blindside him with despair. A sudden wave of nausea rose; he put his hand on the countertop for balance, and lowered his head, breathing through it.

Taking a few deep breaths, he pushed himself away from the counter and into the bathroom, but here too he was assailed with memories of Magnus from every corner. He knew it wasn't healthy and only slowed down the healing process, but Magnus had taken centuries to collect every item in this loft. It felt like sacrilege to get rid of anything.

At least the shower made him feel somewhat better, but he still felt blurry and out of it as he walked into the Institute. He was going to blame the fact he hadn't had his coffee yet. Once he'd poured a cup from the coffee maker, he took a big gulp and took the rest of it with him to his office. The hit of caffeine felt good, but he'd probably need at least three more cups before he felt even remotely human.

It was with a sigh of relief he saw all the files piled up on his desk. Burying himself in work, that was how he'd survived the last three months.

Half an hour later he was elbow deep in a transfer request back to Idris when there was a knock on his door and Izzy poked her head inside.

"Are you busy?"

Sighing, Alec closed the file and motioned her inside with an impatient hand. He knew what this was about. She never failed to check up on him at least once a day to make sure he wasn't overdoing it. Of course he was. It was the only way to distract him from how much he missed Magnus. His irritation ebbed away somewhat, replaced by confused curiosity, when Luke walked into his office behind her.

"Hey, Alec," he said, "you got a moment?"

"Sure." He waved towards the chair in front of his desk. His curiosity grew when Luke shook his head and remained standing. "What can I do for you?"

If the concerned look on Luke's face hadn't set off Alec's alarm bells, the way he looked towards Izzy before he turned back to Alec would have certainly done it. Izzy looked as confused as Alec felt; her eyes wide in question, she shook her head at Alec.

"Do you want me to go?" she asked Luke. "I thought you wanted..." Her voice trailed off. Alec wondered what she'd been about to say, but Luke held up a hand.

"No, I asked you to be here because... well... this is kind of a delicate affair."

Alec's concern grew with leaps and bounds. He'd never seen Luke this rattled or lost for words. "Is it Clary?" he asked. Dread closing around his gut, he leaned forward in his chair. "Is it mother?"

Again, Luke held up his hand to stop him. "No, Clary's fine. So's your mom. It concerns a case of mine. A police case."

Alec exchanged another puzzled look with Izzy. It wasn't the first time Luke had come to them with one of his NYPD cases. That couldn't be the reason for how shaken he looked.

"Does it concern a Shadowhunter?" Izzy asked. That was usually the case for Luke coming to them with one of his cases. At the shake of his head, she looked even more puzzled. "Downworlder?" Luke didn't tend to involve the Institute in those cases, preferring to deal with it among themselves. Maybe a little unorthodox, but Alec knew it was happening.

So he wasn't really surprised when Luke shook his head. But then, a frown appearing on his face, he stopped, something dark in his eyes. "Well, yeah, I guess. We thought it was an open and shut case. Small grocery shop got held up. A few witnesses, all mundanes. We rounded up a suspect."

His eyes met Alec's, a muscle twitching in his face. "I interviewed him this morning." With those words, he heaved a deep sigh, opened his jacket and produced a file from within. Opening the file, he retrieved something; his eyes flicked up to meet Alec's again, that flicker of uncertainty flashing across them. Finally, he seemed to make up his mind and handed it across the desk to Alec.

At the caution and hesitancy in Luke's demeanour, a cold hand of worry had closed around Alec's heart. As he took the item from Luke, he braced himself for whatever he would be looking at. However bad he thought it could be, it didn't prepare him.

It couldn't be...

The photo, for that was what it was, a mug shot to be more precise, fell out of his grasp. It all seemed to happen in slow motion, the way the photo fluttered down to his desk, his mind reeling, all thoughts chased out of it except for one.

It couldn't be...

His eyes wide, he stared at Luke. Besides concern, there was sympathy in his eyes. He knew the havoc he'd wreaked with that one photo.

"How?" Alec stammered. "Who?"

Izzy, her expression startled at the way Alec was reacting, rushed closer. "Alec," she said, her voice high with concern, "you look pale as a sheet. What?" Her words trailed off as she picked up the photo from his desk and looked at it. "By the Angel," she sighed, her voice shaking. There were tears gathering in her eyes as she looked back at Alec. "Is this...?"

She couldn't speak his name. Alec couldn't blame her. It was probably the same with Luke, who'd preferred to let the photo speak for itself. They were both reluctant to proffer a theory they knew couldn't be true. The words rang around Alec's head again.

It couldn't be....

"Yes." His voice was steady; that surprised him. Not as much as his answer surprised Izzy and Luke. They both looked startled at the certainty of his statement. And he was certain. It couldn't be and yet he knew it was. He knew that face better than he knew his own.

He held out a hand towards Izzy in a silent request for the photo; he felt somewhat relieved to find his hand was shaking. Maybe he wasn't reacting with quite as much detachment as he'd thought. She cast one quick last look at the photo before she handed it back to Alec.

He hadn't been prepared the first time. Now that he knew who was on the photo, he had to brace himself to look at it again. What if he'd been wrong? What if it was just wishful thinking? This could be just some guy who looked a lot like him.

Before he could overthink it too much, he took a deep breath and looked at the face staring back at him, a defiant look in his dark brown eyes.

His hair was longer than Alec was used to. And a lot flatter, he noted with an amused smile. Maybe Izzy wasn't sure it was him because she wasn't used to seeing him without makeup, but Alec had woken up to that face every morning for the best year of his life.

"It's him," he said. "It's Magnus." Even the beauty mark just above his right eyebrow checked out.

The thought, _He's alive!_ , wanted to break out and dance around his head, but he wouldn't allow it. Not in the least because he might break down if it did. It was bad enough to see Izzy coming undone before his eyes.

"Alec," she breathed on a sob, tears streaming down her face, her hands reaching out towards him.

He shrugged off her touch. It might have seemed cold, but he couldn't. He couldn't. If he allowed the thought to even form in his head he'd fall apart completely. Holding onto his composure with all his might, he turned to Luke.

"You say he's your suspect?"

Luke too appeared to have something in his eye. He pulled himself together quickly, swallowing hard before he answered. "Yeah. Calls himself Tony. Tony Barnes."

Alec frowned at that bit of information. Why Tony? He couldn't remember Magnus ever telling him about a Tony in his past. Then again, there was so much of that past Alec didn't know. Of course the name could be totally random...

Damn it, he was doing it again. He couldn't let his heart believe it was Magnus, not until he had absolute proof. He couldn't handle the heartbreak of losing him again.

Was it the same guy he'd seen on the subway platform? He'd thought it was a figment of his imagination, but what if it had been Magnus after all? Alec might have had him back in his life weeks ago.

"Tony Barnes?" he asked, pulling himself out of the what-ifs and concentrating on the cold, hard facts.

Luke shrugged. "He's got no ID on him. They tried to run fingerprints, but guess what?"

If it really was Magnus, they wouldn't find his prints on record. He'd spent centuries making sure mundanes didn't find out about him or his kind.

"Did he do it?" Somehow, focusing on that detail made it easier to process everything.

"Probably not," Luke admitted. "The prints don't match the ones on the gun."

Alec nodded in understanding. "I need to see him, Luke."

The first hint of a smile broke through on his face. "I expected as much. We've still got him in custody, but we'll have to let him go soon if we can't find any evidence."

No time to waste then. Alec was on his feet in an instant, but the moment he rose, everything he'd been holding back came rushing to the surface, flooding him with an intensity that left him shaking. He had to hold onto the edge of the desk to keep his balance.

When Izzy reached out to support him, he didn't shake her off this time. He welcomed her strength and warmth.

"You want me to come with you, brother?" she asked in a quietly shaking voice.

He shook his head. As much as he appreciated her support, this was going to end in heartbreak, no matter the outcome. If it wasn't Magnus, his heart would be shred to pieces all over again, sending him even further down the spiral he'd started to climb out of. If it was...

He swallowed hard and pushed himself away from the desk. If it was Magnus... He simply couldn't even allow himself to think it.

\---

Shaking, he leaned his hands against the window ledge, his forehead pressed against the cool glass. The man sitting at the small table in the interrogation room couldn't see him through the one-way mirror, a small mercy at least. But even with his eyes cast down, studying the hands lying flat on the table top, there wasn't a doubt in Alec's mind.

He suddenly found he couldn't breathe. He had to consciously think about every breath he was taking. As impossible as it seemed, it was really true. Sitting at a table in a NYPD interrogation room, staring at his unpainted fingernails, was the man Alec thought he'd lost forever.

He looked so... What was the word? Normal didn't apply. No matter the circumstances, Magnus' personality was always too big to be considered normal. But he was wearing jeans. Normal everyday jeans. A plain light green T-shirt and a normal tan jacket. His hair was flat. He wasn't wearing make-up.

"He doesn't know who he is?" he asked in a shaking voice. It would explain the lack of... well, style.

Luke had brought him up to speed on their way over. How shocked he'd been when he walked into the interview room with a suspect to find Magnus Bane, or at least someone looking exactly like him, staring back at him without a hint of recognition.

"I know Magnus can be a stubborn son of a bitch when he wants to be, but what would he gain from pretending to be someone else? If he'd recognised me, he'd know damn well I knew he was lying."

His forehead still leaning against the glass - he liked the way the coolness of the glass was something to focus on other than the turmoil in his head - Alec nodded. He'd sooner believe Magnus had lost his memory than accept that he'd been out there all along and not gotten in touch with them, let them know he was fine, at least. Just leave them in the dark like that? Magnus was just not that cruel.

"Where has he been all these weeks? Did he say?"

"We haven't really gotten much out of him, but apparently he's been living with a couple who takes in homeless kids."

Alec closed his eyes briefly. Of course he was. Even living life as a mundane, Magnus' heart called out to lost children.

"And to be honest, Alec," Luke continued, "my brain wasn't really working on all cylinders when sitting across from him at that table."

Alec could just imagine. Even standing here, with a one-way mirror between them, was robbing him of his ability to think clearly. He couldn't even imagine how he'd feel if he'd have to look into Magnus' eyes...

His breath came to a sudden halt. Almost as if he'd read Alec's mind, the man sitting at the table lifted his head, his eyes finding Alec's unerringly. A sob torn from him, Alec staggered back, straight into Luke.

It was a coincidence. It had to be. There was no way he could see Alec on the other side of the mirror.

Or could he? He was a warlock. Nothing was beyond his power. Did he even know he had powers?

Those eyes still held his; Alec couldn't turn away if he'd wanted to. He felt a strong hand on his shoulder, offering support, but his gaze was held captive. Any doubt he might still have held, vanished at the look in those dark eyes. Those eyes. He'd never be able to forget them.

And just like that, the moment was gone. Magnus... Tony... Whatever he called himself shook his head, smiled that tiny soft smile that always ripped right through Alec and turned his eyes away. As soon as he did, it felt like Alec could breathe again. He sucked in a deep lungful, feeling almost dizzy with the oxygen flooding his system.

"I need to talk to him."

The hand that had been rubbing his shoulder fell away as Alec turned around. The grimace on Luke's face made no secret of how bad a plan he thought that was. He was probably right. And yet, Alec couldn't bring himself to back down. He held Luke's gaze with unflinching determination.

After a moment, Luke sighed. He closed his eyes for a second before he relented. "I'll see what I can do."

As soon as Luke had walked out of the room, Alec turned back to the window. Magnus... Tony - he would have to start getting used to calling him Tony if he wanted to get out of this in one piece - was sitting straight, his eyes alert and his expression one of concentrated stillness. There was something so familiar about the way he held himself, Alec found his hand reaching out almost of its own accord. It landed against the glass, a cold reminder of the barrier that stood between them.

\---

As determined as he'd been, he found his hand hesitated on the doorknob leading into the interview room. Could he do this? Could he walk into that room, sit across that man, whether he was Magnus or not, without breaking down into a thousand pieces?

Guess they were about to find out. Straightening his back, he wiped his clammy hand on his pants and took a deep breath. The click of the door opening made Mag... Tony look up towards him.

If he'd thought it was bad looking into those eyes with glass between them, it was nothing compared to the full impact of all that intensity directed at him. Holding his breath, he stood in the doorway, transfixed, desperately looking for any sign in Tony's eyes that spoke of recognition. There was definitely interest there, but it was the kind he remembered seeing when he'd first met Magnus. Attraction, maybe?

Yes, that smile he remembered. It was the one that came with the shameless flirting. Though there was something a little harder in his expression this time. No doubt the circumstances of their meeting had something to do with that.

"And you are?" Tony asked.

Oh, by the Angel, this had been a mistake. The fingers still curled around the doorknob tightened until it was almost painful. His voice. Sweet angel above, it was Magnus' voice. And it ripped clean through Alec's heart.

But even that wasn't as painful as the complete lack of recognition. What had he expected? He hadn't recognised Luke. Did Alec think he'd recognise him on sight and fall into his arms and all would be perfect? Well, maybe not, but there had been the tiniest hope of at least seeing him affected by Alec's presence. Maybe attraction was the best he could hope for.

There was no going back now. Pulling himself together, he let go of the doorknob and closed the door behind him. "Alec Lightwood." His voice shook just a little; hopefully Tony would attribute that to nerves. Not that it was that far from the truth.

Tony nodded in reply; Alec squelched down another wave of disappointment when that was his only reaction to his name.

"How many cops are they going to throw at me? I already told the other one I didn't do it."

There was a fake flippancy to his tone that Alec recognised all too well. Feigning detachment when he cared way more than he would ever let on; it was a classic Magnus maneuver.

No, he couldn't let everything Tony said and did compare to Magnus. He'd lose his mind if he did.

Pulling his shoulders back, he took the necessary steps towards the table and sat down opposite the other man, all too aware of Tony watching him with interest.

"I'm not a cop." His voice shook just a little less than it had done moments ago. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad...

All thoughts flew from his head when he made the mistake of looking up, straight into Magnu... damn it... Tony's eyes. He had to make a conscious effort to take a breath. He couldn't do this. He had to get out of this room right now...

Brown eyes twinkling, Tony smiled. "First day on the job?"

The amusement, and yes, the flirting, in Tony's voice made Alec smile back, despite the turmoil inside his head. "Does it show?" he asked, deciding to play along.

Tony tilted his head playfully, his lips twisted in consideration. "Just a little." His eyes drifted lower in a way that made Alec swallow hard. "Cool tattoo."

Damn, he'd forgotten to glamour his runes. Which brought something else to Alec's attention. Magnus' eyes were glamoured. If he didn't know who he was, how did he know how to glamour his eyes? Was he just so used to hiding his real eyes it had become second nature? Even when he didn't know he was doing it?

"Thanks," he managed to stammer.

"What does it mean?"

He gave a half-hearted shrug. "Nothing really. Just something cool I saw in the tattoo parlour catalogue."

It was clear from the twist of Tony's lips he didn't believe him. Fortunately, he decided not to pursue it. "So if you're not a cop... Let me guess. Social worker?"

Why not? If that was what Tony needed to believe to get him talking. Thinking on his feet and careful not to look too surprised, Alec nodded. "You didn't wanna give us an address. We thought it might be because you don't have one."

Tony tilted his chin up with a defiance that looked too familiar. Damn it, he was doing it again. "So what if I don't. It's not a crime to be homeless."

"No, it isn't," Alec agreed, ignoring the pain stabbing at his heart. _You have a home_ , he wanted to yell. _You have a home with me._ "But it is to rob a store."

A fierce fire shot from those eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you," he grit out between clenched teeth, "I didn't do it."

Alec had to turn his gaze away from the distressed look in Tony's eyes, but in doing so it fell on something even more distressing, something that broke his heart all over again.

Tony's right hand was lying on the table top, and oh dear Angel above, he was rubbing his thumb and index finger together. Most troubling of all, sparks of magic leaped off his fingertips without Tony even noticing. Watching something so quintessentially Magnus was unbearable; the bile rose up the back of Alec's throat and no amount of swallowing would push it back down.

He wasn't even sure how he got out of that room. He must have staggered to his feet and down the hallway. All he knew was that he was now in an uncomfortable plastic chair, his head in his hands and Luke's comforting hand heavy on his back, while he tried to breathe, every breath a painful effort.

"It's him," he finally panted, "by the Angel, Luke, it's him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next update might be a little late. I want to post chapters 3 and 4 together, and 4 is the one that still needs the most work.


	3. My Heart in the Palm of Your Hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slight delay in update, but you're getting two chapters for the price of one. I'm putting them up together because I anticipate some confusion if I don't. It should all make sense in the end.

_Day 2_  
The best part of the day was when all the screaming and yelling had stopped, and the kids were finally tucked up in bed. The calm descending on the house as soon as they were asleep was life-affirming. Add the soft patter of rain on the rooftop and it was the most perfectly quiet evening anyone could hope for.

Blowing out a sigh of relief, Sophie fell onto the couch and lifted her feet onto the coffee table. The only thing she needed now to make the setting even more perfect was a cup of hot chocolate and her even hotter wife.

Both were provided when Suzanne joined her a few minutes later, a cup in each hand. "I swear to god," she said, as she handed Sophie her cup and cuddled up next to her. "One of these days I'm gonna strangle Shane."

Sophie laughed, tried to take a sip from her chocolate, but decided it was still too hot. "You say that every time."

"Yeah, this time I mean it." Suzanne blew on her hot chocolate and sighed.

"What did he do now?"

"Told me I lose lesbian points for my haircut."

Sophie couldn't help herself; she burst out laughing.

"I knew it," Suzanne groused, "I knew you'd find it funny."

Still grinning, Sophie put down her cup on the coffee table. The grin slowly morphed into something more intimate as she slid her fingers through her wife's long black hair, until her hand was cupping the back of her head. Suzanne's expression softened too, reading Sophie's intention as she was pulled closer.

"Your hair is perfect," she whispered against Suzanne's lips.

The kiss that followed started soft and tender, and was just about to deepen into something more when they sprang apart, violently startled out of any thoughts of intimacy by loud, insistent banging on the front door. It was such a harsh intrusion on their quiet little moment, Suzanne spilled her chocolate on her pants from jumping off the couch too fast.

"What the hell?" Sophie muttered. Her heart was beating out of her chest from the shock. "Babe, are you okay?"

Suzanne was busy brushing off her pants. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, it's not that hot anymore. What was...?"

Her words were interrupted by more loud banging. Whoever was at their front door was desperate to get in, an impression that was confirmed mere moments later when a voice yelled from outside, "Somebody! Please, help us!"

They didn't need more incentive. Sophie ran to the front door, Suzanne close behind her. They'd seen a lot in their years taking in homeless kids, but nothing could have prepared them for the scene that greeted them when they opened the door.

There was a tall young man on their doorstep, soaked to the skin by the rain. If the desperate expression on his face wasn't enough to warn them of his predicament, the man hanging limp at his side, held up only by the strength of the young man's arm around him, definitely would. The other man's head was slumped forward, his face hidden from their view. Was he even conscious?

"Please..." The young man's voice trembled. "Please, he needs help."

They had a house full of kids. Every instinct inside Sophie screamed it was a bad idea to let two soaked strangers into her house at this late hour of the day. But there was a voice even louder than her instinct, her compassion for people in need.

"Oh, my god," she breathed, swinging the door wide open. "Get in here." She wasn't surprised to find Suzanne already on the other side of the young man's charge, helping him carry the weight as they brought him inside. "What happened?"

If she hadn't been so distressed by the events, she might have noticed how the young man never answered her question. She didn't, too busy rushing into the living room ahead of the two of them supporting the unconscious man, and spreading a blanket out on the couch.

As soon as they deposited their burden on the couch, Suzanne knelt beside him, checking his vital signs.

"She's a doctor," Sophie told the young man. She tilted her head in wonder when he barely showed surprise, as if he already knew.

She shook it off. He was probably too worried about his companion to register much else. All his attention was focused on one thing, the unconscious man on the couch. Knelt too, but at the other man's head, he was tenderly brushing his hair from his brow, the tips of his fingers lingering with such gentle care it left no doubt about their relationship.

"How long has he been unconscious?" Suzanne said, gazing up at the young man briefly, before she reached a blind hand towards Sophie. She knew she'd have her doctor's case ready for her. Sophie pushed it into her waiting hand.

"Two... three hours?" the young man stammered, his gaze never leaving the face of the closed-eyed man. "He's gonna be fine. I know he is. It's just..."

Sophie wasn't sure who he was trying to convince, them or himself. As Suzanne rummaged through her case, Sophie was hardly surprised to look up and find there was an audience watching them from the doorway. There was no way the kids were going to have slept through that much commotion.

"Shane," she addressed the oldest in a loud whisper. "Get the kids back to bed. There's nothing going on here."

"You could have fooled me," he shot back, but to his credit, he ushered the younger kids out of the doorway. "Come on, we'll let the adults pretend there's nothing weird about two drenched strangers in the living room."

Sometimes she really could hug the stuffing out of him. It would have to wait for later. As she turned back she saw Suzanne had finished her examination, her face grim as she threw her stethoscope back into her case.

"He needs a hospital," she proclaimed.

The young man's reaction was immediate and so startling they both gasped in surprise. His large hand shot out and closed around Suzanne's wrist in a tight grip.

"No hospital," he hissed, his round hazel eyes blazing with determination. "No authorities. Promise or I'm taking him with me right now."

"But...," Suzanne stammered, but Sophie glared the kid down.

"No authorities," she promised, ignoring the questioning look Suzanne threw at her. Whatever trouble these two were in, she wasn't going to send them back out there in the rain. That didn't mean they could just come into her house and threaten them. "Let go of my wife," she ordered in sharp, clipped tones, her hand closing around his own wrist to pull him off.

The young man startled, looked at his hand curled around Suzanne's wrist and seemed to register what he'd done. With a gasp he let go of her wrist as if burnt. His attention turned back to the unconscious man on the couch.

His fingers resuming their caress of the other man's face, tears welled up in his eyes as he choked out, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Was he apologising to them or to the other man for whatever had happened to him?

Suzanne looked up at her, multiple questions in her eyes. Sophie shrugged back at her. She'd had a feeling when she let them in that they wouldn't hurt them or the kids. In her line of work she'd come to rely on her ability to read people. Other than that, she was at a loss.

"Can you...?" When he turned his face to look at Suzanne, he almost looked shy. "Can you help him? Without alerting the authorities?"

Sophie could see the precise moment Suzanne crumbled, just as she knew she would. "I'll see what I can do," she said on a sigh, turning back to her doctor's case.

If either of them thought that would be the most surprising turn of events, they were proven wrong when the young man bent down and pressed a heartfelt kiss on the unconscious man's forehead.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered again. "I love you."

Those words went straight through Sophie. Being in a same sex relationship was challenging enough under any circumstance. An interracial, same sex relationship brought its own set of challenges, Sophie reflected, her gaze drifting to her wife as she tended to her patient. It was quite a coincidence that both their partners were Asian.

The words he spoke next chilled her to the bone with foreboding. "And I'll be back for you," he said, with an eerie kind of determination.

Back for him? Did he mean...?

They never got a chance to ask. The man was already on his feet and without a backwards glance, walked to the door.

"Wait, you can't just leave him here," Sophie protested, hurrying after him. "We don't even know his name."

He'd already reached the front door when her words made him spin around towards her, the movement stopping Sophie in her tracks. She gasped at the look she saw in his hazel eyes. Such beautiful eyes, and yet they held so much grief and pain.

The smile that slowly formed across his lips could not be called pleasant. There was something almost sinister about it. "Tony," he said, his voice a croak, as if it pained him to speak the name. "His name is Tony."

He swung the door open, the rain still pelting down outside. He couldn't mean it, could he? He wasn't just going to leave the man he loved behind? She had to do something, say something to make him change his mind.

Words froze on her lips, a frown forming on her brow when he reached behind him and pulled something that looked like a pen from his back pocket. As Sophie stared on in wonder, he pulled back the collar of his shirt with one hand and ran the pen's glowing tip across his right shoulder with the other.

What happened next defied all belief. He vanished. That was the only word for it. Sophie's mouth fell open as she stared wide-eyed into an empty doorway, the rain falling the only sound in the dark night.

She blinked. Unable to believe her eyes, she stood transfixed. Had that actually happened? People didn't just drop an unconscious man into the lives of total strangers and then vanish into thin air. He must have disappeared around the corner.

Sticking her head out of the door only resulted in wet hair. There was no sight of him anywhere, on either side of the street. As hard as it was to believe, he'd literally vanished.

Still in a daze, she closed the front door and walked back into the living room. Suzanne glanced up from her patient as she walked in, her expression turning even more troubled when she noticed the state Sophie was in.

"Soph?" she asked quietly. "What's going on? Where's Tall and Handsome?"

Sophie shook her head, still unable to take in what had just happened. "He's..." She blew out a snort of derision at what she was about to say. "He's vanished."

"Vanished?" Suzanne frowned up at her. "You mean, he ran off and left him here?" she asked, her voice rising with incredulity.

Sophie came to a decision. Her wife had enough on her hands with an unconscious patient. Maybe the exact hows and whys were better left for a later time.

"Yeah," she said, "sure, that's what I mean."

"Typical." With a disgusted grunt Suzanne turned back to her patient. "Men are all the same." After a moment she sighed and, getting to her feet, crossed her arms in what Sophie knew was her _I won't hear no for an answer_ pose. "We have to get him to a hospital, Soph. Now more than ever."

It was the wisest thing to do, Sophie knew that. It was the only thing they could do, actually. And yet...

"I made a promise." And she'd made it a policy never to go back on a promise. It was why the kids in her care opened up to her. They knew she would never betray their trust.

As expected, Suzanne looked less than impressed. "This guy could get us in serious trouble," she insisted. "We could lose Rainbow. We could lose the kids."

No, no... Sophie shook her head in denial. She couldn't even contemplate that possibility. Her mind working like crazy, she turned to look at the man still lying unconscious on her couch. He looked so peaceful. And so handsome. For a guy, that was.

"How is he doing?"

Suzanne blew out an exasperated breath. "I'd tell you if I knew. I can't tell what's wrong with him. All his vital signs check out." Reaching out, she stroked a hand along Sophie's arm. "That's why he needs a hospital, babe."

"But his vital signs are okay?" she countered. "He's not in any danger of dying on us?"

Suzanne rolled her eyes. "Not the point." Her expression softening, she trailed her caress up until her hand was cupping Sophie's cheek. "What if he wakes up and it turns out Tall and Hot kidnapped him or something? We'd be aiding and abetting him. You think anyone's gonna entrust runaway kids to us after that?"

Yeah, yeah, Suzanne was right, of course. She always was. Just one of the many reasons Sophie had fallen in love with her.

Nodding her assent, Sophie dug her phone out of her pocket. "I'm calling them right now."

As if on cue, a cough sputtered out of the unconscious man on their couch. Tony? Was that his name? From her experience with troubled youths, she recognised the signs of being given a false name. And Tall and Handsome had practically radiated all of them when he gave her his companion's.

Startled, they both turned to stare at him. Sophie's phone lay forgotten in her hand as she watched Suzanne immediately slip back into her doctor's role, falling down onto her knees beside her patient.

"Hey," she said, her voice soothingly calm, "try not to force it. Breathe. In and out. In and out."

The man... She was going to refer to him as Tony until she was informed otherwise. Tony did as instructed and took a few deep breaths before even opening his eyes.

"That's right," Suzanne encouraged, once again reinforcing all the reasons Sophie was in awe of her. "You're doing great."

Eyelids fluttered. Slowly, Tony's eyes opened.

Sophie gasped. For just a second she thought she saw a flash of yellow in his eyes. Just a second and it was gone, his eyes deep warm brown looking up at them both with confusion.

It must have been a trick of the light, she decided with a shake of her head. Her imagination was running away with her after all the craziness of the night.

"Hey," Suzanne said, as Tony's eyes found hers, a frown of confusion forming between them. "My name's Suzanne. The tall woman standing there like a gaping fish is my wife, Sophie."

Tony's gaze moved to Sophie. As their eyes met, a shiver ran down the length of her spine, not for the first time that evening.

"Hello?" he said. Despite the hesitancy in his voice, it was a pleasant voice. Soft and melodious. "Who are you?"

Sophie pulled out her best smile as she knelt down beside her wife. "It's a long story, Tony."

Suzanne's head swiveled towards her, her eyes wide with bemused surprise. Oh, right, she didn't know Tall and Handsome had told Sophie his name.

Suzanne's reaction might have been predictable, but Tony's certainly wasn't. His agitation deepening, he struggled to sit up, Suzanne telling him the whole time he shouldn't try, and stared from Sophie to Suzanne and back again. The words that came out of his mouth a moment later chilled Sophie to the bone.

"Who the hell is Tony?"


	4. For a Second I Lost Myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the reason the update's a little late. It kicked my butt. Nothing but love and thanks to my awesome beta Keiko Kirin who went above and beyond with this chapter, and made it so much better. <3
> 
> Last three chapters should be coming quicker as they're pretty much ready to go. And I'm determined to finish it before 20 March, for the obvious reasons. :D

_Tony's Story_

 

 _Day 2_  
So. The situation assessment was as followed. He was sitting on a couch, wet for some reason, in a room he'd never seen before, being stared at by a tall woman and her slightly shorter wife.

As if that wasn't bad enough, he had no memories of how he'd gotten there or why they were calling him Tony. That was not his name. His name was...

His thoughts ground to a halt. Damn. What the hell? Why couldn't he remember his name?

He swung his feet to the floor, again under protest by the Asian lady - What did she say her name was? Suzanne? - and found that he wasn't feeling nearly as bad as he'd expected. "How did I get here?" he asked, hoping to buy some time from asking the more pressing question, why he couldn't remember anything.

Suzanne exchanged worried glances with her wife - Sophie, if he remembered correctly - and said, "Your companion dropped you off." Her tone was hesitant, as if she was afraid of his reaction.

His only reaction was more confusion. "My companion?" The looks they were exchanging again were very telling, and were starting to get on his nerves.

"Yes," Sophie said. "Very tall? Huge hazel eyes? Hot, if you're into that kinda thing?"

He frowned. "What kind of thing?"

Suzanne smirked. "Men."

Ah. If memory served him correctly, and it absolutely wasn't right now, he was indeed _into_ that kind of thing. He tried to think if he knew anyone who fit that description. A face swam before his eyes but just out of reach for him to grab onto it.

The two ladies were still giving him that cautious look. Apparently that information was supposed to have devastated him. Was it the being dropped part they were worried about? As in abandoned?

The thought still echoing through his head, he rose to his feet. As expected, Suzanne was immediately at his side, urging him to sit back down again.

"I'm fine," he insisted, a surge of irritation sweeping through him.

"Five minutes ago you were unconscious," she shot back, her tone equally exasperated. "Let me at least check you over first." At the frown he gave her, she sighed. "I'm a doctor."

A doctor? Why did he need a doctor? He'd never needed one in his life.

Why would he think that? Everyone needed a doctor at some point in their lives. It was, in fact, such a baffling concept he barely objected when Suzanne pushed him gently back down on the couch, and crouching down, started poking and prodding him with her instruments.

He took the time to evaluate some other aspects of this strange situation. His clothes, for one thing, were mostly unexceptional. Dark pants and a deep purple shirt. The only item that seemed odd was the black velvet jacket he was wearing. Was he likely to be the velvet jacket wearing type?

As the lovely doctor continued her examination, he let his gaze wander around the room. It felt cozy and warm, like a real home. Two couches, toys scattered in a corner. Clearly there were kids in the house.

Where was his home? Why didn't he remember? What had happened to him that he couldn't remember?

His gaze met Sophie's; she smiled encouragingly at him when it did. There was still a hint of hesitation and wariness in her smile, but under the circumstances, he could hardly blame her. As his gaze traveled on he saw a little girl peeking around the door frame.

Something sharp pierced his chest at the sight of her cheeky grin and her little pigtails. Was it a memory? Was there a little girl in his life he'd forgotten? When he winked at her, she giggled in delight.

The noise alerted the ladies to her presence. Sophie turned to the door with a gentle but stern, "Maddie, get up to bed. Now."

Maddie. He turned the name over and over in his head. Maddie. A little girl with pigtails. A very powerful little...

"I can't believe this."

Suzanne's statement burst through his concentration, shattering the memory almost within reach. He shook himself out of the memory to find the good doctor on her feet and staring down at him in wondrous confusion.

"How is this possible?" she asked, as if he could somehow provide her with that information. "Your vital signs are all normal. I'd have to do more tests on you, tests I can only perform in a hospital, but I'd swear you'd never..."

He didn't let her finish. Assuming it was safe to get up from the couch now, he rose and wagged two upturned fingers at her. "No hospital."

As soon as the words had left his mouth, he frowned. Why had he insisted on that? Why was it so important he stay out of hospital?

Suzanne rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that's what your companion told us."

Ah, yes, the hot guy with the hazel eyes. Why couldn't he remember?

An unsettling feeling suddenly took hold of him and urged him to get out of there as fast as possible. "Well, it's certainly been interesting, ladies." Patting down every pocket, in his pants and his fancy velvet jacket, he frowned. No money? Who went around without carrying money? Had the hot guy with the hazel eyes stolen his?

"I'll pay you for your efforts some other time," he assured them. "I'm very grateful for your help, but I'll get out of your hair now."

Anxious to be gone, he was already halfway across the room when Sophie's soft-spoken question made him halt in his tracks.

"Where are you gonna go?"

The words took all the wind out of his sails. She was right. Where could he go? He didn't even know who he was.

He suddenly understood why he was desperate to be gone from this place. The feeling of helplessness creeping up on him felt suffocating. And foreign, like he hadn't felt it in a very long time, a reminder of a dark moment in his life.

Turning around, he found two pairs of dark sympathetic eyes looking back at him and he knew there was only one way he could answer that question.

"I don't know."

\---

_Day 14_

_I've never felt that type of fear ever_  
_I love that face_  
_Magnus! Make him stop!_  
_Until you came along_  
_Look, I don't care_  
_I don't think I can live without you_  
_All I care about is how you feel_  
_Maaagnus!!_

The desperate scream reverberated through his head, slicing through the voices talking simultaneously and waking him up with a start. He lay there, his eyes wide open, gasping for breath as he tried to calm his racing heart.

It wasn't real, it wasn't real. It was just a dream. He had to keep reminding himself.

Nights were always the worst. During the day, he could pretend everything was fine, but at night the monsters came out to play, reminding him things were far from normal.

As his heart rate started to slow and he got his breathing under control, he asked the same questions he did every night. Who were those voices drowning each other out in his dream? Were they memories? Wait, no, they were all the same voice, belonging to the same person. He'd called a name. What was it? Was it his name?

No, no, his name was Tony. He remembered that now, along with a misspent youth. Everything else was a blur.

His phone, a gift from Suzanne and Sophie until he could afford his own, told him it was six a.m. A good hour to get up. It wasn't as if he was likely to fall asleep again.

Getting his bearings, he sat for a moment on the edge of his bed, stroking a hand along his chin, his fingers scraping across the stubble that was starting to form. He hadn't shaved in a few days. He'd arrived in this house with a goatee, but he didn't really think it was for him. The same with the eyeliner and makeup that he was wearing when he was brought here.

He put on his robe, this one a hand-me-down from Sophie's late father, and made his way downstairs, unsurprised to find Sophie already up and about in the spacious kitchen.

"Hey," she said when he walked in, looking up from her breakfast preparations with a sunny smile. "Good morning. Sleep any better?"

He snorted. "Not really."

Her smile faded a little. "I'm sorry to hear that. There's coffee if that'll help."

It would. Thirty seconds later, he felt halfway human again, sipping from a big mug of coffee. He set the mug down on the counter in order to help Sophie whip up breakfast for the giant household, despite her insistence she was fine.

"I really can't thank you and Suzanne enough," he told her, cracking eggs into the milk for the pancake batter, while she diced fruit. "I don't know where I would have gone if you hadn't let me stay."

Sophie smiled. "It's what we do, Tony. We pick up strays."

A cold shiver suddenly ran down the length of his spine. He was still getting used to that name.

And yet, he knew it to be his name. Tony Barnes. He remembered that now, along with a patchwork of memories he was trying but had not yet succeeded in putting together into a recognisable picture.

"Still," he insisted, "you don't know me from Adam."

"Well, Adam we wouldn't take in. He's a jerk." She laughed when he quirked a disapproving eyebrow at her. "Seriously, though." Her expression sobering, she sighed, wiped her hands on a towel and turned to face him. "This program takes in kids who have nowhere else to go. We might be a few decades too late for you, but from the sound of it, you could have used us when you were a kid."

Ah, yes, those memories that were starting to resurface... He still wasn't sure how much he could trust them. They felt... Off was the only word that came to mind.

He didn't get a chance to reflect on it too much as one by one the kids started filtering in. The kitchen quickly turned into a rambunctious cacophony of laughter and yelling as they all found their seats at the large table.

He couldn't deny it; he loved it, loved all the noise and commotion. Not in the least because taking care of the kids afforded him a respite from his own problems. And to his surprise, he was good at it.

As he helped Maddie clamber onto her chair he wondered again about the little girl in pigtails whose image he couldn't seem to let go of. Did he have children of his own? Sophie had done her research once he'd remembered his full name but she'd found nothing on him. No family, no one who was looking for him. Not even the hot guy with the hazel eyes.

No, best not to dwell on that.

"Sometimes that's how it goes," Sophie had said when she couldn't find anything on his past. "Records get lost, reshuffled. It's a mess."

He'd have to learn to live with the holes in his memory.

Suzanne came in last, already dressed and ready for the day as she ushered the stragglers into the kitchen. "It's always the same ones I have to drag out of bed," she grumbled good-naturedly.

The oldest boy at seventeen, Shane made a dismissive noise. Still in PJs, it was obvious he wasn't fully awake yet or he would definitely have followed it up with a wise-ass comment.

"Good morning, Tony," Suzanne greeted him, after she'd pressed a lingering kiss on her wife's cheek. "Did Sophie tell you the good news yet?"

Not sure what she was talking about, he threw Sophie a questioning look. "I was waiting for you," she told Suzanne, before she immediately turned back to the pancakes bubbling away on the stove.

They both looked too pleased with themselves, he noticed with a growing sense of distrust. At least that meant it couldn't be bad news.

"What news?" he asked, eyeing them both suspiciously. While they waited for their breakfast, the kids were following the conversation with rapt attention.

Sophie turned to give them both a bright smile before she focused on her pancakes again. "You do the honours, babe."

"Tony." It was a good thing Suzanne was smiling from ear to ear, because the solemn tone in her voice was striking fear into his heart. "How would you like to be the official newest staff member of Rainbow House?"

For a moment he couldn't believe what she was saying. He stood there gaping, as the kids all started cheering. What? How? When had they decided...?

Smiles slowly started to fade from both the women's faces the longer his silence lasted. "That is, if you want to," Sophie said, handing her spatula over to Shane who'd appeared beside her to take over the pancake making. "Suzanne and I have been talking about hiring someone for months. We can handle everything with the kids here, but there are new programs we want to introduce, broaden the field we work in. And you seemed like the perfect candidate for the job."

"You've been such a big help here with the kids," Suzanne added, "and they adore you."

Those words were heralded by more whoops and cheers from around the table, evidence that she wasn't just offering empty praise.

"I...," he started, but he had to cut himself off, surprised by how choked up he was getting. "I'm at a loss for words."

"That's a first," Shane piped up while elegantly flipping a pancake.

"Look who's talking," Tony shot right back. Turning serious again, he took Suzanne's hand in one of his own, Sophie's in the other. "It's so amazing what you're doing for these kids. I'd love to be a part of it."

"Great," Shane cried out over the tumult that broke out in the kitchen. "Can we eat now? I'm starving!"

\---

 _Day 16_  
The first time it happened he was leaving a shop on 14th Street. Too intent on the stuff he was putting in his messenger bag on his way out of the shop, he wasn't paying enough attention to where he was going and bumped into someone on his way in.

Before he could even offer an apology, the burly man yelled at him, "Open your eyes all the way!" The outburst was followed by a racial slur, as the man shoved past Tony into the shop.

He stood there for a long time on the pavement, too stunned to even move. He must have been called worse; he was sure he remembered way more inventive slurs that he brushed off as the ravings of ignorance and stupidity. But as people hurried past him that morning, he couldn't remember it ever getting to him that badly.

The hurt, and how small it made him feel, wasn't even the most surprising thing about the situation. It wasn't even the rage building up inside at the sound of that hateful word. No, what shook him the most was the crackling energy that followed in the anger's wake, coursing through Tony like a living thing.

That was the startling part, the one that made him freeze right there on the pavement, as more people yelled at him to get out of their way. If he had to compare it to anything, it felt like electricity running through his veins, lightning bursting out of his skin.

Time seemed to be passing in slow motion, as he slowly lifted his right hand and stared at the red tendrils of sputtering energy curling around his fingers.

What the fuck was happening?

Rooted to his spot in horror, he stared at the red flames licking at his fingers. Fuck, what the hell was this?

Okay, fine, he was losing his mind. That much was obvious. That was why nobody was paying any attention to him. Nobody but him was seeing this. As if it wasn't bad enough his memory was shot to hell. Did he really need to start having hallucinations as well?

It couldn't be real, could it? If it were, people wouldn't be rushing past him; they'd stop and stare at the freak with his hands encased in red fire. He supposed that was one of the most positive things about New Yorkers: their lack of interest in others as they rushed from one place to the next.

For something that was a hallucination, it certainly felt real. Rubbing his index finger and thumb together, the air crackled around them, sparks exploding from his fingertips. It didn't hurt. Aside from the tingling sensation along his skin, it only _looked_ like he was being set on fire from the inside.

At least that was one thing. But even if it didn't seem to be causing him any harm, that didn't mean there was no danger for the people around him. Not in the least if this thing kept building up, the way it appeared to be.

Right, that meant he had to get off this busy street as soon as possible. He still wasn't sure how he hadn't attracted any attention yet, but he wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Coming to a decision, he took a few deep breaths, and started walking.

Good, that was it. Breathe in and out. Make it to a safe, isolated spot, far away from curious eyes. Then, and only then, he could stop and investigate this fucked up thing.

His mind centred on that thought, on the sole purpose of removing himself from this high concentration of people, he started to regain a sense of balance. Perhaps it was this, having something to focus on beside his rage, that calmed him down. Being in motion was probably helping too.

After a while he began to notice his skin wasn't prickling the way it had before. Cautiously, he lifted his hand. The sparkling energy around his fingers was slowly starting to ebb away. By the time he'd turned the corner it had dissipated completely.

This time it was relief that made Tony halt in his tracks and stare at his fingers. It was gone. Thank god it was gone.

And yet, along with the relief at not having hurt anyone, came a sense of crushing loss he had no way of explaining.

\---

 _Day 26_  
"Oh, that looks amazing," Sophie said from where she was standing behind him, looking at Tony's laptop screen over his shoulder.

"Rent isn't free," he pointed out, "but once the owner heard it was for a good cause I finagled a deal that's so close to free it might as well be."

Sophie chuckled as she pulled a chair closer and sat down beside him. "I think you might have been a lawyer in a previous life."

He had to turn his face away at the reminder of his life before he woke up at Rainbow House. He might have well been a lawyer. His memory was still so patchy he couldn't tell with certainty.

When he turned back he found Sophie watching him with a sad fondness in her eyes. "Or a used car salesman," she added with a twitch in her smile.

Grateful for her attempt at lightening the mood, he flicked his index finger towards the photo of the dance studio he'd found. "I've sent word to all the shelters in the neighbourhood. The more kids show up, the less of them will be roaming the streets."

"I love it," Sophie said, her enthusiasm for the project evident in her voice. "It's such a great idea, Tony. What made you think of it?"

He smiled self-consciously. "Dance movie I saw on TV."

On a night when he'd woken up bathed in sweat - again - and frivolous entertainment was the only thing that could settle down his racing mind. It wasn't just the voices anymore. A new fear had joined his nightmares. These days his dreams were just as likely to be terrorised by red bursts of fire and lightning bursting from his fingertips, destroying everything in their path.

He hadn't told anyone what had happened on 14th Street, not even Sophie or Suzanne. The more he thought back on it, the less certain he was it had really happened. Red sparks shooting from his fingers? What was he? Gandalf? He was way too young to pull off all that grey. He couldn't even grow a decent beard.

"I didn't know you liked dancing," Sophie said, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Neither had Tony, as a matter of fact. But it had looked so much fun on TV. And if there was one thing those kids on the street didn't get enough of, it was fun.

"Don't expect any Baryshnikov twirls," he warned, holding up two fingers.

The sparkle appearing in Sophie's eyes hinted at the playful mood she was in. Tony wasn't in the least surprised when she jumped off her chair, grabbed his hand and pulled him off his.

When Suzanne walked into the study some ten minutes later, she found them laughing and giggling while spinning around the room. They were so wrapped up in their own merriment, they didn't immediately notice her own spirits were far less cheery.

"Hey, Fred and Ginger," she finally called them to order, "I've got something to tell you."

Still giggly and out of breath, they turned to her. As soon as Tony saw the expression on Suzanne's face, he sobered. Whatever she had to tell them, it wasn't good news.

"What is it, babe?" Sophie asked, moving towards her.

Suzanne sighed as she looked at Tony. "I just got a call from the housing project."

And that answered that question. With Suzanne's gloomy tone, there was no way their answer could be positive. She was not the type to play with people's emotions like that, certainly not about something this important.

"Oh," Tony said, his smile fading.

"I'm sorry, Tony," Suzanne confirmed his suspicions. "They don't have a place for you right now."

"You know you can stay here as long as you want, right?" Sophie immediately assured him, her hand on Suzanne's arm.

He sighed. "Yes."

He couldn't stay forever, though. It wasn't fair to Sophie and Suzanne or the kids. Shane had been fantastic about moving into his brother's room, after some token protest, but he'd need his own room back sooner or later. Not only that, Tony had his own needs. His own space was just one of them.

Sophie and Suzanne's arms around him were comforting, at least.

\---

 _Day 34_  
The second time it happened freaked him out a little less, but maybe that could be attributed to the fact that he'd had just enough alcohol to feel a pleasant buzz.

There were times when a man needed the company of someone significantly older than a teenager and if at all possible into penis. As neither of these were things he could find at Rainbow House, the loneliness and yearning for connection that night found him slumped back on a leather seat in a dark corner of a crowded, loud nightclub.

The thump thump of the music was vibrating through his veins, while the alcohol created a lovely high of comfort in his brain. There was something right about the place, something familiar.

As for the gorgeous creature between his thighs...

His head tilted back against the wall, Tony let out an appreciative moan for the talented mouth working his cock. Tall, with shoulder-length brown hair and a pouty mouth, she'd been touchy-feely and flirty with him all evening. When she spread his legs and sank between them... Well, who was he to object?

Oh, it felt so good to give himself up completely to pleasure, to forget all about his life in tatters, his half-remembered past and just _feel_. He buried his fingers in her thick hair, but not to guide her. She was doing just fine on her own. Right there...

Another moan escaped him, as his hips lifted off the seat in pursuit of that delightful mouth. She was taking her time, drawing out his pleasure as much as her own.

With his head tilted back and his eyes closed, a face danced at the edge of Tony's memory, but always just far enough out of reach for him to get a clear picture. Whoever it was, just the thought of their mouth on his cock was making Tony draw in a shuddering breath and arch even more into that eager mouth.

 _Who are you?_ his mind screamed. It felt like they were just outside Tony's memory, banging on it desperately to be allowed in, but Tony couldn't let them. But sweet heaven above, just thinking of them made Tony's skin burn. His mouth wide open, he gasped and moaned. He felt hot, sizzling like a live wire, sheer electricity bouncing off his skin...

Wait, what?

It was that last thought, the memory of energy sparking off his skin that made him snap back to the then and there. Dread suddenly replacing the heat of a moment ago, his eyes shot open. Even though he already knew what he'd find, ice closed around his heart when he looked down.

That same flame was dancing around the fingers tangled in her hair, only this time it wasn't red; it was blue. If it was causing her pain, she wasn't showing it. If anything, the noises she was making around his cock were even happier than before.

Lifting his hands from her hair, he brought them to his face and stared. Oh, god, it really was happening again. Why? Why now?

He tapped her head lightly to get her attention. "Please," he said, his voice breathless, "please, you can stop now."

Her mouth sliding across his cock on her way off it was exquisite pleasure and torture at the same time. Big brown eyes looked up at him as she tilted her head in question. He expected her to ask why, but before she could, her eyes grew wide as they locked with his.

"Your eyes," she gasped. "What are those? Contacts?"

What? He stared back at her in confusion. Why on earth was she talking about his eyes? Couldn't she see the blue glow engulfing his hands?

"They're cool," she decided with a smile. Sitting back on her heels, she added, "You don't want me to...?"

He shook his head before she could finish the sentence. It hadn't seemed to hurt her before, but he couldn't take the risk. She really couldn't see? And what was that about his eyes? It was probably just the reflection of the club's bright lights in his pupils.

"Can I...?" Rising to her feet, she left the rest of the sentence hanging, but the way her mouth hovered inches from his was invitation enough.

Should he? Would it hurt her? He could taste her breath on his lips...

Recklessness made him surge forward and capture her mouth with his, a moan escaping them both at the contact, his arms snaking around her to pull her onto his lap.

She felt tiny in his arms, as if they were used to a larger, more solid frame. Again, that face swam closer, just out of reach. If only he could remember.

His body seemed to, his arousal growing at the sense memory. If that energy was still sparking along the hands sweeping across her back, it didn't seem to harm her; it only seemed to spur her on. Her hands twined in his hair as she went in for a deeper kiss, their tongues sliding together wetly as she ground up against his cock. She tasted of him. It was... So good...

Their lips parted with a loud sound as she pulled back to flash him a smile. She stilled on his lap, her smile fading when her eyes locked with his.

What? What did she see now?

"Your eyes," she proclaimed again, but there was no flirtiness or amusement to her tone this time. She sounded horrified. "Those aren't contacts, are they?"

His mouth opened, but no sound came out. Staring at her, he fumbled for an explanation for an accusation he didn't understand. Any explanation was already too late.

Slithering off his lap, she wiped the back of her hand across her mouth and gave him a disgusted look. "What the hell kind of freak are you?" she demanded. Before he could even recover from the shock, she'd straightened her clothes and marched off in a huff.

His arousal quickly gone, he sat there in the dark, stunned and alone. The music or alcohol in his system were no longer soothing.

She was right. Just what the hell kind of freak was he?

\---

 _Day 35_  
_Not now, not now, he'll think I'm a freak. I can't lose him. I love..._  
_No, no, not now._  
_A hand warm and heavy on his shoulder blade. "Magnus, what's wrong?"_  
_Please don't think I'm an abomination. I couldn't bear it._  
_"Magnus, they're beautiful. You're beautiful."_  
_A touch warm against his cheek. A feeling sweeping through every part of him._  
_I love you._

Gasping for breath, he startled awake. A dream. Another goddamn dream.

He lay there in the dark, shaking with aftereffects. If it was a dream, why could he feel that touch still lingering on his cheek? He wanted to yell, _Who are you?_ If it hadn't been the middle of the night in a house full of children, he might well have.

There wasn't a doubt in his mind what had triggered the dream: that humiliating experience in the club the previous night. All he'd wanted was some intimacy, and all he got was devastation and heartbreak.

Why was the name Camille suddenly floating through his head? Who the hell was Camille?

Swinging his legs out of bed, Tony sat on the edge, trying to catch his breath. That girl last night. She'd said nothing about the blue glow around his hands, but she'd freaked out about his eyes. When he got home he'd spent half an hour staring in the mirror. What had she seen that horrified her so much?

With a sigh, he pushed himself to his feet, went over to his desk and opened his laptop. He might as well get some work done. It wasn't like he was going to get more sleep tonight.

When he went down to breakfast hours later, Sophie and Suzanne must have noticed how uncharacteristically quiet he was being, but they didn't say anything and left him to it. They knew he'd talk when he was ready.

Some days he felt so much older than he was, as if centuries of life were weighing down on him. Today was one of those days. Fortunately, he had a busy schedule ahead, plenty of distraction from the thoughts cluttering up his brain.

The group of kids that joined him in the dance studio in the morning were a riot. There was so much laughter and shouting, most of it at Tony's attempts at dancing, he forgot all about the lousy mood he'd woken up in. By the time he waved goodbye to them, every single one of the kids had already found a place in his heart. He looked forward to their next session.

Lunch he took in a park, watching some ducks fight over the last of his sandwich he tossed at them. His afternoon was taken up with meetings. One where he was trying to convince the housing project he could be trusted with one of their places, then one where he was trying to hustle as much funding as he could for his pet project from a big company.

When he stood on the subway platform at five, he felt mentally exhausted, but with the satisfaction of a good day's work coursing through his system. He couldn't wait to get home and grab a shower.

He wasn't sure when he first started noticing it. There had been a grey blur on the tracks in the corner of his eye for quite some time, but he'd refused to acknowledge it. Too many weird things were happening in his life right now. He couldn't handle much more.

Besides, he appeared to be the only one on the crowded platform who was aware of its presence. Everyone was either staring at their phone or gazing about in boredom as they waited for their train to arrive.

Nobody was shrieking, "What the fuck is that?", sending the rest of the crowd scattering in a panic. And he'd be damned if he'd be the weird one again. If they didn't see it, neither did he.

It got harder to ignore when the grey... _thing_... skittered onto the platform. Resolutely not acknowledging it, Tony kept his head turned forward, but it didn't stop his heart rate speeding up. He tried to keep his breathing under control, but it wasn't easy with the thing hissing as it crawled along on all fours, unseen, it seemed, by the people whose legs it was passing through.

Something twisted in his gut with recognition. It told him this was really happening, not his imagination, or worse, a hallucination. But if the creature was real, what the fuck was it? It wasn't any animal he'd ever seen or heard of. It moved in a bizarre, unnatural way. And it smelled foul.

So intent on the creature, he was only vaguely aware of the heavy footsteps that came thundering down the stairs. The swoosh of an arrow slicing the air was a little harder to ignore, as was the ungodly screech the creature emitted when it was struck by said arrow.

 _Oh, thank god,_ he sighed, when a train pulled up into the station. He didn't even care if it was his train; he was getting on it and as far as possible from this insanity.

He had to stay calm. He was just like everyone else, crowding the train doors to get on. He was definitely not aware of the three shapes he could see from the corner of his eye, or the tall figure with a bow who suddenly swirled towards Tony.

A bow and arrow? In 2017?

 _Come on, come on,_ he urged under his breath for the train to depart. It was with a sigh of relief he heard the doors hiss shut. At least that creature hadn't made it onto the train. Or those four weirdos, for that matter. He was safe.

The hand clutching the straphanger was sparking red again, but he barely paid it any heed. All his focus was centered on ignoring the eyes he could feel bore into him.

Finally... Finally the train set into motion and pulled out of the station. Tony's breathing didn't settle until they'd disappeared into the tunnel and he could leave that wretched platform behind him.

If he thought that was the end of that day's weirdness, sadly he was mistaken. After his refreshing shower, he was finally starting to feel himself again and he was in fact right in the middle of checking his e-mail when he felt a chill run down his spine.

Sitting up straight in his chair, he blew out a shuddering breath, his eyes wide and staring into nothing. What was happening now? What more could this fucked up day throw at him?

There was a ringing in his ears, a queasy feeling in his stomach. A voice whispered in his head... He didn't even listen to what it had to say.

"Go away," he told the whisper in his head, shocked at how desperate his voice sounded. "Please," he practically pleaded, "leave me alone!"

"Okay," a delightfully bright voice said in his head and then...

Tony waited with bated breath. Nothing.

He wanted to sigh with relief. Why couldn't he? The voice had sounded so pleasant with its cheerily compliant yes. He almost felt bad for telling it to go away.

He shook it off. That was ridiculous. It was a good thing it was gone. It was a good thing.

\---

 _Day 93_  
The solution turned out to be simple: keep his head down and take each day as it came. If something was thrown in his path that enraged him, he took a few calming breaths until the red tendrils around his fingers ebbed away. As for the blue ones...

"Hey," he said, as he walked into the corner store. It had become a daily routine now on his way to the dance studio. Most of the times he didn't even need anything and just dropped in for a little chat.

"Hey, Tony." Koen smiled brightly from behind the counter.

So, yes, maybe Koen, with his stunning smile and spark in his dark eyes was the main reason for his daily visits. It was just a little mild flirtation. Tony knew nothing would come of it.

For one thing, the whole episode in the nightclub had put him off exposing himself like that for quite some time. His right hand was doing the trick just fine for the time being. Especially now, after some experimentation, he'd found he could do... uh... _things_ with that blue glow. Very pleasurable things. Maybe it was time to find out just how much...

"How's your day going so far?" Koen asked, shattering the pleasant daydream Tony had found himself slipping into. "Better than mine, I hope."

As there were no customers at the moment, Tony leaned against the counter. "Oh? What happened?"

Koen sighed. "Place two doors down got broken into last night. Old man got shot."

"The Russian guy?" Tony asked, appalled.

Koen nodded. "Yeah."

All thoughts of flirtation fled from his mind thinking of the white-haired man who often waved at Tony as he passed by.

"Is he...?" Dead? He didn't even want to put that out there in the world.

Koen nodded. "Yeah."

"Damn," he swore under his breath.

"The neighbourhood's been crawling with cops all morning," Koen informed him. "They're determined to crack down on whoever did this."

So that's what it was. He'd noticed there were even more cops hanging around than usual. "Well, I hope they do."

Koen let out a growl of agreement. His attention was needed on the customer he was serving, prompting Tony to take his leave with a wave.

Aside from his regret at the old man's violent death, Tony didn't think much about the incident until hours later, when he let out the dance group and found two people waiting for him outside the studio. Plainclothes officers, he found out when the lady flashed her badge.

"Tony Barnes?" she asked.

Instantly suspicious, Tony replied with a cautious, "Yes?"

"Officer Calombaris," she introduced herself. Her next words took him completely by surprise. "If you could accompany us to the station?"

"Why?" he asked, genuinely confused. "Am I in trouble?"

A growing suspicion rose that it had something to with the previous night's burglary, in which case he had nothing to worry about. He didn't know anything about it.

Still, as he kept telling his kids, you could never be too careful when dealing with cops. Be respectful, don't avoid eye contact, but don't smile. They hate it when you smile.

"Just a few routine questions," Officer Calombaris explained amiably. She was actually quite pretty, with straight shoulder-length brown hair and hazel-green eyes.

"You can't do that here?"

"Are you refusing to come with us?" she shot right back.

Alarm bells immediately went off inside Tony's head. This could turn very ugly if he didn't cooperate. And he was in no position to make matters worse for himself. He could already feel the red energy spark inside him; he forced it down with a few calming breaths.

"Guess a few questions won't hurt," he complied with a sigh, throwing his hand out in a _lead the way_ gesture. After all, he had nothing to hide. Well, except for the red sparks shooting from his hands. The only bright side was that they couldn't see them.

\---

He'd been waiting in the interrogation room for quite some time when a man walked in. Tall, broad-shouldered, it was obvious he wasn't to be messed with. And yet, when he sat down opposite Tony at that small table, he could see the man's hands were shaking slightly as he opened the folder in front of him.

"Tony, right?" There was a tremor in his voice as well, though he did an excellent job trying to hide it from Tony. "I'm Detective Garroway."

Something shone in Garroway's attentive eyes, something Tony couldn't quite put his finger on. It wasn't sympathy or pity, but something even deeper, almost akin to recognition. Tony just hoped he wasn't supposed to know Garroway and his lack of recognition had made him look suspicious. There were still so many holes in his memory...

"Yes," was his only reply.

Garroway smiled; Tony hoped that was a good sign. "It's funny, Tony...

Tony snorted. There was nothing funny about being held for a crime he didn't commit.

There was that sparkle in Garroway's eyes again. Whatever Tony had done must have amused him. "... But we can't find you anywhere in our records," he continued, as if Tony had never interrupted him.

"That's because I've never done anything wrong in my life ever."

This time Garroway really couldn't hide his amusement. He probably knew, just like Tony did, how much of a lie that was. He had very distinct memories of mischief he got up to as a boy. It was bizarre there were no records.

"Until now," Garroway suggested, his voice growing more serious.

"Look," Tony said, looking the man straight in the eye. "I've already told that other officer, I don't know why everyone thinks I've got anything to do with this."

"The man fleeing the scene was described as an Asian-American man in his mid thirties," Garroway explained. "You fit the description."

Tony huffed. "So do about a thousand other Asian-American men in New York City. Are you going to arrest them all?"

Something twitched at the corner of Garroway's mouth. "You're the one who's always loitering around the area."

Tony rolled his eyes. "A, I work there. B, so I've got a crush on the guy who runs the corner shop. That's hardly illegal."

"No, it's not," Garroway agreed.

He didn't seem at all fazed by Tony's attraction to men. His dark, keen eyes bore into Tony's for a second longer before he turned to the file in front of him.

"Just a few more details," he said, as he reached for the pen in his shirt's breast pocket. "Can you give us your whereabouts last night between one and three a.m."

"In bed. Alone, unfortunately."

"Unfortunately for you or for us?" There was a sparkle in Garroway's eyes as he asked the question. It gave Tony at least a sense of hope he was being believed.

"Both," he replied with a smirk.

Garroway wrote it down in his file before he turned back to Tony. "Since you don't have an alibi, we'll have to take your fingerprints. Just to rule you out."

Why did his stomach clench at those words? _Let's not be overdramatic,_ a voice echoed in his head.

He shook the thought off, to find Garroway giving him an intense look, as he stood up from his chair. "Are you gonna be okay?"

He hadn't expected concern. "Yes, I think so," he replied with a puzzled frown.

"Okay." With a nod towards Tony, Garroway moved to the door. His hand on the doorknob, he turned back, his expression encouraging. "I'll be right back."

\---

This was ridiculous. After they'd taken him away to take his fingerprints and mugshot, they'd brought him back to the interrogation room and that was hours ago. How could they still be holding him for something he didn't do? He'd been sure he was getting through to that Officer Garroway. But if he had been, he wouldn't still be sitting here.

Garroway was watching him right now from the other side of that mirror; he was sure of it. Did he think Tony was stupid? Or did they think that if they let him sweat he would confess? It made him snort in derision. They obviously had no idea who they were dealing with if they thought he'd be intimidated by that. He'd faced hotter fires in his time...

That thought made him pause momentarily. What had made him think that? He was sure it was true, but he couldn't remember. He couldn't...

A soft sigh caught his attention. Had it come from behind that mirror? He was sure he wasn't supposed to hear anything being said in the adjacent room. Most troubling of all, how he could have heard a sound that quiet wasn't even the most pressing question on his mind. No, that honour went to the sharp stab that went through his heart at the sound of it. Who was that? Why did his gut twist hearing them sigh?

His eyes darted up. It seemed impossible, but he thought he caught sight of wide, hazel eyes and lush lips twisted together in anguish.

Hazel eyes. Hot guy with hazel eyes.

Their gazes were locked together, in spite of the mirrored obstacle between them. How was that even possible? The question seemed irrelevant, as he lost himself in those eyes. Who was he? Why was he taking Tony's breath away?

And how was this even possible? What had he done? How could he see right through a one-way mirror and lock eyes with the person standing behind it? As soon as the impossibility of that feat sank into his brain, the mirror solidified between them again. Had he dreamed it? Had it been a fluke? Had it been one of those inexplicable things that had been happening to him for the last few months?

Snapping himself out of it, he averted his eyes. No, nothing had happened. He hadn't _magically_ seen through a solid object. Because magic wasn't real and to think so would mean he was losing his mind. And it was bad enough he was arrested for a crime he didn't commit. If they thought he was hallucinating, they'd probably never let him go. At least not until he'd been prodded by several shrinks.

He'd been hot, though, the guy he thought he'd caught a glimpse of. He couldn't help smiling at the thought, wondering where he'd seen him. Maybe on some magazine cover? He'd have to be a model with those looks. There would be no reason for him to hang around a police station interrogation room.

Which made it even more surprising when the door opened some fifteen minutes later and that very same guy stood there in the doorway, staring at Tony.

Holy shit, but he was hot. He had no idea what the other guy saw when he looked at Tony, but he appeared to be as perturbed as he was. He decided to push down the thought on the how and why he could have seen him through the mirror. That way lay madness. And he needed his wits about him right now, not get distracted by how hot guy's eyes were even more luminous up close.

"And you are?" he asked.

A shudder passed through the other guy's large frame, a reactionary wince that made Tony wonder. If he was a cop, he wasn't very good at masking his reactions. Rookie cop, perhaps? Or maybe he was luring Tony into a false sense of security, with pretty boy being the good cop to Garroway's bad cop. Then again, that only made sense if Garroway hadn't been pretty decent himself.

Tony's eyes narrowed when he saw hot guy physically pull himself together. "Alec Lightwood," he said. There was something in his expression as he looked at Tony, almost as if he expected a reaction from him. Maybe his initial suspicion had been right and he was supposed to know him.

Alec... He wasn't sure the name suited him. Why was the name Alexander suddenly running through his head? The name tugged at his guts, but he wasn't sure if it was sense memory or the result of the intense look directed at him.

The thought made him irritable and opt for offense as the best defense. "How many cops are they going to throw at me? I already told the other one I didn't do it," he snapped.

Alec straightened his shoulders, making him appear even taller. "I'm not a cop."

That was... interesting. As was the way he lowered his eyes, never meeting Tony's even once, as he walked to the chair opposite him and sat down. Tony followed his every move with fascination. He'd denied being a cop, but there was a rigid discipline to his body that spoke of some kind of service, if not the police, maybe the military. Tony's eyes couldn't help but be drawn to the large tattoo on the side of Alec's neck, a focal point that demanded immediate attention. Not to mention, it made him even hotter.

Tony's wandering thoughts ground to a halt when Alec looked up and their gazes met. Holy hell, those eyes... They should be registered as lethal weapons.

Alec too seemed startled. His mouth fell open and his eyes widened, as he took a sharp breath, and yes, that beautiful mouth hanging open like that... That certainly wasn't doing things to Tony.

Or wait, could that be it? Was that what was going on here? Did Alec react to him like that because he felt it too? This attraction between them? Tony could definitely work with that.

He smiled his most flirtatious smile. "First day on the job?"

The way Alec lowered his eyes and a smile tugged at his lips made him even more attractive. "Does it show?"

"Just a little." He waited until Alec had lifted his eyes to meet Tony's before he slid his gaze down his neck with clear intent, satisfied to see Alec swallow hard. "Cool tattoo."

Something flashed across Alec's eyes at that; it almost looked like alarm. Had Tony hit a nerve? Alec gasped out a, "Thanks," which seemed to suggest he had.

His interest piqued, he asked, "What does it mean?"

Alec's casual shrug wasn't in the least convincing. Neither was the answer. "Nothing, really. Just something cool I saw in the tattoo parlour catalogue."

Well, that was an obvious lie, if ever he'd heard one. Intrigued, Tony filed the design, a weird looking Z with a horizontal stripe through it, away in his memory for further investigation. For now, it would probably be a good idea not to antagonise the guy who might possibly get to decide whether Tony was released or kept for the night.

"So if you're not a cop," he changed the subject, "let me guess. Social worker?"

What was that twisting around Alec's mouth? Surprise he'd guessed? Or something else? "You didn't wanna give us an address. We thought it might be because you don't have one."

Those words were enough to chase any flirtation out of his head. His hackles raised, he held Alec's gaze. "So what if I don't. It's not a crime to be homeless."

"No, it isn't. But it is to rob a store."

Oh, fuck this guy! He might be hot, but Tony was sick of being accused of something he didn't do. "How many times do I have to tell you?" he grit between his teeth. "I didn't do it!"

At least Alec looked guilty. As Alec turned his gaze away, Tony should have felt a sense of triumph, but if he did, it was an empty one. He'd kept telling them he didn't do it for hours and they still didn't believe him. Could they actually convict him without evidence? What if he was sentenced?

He could feel that energy build up inside him again, that bad one that came with bright red fire shooting from his fingers. If he didn't contain it, especially here, in a police station, he would definitely end up behind bars. If not jail, then a psychiatric hospital ward. Clenching his eyes closed, he concentrated on his breathing, forcing the anger, and that bad energy, down again.

A gasp made his eyes snap open.

Alec was staring, but where Tony had expected that, he hadn't expected him to be staring at the table top, his eyes wide in shock. Following the line of his gaze, Tony too took a shaky breath. The tendrils of red energy were curled right there around his fingers. And Alec was staring at it, but not with fear or alarm, but what? What he saw felt close to sadness.

He didn't get a chance to ponder it much longer. Alec took a sharp breath through his nose and, shoving his chair back, leapt to his feet. The door almost flew off its hinges in Alec's haste to escape the room. All Tony could do was stare as the door was flung wide open and Alec staggered out of the room.

As Alec's hurried footsteps clattered down the hall, Garroway appeared in the doorway, an uneasy expression on his face. Maybe he'd watched the whole thing from the observation room next door? One quick look to make sure Tony was okay before he took off after Alec.

What had happened? Tony stared from the door to his hand. In all the commotion the energy around his fingers had dissolved. Nobody could blame Alec for storming out of there; any sane person would have. What puzzled Tony about the whole thing the most was the look in Alec's eyes. It hadn't been revulsion or someone thinking he was a freak, which he would have had every right to feel.

No, he'd looked at Tony with understanding.

\---

When Garroway reappeared some ten minutes later, enough time had passed to calm Tony down. There was an apologetic air around Garroway. That in itself was astonishing, but even more so were the words that came out of his mouth.

"You're free to go, Tony."

Was that why they'd left him there with the door wide open? Tony had considered sneaking out, but that would only have made him look more suspicious.

For a moment all he could do was stare at Garroway. He'd been wanting to hear those words for hours, but now they barely seemed to sink in. Maybe it was the confusion that made him say what he did.

"How's Alec?"

The question surprised Tony almost as much as it did Garroway. He was free to go. Why was he concerned about Lightwood?

Garroway gave him a measuring look Tony couldn't really decipher, but then a smile broke through. "He'll be fine. He wasn't feeling well."

Tony raised an eyebrow. Looked like Garroway and Lightwood were equally bad at lying. "Okay," he said, finally rising from his chair. He wondered about the timing of the release. Had they known before they sent Alec to talk to him? And if they had, what was the point?

A woman in uniform appearing in the doorway behind Garroway put the thought out of his head for the time being.

"Officer Lopez will take you through the paperwork." Garroway's smile sobered; he regarded Tony with a solemn expression. "We just need an address where we can reach you in case of follow up questions."

Why did he get the impression they weren't talking about the robbery anymore? Whatever Garroway's deal with him was, he was free to go; that was the only thing that mattered right now.

He followed Officer Lopez and twenty minutes later, after leaving Rainbow's address with her, he walked out of the police station and into the setting sun.

He should be worrying about what he'd do now, if it would affect his work with the program, but instead he found himself standing there in the middle of the sidewalk, wondering if Alec Lightwood was okay. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he get the young man out of his head? He kept seeing his expression, how his impossibly big eyes had widened even more at the energy sparking at Tony's fingertips, how his mouth had fallen open in what Tony might have expected to be horror but wasn't. Exactly what it was, that was the mystery that made Alec Lightwood so fascinating.

His mind made up, Tony turned and made his way towards the nearest subway station. The key to discovering about himself seemed to lie with Alec Lightwood.

\---

_Day 95_

With a drawing of Alec's neck tattoo at the ready, he'd tried every tattoo parlour he came across but to no avail. No one could tell him what the symbol meant. One thing, at least, they could confirm: Alec's claim that he'd picked it out of a sample book was very unlikely.

After two days of trying to track the guy down without any result, he was starting to feel quite defeated. He'd even resorted to a Google search, but he'd been less than surprised when that yielded no results either. Maybe Alec Lightwood wasn't his real name, but somehow Tony doubted it. The fact that he was completely untraceable was just an indication of how deep this thing went.

For someone who was impossible to find, Tony couldn't seem to escape him. Not only did he spend a good portion of his day in search of the guy, but the moment he was in bed and closed his eyes, his face swam into his mind's eye. He couldn't remember ever being this affected by anyone, man or woman.

Even though they'd barely spent ten minutes together, Tony remembered everything. He remembered the specks of green in his large hazel eyes, the way his mouth twisted sideways when he smiled, or the low timbre to his voice as he shakily said his name. And that damn neck tattoo. It haunted his dreams.

At those times he lay awake at night, the fantasies so vivid, he could almost taste the tattoo on his lips, as if he'd already had the pleasure and his body was savouring the memory. That was nuts, of course. Something Tony would become if he didn't get to the bottom of this soon.

When he came home that afternoon after another fruitless visit to yet another tattoo shop, he'd barely set foot inside before Sophie's voice rang out from her study.

"Tony, is that you? You wanna come in here for a moment?"

She hadn't made a big deal about him being taken into custody. She'd just shaken her head with a purse of her lips and muttered something about cops all being the same. Still, a hand of fear tightened around Tony's gut as he stepped into her study. Somehow, even though she and Suzanne had never made him feel anything but welcome, he'd never been able to shake the feeling he was on borrowed time. He still expected them to boot him out at any time, something they were sure to do when they found out about his strange abilities.

Some of his fears were allayed when he saw the large smile on her face, the light dancing behind her dark eyes.

"Is there a problem?" he asked.

She rose from behind her desk, her smile growing even wider as she approached him. "Quite the opposite."

He daren't feel hopeful, but her smile was so warm. "Surely not...," he started cautiously.

Her whole face beamed with happiness as she nodded. "Yes! A place opened up for you, Tony!"

His own place... It almost sounded too good to be true.

"How?" he stammered, not quite able to take it in.

He didn't fail to notice that some of the enthusiasm slid from her expression. "That's the weird thing." Her voice too had sobered. "We got a phone call this morning volunteering an empty apartment with the specific request it go to you."

That was... Maybe suspicious was too harsh a word. Conspicuously timely, for sure.

"Who put up the place?"

Moving back behind her desk, she rifled through some documents before she found the right one with an _aha!_ of triumph. "The Madzie Foundation."

Even though he was pretty sure he'd never heard that name before, a frisson ran along his spine at the sound of it, something that seemed to be occurring a lot lately.

The frown on Sophie's face seemed to suggest she was as unfamiliar with the foundation as he was. "I can't say I've ever dealt with them," she confirmed his suspicion, "but they do seem pretty new." Her face brightened as she looked at him. "Anyway, they appear to check out. I've got their number right here. If you want I can set up a time to go see your new place."

Well, what could he do but nod, still feeling slightly dazed? "Yes, let's do that."

She flashed him that radiant smile again, before she looked up the number in her notes and dialed. A few moments later, she greeted whoever picked up with a cheerful, "Hey, Zoe, it's Sophie from Rainbow. I've got Tony here with me. Any chance he can come and view the place you've got in mind for him?" Her smile grew even wider as her gaze met Tony's. "In two hours?" He nodded at her in emphatic agreement. "Yeah, that works for us. Yeah, I got the address. We'll meet you there. Thanks, Zoe."

Sophie's beaming expression as she put down the phone was a match for Tony's elation. His only question was, "Where is it?"

The smile slid from his face, that same strange frisson running down his back when she replied, "Flushing, Queens."

\---

"This can't be right." His voice trailed off as he looked out of the car window at the buildings passing by. Considering the place was donated by a charity, his hopes hadn't been high. This neighbourhood, though... It exceeded all his expectations.

"You have reached your destination," the satnav informed them.

Parking the car, Sophie sounded as confused as he felt. "And yet..."

They didn't move for a while, just sat there staring at the building they were parked in front of. It wasn't a very large building, only four, maybe five floors, but it was way better kept than he'd expected. There was a woman in her early forties leaning against the step railings; she straightened and walked towards them with a smile when they got out of Sophie's car.

"Hi," she greeted them brightly, "I'm Zoe. Tony?" She reached out her hand.

He shook it with a cautious smile. "Yes."

Turning to Sophie, she shook her hand as well. "It's great to meet you both." She waved a hand towards the building behind them. "Shall we?"

Tony's feet refused to work for a moment. He stood gazing up at the building. Why had a pit opened up in the middle of his stomach?

"Tony?" Sophie asked gently.

Forcing a smile, he shook her head. "I'm just..." He had no idea how to end that sentence. Surprised? Weirded out?

"Yeah, I know," Sophie replied with a grin. "You don't have to take it. But it won't hurt to take a look, right?"

He nodded and followed her to where Zoe was waiting for them. As they climbed the steps to the front door, Sophie put his misgivings to words.

"I gotta say, Zoe, this isn't what we expected."

Zoe chuckled as she unlocked the door and led them into a spacious hallway. "This place has been standing empty for months. Our foundation felt it would serve a better use to home someone who needs it."

But why him? There had to be a reason they'd singled him out. That impression only grew as he looked around the hallway and that queasy feeling settled in his stomach again. He really didn't have a good feeling about this.

Sophie seemed to be thinking along the same lines. "What made you think of us?" she asked, while the two of them followed Zoe into the elevator. A working elevator. That was certainly on the list of things he hadn't expected to find.

Zoe pressed the button for the fifth floor and turned to them. "I know we're a young foundation, but I assure you, our hearts are in the right place. Our benefactor would like to stay anonymous. He inherited a vast amount of money when his partner died unexpectedly a few months ago. That's when he started the foundation, in memory of the man he loved."

The sentiment was nice, Tony thought as they had reached their floor and Zoe held open the elevator door for them, but it didn't answer Sophie's question.

Leading them down the corridor, Zoe wasn't done, it seemed. "As a gay man himself, our benefactor has LGBTQ special interests at heart. Your program with troubled and homeless LGBTQ kids piqued his interest." She halted in front of a door and turned to them with a smile. "Here we are. I hope you like it, Tony."

After she'd unlocked the door, she took a step back to let him enter first. He could feel his heart rate pick up as he pushed open the door and took his first step inside.

"Holy shit," he breathed, unable to believe his own eyes.

The place wasn't that big, but the layout was so brilliantly designed that it appeared more spacious than it actually was. To their immediate left was a compact kitchen, complete with a small island. Beyond that lay a living room with a large window letting in lots of warm sunlight. From where he stood, nailed to the ground, he could see a hallway that probably led to the bedroom and bathroom. And most amazing of all, the place was completely furnished. The light grey sofa in particular looked extremely comfortable.

His eyes wide, he turned to Zoe, to find her beaming at him. "Am I being punked?" He was completely serious. There was no way in hell anyone would offer this to a homeless organisation when they could get good rent out of a place like this.

Zoe started laughing, but her expression quickly sobered when she realised he wasn't laughing with her. "God, that would be the cruelest joke ever." A warm smile lit up her face. "It's not a joke, Tony. This place is yours if you want it."

He still couldn't quite believe it, but Sophie beat him to the question on his mind. "Why?" She looked as shocked as Tony felt.

Zoe was still smiling. "When I said our benefactor inherited a vast sum of money, I meant he inherited a fortune. And I'm not including properties around the U.S. and abroad. He doesn't need the money this place could make in rent."

The words made Tony huff. "Rich people never seem to be rich enough."

"That might be the case," Zoe agreed on a chuckle, "but not this guy. The only way they could get him to accept the inheritance was if he was allowed to use it for charity." She swept a hand around, giving him an encouraging nod. "Go on, take a look around."

Not quite convinced yet, he took a few steps further into the place. The more steps he took, the realer it became and the bigger the smile on his face grew, until he finally dropped down onto the sofa with a bright laugh. It was as comfortable as he'd imagined.

"Thank your benefactor for me," he told Zoe grinning down at him.

There had to be a snake in the grass somewhere. There was no way something this good could just drop in his lap. But if there was a price to be paid somewhere further down the line for this good fortune, at this moment, Tony felt too happy to worry about it too much. There was a flat-screen TV on the wall in front of him, for god's sake.

"He'll be thrilled to hear you like it," Zoe replied.

\---

_Day 99_

With the move into his new place - not that he had that much to move - and discovering his new neighbourhood, finding Alec Lightwood had been put on the back burner. Several days passed without the man even crossing his mind. Fine, maybe that wasn't the complete truth. Despite all the great things happening in his life, or maybe because of them, he still lay awake at night and when he did, that face inevitably floated across his mind. With his large intense eyes and that damn distracting neck tattoo.

And of course, wasn't it always the case that when you stopped looking for something, that was when you found it. Or in this case, it found him.

He'd just emerged from the subway station, momentarily distracted by the strap of his bag sliding from his shoulder, when he looked up just in time to see that very same distracting neck tattoo from the corner of his eye. For just a fleeting instant he thought he'd been so intent on Alec Lightwood he'd imagined it, but as he spun around in the direction the other person had been walking, he recognised that mop of unruly brown hair disappearing in the crowd.

"Hey!" he called out before he could get too far ahead.

Alec turned around, the frown on his face lingering a little too long for Tony's liking. Guess he hadn't been thinking about Tony as often as he'd thought about him.

Two could play at that game. "Alec, isn't it?" he said, pretending he could barely remember his name.

Maybe it really had been a strategy on Alec's part, because Tony was almost sure he saw disappointment flick across those expressive eyes. If it was, he masked it quickly with a lopsided smile.

"Oh, hi. Tony, right?" He took a few steps with those impossibly long legs towards him. "How have you been?"

"Good," he replied with a smile.

In the last few days he'd started wondering if Alec Lightwood was as handsome in reality as he was in his memory and he was happy to note that he really was. It was almost impossible not to smile in the face of that much beauty, not in the least when they were meeting under far better circumstances than in a police interrogation room.

"I just moved into my own place."

Something pulled at Alec's mouth Tony couldn't quite interpret. "That's great." He certainly sounded happy enough for him.

"And you?" Tony asked. "Settling in your job?"

That frown was back, confirming Tony's suspicion he'd been lying about being a social worker. He recovered quickly enough, though. "Oh, yeah," he said, grinning sheepishly, "you were one of my first cases.

"Hey," he immediately added, looking around for a moment in distraction, "I'm not doing anything right now. Wanna grab a coffee or something? We can catch up."

There were certainly worse ways he could imagine spending his morning than in the company of a gorgeous guy, but unfortunately...

He patted the bag at his side with a regretful smile. "Sorry, can't disappoint the kids waiting in the dance studio."

Something so soft settled across Alec's face. "You dance?"

Tony held his gaze for a moment before he started laughing. "Dance? Move around randomly to music? It's just something to keep these kids off the street."

He hadn't failed to notice the genuine surprise in Alec's question, and it was there again in the slight raise of his eyebrow. And there was, of course, the fact that he'd been searching for this guy for days. It would be crazy to just let him walk away again.

"You want to tag along and see what it's all about?"

A delighted smile lit up Alec's face. Goddammit, he really was insanely pretty, even more so when he smiled. "I'd love to," he said.

With a nod, Tony turned and led the way. "It's just a little further this way."

It struck him, as Alec fell in step with him, hands behind his back, how natural it felt to be walking side by side like this, as if they had been doing it for years. That feeling came over him again, like he'd done all this before. It made him wonder if their accidental meeting was as accidental as it seemed.

"So," he started carefully, "you live in the area?" When Alec cocked a puzzled eyebrow, he elaborated. "You said you were free all morning. If it wasn't work that brought you here..." If they were still labouring under the belief he was a social worker.

He could practically see the cogs turn in Alec's head. Tony had to give it to him: he was good at thinking on his feet.

Alec's mouth did that lopsided thing again that made Tony think bad thoughts. "Well, actually it was work. A client who lives around here." His eyes darted away, as if he couldn't quite look Tony in the eye while lying. Guess he could take comfort from that knowledge.

Fortunately, for Alec's sake, they'd reached their destination and were met by a gaggle of loud, boisterous youths, distracting Tony from the anger that wanted to boil up at being lied to. Getting a group of kids between the ages of ten and nineteen to do anything was, as always, worse than herding cats. He didn't have time to turn his mind to Alec's lies while he ushered them inside in an orderly fashion. He could feel Alec observe him with the kids, his eyebrow raised with interest, but just what shape that interest took, he wasn't entirely sure.

Once inside, it took another full ten minutes before everyone stopped laughing and goofing off to get them to do even so much as warm up. Not that Tony minded. They were supposed to be having fun. If it became too much of a chore, the kids would stop turning up, and that was the opposite of what they wanted to accomplish.

He was just setting up the music when he remembered that Lisa, the youngest of the group, needed help with her shoes. Turning around, the sight before him made him sigh, mostly with exasperation. Of course Alec was already knelt at her feet, tying her laces, while she gazed at him with utter adoration. It would figure, wouldn't it? Of course he was a fucking natural with kids. Was there anything about Alec Lightwood that wasn't perfect? Well, the lying, he considered with a twist of his lips.

The roll of his eyes was interrupted by a voice beside him. "Who's the cutie?"

He turned a disapprovingly raised eyebrow towards Eric, a seventeen-year-old with way too much attitude for his age. "He's a friend of mine." Friend? Why had he used that word? They were barely acquaintances. "And too old for you," he warned, with mock sternness.

Eric shrugged. "All I'm saying, Mr. B, is you've got good taste. That tattoo is _hot_."

His eyes back on Alec, who was now ruffling Lisa's hair with a broad smile, he sighed with defeat. "Yes, it really is." When Eric laughed at him, he huffed and called the group to order with a clap of his hands.

It was a good session, with a lot of laughter. Most of it at Alec's expense, but he took it in good stride. When some of the kids wanted him to join in, he'd refused at first, with feeble excuses about not being dressed for dancing, but there was only so much resistance you could put up against determined teenage girls.

Trying to copy their moves, he looked like a baby deer, on legs too long and unstable to carry him. It really shouldn't have been as endearing as Tony was finding it to be.

After a few failed attempts, Alec laughed and retreated against the wall, with no amount of pleading changing his mind again. If Tony had thought this would make him less distracting, he quickly discovered his mistake. Because, as he and the kids went back to their routine, he could now see Alec in the mirror, sitting on a chair against the wall, his elbows leaning on his knees, not even trying to hide how intently he was watching Tony.

So, he wasn't imagining things; there was definitely something between them, something Tony was not opposed to exploring. Alec's intense scrutiny might even have something to do with the way Tony's shirt was starting to cling to his chest with perspiration. If they hadn't been surrounded by kids, he might have taken off the shirt just to test that theory.

As their hour in the studio started to come to an end, he began to slowly wind them down. "Okay," he called out, after everyone was sufficiently cooled down, "hit the showers!"

There was the usual noise and merriment as they dispersed, not before one of the older girls and two of the boys, Tony noticed with an amused twist of his lips, made allusions to whether Alec was going to take a shower as well.

Tony shooed them off to the shower room with a laugh, before he turned to Alec with a flirtatious smile. "You can borrow my towel, if you like."

He almost smirked with satisfaction when he saw the pupils of those hazel eyes dilate and Alec took a deep, steadying breath. Oh, yes, this thing was definitely mutual.

Looking around for distraction, Alec said, "They're nice kids."

Tony's smile was immediate and sincere. "Yes, some of the older ones left home because the situation had become untenable. Living on the streets looked more appealing than the homophobia they faced at home."

Alec suddenly turned to him, a fierce darkness in his eyes. "And you?"

How had he ended up here? Why did Alec look like the answer might break him?

Tony held his gaze firmly. "I don't think we're well enough acquainted for that," he said in a clipped tone.

Alarm blazed from Alec's eyes, his whole posture shrinking in horror. "I'm sorry," he stammered. "I didn't mean to offend... Oh, shit, I'm sorry."

He waved it away. "I'm hitting the showers now." Just to show he wasn't offended, he couldn't resist throwing a flirty, "It's not too late to change your mind about sharing my towel," over his shoulder.

The relief that echoed from Alec's laugh made him grin. "As tempting as that sounds, I'm fine. I didn't do enough to work up a sweat."

As he walked to the door, Tony was contemplating continuing the flirting with a suggestion of other ways to work up a sweat, when Alec's voice called him back. "Hey, Tony!"

An eyebrow raised in curiosity, he turned to find Alec walking towards him with long strides. There was a look of determination on his face. He appeared to have come to a conclusion and was now resolved to see it through. But once he stood in front of Tony and their gazes met, some of his confidence seemed to melt away.

"Uh," he started hesitantly, "it's not just me, is it?" He trailed a hand behind his head in confusion, a gesture that tore at Tony's heart for reasons he couldn't seem to comprehend. "You feel it too, right? There's a... There's a thing between us, isn't there?"

Tony could only stare. Why was he at a loss for words? "No," he finally stammered, distressed when he saw Alec wince. "I mean, yes, fuck... No, Alec, it's not just you."

The smile breaking across Alec's face was breathtaking. "Great." He sighed, clearly relieved. "So I was thinking, would you like to go on a date sometime?"

Why were those words making a shiver run down his spine? Caught in Alec's eyes, he shook his head in utter amazement. "I would love that. When?"

Alec's smile grew even wider. "How about tonight?"

"Tonight?" Tony sputtered, but the look on Alec's face was so unfazed, he burst out laughing. "Okay," he agreed, still laughing, "tonight, it is. _Je laat er geen gras over groeien_."

Alec's startled look was followed by a confused, "What?"

What, indeed. What had he just said? He was pretty sure it was Dutch. He spoke Dutch?

"It's Dutch," he said, his voice deflated. "It means you don't waste any time." And now Alec would be freaked out and probably cancel their date... His morose thoughts faltered when he noticed Alec was smiling with delighted amusement.

"Someone who dances and speaks Dutch? I better not waste any time on a catch like you."

What else could Tony do but smile in reply? There was such a lack of artifice to Alec's flirting, a sincerity that made him even more endearing.

"So, uh..." He tried to get his thoughts under control again. "Maybe we should exchange numbers?"

Alec grinned and pulled his cell phone from his pocket. With the other's number locked away, Tony pointed a thumb behind him.

"I really should go and take that shower now."

"I'll send you a text where we'll meet."

With a nod, he turned, taking a deep calming breath as he walked out of the room, aware that Alec's eyes were still on him. He couldn't deny, once he was in the shower, he might have let his thoughts wander towards what might have happened if Alec had taken him up on his offer.

\--- 

"Bacon burgers in the East Village?" Tony laughed, as Alec pushed open the restaurant door for him. That was his idea of a perfect date?

The smile on Alec's face seemed to waver for a moment. Did he think Tony was mocking him? Or was there another reason he looked disappointed with Tony's reaction?

They were still hovering in the restaurant's doorway, Alec's hand on the door, as Alec asked, "You wanna go somewhere else?" He sounded really unsure of his choice now.

"No, no, this is great," Tony assured. "I'm sorry. It's been a while since I've been on a date," he admitted. "I'm a little nervous."

Those words brought a blinding smile from Alec and yes, that was definitely the word to describe the way it lit up his face. Tony felt like he'd need sunglasses if he was going to survive the evening.

"Not half as nervous as me, so don't worry about it," he said with that soft smile.

What did Alec have to be nervous about, Tony wondered as they walked into the restaurant. The man looked drop dead gorgeous in his dark suit and that shirt that looked expensive and very soft to the touch. Was it silk? Tony's fingers were itching to find out. Maybe later tonight, if he was lucky...

He snapped out of the fantasy he'd created in his head to find they'd reached their table. Physical intimacy might not be a good idea, he pondered as they took their seats opposite each other. He didn't have complete control over that blue glow yet.

But then Alec threw him one of those smiles and with it, obliterated all the thoughts inside Tony's head aside from the one of a naked Alec writhing beneath him. Yes, if that was where this evening was headed, Tony's powers of resisting were dwindling rapidly.

"I always knew I was gay," Alec said some time later, as they were ready to dig into their food. "I never felt any kind of attraction to girls. It was always guys who did it for me. So that wasn't really the part I struggled with."

Tony nodded in understanding. His own story wasn't quite the same, but he could relate. "So what was?" he asked.

Alec sighed. "My family."

Of course. He should have known. It explained why Alec had been so taken with his kids this morning. "Not an accepting home?"

Alec's face twisted. "The worst. They groomed me from early childhood into this role I was supposed to fill, impressing on me the importance of tradition and duty."

"Ouch," Tony said, physically wincing in sympathy.

"Yeah." Alec fell silent for a moment, but then added, "I knew my role was to get married and secure the family line and I couldn't even imagine being intimate with a girl." He shook his head and sighed.

"No brothers?" Tony asked. When Alec looked at him with a puzzled frown between his eyes, he added, "To secure the family line?"

"Yeah, two even. Well, one's adopted, but he's as close as a brother to me." He rolled his eyes. "But I was the oldest, so it was my duty..."

As Alec's voice trailed off and he gazed off into the distance, Tony was overtaken by a desire to kick the ass of any parent who couldn't accept their children. What was the point of having them if all they wanted was mini-versions of themselves?

"So you defied your parents?" he asked, when the silence stretched a little too long.

Alec's attention snapped back to him. Tony wondered where his mind had wandered off to. "Oh... uh..." He chuckled, the sound holding little amusement. "Not at first. I was gonna go along with this arranged marriage."

Tony's shocked face made Alec laugh. "So what happened?"

A look that Tony could only describe as dreamy settled across Alec's face. "An amazing, beautiful man happened." That blissfulness of his expression was reflected in his voice as well; it had turned warm with affection. "He made sure I didn't make the biggest mistake of my life. Gave me the courage I needed to be myself."

There was a strange intensity in his eyes as they locked with Tony's, almost as if he expected something from him.

Not sure what, Tony cleared his throat and asked, "Was he your first love?" He almost felt jealous of that stranger he'd never even met.

Alec held his gaze a little longer, that frown between his eyes returning, but then he snapped himself out of it with a shake of his head. "Not exactly. I'd been in love before." His mouth pulled down self-deprecatingly. "Or so I thought."

Tony nodded. With a straight guy, he was sure. They all made that mistake.

That faraway look appeared in Alec's eyes again."But he was the first one to fall in love with me." He took a deep breath; his voice shook slightly when he added, "I never thought anyone would love me."

"Oh, Alec," he breathed.

He couldn't imagine what Alec's parents had done to stick him with such an inferiority complex. It didn't line up with the man who'd been so smiley and brimming with confidence this morning. Whatever that beautiful, amazing man had done, he'd done it right.

His hand reached out almost of its own accord. In that moment he needed the connection. His hand covering Alec's on the tabletop, he rubbed his thumb along his skin in comfort.

There was so much more he wanted to know, like why Alec wasn't with that man right now instead of here with Tony, but he could see his window of opportunity had closed. Something very deliberate and unmovable had slammed shut across Alec's eyes, closing all avenues for further questions.

He'd closed himself off so completely, there was almost no trace of emotion on his face as he looked at the thumb rubbing his hand. He didn't pull his hand away from the touch, though, so that was one thing at least. But, as he didn't appear quite comfortable with it, Tony let go of his hand.

Alec's desire to change the subject was evident in his next words. "How about you?"

"When did I know I was attracted to men as well as women?"

He'd expected a sign of surprise from Alec, but the revelation that he was bi, not gay, didn't even make him blink.

"Yeah," Alec said, before he took a bite from his burger.

He sounded completely unperturbed by Tony's sexuality. It wouldn't have been the first time he was confronted with biphobia from a gay man. Was Alec Lightwood just too perfect to be true?

"I'm not sure," he admitted; his hesitation this time had nothing to do with the holes in his memory. "The environment I grew up in... It wasn't even an option. It didn't even occur to me that it was a possibility."

Still chewing his food, Alec nodded. He swallowed and said, "I know just what you mean. A man is supposed to be with a woman. It's the natural order of things. Or so you're taught."

"Right," Tony said, enchanted with how Alec seemed to understand him. "And I liked girls, so I didn't immediately question that supposed natural order."

"Until...?" Alec prompted with a playful smile, almost as if he knew. Well, maybe he did, because he'd lived it too.

He chuckled, the memory suddenly so vivid in his head. "Yes, very cliché, I'm afraid. New kid moved into our street. Tall, dark hair, cocky grin, hair flopping over his brow in just the right way."

"And?"

"And nothing," he laughed. "I didn't realise I was harbouring those kinds of feelings until he started sneaking into my thoughts when I was..." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Shooting your arrows?" Alec asked, laughing.

"Shooting your arrows?" he echoed. "I've never heard that euphemism before."

Alec suddenly seemed to become self-conscious. As Alec turned his attention back to his plate with a tight smile, a memory from a few months ago flashed across Tony's mind. _A bow and arrow? In 2017?_

No, it was a coincidence. It had to be.

"So you and perfect hair cocky smile never...?" Alec asked, breaking him out of his thoughts.

Tony looked up to find Alec watching him through his eyelashes. He really had to stop doing that. It was very distracting. How was anyone as attractive as Alec Lightwood even possible?

"No," he sighed, but not with regret. He had extremely fond memories of that boy. Some things were just not meant to be.

"He wasn't your first?"

Another memory surfaced, the one where he was kicked out by his foster parents after they found him in bed with a boy. Better not share that one.

"No," was all he said. He took a bite of his burger just so he wouldn't have to elaborate.

Fortunately, Alec seemed to sense he didn't want to talk about it. With a nod of understanding, he dug into his own food.

\---

"It's a long story how I ended up working with kids," he said, as they were walking from the subway to Tony's home. The meal had been followed by a lovely stroll through the East Village, proving what Tony had already suspected, that Alec was amazing company.

Yet, despite how good a listener Alec was, the evening was too wonderful to spoil it with the story of how he'd ended up at Suzanne and Sophie's, or his abandonment by the hot guy with hazel eyes, _especially_ when walking next to a hot guy with hazel eyes. But no, Tony was going to ignore that tonight.

"I guess I just feel a kinship to them. I know what it's like growing up with all these feelings and have no one to talk to." He noticed how a shadow crossed Alec's face just before he turned it away. It made him wonder... "You must have come across similar situations in your line of work."

A startled look in his eyes, Alec turned back to him. Tony wondered how he was going to talk himself out of it this time.

"Well... uh..." He cleared his throat. "I work with adult cases most of the time." He seemed flustered; maybe that was why he said what he did. "My partner was very involved with abandoned children..."

Partner? Tony hoped to god he meant a business partner, because any other definition of the word was unacceptable under their current circumstances.

Alec seemed to realise what he'd said when Tony stopped dead in his tracks and just stared at him. His eyes grew wide in panic. "With partner... I mean..." His stammer got even worse as Tony raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm not cheating... I don't..."

With a sigh, he closed his eyes and stopped talking. When he opened them again, there was such a profound sadness in their hazel depths, it was almost painful to behold.

His voice spoke of how much he wished he didn't have to say the words. "My late partner."

Oh, shit. That was not what Tony had expected. Alec was way too young to know the heartache of mourning a lover. His hand reached out in comfort, almost before he realised he was doing it.

"Alec, I'm so sorry," he said, his hand on Alec's arm squeezing gently.

Alec shook his head. "No, I'm sorry. It's really bad form to bring up a previous relationship on a first date." When he pulled a face, Tony wondered if he was remembering a particularly awkward first date. "I really didn't mean to. I'm just really nervous."

Tony smiled reassuringly. "There's nothing to be nervous about, Alec."

Alec's eyes widened just a fraction, but then his mouth pulled sideways into one of those crooked smiles. "It's just been a while since I've felt this strongly about anyone."

Oh... Well. He certainly hadn't expected Alec to put it out there so candidly. As he let the words sink in, it occurred to Tony his hand was still on Alec's arm, but maybe not so much in a comforting way anymore. It seemed to have gradually morphed into a caress. The heat from Alec's body suddenly radiated through his jacket sleeve.

As their gazes held, he found it difficult to catch his breath. "I know what you mean," he said, his voice barely audible. He held his breath, as Alec seemed to contemplate his next move; he let it out in a startled sigh when Alec's hand reached out and softly touched his cheek.

Tony's eyes closed as he leaned into the touch, but only for a moment. He needed his eyes open, commit this moment to memory. As he had anticipated, Alec, almost in slow motion it felt, leaned towards him, his eyes soft. As for just how soft his lips were, he was about to find out. His heart lurched in anticipation...

A car door being slammed closed, followed by loud voices shouting, was an unwelcome invasion into their happy bubble. Startled, they sprang away from each other before their lips had even so much as touched. Disappointment crashing into Tony, he stared at Alec. Looking breathless, he stared back. As they both started laughing the tension away, Tony lowered his forehead against Alec's shoulder with sheer exasperation.

That might have been a mistake. The smell of Alec was enveloping him, making him lightheaded. He breathed him in, but quickly straightened before he made a complete ass of himself.

"My place is just around the corner," he pointed out.

Alec could interpret that however he wanted. If he chose to see it as an invitation, Tony certainly didn't mind. It hadn't been how he'd planned the evening to end, but they were both adults, adults who clearly wanted each other.

That much was obvious from the way Alec's eyes darkened. And then he licked his lips, because what Tony really needed in that moment was more hot imagery to haunt his dreams. He hadn't even felt those lips on his yet and he could already feel the taste of them exploding on his tongue.

"Yeah, that's..." Alec cleared his throat and smiled that sweet smile. "That's great."

Okay, so this was happening. With a nod, Tony led the way. If their pace picked up at all, neither seemed willing to acknowledge it. They kept glancing towards each other, to quickly avert their eyes again, as if just looking at each other would shatter the little restraint they had left.

Even as he unlocked the front door, feeling the heat of Alec's body at his back, Tony had to take a few calming breaths. He somehow managed to keep his hands to himself in the lobby; it wasn't until the elevator door closed behind them that the dam burst. His eyes wild, Alec licked his lips again and that, in combination with the close proximity, proved too much for Tony's self-control.

He grabbed fistfuls of Alec's jacket and pushed him against the cab wall. Alec let out an oomph of surprise, but quickly got with the program, leaning towards Tony, and god, yes, finally, their mouths met in a kiss. A kiss that started frantic and desperate, and only grew more out of control as it progressed. There was nothing hesitant or tender about it, just open-mouthed need, their harsh breathing the only sound in the confined space.

He'd known. Before he'd even touched Alec's lips, he'd known they would be the sweetest thing he'd ever tasted. He couldn't stop coming back for more and more.

"Oh, god, Alexander," he breathed before he dove in for another kiss. Or he would have, if Alec hadn't grabbed him by the shoulders and, quite to Tony's surprise, pushed him away, just far enough to stare at him.

He was so beautiful, with his eyes wide and wild, his lips glistening, but the only thing Tony could focus on was the stunned look on his face. "What did you just call me?" Alec's voice was hoarse with a need that went beyond anything carnal.

Fuck, what had he called him? Alexander? Why Alexander? The name had just felt so right in that moment. "Alec, fuck," he said, his voice subdued with horror, "I won't do it again if you don't want me to."

A dark shadow flitted across Alec's eyes, but it was the good kind, the kind that made Tony grow even harder than he'd been, the one that promised all kinds of wonderful things to come. It made a shiver of anticipation run down Tony's back, not in the least when Alec growled with an almost feral grin, "I _love_ it when you call me Alexander."

And to prove just how much, his hands grabbed Tony's ass and pulled him towards him hard, his mouth instantly attaching to his again. Tony couldn't help but moan when he felt how hard Alec was; his hands slid into Alec's hair as they resumed devouring each other's mouth. It was only the ding of the elevator announcing their arrival on Tony's floor that separated them.

It was a good thing none of Tony's neighbours were around because they would have gotten an eyeful; he and Alec couldn't seem to get their hands off each other long enough to make it to his front door. After some frantic fumbling with the key, they practically fell inside, Alec kicking the door shut behind them.

Maybe it was the loud bang the door made as it slammed shut, but it shook them out of the mist of lust clouding their minds. Pulling apart, they gazed at each other in wonder. Tony hadn't had a chance to turn on the lights yet; the light coming from the streetlamps outside shone across Alec's smiling face and that alone was almost too much beauty to behold.

Alec chuckled, the sound raw, doing strange things to Tony. He leaned his forehead against Tony's, trying to catch his breath, one big hand sweeping across Tony's back.

"Alexander," he said, savouring the shiver that ran down Alec's tall frame, the way his eyes fluttered closed. "I really want you naked."

Alec's eyes flew open; his pupils looked dark and dilated with arousal. "I really want you naked." His voice sounded hoarse with need.

Tony barely had a chance to grope blindly behind him for the light switch before he was swept along in another kiss. Shoes were discarded before Tony could even guide their momentum towards his bedroom, a trail of clothes in their wake. Jackets ended up on the living room floor, socks somewhere in the hallway, as they came together for more frenzied kissing between each shed item of clothing.

Inside his bedroom doorway, Alec got Tony's shirt off, his hands sliding down his shoulders and arms with a sigh and a glazed look in his eyes. "That shirt sticking to you this morning was very distracting," he rumbled.

So were Alec's caresses right now. As satisfying as it was to hear he'd been right, he couldn't concentrate on anything but Alec's large hands on him, making his skin glow with the need for more. He needed Alec's shirt off, run his hands all along the warmth that was radiating through the fabric. His fingers were shaking with urgency as he set to work on the buttons. Another suspicion was confirmed: Alec's shirt was as soft as he'd imagined.

"Oh," he sighed, when he finally slid the shirt off Alec's shoulders.

The haze of lust left Alec's eyes for a moment, replaced by concern. "What?"

He shook his head, slightly in a daze. Alec's body was glorious; of course, it was, he hadn't expected anything else. Except...

"I thought there'd be more tattoos," he admitted sheepishly. Why, he really couldn't tell, but he'd thought his whole body would be covered with more of those weird squiggly lines.

That strange gleam, the one he'd caught before, flashed across Alec's beautiful eyes. His mouth tightened for a fleeting moment, but then it slowly settled into a smile. "Sorry to disappoint."

Tony huffed. "No such thing." He needed his hands all over that gorgeous body, whether it was covered in tattoos or not. Pulling Alec into a kiss, he pushed him towards the bed, both of them laughing when they tumbled down onto it.

When he woke up this morning, he certainly hadn't expected the day would end with the hot guy he'd been obsessing about for days writhing and gasping in bliss underneath him. Alec took advantage of the fact Tony was on top of him to undo his pants and slide his hands down the back of them. Tony had to stop kissing him for a moment, a moan escaping him as large hands cupped his butt and pulled his pelvis against Alec's. His breath caught, he latched onto that tempting mouth again, sucking on those beautiful lush lips, his hips setting a rhythm. The feeling of his cock grinding up against the rough material of Alec's pants was exquisite, but not enough.

He quickly scampered off Alec to get his pants and underwear off and kick them to the floor, but he didn't get a chance to pick up where he'd left off; Alec had rolled him over and covered him with his own body.

Oh, god, this was even better. Tony let his hands wander over every inch of that large, heavy body pinning him down so beautifully, his thighs clasping around Alec's to pull him in. As wonderful as the friction against his cock was, he needed Alec out of his pants, get him as naked as he was, so they could fuck until they forgot their own names.

That was when it hit him...

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," he swore.

Instantly alarmed, Alec pulled back and looked down at him with concern. "What's wrong?"

Tony closed his eyes in frustration. He really could kick himself. "I don't have any condoms," he admitted, sighing with regret. With the move into his new apartment and everything, getting laid hadn't been something he'd thought to consider. Fuck, he really wanted... Guess they could still do other things.

His train of thought diverted when he saw the sheepish look that appeared on Alec's face, and then, to Tony's delight, he smiled bashfully as he pulled several condoms out of his pants pocket and dropped them on the bed beside Tony.

Quite impressed, Tony giggled. "Tell me you've got lube in your other pocket." He didn't wait for Alec's reply. Shoving his hand in Alec's other pocket, he laughed when he felt the small tube. "You were a boy scout as a kid, weren't you?"

Alec's smug face turned into a confused one. "What?"

Tony shook his head. It wasn't important. They had condoms and lube, and someone was going to get fucked and fucked good. At this point, he really didn't care who. His fingers twisted in Alec's hair, he guided his mouth back onto his.

"Just so you know," he felt the need to add between kisses, "I am clean. I got tested."

It hadn't been his intention, but those words made Alec stop kissing him. He pulled back far enough to give Tony a solemn look. Damn, he hadn't meant to make him stop.

"And I've been faithful to one man my whole life," he said, his voice suddenly grave.

Oh, shit, no wonder he looked so serious all of a sudden. His own voice was subdued when he asked, "So I'm only the second person you've ever..."

Alec didn't answer immediately. At first Tony thought he was embarrassed, but then he realised he was hesitant about how to answer that. He frowned at the realisation, but then Alec took a breath and nodded.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Alec," he said. Alec's eyes widened for a moment, as he sucked in a shaky breath. One hand cradling Alec's cheek, Tony traced his beautiful mouth with his thumb. "It's sweet." He pulled him into another kiss, this one less frantic and more tender. "If you want to slow things down, we don't have to..."

He didn't even get a chance to finish his sentence. "Oh, hell, no," Alec growled, before his mouth crashed onto Tony's and all Tony could do was wrap his arms tightly around the large frame covering him, holding on, moaning with pleasure, as Alec kissed him hard. "If you're not inside me soon..."

The words alone, spoken with such harsh urgency, were enough to tear a moan out of Tony. He took another moment to savour the feel of that broad back under his hands, but then he quickly pushed them between the two of them, so he could set about his original task: get Alec out of his pants. In their haste, they fumbled between them, but finally Alec kicked off his pants, moving his boxers off after them.

At last, he was naked. Gloriously naked. Tony hoped he wasn't staring as Alec rolled onto his back and gazed at him, his pupils dark and dilated. As if all that naked wonder wasn't enough, Alec's legs spread in invitation, his knees raised and Tony was pretty sure he lost the ability to breathe.

Rising onto his knees, he sat back on his heels, taking in all that naked splendour. His cock hard, Alec looked stunningly beautiful. Mesmerised, Tony smoothed a hand along Alec's inner thigh, taking in his gasps, the way his eyes fluttered closed, the way his cock jumped at the touch.

Alec seemed to be running out of patience. Sitting up, he grabbed one of the condoms and the lube, and pressed them into Tony's hands. After a quick, hard kiss, he pulled back slightly, his hands running down Tony's arms. His hazel eyes locked with Tony's, the message in them so clear, he lay back down and tilted his butt up.

The wantonness of Alec's naked body, spread out like that for Tony, was enough to make him want to come. Tossing the condom back to the bed, he squeezed some of the lube onto his fingers and leaning over Alec with one hand, he dipped his head down to kiss him, distracting Alec with his mouth, while his fingers reached inside him. The warm pull at his fingers sent a message straight to his cock; it strained with his need to be inside that tight heat.

One hand at the back of Tony's head, the other running along his bicep again - he really had a thing for Tony's arms apparently - Alec was making the best noises. His gasps against Tony's mouth were such a fucking turn on, but when Tony angled his fingers just so, Alec moaned with abandon; his fingers tightening in Tony's hair, he lifted his butt, pushing himself onto his fingers and god, this was already the best thing ever and it was just his fingers inside Alec. His cock lurched, so fucking ready to join the party.

Fuck, it was too much... Just what he'd been afraid of... No, not now... He could feel it building up inside. God, no, not now, not now. He repeated the words over and over in his head like a mantra, but it was no use. He could feel the energy building up inside, almost in tandem with his arousal, until it had nowhere else to go. Detaching his mouth from Alec's, he tried to get his fingers out but it was already too late.

Alec's head snapped back against the pillow. His mouth wide open, he panted as the strange energy emitting from Tony's fingers coursed through him. Scooting back, Tony stared in horror; he could actually see the blue sparks travel along Alec's skin; Alec's limbs were quivering with the strain being put on them.

Oh, god, what had he done? Alec would think he was a freak. He _was_ a fucking freak. There was no way he could explain this. He might as well get dressed because Alec would be out of there, just like...

The spiral his thoughts had taken came to a grinding halt when he heard Alec laugh. He sounded happy. Happy?

Startled, he dared to look up. If he'd thought Alec looked beautiful before, it was nothing compared to how gorgeous he looked now. Sweat gathering on his skin, his already messy hair tousled, his breaths coming out in stuttering gasps and his eyes... god, his eyes, they looked luminous.

"I'd say do that again," he finally managed to get out between gasps, "but I'd come and I better not come before you're inside me."

"Oh, god," Tony breathed. Did Alec think he'd done that with just his fingers? Well, technically he had, but...

Not for the first time that suspicion crept up on him again that Alec knew more about Tony than he did himself. _Hot guy with hazel eyes_ , mercilessly rang through his head.

He didn't get a chance to be distracted by the thought. Pushing himself up on arms that were still trembly, Alec locked a hand behind Tony's neck and pulled him into a kiss. Tony moaned loudly into the kiss when a large hand wrapped around his cock and pumped it slowly. The kiss was surprisingly soft and unhurried, but what started as hot and heavy soon dissolved into hilarity when Alec struggled with the condom wrapper.

"I'm sorry," he laughed, when Tony shook his head and took the condom from his hand. "I've never actually used one."

Oh, right. Now was not really the moment Tony wanted to be reminded that Alec had never had sex with anyone but his late partner. That was quite a responsibility, being the first one after such an important relationship. He was going to make it good for Alec, so good...

He tore the wrapper and with quick sure hands put the condom on, making sure to apply a lot of lube; the last thing he wanted to do was hurt Alec.

When he turned back to Alec, he was on his back again, watching Tony's movements with hooded eyes. The sight was enough to make any man's mouth water. Leaning over him on one hand, he kissed Alec deeply. They both sighed at the first feel of Tony's cock entering him.

It felt so good, so good, but it was made even better by the sight before him. Alec looked so gorgeous, his head tilted back, his breaths coming in soft sighs, sighs that turned into moaned gasps of pleasure as Tony sank in deeper. His mouth pressed against Alec's exposed neck, he took in every leap of his adam's apple, every swallow.

His heart suddenly stopped for a second, his body stilling along with it. Alec's eyes were pressed closed, a tear sliding from the corner of one of them. Was it too much too soon after all?

"You want me to pull out?" he asked, his thumb gently brushing away the tear.

"Don't you dare," Alec hissed, his eyes snapping open to stare into Tony's with a wild need.

Large hands clutched at Tony's ass and pulled him even deeper inside, knocking the breath out of Tony, along with a stuttered, "Fuck!"

There was no way Tony couldn't kiss him then. Alec lifted his head to meet him, as desperate for it as he was; their mouths snatched at each other with urgency, and when Tony moved his hips, letting Alec get used to him inside him, they moaned in unison. One hand slid from Tony's backside in a slow caress along his back, to finally tangle in his hair.

After that, it was astounding how easily they settled into the perfect rhythm. Not astounding in how amazing it felt; he'd known it would be. But when it came to first times, there was always a level of awkwardness involved, learning each other's bodies, discovering what worked. What was so breathtaking was how easy it all felt between him and Alec, how comfortable, like they'd done this forever.

They just fit, like puzzle pieces, like they were meant to. His lips on Alec's, swallowing every moan and needy breath, his hips rocking into Alec, he was in no hurry to come. It felt so good; he wanted it to last. His cock surrounded by that amazing heat, Alec's hard cock trapped between their bodies...

Alec shifted beneath him and wrapped those long legs around Tony's back, changing the angle so he could sink in even deeper, and any coherent thought left Tony's brain altogether. Gone was that smooth, easy rhythm; Tony's hips faltered, his pace going more erratic and out of control. They had to stop kissing, the need to pant out desperate breaths more important. With one hand, he pulled at Alec's hips, adjusting the angle a bit more.

There it was. Alec's legs tightened around Tony, his fingers sinking into his back almost painfully, the moan from his lips drawn out and guttural. He'd found the right angle all right. It was amazing to watch Alec's face, twisted in pleasure as Tony's hips slammed into him, finding the right spot with each thrust again and again, until Alec's limbs were shaking with his need to come.

"So close, so close," he panted.

God, he'd better come soon, because Tony didn't think he could last much longer. "Fuck, you feel so good." His hips moving even more erratically, he sighed, "Alexander."

That was all it took. Why he used that name, he wasn't sure, but Alec's eyes rolled to the back of his head, his mouth hanging open as he came.

Tony really didn't see the point of hanging on much longer. His mouth attached to the tattoo on Alec's neck - it tasted just like he'd imagined - it stifled his moan of exquisite pleasure, his hips still stuttering with aftershocks long after he'd come.

He tried not to collapse on top of Alec, but his arms simply gave out under the strain. Alec didn't object; he continued to sigh in bliss, his hands running soothing patterns across Tony's back. They lay like that for a while, basking in each other's warmth, as they tried to catch their breaths.

"Oh, my god," Tony finally sighed against Alec's neck. He couldn't be the only one who thought that had been fucking amazing.

"Yeah, that was..." Alec chuckled. "Something."

When they kissed, it was soft and lazy. Alec's face twisted a little in discomfort when Tony pulled out, but it immediately slipped back into the blissed out joy of a moment earlier. Tony went to dispose of the condom, took a moment to clean himself up in the bathroom before he returned to the bedroom with a wet washcloth and towel for Alec.

"You can shower," he said, "but you'll just end up dirty again."

Alec quirked an eyebrow, his face a picture of innocence, as he used the washcloth and towel to clean himself up. "Really?" he asked in a deadpan voice, handing both the cloth and the towel back to Tony who just threw them on the floor. He had more urgent things to do, like straddling Alec's hips. Alec really had a body built to be straddled.

"Yep," he assured, nodding solemnly. "I'm not done with you yet." They still had several condoms left and Alec was not leaving this apartment until he'd fucked Tony blind, at least once.

Alec nodded, as if he were thinking it over. A huge grin appearing on his face, he surged up, his arms wrapping around Tony. The next moment he was flipped onto his back, Alec between his thighs.

"That can be arranged," Alec growled, his hazel eyes dark with a promise that made Tony's cock take notice long before it was ready for more. Tony started laughing, right before his mouth was claimed in a deep kiss.

\---

_Day 100_

The discomfort in every part of his body being signaled to his brain was his first indication that he was waking up. It was the good kind of discomfort, the kind that came with instant images of naked skin and breathy sighs. They'd gone through all the condoms, turning inventive when they ran out and still weren't done. They didn't get much sleep, but it had been worth it.

A smile tugging at his lips at the memory, Tony cracked open an eye. Lying on his side beside him, Alec was awake and watching him. The pensive look on his face turned into a blinding smile when he noticed Tony was awake, but Tony had caught it. That low-level suspicion wanted to rise again, but it was hard to maintain when faced with such tousle-haired, sleepy-eyed beauty.

 _Who are you? Where did you come from?_ he wanted to ask. Instead he just said, "Good morning."

"Hey." Alec's dazzling smile, along with the sleep-gruffness of his voice, did strange things to Tony's insides.

It felt only natural to move together for a kiss. Hooking his leg around Alec's thigh, he pulled him closer, fingers curling in Alec's hair. As Alec instantly molded his body to Tony's, it struck him once again how perfectly they fit together. His cock seemed to think so as well; it stirred as soon as it came into contact with Alec's cock, and damn, he really thought he'd gotten it all out of his system last night.

Apparently not. Using the leg hooked around Alec to flip him over to his back, he took the opportunity to straddle Alec's hips. He really was made to be straddled.

"We ran out of condoms about four hours ago," Alec pointed out. His voice sounded regretful, but his hands were traveling along Tony's pecs, down towards his abs. If he ventured any lower, he'd be undoing his own words.

"There are other ways we can entertain ourselves." Putting his words into action, Tony was already dipping his head down, sucking at the neck tattoo - Alec was so sensitive there, he'd discovered. Now too, he was rewarding Tony for his efforts with an appreciative moan. His mouth moved lower still - why couldn't he seem to get enough of Alec?

"I suppose," Alec sighed. His hands suddenly stilled on Tony's back. "Too bad you can't click your fingers and make them appear out of thin air."

Tony burst out laughing against Alec's skin. Alec's mind worked in truly bizarre ways.

"Let's see," he said, sitting up, wiggling a bit on Alec's cock, just to watch his eyes roll back. He tried to keep a straight face as he snapped his fingers, but it wasn't easy. "No, that didn't work," he said, turning back to Alec with a huge grin.

The grin slowly faded when he noticed the look on Alec's face. His eyes still fixed on Tony's fingers, a light of expectation seemed to have diminished from them. Wait, was Alec actually disappointed it hadn't worked?

As he marveled at the thought, Alec's eyes met his; he was laughing now, but oh, how fake it looked. How many alarm bells could he keep ignoring for the sake of how hot Alec was?

A lot apparently, as Alec hooked a hand behind his neck and pulled him back into a kiss. As a diversion tactic, it was a brilliant one; Tony was soon sighing and wriggling on top of Alec.

An insistent buzzing from the direction of the floor kept distracting them with its persistence, just when things were starting to get interesting. Breaking the kiss, Alec gave him a regretful look.

"That's probably work, wondering where I am."

"Work?" Tony asked with a frown. "It's Saturday."

The buzzing stopped for a few seconds, but immediately picked up again. Whoever was calling Alec wasn't about to be put off by being ignored.

Alec smiled sheepishly. "My work doesn't really care about weekends."

Another one for the weird facts about Alec list. Weekend work was not unusual in a lot of sectors, but was social work one of them? Possibly, if it was an emergency.

"You could call in sick," he suggested, with a lasciviously raised eyebrow.

Alec grinned back. "I just might."

With a quick kiss, Tony reluctantly got off Alec. He rummaged through his closet until he found a pair of sweatpants. When he turned around, he found Alec watching him with a hunger he wasn't even trying to hide. Maybe he'd forgone the top with the hope for this very result.

"Don't give me that look," he admonished good-naturedly. If he kept it up, Tony might forget his resolve and get back in bed with Alec. "You take care of work and I'll go see what I can dig up for breakfast." Though he left it unsaid, he hoped Alec understood from his tone that he fully intended to pick up where they'd left off after breakfast.

"Thanks." Alec leaned over the side of the bed, reaching for the phone in his pants pocket. Tony allowed himself to get distracted by Alec's naked butt sticking in the air, but then left the bedroom, shaking his head on his way out.

As he closed the door behind him, he realised he was humming and instantly forced himself to stop it. He was acting like a lovesick fool. There was definitely sexual chemistry between him and Alec, there was no denying it. Physically, they were very compatible, but they weren't in fucking love. They barely even knew each other.

The really disturbing fact was, he could actually imagine himself falling in love with Alec.

He should have been horrified by the thought, but he found it made him smile. Even more so when he looked around and saw the trail of clothes leading to his bedroom. They certainly had been in quite a hurry to get naked the previous evening.

Picking up clothes on his way, he wondered if he had anything in his kitchen cupboards to make breakfast. He hadn't really expected Alec to still be around for breakfast. While his mind wandered, he frowned at an object in his path. On closer inspection, it turned out to be a wallet. It wasn't Tony's, so it had to be Alec's. Probably fell out of his pocket in their haste to get his jacket off.

All Tony had meant to do was pick up the wallet and put it somewhere safe for Alec, but the way the wallet had fallen, it had flipped open and right on a picture. It certainly hadn't been Tony's intention to snoop, but the photo was right there under his nose. It was kind of impossible to not look at it.

At first Tony had just quirked an eyebrow in wonder. The photo was of a man; from the prominence it took in Alec's wallet, he could safely jump to the conclusion it was Alec's late partner. The next realisation that went through his head was that he was Asian, just like Tony was. Maybe Alec just had a type. Well, all the makeup on the man wasn't something Tony would have guessed as Alec's type...

His heart jumped into his throat. It couldn't be. He found his hands were shaking as he picked up the wallet and looked at the photo a little more closely. With all the makeup on the guy, he hadn't noticed at first, but beneath the eyeshadow and guyliner, he looked exactly like Tony.

"Holy fuck," he swore softly. The resemblance was truly astounding. His eyes wide, he stared at the face smiling back at him. How was such a thing possible? How could anyone look exactly like...

His thoughts ground to a halt. Hanging his head, he scoffed at his own nonsense. Five seconds ago he'd actually been contemplating falling in love with Alec and it had never even been about him. The only thing Alec found interesting about him was his resemblance to his dead partner. He hadn't had sex with Tony last night; he'd had sex with a ghost.

He was a fool. A goddamn fucking fool.

The more he looked at the picture, the more unsettling it became. There was something truly unnerving in his look-alike's eyes. And that was when it hit him why. The eyeliner... The goatee... The guy didn't just look like him. It was... Fuck, it _was_ him.

The feeling of betrayal pressing down on his chest made his breath catch in his throat. He should have listened to the nagging loud voice in his head. Slamming the wallet shut, he put it on the kitchen counter and put on the shirt he'd picked up off the floor. Suddenly, being naked in front of Alec had lost all its appeal.

When Alec came out of the bedroom a few moments later, Tony was still simmering with anger, but he hadn't had time yet to work out how he was going to confront him with his newly discovered information. Trying to look busy in the kitchen, he kept as still as possible, waiting for Alec to make the first move.

Alec had put on his pants but nothing else. Maybe because his shirt was out in the hallway or maybe because he didn't think he needed one.

"I did it," he announced with a big pleased grin. "I called in sick." He chuckled and shook his head. "First time I've ever done that."

Tony's breathing sped up a little as Alec joined him in the kitchen. His heart rate sped up too, as he tried his best to avoid eye contact. It raced out of control when Alec's arms snaked around his waist from behind.

"You better make it worth my while," he rumbled in Tony's ear. Where a few minutes ago it would have made him tremble with arousal, it now made him shiver for very different reasons.

There was probably a look of confusion on Alec's face when Tony bristled and coldly shook off his touch. Putting several steps of space between them, he had his back towards Alec and couldn't see. He took a few calming breaths and squaring his shoulders, turned around. As expected, Alec was frowning at him, no doubt wondering what had chilled the air between them this drastically.

His lips twisted, he tilted his head towards the kitchen counter. "You dropped something last night."

"Oh, I wondered where I'd left that." Alec's hand reached towards his wallet and froze halfway there.

Tony could pinpoint the exact moment Alec figured out what had happened. His eyes widened, a look close to panic appearing on his face.

Alec's hand fell down uselessly at his side. The panic in his eyes was slowly morphing into resignation as he lifted them to meet Tony's.

"You saw the photo," he said, his voice quietly strained.

It was hard to keep his breathing under control when Alec was standing there, not even trying to deny it.

"Not intentionally," he felt the need to point out. "Your wallet was lying open on the floor like that." They held gazes for a moment longer, but Tony had to look away. "That's him, isn't it?" How he'd got the question out that calmly was a short miracle. His hands needing something to do, he fiddled with the wooden spoon on the counter in front of him.

"Yes," was Alec's short, quiet reply.

"What was his name?" He couldn't even think of himself as that other guy, let alone refer to him in first person.

"Magnus." There was such a deep sense of awe and love, and goddammit, longing in the way he said the name it tore Tony's heart to shreds. Despite his anger at Alec, he couldn't help feeling for him when he made a noise that sounded close to a sob. "You weren't supposed to find out like this."

"I wasn't supposed to find out like this?" he echoed incredulously. "Find out that you _used_ me."

Alec looked confused, a frown of incomprehension between his eyes. "What?" he mouthed, but no sound came out of him.

"You used me because I look just like him." _You are him,_ that voice screamed at the back of his head, but he refused to acknowledge it. It was too much to process. Instead he pushed past Alec. Grabbing Alec's shirt he'd picked up and laid across the back of the chair, he threw it at him. "Get the fuck out," he growled.

Alec grappled with the shirt for a moment as it threatened to fall out of his grasp, but then turned pleading eyes on him. "Tony..."

Tony snorted.

Alec swallowed, his hands twisting in his shirt. "That's not what this is about, please believe me. It's not because you look like him."

Here it came. Certain he wasn't ready to hear it, he crossed his arms in front of him, a protective barrier between Alec's lies and his very fragile heart.

There was an air of defeat in Alec's voice, as he sighed and held Tony's gaze unflinchingly. "You don't look like him. You are him."

Eyes fixed on the miserable look on Alec's face, he sucked in a painful gasp. He'd known it was coming and yet nothing could have prepared him for the truth landing in his brain, the tightness clenching around his guts. It was true. It was really true.

For a moment he couldn't seem to form any words. They just stared at each other, both of them lost as to how to proceed.

Until Tony finally stammered, "How? Did I just forget?"

Alec's beautiful hazel eyes held so much pain and sadness. "That's exactly what you did."

He'd put his shirt on and was buttoning it up. Though he looked calm, Tony could see that he had trouble with the buttons because his hands were shaking that badly.

"You forgot about me, Magnus." His voice shook on the name, just like it shook something fundamental inside Tony. "You forgot about so many things."

If there had still been any doubt in his mind, those words would have wiped them away. He'd never told Alec about his memory problems.

"How...?" he started, but then cut himself off, a more pressing sensation demanding his attention.

Fuck, oh, fuck, it was happening again. He could feel the sensation prickling along his skin. Alec saw it too, his eyes widening, but where Tony expected horror, he only saw concern and yes, definitely alarm. It reminded Tony of what had happened last night, how it hadn't fazed Alec at all when he infused him with that strange energy that he couldn't seem to control. It had turned him on even.

"What... What is happening?"

He lifted his hand to see red tendrils curl around his fingers, but they weren't just around his fingers this time, they were all around his arm.

"Magn..." Alec closed his eyes briefly and started again. "Tony, you have to calm down." It was obvious he was trying to stay calm himself, but his voice shook with agitation. "Red magic is triggered by anger."

Red _what_? He didn't know what was more upsetting, what was happening to him or that this fucking confirmed it. Alec knew what was happening to him. As he'd dreaded all along, Alec _was_ the hot guy with hazel eyes, the same one who'd abandoned him with Sophie and Suzanne.

Alec approached him slowly, hands held up in a nonthreatening way, but all Tony could do was stare at him. Calm down? How was he supposed to do that when he was freaking out?

"Stay back," he managed to get out between gritted teeth.

Not because he feared Alec would hurt him, but that he might get hurt by Tony. This energy around him only seemed to grow stronger and more intense with every passing second, and though he knew getting more agitated was exactly the wrong thing to do, he couldn't seem to stop himself.

That look of resolve on his face, Alec took another step closer. He was either very brave or very stupid. The energy crackled and pulsed around him. There was no way he could contain it.

Alec reached out a hand...

The next few seconds seemed to happen in a blur. There was a deafening sound, not unlike an explosion, and everything around Tony appeared to shimmer with energy. When the air around him stopped vibrating, he gasped in dismay at what he saw. Alec lay crumpled against the wall, clearly where he'd been slammed against it by the force of whatever had radiated off Tony.

What had he done?

He took a step towards Alec, wanting to make sure he was okay, but then changed his mind. What if he hurt him again? A groan from Alec made him close his eyes in relief that he was at least alive.

One hand against the wall, Alec struggled to his feet; if Tony expected Alec to look at him with revulsion, he would have been wrong, as he always seemed to be where Alec was concerned. There was only worry and god, so much love, in his eyes, neither things he deserved right now.

"Please, go," he almost pleaded. He was startled at how strangled his own voice sounded.

"Magnus..."

That was entirely the wrong thing to say in that moment.

"Go!" he yelled at Alec. He was so terrified he was going to hurt him again.

Alec stared at him a moment longer - Tony wondered what it was he saw, who he saw. He wasn't even sure himself who he was anymore.

He must have seen something in Tony's eyes. Alec nodded in understanding; he reached past him for his jacket and shoes, and grabbed his wallet where it was still lying on the kitchen counter. At the door, he cast one more look at Tony.

"Please," Tony all but begged.

With a nod, Alec opened the door and walked out. As soon as the door closed behind him, Tony's legs gave out. He sank down on the floor, right there where he stood, and buried his head in his hands.

He didn't know how long he sat there. He didn't know what he was thinking while he sat there. Magic, Alec had said. Magic?

His head snapped up in sudden realisation. _Too bad you can't click your fingers and make them appear out of thin air._ Alec had said it as if he'd actually believed he could do it.

Tony raised his hand; for the longest time he just stared at his fingers. It was crazy, right? Magic belonged to fairy tales.

He snapped his fingers. There was a condom between them.


	5. I'll Burn It Down...

Bristling with anger at himself, Alec stormed into his office. As he came to a halt behind his desk, he stood and tried to take a few calming breaths. It wasn't easy to do when his whole being seemed to vibrate with fury.

He was an idiot. A fucking stupid idiot. He'd done the one thing he'd sworn he'd never do: he'd hurt Magnus.

Leaning his palms against the desk, Alec lowered his head and tried to breathe. He might have calmed down if his eye hadn't fallen on the note lying on his desk. With everything going on inside his head, the last thing he needed was a message from Aldertree, asking him what was keeping the report on that vampire den he was waiting for.

Everything bubbling inside Alec came exploding out. His arms swept across the desk, taking half of the things on it with them. They made an unholy racket as they clattered to the floor, but Alec didn't even notice. His fingers in his hair, he stalked from behind his desk; they stayed there as he sagged, defeated, onto the couch, lowering his head into his hands.

The noise was bound to have attracted attention, so he wasn't really surprised when he heard the approach of rapid heels. A moment later there was a startled gasp.

"Alec, what happened?"

He didn't even look up towards her. "I fucked up, Iz," he sighed. "I fucked up so bad."

The clicking of her heels came in his direction. When he felt her hands on his, trying to pull them away from his face, he still couldn't lift his head to look at her.

Her voice was filled with sympathy when she asked, "What did you do?"

He closed his eyes for a moment and then, with a deep breath, he lifted his head to meet her eyes. Whatever she saw in his, it made her gasp in surprise. Crouching in front of him, she held his hands in hers in silent support.

"I spent the night with Magnus."

Her eyes grew wide, her face lighting up with hope he felt dreadful for putting there. "He remembers you?" she asked, her voice high with excitement.

Holding her gaze, he slowly shook his head. She frowned in confusion, but the longer he held her gaze, the more she understood what he was saying. Confusion turned to disapproval and immediately into fond understanding.

"Oh, Alec."

With a sigh, she rose and wrapped her arms around him. The warmth of her embrace felt so good, so comforting. Burying his face against her shoulder, he soaked it in, and let out everything he'd kept locked away inside so tightly. As she rubbed his back soothingly, he found he was shaking.

"What happened to staying away from him?" There was nothing but gentle curiosity in her voice, no reproach of any kind.

He took a shuddering breath. "I tried. By the Angel, I tried. But knowing he was out there. I had to see him. I was just going to pass him on the street, but he recognised me from the police station and we started talking..."

He could have ended it there. He should have ended it there. But he'd wanted just another moment in Magnus' presence. Fifteen minutes while they had a cup of coffee would have been enough.

He let out a snort. Who was he kidding? Fifteen minutes? Half an hour? Five hours? It would never have been enough.

Letting go of him, she sank back into a crouch. This time, there was a hint of reproach in her eyes. "You know what Catarina said."

Sighing, he nodded. Yeah, he knew. The parts of Magnus' memory that had been erased were so specifically targeted it could only have been done by a memory spell. It was too deliberate to be explained by amnesia. It was just their luck that Magnus was the foremost expert on memory spells. There was another, Caspian Somethingorother, but he'd gone mysteriously missing, in a too suspicious to be coincidence way.

"You're not making things easier on either of you...," she started, but he interrupted her with a shake of his head.

"I just missed him so much, Izzy." He couldn't keep the despair out of his voice; it made her eyes grow wide in surprise. "I just needed one kiss. One kiss, that's all I wanted. And before I knew it we were naked and in his bed..."

She shrank away from him, her hands held up in warning. "That's a little too much information about your sex life..."

But her words couldn't stop the tidal wave of emotions pouring out of him. "He didn't even remember me and it was the only time I've been happy in months. I need him, Iz. If I can be in his life, he can have me, in whatever form he wants me." Remembering what had happened at Magnus' place that morning, he deflated. "But he won't," he concluded, his voice shaking with pain.

He'd blown it. There was no way Magnus... Well, maybe Magnus would have forgiven him. But he was Tony right now, and he never would.

He gave his head a little shake when she looked at him in question. "He found out I lied to him. Kicked me out." He decided not to tell her how his magic had gone haywire and knocked Alec against the wall. He looked bad enough as it was.

She opened her mouth to say something, but whether it would be encouraging or reproachful, he never found out, interrupted as they were by the buzzing in his pants' pocket. He thought about ignoring it, but then it was like a sixth sense that made him dig the phone out of his pocket.

His eyes widened and his heart jumped up his throat when he saw his premonition had been correct. "It's him," he whispered to Izzy.

"You want me to go?" she asked, already rising to her feet.

He shook his head. He needed the support. As Izzy sat down on the couch beside him, he held onto her hand with one hand and picked up the call with the other.

"Hey," he said, trying his best to keep his voice under control.

For a while there was no reply, but Alec knew Magnus was still there. He could hear him breathing. It was the tight controlled breathing he recognised all too well on Magnus when he was upset. Alec could practically hear his jaw clench.

When he finally spoke, the words were clipped and precise. "I'm still mad at you."

Alec closed his eyes briefly at the pain he could hear in Magnus' voice, knowing he was the one who'd put it there. "Good," he said, in all honesty, "you have every right to be."

There was another moment of silence, but then Magnus sighed. "But I hurt you today..." His voice was wracked with guilt. Alec wanted to interrupt him, assure him he didn't blame him, that he understood, but Magnus wouldn't let him. "And that is unforgivable," he added. "It can't happen again. But I'm afraid it will if I don't get this thing under control. And you seem to be the only one who can help me with that."

His hand tightened around Izzy's; the squeeze she returned was exactly the encouragement he needed. "What can I do?" he asked, resolutely squelching down the hope that wanted to rise to the surface.

"Can you meet me at my place? I need answers."

His heart racing, Alec took a calming deep breath. "When?"

"Now?" The single word almost sounded desperate. It was followed by a humourless chuckle. "I'm afraid to go out. Afraid this thing will hurt someone else."

The hopelessness in Magnus' voice was more than Alec could bear. He was on his feet in an instant. "I'll be right over."

"Okay," was all Magnus said and then the line went dead.

Alec turned to Izzy, who looked up at him with expectation. A hesitant smile formed when she saw the determination on Alec's face.

"Can you contact Catarina?" he asked her. "Ask her to be on standby? I think we might need her."

"Yeah, of course."

With a nod, he turned to leave. It was very unlikely he'd get a welcoming reception at Magnus' place but that wasn't a concern right now. He would be with Magnus; that was all that mattered.

He turned back to Izzy when she called his name, staggering back in surprise when she launched herself at him and hugged him tightly. "Give Magnus a hug from me."

He smiled sadly. If only he could...

\---

As expected, the welcome was less than warm. Magnus let him into his place, but then immediately turned his back on him and walked away. Alec stood there for a moment, not sure what to do next; when he saw Magnus sit down on the couch and point a graceful hand towards the chair opposite him, he straightened his shoulders and sat down as directed.

Gone were the adorably baggy sweatpants. Magnus was dressed in a sober dark long-sleeved shirt and black jeans. He was clearly making a point to put distance between them, as was evidenced by the way Magnus held himself ramrod straight, his eyes on the hands resting on his knees. It also showed how tightly he was holding onto his self-control. Maybe he was afraid his magic would run amok again and hurt Alec. The thought made Alec's gut clench with pain. Everything inside him was screaming to hold Magnus, but that wasn't even within the realm of possibilities right now. As close as they'd been last night, that was how far apart they were right now.

His eyes never lifting from his hands, Magnus asked, "This place is yours, isn't it?"

Alec had been prepared for questions. He'd talked to Catarina on the phone on his way over. "The damage is done," she'd said. "Lying to him now, or keeping information from him, is only going to make matters worse. If he asks questions, the best thing you can do is be honest."

But this wasn't the question Alec had expected. He took a startled breath, surprised that Magnus had figured it out. "Technically it's yours," he said. "I inherited it from you, but seeing how you're not dead..."

Magnus' eyes snapped up, meeting his, stopping his words in their tracks. He really shouldn't have been surprised about the cat eyes - they always came out when Magnus was under emotional stress. It was just a brief glimpse before the glamour slipped across them again. At least now Alec had the answer to his question: Magnus really was doing it instinctually.

"But I don't live here?" was the question he asked once he'd calmed a little.

Alec shook his head. "You live with me, at our loft in Brooklyn."

Magnus took in this information and added, "And this place?"

Alec shrugged. "I don't know why you kept this place. I didn't even know about it until I _inherited_ it from you." Magnus pulled a face at the emphasis he put on the word, but didn't stop Alec. "I didn't mean to be so sneaky about it, but I couldn't stand the idea of you not having a home when this place was just sitting here doing nothing."

His worry that he might have offended Magnus' pride proved to be unfounded when Magnus nodded slowly. "My gratitude towards my unknown benefactor hasn't changed now it's revealed to be you."

He wanted to thank the Angel for that at least, but he should have known. Magnus had always fought to protect the vulnerable and defenseless, a trait even a memory spell couldn't knock out of him, as was proven by his work with his dance group. He couldn't blame Alec for something he would have done himself if the circumstances had been reversed.

"So I'm..."

The words trailed off, as Magnus took a deep breath and then chuckled, shaking his head in wonder. His own spirits lifting at the sudden amusement in Magnus' eyes, Alec could feel a smile tugging at his lips.

"So I'm," he tried again, "the beautiful, amazing man who gave you the confidence you needed to be yourself?"

There was a spark in his eyes as they lifted to meet Alec's. It was obvious from the smile dancing around Magnus' lips that he quite liked the thought. It ignited Alec's heart into a glowing ball of mushy feelings. He knew his whole face was beaming with love, but he couldn't stop himself if he tried.

"Yes," was all he said, not trusting his voice to hold for anything more.

Their gazes held, as Magnus slowly nodded in realisation; Alec's elation started to ebb away when a frown grew between Magnus' eyes. Even as he braced himself, he wasn't ready for Magnus' next question.

"Then why did you leave me with Sophie and Suzanne three months ago?"

What the...? He'd been prepared for accusations, but this one made no sense at all. Where the hell did it even come from? He didn't know who Sophie and Suzanne were until Luke had told him about them and Rainbow House a week ago.

Alec stared at him. "I..," he stammered, completely lost for words. "I've got no idea what you're talking about."

The dark look in Magnus' eyes intensified as he snorted. "You told me your partner had died. But that's not true, is it? You abandoned me."

The words were shocking, as was the coldness in Magnus' voice. Alec had trouble processing either. He shook his head in fervent denial.

"I would never..." His voice shook so hard he could barely get the words out. "I would never abandon you."

"I should have known the first time I laid eyes on you," Magnus continued in that same detached, chilly tone, ignoring all of Alec's denials. "Hot guy with hazel eyes is what we call you." His face twisted with disgust, he flicked a hand in Alec's direction. "Tell me you don't fit that description."

"Magnus, I swear to ..."

He was halfway out of his chair, desperate to get through to Magnus, when the startled, almost suspicious look on Magnus' face made him sink back in defeat. Was Magnus scared of him? He couldn't bear the thought.

"I swear on everything that's dear to me," he choked out, "I've got no idea what you're talking about. I don't know who that was three months ago, but I swear it wasn't me." Tears were stinging behind his eyes at the memory, but he pushed through. "I've been missing you like crazy because I thought you were dead. I wouldn't have waited three months to find you if I knew where you were." His voice turned soft as he added, "They were the three worst months of my life."

Some of Magnus' stubborn resolve started to fade, a look of confusion and doubt taking its place. Was Alec getting through to him?

"You thought I was dead?" he finally asked.

The pain of that moment shot through Alec all over again. He had a slightly damaged but living, breathing Magnus sitting in front of him and yet, the devastation he'd felt when he lost him was etched into his heart forever.

"We thought you died, but..." His mouth twisted, he extended a hand towards Magnus, obviously alive and breathing in front of him.

That was clearly the part Magnus had trouble with. "I either died or I didn't," he stated impatiently. "How?"

That at least he could tell him. He couldn't keep the pride and love he felt off his face as he did. "You sacrificed yourself. Either you died or everyone of your kind did."

Magnus' face twisted. "Doesn't sound like me."

"On the surface, maybe not." Magnus' mock offended rise of one eyebrow was so Magnus, it made Alec chuckle. "You've always been all about survival. But when it comes down to it..." He took a deep shuddering breath before he added, "You will blow up the very ground you stand on to make something right." He still remembered Magnus saying that to him when he needed to hear it the most.

Magnus seemed to take that in before he asked, "My kind?"

How to explain the Downworld? While he struggled for the right words, he was surprised to see his indecision had made Magnus smile.

Raising his hand, Magnus never broke eye contact. Alec found he was actually holding his breath, waiting to see what Magnus would do.

"People who can do this?"

Alec gasped when he clicked his fingers with that elegant ease that was so quintessential Magnus he could feel tears gather behind his eyes. His mouth fell open; he had to blink to make sure he wasn't seeing things. Magnus was holding a small package between his fingers. A condom, he realised.

A gleam appeared in Magnus' eyes, knowing he'd taken Alec by surprise. "I tried again after you left," he explained with a soft smile, while Alec continued to stare at him, shocked Magnus had believed him at all. "It works with other things as well." He snapped his fingers again. This time he was holding a pen. He shrugged when Alec beamed at him. "You sounded so convinced I could do it."

He wasn't really sure himself why he'd suggested it. Maybe he'd hoped it would trigger some kind of memory.

He shook his head in utter amazement. "Yes, people who can do that," he said, his voice soft in reverence. He decided not to mention other Downworlders like vampires and werewolves for the time being. Things were confusing enough for Magnus right now.

As Magnus put the pen down on the coffee table, his delighted smile slowly faded. There was something so intense in his eyes when he locked them with Alec's. He braced himself for whatever Magnus was about to say.

"I knew there was something between us from the first moment we met."

Alec took a sharp breath through his nose. He knew Magnus was talking about the police station, not their actual first meeting at his loft, but even so, to know that he'd had such a profound effect on Magnus was more than he'd dared to dream.

"Then why," Magnus continued, his voice growing more hesitant, "why don't I remember you?"

Alec's eyes briefly closed. The fact that Magnus' memory had erased every trace of Alec wasn't new information. Hearing it spoken out loud shouldn't still hurt so much. But it did. It cut through Alec like a knife.

He made sure to hold Magnus' gaze as he spoke, so he could see the truth in his eyes. "It's a memory spell," he said, holding his breath as he waited for his reaction.

Magnus' expression went through a rapid succession of curiosity to confusion. "Why?" he finally asked. His voice sounded smaller than Alec had ever heard it. "Why would anyone do that to me?"

That was a question they'd been trying to find an answer to for the last seven days, ever since Luke brought them a mugshot of a suspect and turned Alec's entire world upside down. He had to admit he was surprised Magnus believed him. After accepting he could do magic, he supposed everything else was minor in comparison.

He shook his head with helplessness. "We don't know." When Magnus' eyes widened, he quickly added, "Yet. We don't know, yet. But we will, I promise. And then we'll have it undone and you'll remember..."

His voice trailed off as Magnus rose to his feet, shaking his head in obvious disbelief. "Who would do this to me?" he asked, pacing the floor, his breathing harsh. He turned sharply towards Alec; there was so much pain in his eyes, it took Alec's breath away. "Is it a punishment? Did I do something bad?"

"By the Angel, no..." Alec started, but he never got any further, all his attention suddenly focused on one thing.

While Magnus paced, his index finger and thumb were rubbing together in that telltale sign that made all Alec's alarm bells go off at once. If he worked himself up into a state again, it might set off his magic and that was exactly what he'd come to prevent.

When the rubbing fingers started to ignite sparks, Magnus seemed to realise it too. His pacing stopped abruptly as he lifted his fingers and stared at the red energy for a second before turning eyes, round in confusion and alarm, to Alec.

"What is it?" The pain in his voice tore at Alec's heart. "What is this... _thing_?"

Jumping to his feet, Alec strode towards him and wrapped his fingers around the ones sparking magic. The red kind, born from anger, was the most painful kind, but Alec didn't let go, holding tightly onto Magnus' hand. The cat eyes too were out; Alec looked deeply into them, almost willing Magnus to see he had nothing to be afraid of, that he needed to breathe and let the anger go and with it the magic it had generated.

He gritted his teeth as the magic ripped at his flesh. "Magnus," he ground out, "you have to calm down." He made sure Magnus was looking into his eyes when he added, as calmly as he could, "Breathe."

Taking a deep breath himself, he encouraged Magnus to take it with him. Their gazes locked, he held it for a long second before he let it out slowly, relieved to note that Magnus was following him every step of the way. Slowly, the wild look in Magnus' eyes faded, as his breathing evened out as well. As it did, the red haze around him too fizzled out until it was gone completely. There was so much confusion in Magnus' still unglamoured eyes, it felt more painful to Alec than his magic had been.

"You're a warlock," Alec said in as calm a voice as he could muster. Magnus blinked, his cat pupils widening in obvious alarm. Alec rubbed a thumb across the top of Magnus' hand soothingly. "The most amazing, powerful warlock I have ever met. And this..." He held up their joined hands, his thumb now rubbing along the fingertips that had sparked magic. "This is your magic. It's so powerful and wonderful and you protect your people with it or use it to amuse us with silly parlour tricks or..." He chuckled at the memory. "More often than not to conjure up a drink because you're too lazy to get up and pour one."

When Magnus still looked freaked out, Alec sighed. "The memory spell just made you forget how to control it. You told me what it was like when you first learned to control it as a child. It was a long process."

There was a tremor in Magnus' voice when he finally spoke. "Yesterday it was blue."

Alec nodded. "Blue magic is healing magic." He couldn't help smiling when Magnus' lips twisted in a grimace. Guess sex magic fell under the healing category. "Red," he explained, "is magic conjured up by anger."

As he'd expected, Magnus instantly put two and two together. His eyes wide in horror, he pulled his hand from Alec's and took a step back from him.

"I hurt you again, didn't I?"

"No, it's okay, I'm used to your magic..." Alec started, but that only seemed to make matters worse.

Magnus took another step back, putting even more distance between them. "Used to it?" he asked incredulously. He shook his head, almost in denial, it seemed. "I have to control this, Alec. I can't go around hurting people. What will I do if this happens again and you're not here?"

Alec's mind was made up in a second. Guiding Magnus back to the couch, he gently urged him to sit down, crouching down at his feet.

"Okay," he said, his thumb running along Magnus' hand, "we've got two options. Either you pack a bag and come stay with me..."

"At the place where we lived together?" The look on Magnus' face could only be described as extremely skeptical.

Yeah, maybe confronting Magnus with that aspect of their lives was a little too much too soon.

"Or," Alec added, " _I_ pack a bag and come stay with you."

There was still a hint of hesitation in Magnus' expression, but then he slowly nodded. "I suppose it's the only way..." He sighed with resignation. "I just don't want to hurt anyone again." His eyes flashed, as a twist pulled at his mouth. "My life was certainly a lot easier before you came along, Alexander Lightwood."

Alec grinned; it wasn't the first time he'd heard Magnus voice that sentiment, though it was usually followed by a wild make-out session or uh... something a little more intense even.

His grin slowly faded when he saw the look on Magnus' face. It would seem his thoughts had wandered in the same direction.

"If you stay with me," Magnus said, his voice strained, "it's only to help me control this. I can't..."

He left the rest unsaid, but Alec didn't need the words. In all honesty he preferred not having to hear them. He knew he'd fucked up; he couldn't blame Magnus if he'd lost his trust in him. It was amazing he was allowing Alec to stay at all.

"Yeah, yeah, absolutely," he muttered.

Noticing how Magnus was pointedly looking at Alec's thumb caressing his hand, he yanked his hand away. He'd only meant to comfort Magnus, soothe him, but he could see now how it could be misinterpreted.

"Totally agree," he quickly added, rising to his feet and putting some distance between them. "This has nothing to do with last night. That was... uh, great, no question about it, but uh... This couch looks comfortable..."

"Alec." Magnus sounded amused when he interrupted his flood of words. "It's okay. We'll work something out." His smile faltered slightly. "I'm grateful you're doing this for me." His eyes were glamoured again, but they flashed with intent when they locked with Alec's. "But I haven't quite forgiven you for lying to me."

Alec nodded, taking in the rebuke. He absolutely deserved it. "Will you be okay while I run home to pack some stuff?" Foremost, he needed a change of clothes. He was still wearing the outfit from their date and yeah, nobody needed a reminder of that.

He briefly wondered if he could call on Catarina to stay with Magnus if necessary. Then again, Magnus was just getting used to all this. It might be a bit soon to introduce him to people he didn't even know... He stopped the tangent his brain had gone off on, when he saw the gentle smile on Magnus' face.

"Go," he said, his voice calm and kind. It made something warm explode in Alec's heart, to know he was still welcome to that kindness, after what he'd done. "I'll be fine," he assured.

"I'll be back as fast as I can." At the door, he turned. "Give me a call if you need me."

Magnus shook his head, but the smile on his lips spoke of nothing but amused fondness. "I will."

Alec grinned and with a nod, opened the door and left.

===

Magnus.

Mag...nus.

He kept trying the name in his head, apply it to himself, but he failed every time. As for being a warlock, he couldn't even begin to wrap his mind around that concept, so he didn't even try.

With Alec gone, he was momentarily lost as to what to do. When he woke up that morning, the plan had been to spend most of the day in bed with a gloriously naked Alec, but all such desires had flown out of the window after the things he'd found out about him. At least it was the weekend and he wasn't expected anywhere for the next two days.

Now that Alec was staying over it was probably a good idea to go out and get in some groceries. He decided against it in the end. He was still feeling too volatile. Maybe they could order in something.

Apparently that connection between them worked on more than one level. When he let in Alec some time later, he had a duffel bag strapped across his back and was carrying two paper bags in his arms.

Depositing the paper bags on the kitchen counter, he heaved the duffel bag onto the floor, and frowned when he saw Tony's grin. "What?"

Tony shook his head. Trying to hide his amusement, and maybe a slight flutter of his heart, he peeked into the bags. There was pasta in there and vegetables. Was that a tub of ice cream?

After throwing his jacket in the direction of the chair, Alec shrugged when Tony quirked an eyebrow at him. "You've forgotten, but I eat a lot. I can't expect you to pay for it all."

"Well," Tony said, as he pulled the ice cream out of the bag, "since you've apparently inherited all my money, it's only fair you pay." There was a hint of shock on Alec's face, but then he smiled. Tony put the ice cream in the freezer; he straightened and stared at Alec when he realised. "That woman... Zoe?" He continued when Alec nodded, "She said you inherited a fortune. Just how rich was I?"

The question seemed to make Alec a bit uncomfortable. He coughed and gazed around for a moment before he replied. "Very," was all he said. He quickly busied himself putting the vegetables in the fridge, trying to not make it sound like a big deal when he added, "People will pay a lotta money for warlock spells."

He could do spells? If he had magic powers, he guessed that made sense. He frowned when he realised what Alec was saying. "Am I a greedy bastard?"

Alec swiveled towards him, horror written across his face and what looked like... Was that pain? "By the Angel, no!" There was that quaint expression again. He seemed to waver before he continued. "Only to the people who can afford it. And the worse they treat you, the more you tend to charge, but we all know they deserve to pay through the nose anyway."

Alec's defense of him was so passionate, he couldn't help but feel touched. Or wonder about that pinched look around his mouth.

"You defend it well, but it brings you pain," he observed. Maybe Alec wasn't as okay with his charging practices as he made it seem.

Alec shrugged and started putting the rest of the groceries away. "It's an old hurt. It's what my parents used to warn me off you."

"Aaah..." Tony nodded in understanding. "And I charged them extra because they were bigoted assholes."

For a moment he thought he'd crossed a line, as Alec's eyes widened in surprise, but then he chuckled. "Pretty much."

They smiled at each other in complete harmony, before they both seemed to realise what they were doing, and shaking it off, quickly turned away from each other. Just to have something to do with his hands, Tony picked up the packet of pasta Alec had left out on the kitchen counter and pretended to read the cooking instructions.

"So," he said, without looking up, "you do a lot of cooking?"

The noise Alec was making as he rummaged around inside one of the bottom cupboards made Tony turn towards him with a frown. He quickly looked away when he was presented with Alec's butt pointing towards him. He resolutely shook off the images that flashed across his mind of licking and biting into that ass...

With an "Ahah!" of triumph, Alec straightened with the desired cooking pot in his hands. Filling it with water, he put it on the stove. "I kinda had to learn, once you were..." He shivered slightly, unable to say the words. The sad look lingered a little longer, but then an amused smile lifted his lips as he turned to Tony. "It's so easy to get lazy when your boyfriend can conjure up delicious meals with the snap of his fingers."

Tony's eyes widened. "I can?" He raised his hand, his middle finger and thumb touching, eager to try.

Laughing, Alec grabbed his hand and pulled it down again. "Let's do this the traditional way, until you get your magic under control at least. We don't want to set the kitchen on fire."

It was amazing how they could already joke about this. Everything between them felt so easy. It really was a damn shame Alec couldn't have been honest with him from the start. This could have all gone so differently.

As the thought entered his head, he realised that they were still holding hands. With a slight cough, he pulled his hand out of Alec's. He too seemed to feel a bit uncomfortable; with an awkward smile, he passed a hand across the back of his head, turning away at the same time.

"Uh, you got a cutting board somewhere?" he asked, as he started fiddling with the vegetables.

Even in cooking it seemed they were in perfect sync, complementing each other perfectly. The only problem was that Tony's kitchen was rather on the small side. Every time they moved they tended to brush against each other, and when they did, that _je ne sais quoi_ , that frisson between them was ever so tangible.

Eventually Alec had had enough of the accidental touches and the subsequent heightened charge between them every time it happened. With a laugh, he pushed Tony out of his own kitchen. "Go sit down! You've had a big day. I got this."

With a shrug, Tony did as told.

\---

After lunch, a rudimentary but tasty pasta with salad, Alec went to retrieve something from his duffel bag which turned out to be a tablet.

"Okay," he said, sitting down next to Tony on the couch, and turning on the tablet, "We've done a bit of research since we found out you're not..." Again he left the word unsaid.

"We?" Tony winced when Alec's lockscreen, predictably, showed a picture of the two of them. He just couldn't seem to get used to that other face. He wondered what Alec thought of him without makeup. What if that was most of the appeal for him?

Alec winced too, but for a different reason, as it turned out. A guilty look on his face, he slowly turned to Tony. "I'm not a social worker," he said in a solemn tone.

Clutching his hand to his chest in mock horror, he gave Alec his best, _No shit, Sherlock?_ face. Alec merely rolled his eyes, and god, that shouldn't be a hot look on him, but damn, it was.

"I'm a Shadowhunter." When Tony frowned at him, Alec elaborated. "We keep the world safe from demons."

Tony was rather proud of the blasé shrug with which he reacted to this new information. "Warlocks, Shadowhunters, demons? Why not?" He chuckled. "But I draw the line at vampires." When Alec gazed at him blankly without blinking, he waved a hand. "On second thought, I don't want to know."

A guilty look appeared on Alec's face, instantly setting off Tony's alarms. "There's another thing I haven't told you about."

Sighing, Tony rolled his eyes and waved a _go ahead, tell me_ hand at him. Granted, he'd known Alec for all of five seconds before he fell in bed with him, and maybe he should have found out a little more before he had, but it felt like every other sentence out of Alec's mouth was some earth-shattering revelation. He was kind of over it by now.

His eyes suddenly widened. "Uh... Alec?" he stammered, when Alec started undressing, pulling off his shirt and revealing that toned, hairy chest and muscular arms.

Oh, right, now he remembered why he'd fallen into bed with him. That was why.

"Don't worry," Alec said, smiling awkwardly, "I just wanna show you something." From his pants' back pocket he pulled out something that at first glance looked like a high brand pen. "This is a stele," he explained.

Tony blinked when the top of the stele started glowing, shrinking back a little when Alec passed it along his skin. What happened next made him gasp in surprise. A shimmering effect traveled along Alec's body; where there had only been skin before, strange symbols were now dotted all over his upper body.

His hand holding the stele slowly lowered as Alec looked at him from beneath his thick eyelashes. Tony would have been captivated by that look if he hadn't been too busy staring at the strange tattoos. How had he known?

"I was right?" he finally asked, lifting his gaze to meet Alec's, and not just because the sight of Alec's naked upper body covered in tattoos was very distracting.

Alec nodded, a trace of guilt lingering in his expression. "You've got no idea how shocked I was when you said you expected more of them. When we met at the police station, I'd forgotten to glamour them..." Tony supposed that was the shimmering hiding effect he was talking about. "So it was too late to hide the deflect rune." He pointed towards the one on his neck.

"Rune?" he asked.

"Yeah," Alec said. "They're not tattoos. They're burnt into my skin with this." He held up the stele.

"Burnt?" Tony asked, horrified.

"Each one of them gives me a different ability. This one, for example..." He gestured towards the one on his forearm, "makes me soundless."

"Why did you hide them?"

Alec shrugged. "I thought you'd be freaked out if I was covered in them."

Freaked out by how hot they were, it shot through Tony's head.

"But you knew there had to be more," Alec pointed out, snapping Tony's attention back to the matter at hand. "On some level, you must have remembered." He considered this information for a moment. "I wonder what else you remember?"

Tony frowned, wondering the same. How many memories in his head were his own and how many were put there by the memory spell?

"Did I ever date someone named Camille?" he asked.

That name obviously rang a bell. Alec didn't even try to hide his irritation as he rolled his eyes. " _Her_ you would remember."

Tony laughed. "If it's any consolation, the memories aren't particularly pleasant ones. Could you...?" Instead of finishing the question, he wrinkled his nose and waved towards Alec's shirt.

A lovely colour spread across Alec's face. "Yeah... Sure... Sorry." He fumbled with putting his shirt back on in the most adorable way. "Didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Just wanted to show you..."

"It's appreciated." Tony coughed. All sorts of questions had suddenly popped into his mind. Were all those runes as sensitive as the deflect rune had proven to be the previous night? Did that mean he could scrape his teeth across any of them and have Alec squirm and moan, begging for more?

He suddenly found his mouth was dry. He needed to get his head together. _He lied to you_ , his mind provided. He would probably have continued lying if he hadn't been caught.

Yeah, that did it. "With we, you mean you and your Shadowhunters?" he asked, his head back in the game.

There was a dreamy look on Alec's face. Maybe his mind too had wandered to the activities of the previous night. He shook it off with what looked like some difficulty.

"Right," he said, turning back to the tablet. "We've been trying to find out who could be behind this spell, but we haven't had a lot of luck." Files started opening up under his touch. Tony resolutely shook off the thought of just how talented those fingers were and concentrated instead on the files they pulled up. He frowned when he saw the words _Warlock database_ pop up. "With your help," Alec continued, "we'll hopefully be able to narrow down our search." His eyes bright with expectation, he turned to Tony. "What do you remember?"

"Where to start?" he asked on a sigh.

Alec smiled encouragingly. "Why not at the beginning?"

He told him how he'd come to live with Sophie and Suzanne. Part of Tony was still suspicious about Alec's involvement in that, despite his denials, but he let it go for now. With every memory he shared he could read from Alec's expression as he took notes whether it lined up with his. He probably thought he was being subtle, but his mouth curled up whenever Tony said something he liked. Granted, that reaction wasn't as frequent as he'd hoped. The one his words produced more often than not was a confused line between Alec's eyes.

After a while, they both started feeling defeated. When Tony hung his head, Alec sighed.

"Why don't we get outta here? You've been cooped up inside all day."

Looking up, he found Alec giving him his best encouraging smile. He was starting to recognise that lopsided pull at his lips, was starting to respond to it.

"Where to? I didn't have any plans for today."

A colour slowly rose up Alec's face. Once again he seemed to have guessed Tony's mind. Just like with that sideways smile of Alec's, Tony found he couldn't stop himself from reacting to it.

"Aside from that," he said on a grin.

Smiling, Alec shook his head. "We really need to get outta here." Rising from the couch, he grabbed his jacket from where he'd thrown it across the back of a chair. "We could go for a walk. Anything is better than sitting here and beating ourselves up."

Tony couldn't tell from Alec's expression whether this was something he used to do with... - he wrinkled his nose - with Magnus. Until he could wrap his mind around this whole thing he would just think of the guy who had a life with Alec Lightwood as a completely separate person. With a shrug, he went to get his own jacket and followed Alec out the door.

It was a lovely sunny afternoon. Alec was right; the day was too beautiful to waste it inside. There were a few kids hanging around the street who seemed to agree with them.

The truth was, he hadn't had much of a chance to explore his own neighbourhood yet and so they just picked a direction and started walking. Though Alec said he hadn't even known of the existence of Tony's place until he'd inherited it, Tony couldn't help wondering if Alec knew his way around better than he did. Maybe one of those squiggles on his body functioned as a satnav.

He dismissed the thought with a chuckle. The sound made Alec quirk an eyebrow at him in amused wonder. Tony shook his head, not even wanting to share the silly thought. Alec merely shrugged and continued walking. There was something so easy in their interaction; even the silences and shrugs between them felt comfortable.

It struck Tony, as it had the day before, how despite Alec's long legs, he never felt like he had to make an effort to keep up. Alec somehow knew exactly which pace to maintain for Tony's maximum comfort. Then again, that discovery shouldn't be surprising, considering their history. He noticed how Alec's hand kept flexing; maybe he missed Tony's hand in his.

No, he couldn't keep going down that path.

"Look, Alec," he said, coming to a stop, "let's make a deal, okay?"

Turning towards Tony, Alec stopped walking too; his eyes widened slightly with worry before an uneven smile broke through. "Yeah, sure," he said, a hint of apprehension in his voice. "What about?"

"What happened before between you and me, we put that behind us." He quickly added, when he saw the worry in Alec's expression intensify, "I mean, we forget about it for the time being. We start anew. Starting here. I can't keep wondering if I might say something that reminds you of _him_. You can't keep looking at me with disappointment when I do something _he_ doesn't.

"I'm not Magnus," Tony added with emphasis. "At least not now. I don't remember being him or our lives together. You can't expect me to be him. That's too much pressure. On both of us." At Alec's nod of understanding, Tony took a relieved breath. "We're just two guys, getting to know each other. That's all I can give you right now. If you're looking for more..." He left the rest unsaid, but Alec nodded again, signaling his agreement.

As they resumed their walk, it felt like a huge weight had fallen off Tony's shoulders. Now he could perhaps focus on getting this thing, this _magic_ , under control. There was still one thing he'd been wondering about.

"What would you have done if I hadn't found that picture?"

Had Alec planned to keep up the charade until... Until what? Until Tony remembered him?

Alec sighed, that twist Tony had come to recognise pulling at his lips. "I wasn't thinking about anything but how much I missed you..." He immediately recovered himself; Tony smiled softly with gratitude when he quickly added, "Magnus. How much I missed Magnus. How much I needed him." Despite the deal they'd just made, Tony couldn't help but feel awed by the longing echoing through Alec's voice. "Asking you out on a date wasn't planned," he added in a self-mocking huff. "I'm not exactly a spur of the moment sort of guy."

Tony chuckled. "You could have fooled me."

Alec's laugh brought a smile to Tony's face. "My sister will back me up. She's always telling me I'm overthinking everything."

"Your sister?" Tony remembered Alec telling him about brothers.

Alec nodded. "Izzy."

To Alec's credit he didn't look towards Tony to see how he'd react to the name. Well, he did kind of peek at him from the corner of his eye, but he was being subtle about it and really, Tony couldn't expect miracles. He would probably be disappointed by Tony's reaction anyway, because truth was, the name didn't ring any bells.

"Two brothers and a sister," Tony said, "that's quite a big family."

"And I assure you, we don't always get along." Despite the words, the love for his siblings shone through in his voice. "You?"

Alec's question startled Tony out of his thoughts and not in the least because he didn't expect it. Alec probably knew the answer to that question better than he did. He was clearly taking their deal to start over seriously.

He shook his head. "No siblings." As far as he knew.

He held his breath, waiting for Alec to frown in confusion or inform him that he'd forgotten them too, but he simply nodded as he took in the information and Tony released his breath on a sigh. Alec really had taken his words to heart.

Turning the corner, they came across a tiny playground tucked away between two tall buildings, complete with a small park and a few benches.

"Huh," Tony said, "I didn't even know this was here."

Alec grinned. "Now you do. For those moments when you feel the uncontrollable urge to swing." It was only after the words had left his mouth he seemed to realise what he'd said. His eyes grew impossibly huge as he stared at Tony.

"As in both ways? Cause I don't need literal swings to do that."

Alec's eyes widened even more, if that were at all possible, but then the look in Tony's eyes must have tipped him off, because they laughed at the same time.

"Let's stick to the benches for now." Tony said, still laughing.

It was nice, sitting on a bench with the sunlight warming their faces. Now that the pressure of living up to Magnus had been lifted off Tony's shoulders, Alec proved even more wonderful company than before. Even the silences between them felt comfortable.

Leaning his elbows on the bench back, Alec sighed as he closed his eyes and tilted his face into the sun. Not for the first time Tony was struck with just how beautiful he was. It was actually quite ridiculous to be that handsome. Ridiculous and excessive.

With Alec's eyes closed, Tony felt safe to drink him in. When his eyes snapped open and Alec turned towards him, as though he'd felt his gaze on his skin, Tony turned his face away quickly, feeling like he'd been caught.

In his haste to get away from that burning question in Alec's eyes, his gaze could have landed on anything, but it fell on a little girl laughing as a man, her father perhaps, pushed her gently on the swings. The image that had plagued him for months flashed across Tony's mind. Triggered by the intensity he'd seen in Alec's eyes maybe, but it was so vivid and so real it took his breath away.

"Alec?" His eyes were still on the little girl, but he found his voice was shaking.

Alec's reply was as gentle as his query had been. "Yes, Tony?"

Something sharp shot through Tony's heart at the use of his name. He found he had to close his eyes for a moment. Taking a deep breath, he opened them and turned to Alec.

"There's a little girl, a girl with pigtails and..." He heard a soft voice with the most adorable lisp, probably caused by a few missing baby teeth. "And..." He frowned in hesitation, but the look in Alec's eyes had turned so soft, his expression so warm, he knew he was remembering something from Magnus' life, not his own. "And... she's... She's like me?"

There were no words to describe the look on Alec's face. It felt like Tony had given him the best present he could have asked for: a glimmer of hope. He nodded a few times, as though he didn't trust himself to speak for a moment.

"Yeah," he finally managed to utter, his eyes almost liquid with emotion, "that's Madzie."

So she did exist. It was a real memory. The knowledge knocked into him so hard, he failed to recognise the name at first. He sat there on that bench, reeling at the thought he'd remembered something that belonged to Magnus' life. It was actually true. Everything Alec had told him. He was a warlock. And so was that little girl. Madzie...

He swiveled back towards Alec in shock. "Madzie? Like the name of your foundation?"

Alec nodded, his beautiful eyes shining. "Yes. She's one of Magnus' proteges. It felt fitting to name a foundation designed to protect children after her."

Tony felt grateful Alec referred to Magnus as someone separate from Tony. Even though he'd used the word protege, not child, the idea was now firmly rooted in his brain. Did he... Did Magnus have children?

He cleared his throat while he tried to get his emotions under control. "Does Magnus have children?" he asked, not sure he could process that information.

"Not biological children," Alec said, "but he's made it his life's work to take lost children under his wing. Children like Madzie who have no one to turn to, just like he didn't as a child."

And neither had Tony. Whoever worked this memory spell on him had been clever enough to incorporate that detail into his new memories, something he would have to bring to Alec's attention. Maybe not now. Now there were more pressing questions on his mind.

Before he could ask them, Alec continued, his expression a little hesitant. "Magnus can't have any biological children. No warlock can."

He was clearly nervous as he waited for Tony's reaction. Digging inside, Tony realised that the revelation shook him less than he'd anticipated.

"How many non-biological children does he have?"

Alec's puzzled frown took Tony a little aback, as did the way he narrowed his eyes, as though he were trying to count them in his head. He didn't know? Or there were that many?

"Uh, I'm not sure?" When Tony quirked an eyebrow at him in wonder, Alec smiled sheepishly. "There's at least three warlocks I know of, a werewolf or two and I know you didn't want to know, but at least five vampires. Seelies have a whole separate realm and customs, so he does tend to leave those to their own kind."

Tony knew he was gaping at Alec, but he couldn't seem to stop himself. One thing had suddenly become startlingly clear. "Just how old am I?" he asked, his voice shaking.

It hadn't slipped his notice he'd broken their deal, but he could barely process this new information. He didn't have any cognitive skills left for anything else.

From the look on Alec's face, it hadn't slipped his attention either. His eyes widened briefly but then he smiled, so fondly it warmed Tony's heart. "Older than you look," he said.

Tony rolled his eyes at the cryptic answer, which made Alec smile even brighter. He frowned when Alec dug his hand inside his jacket pocket, wondering what he was up to as he pulled out his phone. Had it rung and Tony hadn't heard?

Alec scrolled through his phone for a moment. When he turned it towards Tony, his breath caught at what he saw. The little girl, just the way he'd seen her in his mind's eye. Even the braids were exactly the way he'd pictured them.

"Is that...?" His voice faltered on the name. As he reached out to take the phone from Alec, just so he could get a better look at her, he found that his hand was trembling.

Alec sounded choked up as well when he replied, "Madzie, yes."

He could feel a smile pulling at his lips as he drank her in. It was still there when he handed the phone back to Alec. "Thank you," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. He meant it more than he could possibly put into words.

Taking the phone and putting it back in his pocket, Alec nodded in acknowledgment. He looked like he was barely holding it together and just a few words away from tears.

"Do you think I could see her?"

Ostensibly clearing his throat, Alec sprang from the bench. He didn't meet Tony's eyes as he thrust his hands behind his back, but there was no way Tony could miss the distress in his eyes or the tremor in his voice when he said, "Isn't it about time we head back?"

Without even waiting for Tony he started walking in the direction they'd come from. Sighing, Tony heaved himself from the bench and followed him.

Why had he thought Alec would let him see her?

He was an idiot.

===

"So you've been living alone since Magnus...?"

Apparently the reluctance to say 'died' was contagious. Maybe because it wasn't true. Then again, if they failed to restore Magnus' memory, it would be.

They were on the couch, the tub of ice cream between them. Alec had picked Magnus' favourite, probably subconsciously, but Magnus... or Tony... was gobbling it up with gusto as they watched some mundane show Alec had heard of but never seen.

It was entertaining enough, and it certainly highlighted Tony's love for dancing, something Alec still wasn't sure was a product of his new memories or an aspect of Magnus' personality he'd never had a chance to explore. There was of course the possibility that Tony's enjoyment of the show had less to do with the dancing and more with the scantily dressed women and handsomely bronzed men.

In reply to Tony's question, Alec gave a half-hearted shrug. He really didn't want to dwell on the loneliness of the last few months. Talking about Madzie had been bad enough. He didn't want to elaborate on what his grief and despair had driven him to, the demands he'd made of Madzie. His reluctance to grant Magnus' wish to see her was as much to protect him as Madzie. Alec was an adult, a trained soldier, and he was barely coping with this situation. He couldn't put a five-year-old through that.

To have Magnus here, so close and yet so far, was heaven and torture all at once. His long graceful fingers were playing with his spoon and it was wreaking havoc with Alec's mind. Every fibre of his being was aching to reach out and pull Magnus close, the way he'd done thousands of times. Not even to make out or anything, just to feel the warmth and solidness of Magnus' body against his own.

But he couldn't. He'd blown it. Fucked up but good. And now he had to suffer the consequences.

When he failed to reply, he could feel Magnus' gaze on him, but he kept his own resolutely on the TV screen. He could tell from the noises coming from his right that Magnus was sucking ice cream from his spoon, and no, that wasn't an image he needed right now, thank you.

"Oh, that's too bad," he said when one of the dancers tripped, ruining their perfect routine. "They'll get points deducted for that."

Magnus chuckled. "Okay, I get it," he said, "you don't want to talk about it." More sucking noises that Alec closed his eyes to ignore later, he added, "I bet your place is bigger than mine."

There was no way Alec couldn't react to the amused tone in Tony's voice. "Yeah," he agreed on a grin, "just a tad."

Too big for him alone, for one thing. It needed a big personality like Magnus to fill it. Without him, it was just beautifully decorated cold empty rooms.

"Look, Alec..."

The gentleness in Magnus' voice made Alec turn towards him, startled. His dark eyes were so warm and so deep it felt like he could drown in them. He didn't deserve Magnus' kindness, not after what he'd done. And wasn't that kindness the most Magnus-like thing Tony had done yet?

At least he'd stopped doing obscene things to a spoon. He'd left it sticking upwards in the ice cream, as he gave Alec a pensive look.

"I seem to have this thing under control now, so if you want to go home for the night, don't let me stop you."

The words taking him completely by surprise, Alec took a deep breath. How could he explain to Magnus that home wasn't a place? It was wherever Magnus was. And right now that was a tiny little apartment in Flushing, Queens. All the comforts of the loft couldn't compare to five minutes in Magnus' company.

"No, that's fine." He turned his head away, unable to keep the emotions raging through him from shining out of his eyes. "I'm good."

He was sure he saw relief flash across Magnus' face and okay, that shouldn't have pierced through his heart quite as sharply as it had.

"Good," he said, the relief Alec had seen in his eyes echoing in his voice. "I find your presence has a grounding effect on me, Alec." As Alec tried to process all the emotions flooding him at that confession, Magnus lowered his eyes with a chuckle. "Which I suppose shouldn't come as such a shock, considering the circumstances."

A moment of silence stretched between them as they watched the judges critique the dancers, a much needed respite as Alec sorted through his emotions. After the flamboyant judge toppling his chair in his enthusiasm elicited a perfunctorily empty laugh from the both of them, it was clear that Alec wasn't the only one too sunk in thought to pay close attention to what was happening on TV. That confession must have taken a lot out of him, which made Alec appreciate it all the more.

When Magnus spoke again, it was quite some time later. "There's something I realised this afternoon," he said, making Alec turn back towards him. "Whoever cast the memory spell must have known a lot about me." Intrigued, Alec quirked an eyebrow at him. "They made sure to ground enough of my new memories in truth," Magnus elucidated. "We appear to share an equally bad start in life."

"What's your experience?" he asked, bracing himself for the worst.

Magnus didn't immediately start talking, in and of itself not that strange. The memories might not be real, but they were real to him.

With a, "Are you done with this?" and a nod from Alec, he busied himself with putting away the spoons and ice cream, thus buying himself some time. When he felt ready to talk, he didn't return to his place beside Alec on the couch. He remained standing, his hands leaning against the back of the easy chair - maybe he needed the support - his eyes trained on some far away spot only he could see.

His heart aching at the pain he could see in Magnus' eyes, Alec waited patiently.

"I never knew my father," he began, his voice subdued. "He was never even in the picture. In a way, I'm glad that he wasn't. No one needs that kind of evil in their lives."

He left what his father had done unsaid, but knowing Magnus' history, it didn't take a genius to put two and two together. Alec's eyes closed briefly in pain as Magnus took a deep breath and continued his tale.

"So there my mother was, with a child that was nothing but a reminder of the worst thing that had ever happened to her. I don't blame her for leaving me at a foster home."

Everything inside Alec was screaming to tell him it wasn't real, but he couldn't. Reality wasn't that much different anyway. And so he listened, hoping his presence was comfort enough.

"I spent the next few years going from foster family to foster family." A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. Apparently the memories weren't all bad. "It wasn't all their fault," he said with a shrug. Just like Magnus to see the good in everyone. "I was quite a handful as a child." And the worst in himself.

He finally turned to Alec, waggling his eyebrows. It was meant to look suggestive, but Alec didn't fail to notice the flinch of pain that flew across his face. "Finding me in a clinch with a girl just got me a lecture." He sighed, his eyes moving away from Alec again. "Finding me in bed with a boy got me kicked out."

In the ensuing lull, Alec felt it safe to ask a question. "How old were you?"

Magnus' mouth twisted into a harsh line. "Sixteen," was all he said, before he fell silent again.

"You're right."

Magnus seemed to be worlds away. His gaze slowly moved back to Alec; it rested on his face a little too long before he seemed to shake himself out of whatever memory he'd been trapped in.

"Right?" His voice too seemed to come from far away.

Alec nodded. "Whoever cast the memory spell knows you."

That instantly snapped Magnus to the here and now. His eyes bright and keen, he said, "Close?"

"Too close to be coincidence." Alec considered for a moment. Maybe Magnus wasn't ready yet... "I think you should talk to Catarina tomorrow."-

Now that he didn't need the barrier between them anymore, Magnus came from behind the chair, but he didn't sit back down beside Alec. His expression full of cautious curiosity, he sat down on the chair's armrest and leaned towards Alec. "Catarina?"

"She's a warlock. One of Magnus' closest friends for h..." He'd almost said hundreds of years. Of course Magnus picked up on it at once. When he smiled teasingly, Alec grinned back, all the while viciously squashing down the fluttering in his stomach. "For a _hell_ of a long time," he adjusted his wording.

The way Magnus raised his eyebrow was proof enough that he wasn't fooled for an instant, but he was still smiling, and that only made Alec grin harder.

"She knows a lot about memory spells," Alec said. "Not as much as you do..." The smile slid off Magnus' face and Alec immediately realised his mistake. "As much as _Magnus_ does," he added with emphasis, but the damage was done.

Magnus' eyes clouded over, the spark gone in a flash. "Whatever you think is best," he said, as he rose from his perch on the chair's armrest. "It's been a long day. I'm taking a shower and going to bed."

Watching Magnus walk to the bathroom, Alec wanted to kick himself. They'd been finally getting somewhere. With a sigh, he dug his phone from his pocket, not in the least surprised to find numerous text messages from Izzy. Deciding it wasn't too late to call, he pushed the dial button.

"Hey, big brother," Izzy's bright voice greeted him a moment later. "How's everything going?"

"As well as can be expected." If anyone would understand how much it was tearing him up inside to be this close to Magnus and not be allowed to touch, it would be Izzy.

As expected, she didn't need further explanation. "Oh, Alec," she sighed, her voice filled with sympathy. "You knew this wouldn't be easy."

"Yeah," he agreed. Even if he hadn't imagined it would be quite this hard. Taking a deep breath, he pulled back his shoulders and himself together. "It doesn't matter how hard this is for me. It's even harder for Magnus. And I will be here for him, as long as he needs me." As long as he wanted Alec around, he would be there for him.

"I never doubted that," Izzy replied, "but I know you, big brother. You will ignore your own needs for the people you love. Don't run yourself into the ground."

"I won't," he promised.

The huff on the other side of the line spoke of Izzy's doubt in that statement. It made Alec smile. She knew him too well.

"So how's Magnus doing?"

"Still the same. Doesn't remember anything of his life as a warlock, or his life with me." That latter one was still the hardest to swallow. He needed a moment to breathe through the pain that assailed him as he spoke those words. "On the plus side," he continued after a while, "he's slowly getting to grips with his magic. It hasn't spiraled out of control in a while. He's even conjured up a few small items."

"He might not realise it yet," Izzy said, "but it's your presence calming him down."

The words made Alec smile. "He does realise it, actually." He couldn't hold back the note of victory creeping into his voice.

Of course Izzy picked up on it. "Alec!" she exclaimed. "That is huge! It may not seem that way now, but he's letting you in. I didn't even expect that much after what you pulled.

"Sorry," she quickly added, as though she'd heard him wince down the telephone line.

"No," he sighed, "don't apologise. I deserve it."

"Listen, Alec." She'd put on her _no nonsense_ voice. "You made a mistake. Magnus is the last person on this planet not to understand that. We both know it. You're just going to have to be patient with him."

"I can do that."

"I know you can," she said, her voice warm. "What can I do?"

Relieved to get the conversation away from himself and onto practical matters, he answered, "We've had a bit of a discovery tonight. A lot of Tony's..." He put extra emphasis on that name. "...memories are very similar to Magnus'. Too similar. It has to be intentional. Can you consult with Catarina? Magnus even agrees to see her tomorrow, if that's okay with her."

"No problem," Izzy immediately agreed. "I'll get in touch with her and see what she thinks."

"Thanks, Iz."

" _De nada._ Try to get a good night's rest."

As he closed the call with Izzy and put his phone back in his pocket, he considered what an impossible task that sounded right now. He'd slept like a baby last night - in between the bouts of incredible sex, that was - with Magnus back in his arms.

He bounced a little where he sat, testing the couch, grimacing at the thought of spending the night there. It didn't help that now he was off the phone with Izzy he could hear the shower running, instantly conjuring up images in his mind's eye of a naked Magnus running soapy hands across all that smooth, muscled skin. They'd showered together last night, somewhere around four in the morning, just before they'd fallen into a well-deserved slumber in each other's arms. He could kiss all of that goodbye now.

Hoisting himself up from the couch, he hoped to find distraction in washing and putting away the dishes. If he'd thought the mental picture of Magnus showering that was plaguing his imagination was bad, it was nothing compared to the real deal sauntering back into the main room. He was wearing those baggy sweats again that looked so soft to the touch. Smelling of soap, his wet hair standing up in peaks, he looked so unbearably soft and huggable.

If Magnus was aware of Alec's consternation, he was considerate enough to ignore it. "The shower's all yours if you want it," he said, pointing a thumb behind him.

"Thanks," Alec managed to stammer. Quickly grabbing some clothes from his duffel bag, he made his escape to the bathroom, before he did something monumentally stupid, like kiss Magnus.

\---

By the time Alec had showered and, most importantly, cleared his head, Magnus had laid out bedding on the couch, leaving no doubt as to where Alec would be spending the night. Not that Alec had been under any illusions he'd be spending it anywhere else, like somewhere far more comfortable, for example Magnus' bed.

"I do appreciate you doing this for me," Magnus had said, his voice trailing off. It had sounded like an apology for making Alec sleep on the couch. With a, "Good night," Magnus had left him to it. And now Alec lay in the dark, nowhere close to falling asleep. He couldn't even blame it on the couch; it wasn't that uncomfortable. Sure, his feet dangled off the end, but it still wasn't the worst place he'd slept.

Magnus' story of his childhood, or at least the childhood he remembered, had shaken Alec to the core. As far as Magnus knew, he'd been abandoned at a foster home, been tossed around various foster families until he was kicked out for loving the wrong person. Magnus' real childhood wasn't much better, but at least he'd known a few years of happiness before it all fell apart.

Their hope rested with Catarina now, hope that she could somehow make sense of it all. The possibility of Catarina being powerless as well was one Alec couldn't even contemplate. She _had_ to find a solution. If she didn't, they might never get Magnus' memories back. They'd still have the man, yes, but all that knowledge, all that history, would be lost forever.

Once that thought took root, it was impossible to tear it back out. It looped around and around in Alec's head until he was so agitated, sleep was permanently off the table. Throwing off the covers in irritation, he swung his legs down and reached for his tablet. Instead of staring in the darkness and working himself up into a panic attack, he might as well do something useful like catching up on some Institute admin.

An hour later, he'd made quite a dent in his overdue paperwork, but most importantly, he'd stopped his brain from going down a spiral.

The fact that he was awake proved to be a good thing in the end. Maybe it was even providence.

The scream wasn't that loud, but it was so agony-filled, all of Alec's body hair stood on end. Unsure at first of where the sound was coming from, Alec raised his head, gazing about him in bewilderment, his heart thudding in his throat.

He'd heard of a sound to raise the dead and if any sound could, this one would be more than up to the task. Had it come from one of the neighbouring apartments? Would Alec have to spring into action or would alerting the police be a better way to handle a mundane dispute? He even looked down at his tablet, wondering if he'd accidentally opened a video file of a demon attack.

With ever growing alarm it started to dawn on him that the disturbing sound was coming from the other side of the wall, from Magnus' bedroom. Alec was on his feet at once, any hesitation he might have felt gone. Magnus was in trouble; that was all that mattered.

Despite the worry coursing through him, he dallied at the door. Maybe he was overreacting. He'd fought so hard to regain Magnus' trust. What if he lost it all in one fell swoop by bursting into his bedroom without provocation? Just to be on the safe side, he put his ear against the door.

The distressed noises he heard didn't make him feel any better, quite the opposite. His mind made up, he turned the door handle, relieved to find Magnus hadn't locked his door.

Not wanting to startle him, he opened the door just a fraction and called out softly, "Ma... Tony? Everything okay?"

There was no reply. Pushing the door wide open, Alec turned on the light switch. As the scene before him was revealed, he sucked in a shaky breath. Magnus was asleep, but clearly in the grip of a nightmare. He was tossing in his sleep, his anguished sighs tearing at Alec's heart.

Magnus had nightmares on occasion. Not often, but when he did, they were horrendous, leaving him shaking and sweating in their aftermath. With all the horrors he'd seen in his four hundred years it was hardly surprising some of them would still haunt him. Alec's part on those occasions was simple: just hold Magnus in his arms until he stopped shaking. He could do that again. He knew exactly what to do in these cases.

Quietly walking closer, he knelt beside the bed. "Tony," he said softly, making sure not to startle him. "You're having a nightmare, babe." The term of endearment just happened to tumble out of his mouth, but he didn't let it deter him. "You need to wake up."

He kept tossing, not waking up, so Alec did the next best thing he could think of. He put his hand against Magnus' face, stroking his cheek tenderly with his thumb. "It's just a dream. Nothing can hurt you," he said, "but you need to wake up."

Magnus' eyes were still closed, but his lips moved, a soft sound coming from them. It took a moment before Alec realised what he was saying, his heart dropping down to his stomach when he did.

"Alexander?" It wasn't just the use of Magnus' name for him; he _sounded_ like Magnus.

"Yes," he said, his voice choked with emotion. "It's me, Magnus."

Everything after that happened immediately and all at once. Magnus woke up, looked at Alec with wide, terrified, gold-yellow eyes and surging up, wrapped himself around Alec.

Alec didn't hesitate. His arms closing around Magnus at once, he held him as tight as he could.

"Alexander, thank god," Magnus gasped against his shoulder. "I thought I'd lost you."

"Never! You're never going to lose me," he assured in a shaky voice, his hand running soothingly along Magnus' back. "Never!" At least not until Alec was well and truly ready to let go. He probably never would be, but that wasn't up to him.

They held each other like that for a long time. How long, Alec wasn't sure, but it felt like heaven, despite the circumstances. To make their hold on each other more comfortable, he'd risen from his knees to sit on the edge of the bed and that made everything even better.

He knew exactly when Magnus had calmed down enough to question what they were doing. He didn't exactly back away, but he seemed to stiffen in Alec's embrace.

"Alec?" he asked, his voice filled with confused hesitancy.

It was the way he said Alec's name. That was Alec's earth-shattering realisation that the moment was gone. That tiny window inside Tony's nightmare that had allowed Magnus to shine through for an instant had slammed mercilessly shut again. Magnus was gone again, and Tony was back.

Desperately trying not to let his heartbreak show, he pulled back. He suddenly felt self-conscious about how tightly he was holding Magnus. "You had a nightmare," he explained.

To his surprise, Magnus looked even more self-conscious than he did. "Oh," he said, his voice soft in realisation as he pulled even further away from Alec, until he was completely out of his arms. Suddenly bereft, Alec didn't know what to do with his hands, so he just let them fall uselessly by his side, as Magnus added, "I'm sorry if I woke you."

He almost said he hadn't been sleeping, but why share that he was so pathetic he couldn't fall asleep without him. "That's okay." He frowned in confusion. "You don't seem that surprised. Do you get nightmares this bad a lot?"

Lowering his eyes, Magnus shrugged. "Sometimes. It hasn't happened in a while."

"You didn't have one last night." It wasn't until the words were out of his mouth that Alec realised how that sounded. "Uh... I mean," he mumbled, feeling mortified, "not that we did a lot of sleeping."

Okay, maybe he needed to stop talking altogether because he was only making more of an idiot of himself. "I mean..." With a sigh he gave up and, shaking his head, started to rise from the bed. Now that he was back to himself _Tony_ would want him to go.

A hand shot out and grabbed his to stop him from leaving. Alec stared at the hand in astonishment for a moment, before he raised his gaze towards Magnus' face, bracing himself for what he'd find. No amount of steeling himself could have prepared him for the soft look in Magnus' eyes, glamoured again, or the warm twist around his mouth, and certainly not for the quietly hesitant words that came out of his mouth.

"Don't go?"

The insecurity echoing in Magnus' voice, as though Alec walking away from him when he needed him was even remotely a possibility at all, ripped through Alec's heart. In that moment he understood that Tony might be back, but he was far from in control. Clearly he was still very shaken by his nightmare.

Alec didn't trust himself to speak. Swallowing down the emotions raging through him, he simply nodded. Nodding back, Magnus took him even further by surprise by scooting back, making room in his bed for Alec.

After everything he'd done he really didn't deserve this, but the Angel help him, he was too weak to turn it down. He was going to grab whatever he was given with both hands. Sliding under the covers, Alec didn't even hesitate before he opened his arms, knowing what Magnus needed without hearing the words.

There might have been just a fraction of indecision on Magnus' side, but then he seemed to give in to what he needed with an amused shake of his head, as he lowered himself into Alec's arms. The soft sigh of satisfaction as Alec closed his arms around Magnus and their bodies molded together, fitting perfectly as if they were made for each other, seemed to come from them both.

With Magnus breathing softly against his neck, Alec now knew it to be a fact. If there had ever been any doubt about it before, he now knew this was why he was put on this earth: to hold Magnus Bane in his arms and make sure that nothing bad could ever find him, even in his dreams.

If he'd thought his heart couldn't feel any fuller than it did in that moment, he was proven wrong when Magnus whispered, "Thank you," against his skin.

He sucked in a shaky breath, fighting back tears. He wanted to say, _I love you, I would literally fight monsters for you, never leave me again_ , but of course he couldn't. So he gathered up all the self-control he still had left and said quietly, "Shhh, go to sleep."

In his mind he added, _I will keep the nightmares at bay_ , but when his eyes closed, he fell asleep almost at once.

===

"It's clever," Catarina agreed, "building new memories on top of old ones. Makes them stick better." She shook her head. "And you're right, it takes someone really skilled to pull it off. I'm almost tempted to say Magnus is the only one I can think of with that kind of skill."

When Catarina first walked in, they'd just stared at each other, Catarina blinking back tears, her eyes wide as they met Tony's, Tony gazing in amazement at this elegantly beautiful woman who was apparently one of his oldest friends. To his relief, she'd almost at once pulled herself together, a slight tremor to her voice the only outward sign of her inner turmoil as she pulled back her shoulders and got down to business. He had to admire her, and Magnus' good taste in choosing a woman as strong as Catarina as a best friend.

"What about Caspian Whatshisface?" Alec asked. "You said he was pretty good with memory spells."

"He's good," Catarina replied with a nod. "Not quite as good as Magnus, but nobody is."

It still weirded Tony out that they were referring to him when they were talking about Magnus. Still, the spark of pride that lit up Alec's face at Catarina's praise was nice to see.

"Yeah," Alec said, his smile fading. "And it's not at all suspicious he's gone conveniently missing."

"Any closer to finding him?" Catarina asked.

Alec shook his head. "I've got practically the entire Institute working on it, but nothing. It's like he vanished into thin air." His gaze falling on Tony, he seemed to be considering something. "There's something else, something that happened last night." He appeared to be asking Tony with his eyes if it was okay to mention it.

He gave his permission with a nod, but it didn't stop him from feeling uncomfortable as Alec started recounting to Catarina what had happened. It wasn't the nightmare he was feeling self-conscious about; he couldn't exactly control those. It was the needy way he'd reacted afterwards that made him cringe with unease.

True, he'd gotten a good night's sleep out of it. And if Alec's presence calmed his magic - and that was still an incredible thing to contemplate: magic - it stood to reason it would keep his nightmares at bay as well. As Alec had pointed out, he hadn't been plagued by nightmares the night they'd slept together. Waking up this morning, their limbs tangled together, with Tony clinging to Alec like a drowning man, now that was the embarrassing part.

"And you're sure it was Magnus?" he heard Catarina ask, snapping him back to the present.

"Yes," Alec said, "it was just for a moment, but he knew who I was."

He sounded so broken, Tony's heart ached for him. He almost wished he could be who Alec needed him to be, just to wipe that pained expression off his face.

"Maybe, in sleep, the spell can be broken," Catarina speculated. She slapped the back of the easy chair she was standing behind. "Take a seat, Anthony. Let's see what's going on in there."

A little apprehensive, Tony sat down as directed. "It's Tony, actually," he said.

Catarina laughed softly. "Coming from you, that's hilarious." Tony wanted to point out, yet again, that he wasn't Magnus, but Catarina continued unperturbed. "Don't be alarmed. I'm just going to probe the spell with my magic. Most warlocks leave behind a... well, let's call it a signature. It might give us a clue as to who cast the spell."

Alec smiled at him reassuringly, but it didn't ease the misgivings he was having about the whole thing. He'd seen the devastation magic could cause. He'd hurt Alec with his magic. He'd also made him writhe with pleasure...

He quickly steered his thoughts away from that path, his attention snapping to Catarina's hands held on either side of his head. Blue sparks emitted from her fingers, coalescing into a crackling cloud of energy that surrounded him. It didn't hurt. If he had to compare it to anything, it felt like someone was pinching him, but softly, and from inside his head.

"You clever bastard," Catarina said.

A moment later, the magic energy dissipated as she pulled back her hands. Turning towards her, Tony could read the disappointment on her face.

Catarina shook her head, failure and admiration mixing together in her voice as she said, "That's some really clever magic. Whoever created that spell, they're good, really good. There is not a trace of the spell's architect to be found."

"But it is a spell?" Alec asked.

It was almost painful to look at Alec. He was clearly taking this new setback very hard. Despite his efforts not to let it show, the defeat he was feeling radiated through in his voice and expression.

"Oh, yes," Catarina confirmed. "There's no doubt about it. Some kind of wall seems to have been erected around our dear friend's memories and new ones built to mask that wall. Whoever did this is one clever bastard."

"Caspian?" Alec asked.

Doubt was written across Catarina's face. "Caspian's good, but this is some new level magic." Her mouth twisted in thought, as her gaze settled on Tony. "I'm still tempted to say that only Magnus is smart and..." She raised a cheeky eyebrow at Tony. "... _sneaky_ enough to pull off something this sophisticated."

All colour seemed to drain from Alec's face. "He couldn't, could he?" His eyes wide with horror, he stared at Tony, fear darkening his voice. "He couldn't have done this to himself, could he?"

Having both of them staring at him like that was seriously freaking him out. How many times did he have to remind them that he wasn't Magnus? He had even less of a clue as to what was going on than they did.

After a moment of contemplation, a smile broke across Catarina's face. "No, it's quite impossible to perform magic of that level on yourself." She chuckled. "Even for someone as clever as Magnus."

He could practically see Alec's body relax with relief. His mouth opened to say something, but he was interrupted by his phone. He nodded at them in apology as he dug it out of his pocket and stepped back to answer it.

"Hey, Izzy, what's the news?"

Even turned away from them, it wasn't difficult to see the excitement on Alec's face, the defeat of a moment ago replaced by newly blossoming hope.

"Yeah, of course," he said in reply to whatever good news his sister had just delivered. "I'll be right over."

Closing the call, he pocketed the phone and turned back to them, his hazel eyes bright with newfound optimism. "Speaking of Caspian, my siblings have discovered a new lead on his whereabouts. They need my help in rounding him up."

There was a question in his eyes as they settled on Tony. He clearly still felt some hesitation in leaving him alone.

"It's fine," he assured Alec. "Catarina's here. Unless..." He turned to Catarina. "Unless you've got somewhere to be?"

"No, no," she said, waving any concerns away with her hand, "I've canceled all my plans for the day. I'm all yours." Her hand reached down to squeeze his shoulder affectionately. Something warm burst inside his chest, knowing there were people who loved him as much as they did. Or at least the man he was supposed to be.

"You go do your thing," she told Alec. "I'll look after our friend."

His concerns placated, Alec grabbed his jacket. At the door, he turned around. "Call me if anything happens."

By now he shouldn't be surprised anymore by Alec's mother hen routine, but he couldn't help being touched. Alec looked so cute, with that little worried frown between his eyebrows.

Tony chuckled, shaking his head fondly. "Go, we'll be fine."

With a nod, Alec opened the door and walked out. Tony was so wrapped up in his fond exasperation, he didn't notice Catarina watching him closely.

"You're falling hard for him," she said, her no-nonsense tone cutting through his reverie.

"What? What?" he stammered, floundering through the confusion her words had caused. He shook his head in fierce denial, even though he couldn't quite look her in the eye when he said, "I've only known him a few days."

She huffed. "Pfft," she said, "Magnus fell in love with him five minutes after he met him. Have you _looked_ at him?"

God, yes, he had. His mind flashed back to that morning, when he'd lain awake, gazing in wonder at the sleeping perfection of Alec Lightwood. Alec had told him Shadowhunters were half angel; that was the only thing that could explain such beauty. If the gorgeousness were just skin-deep, that would be one thing, but he was also an incredible, loving person. How was he supposed to resist that?

"Yeah, 'nuff said," Catarina laughed in reply to his silence, and probably the thoughts written plainly across his face.

"It doesn't matter," Tony said. "Alec loves Magnus, not me." He couldn't quite keep the bitterness out of his voice.

The laughter died from Catarina's expression. "Oh, honey," she sighed. Moving in front of him, she grabbed both his hands and pulled him to his feet. "Come on," she said, "I'll teach you how to control your magic." She kept pulling him until they were standing in front of the window. "Let's start with a few relaxation techniques. Close your eyes. Try to listen to your own heartbeat..."

\---

At first he'd felt somewhat silly following the instructions asking him to listen to his own heartbeat. How was he supposed to do that? But he'd found, once he tried, that he could indeed hear the steady thump thump of his own heart.

Now, two hours later, he looked at the perfectly shaped sphere of blue magical energy bouncing on his palm. He'd done that. With Catarina's help, he'd created that.

Catarina looked as excited as he felt. "Perfect," she cheered, balancing a similar orb of magic in her own palm. "Now let's make it dance." She held her other hand about a foot above the one holding the orb.

Tony's eyes widened in wonder as the orb moved towards the other palm. She did the same thing again, passing the ball between her two palms in graceful, flowing movements. It was breathtaking to watch.

"Go on," Catarina encouraged, "you can do it."

Taking a deep breath through his nose, he concentrated on his breathing the way Catarina had taught him. He felt the magic in every heartbeat, felt it coursing through his veins. He gasped in shock as the sphere of magic floated towards his other palm, a little haltingly perhaps, but an accomplishment nonetheless.

The moment was shattered when first Catarina's phone, then Tony's started buzzing. Catarina's ball of magic dissolved elegantly, but the break in Tony's concentration sent his bouncing around the room. Catarina laughed as it crashed into the wall above the couch in a harmless puff of smoke.

"Don't worry," she said, "that's why we start lessons with training magic."

Having both read their text messages - no doubt it was the same one - they looked at each other. "They found him!" they said simultaneously.

"Time for another lesson," Catarina announced.

Magic, yellow this time, emitted from her fingertips as she waved her arms around in a circular motion. Tony took a startled step back when a swirling vortex appeared in front of them.

"Impressive, isn't it?" Catarina beamed. "You invented it." He simply gave her a disapproving blank look. "Sorry, sorry," she laughed, " _Magnus_ invented it."

Wow, Magnus really was all that; no wonder Alec loved him as much as he did.

Seeing the hesitation on his face, Catarina smiled and held out her hand. "It's no big deal. It's just a portal that will take us straight to the Institute."

Squaring his shoulders, he took her hand and let her lead him into the magical whirlpool.

Just like Catarina's probing magic, this one wasn't that big a deal. Though he did stumble and almost lost his footing as they emerged on the other end. Luckily, he had Catarina's hand to keep him steady.

As soon as he regained his balance, he gazed about him in wonder. They were in a large hall, a bustling centre of activity and high tech. The stained glass windows around them made him suspect they were in a repurposed church. On his left, two young women were working with what looked like holographic technology, but he didn't get much opportunity to examine what they were doing. The purpose of their visit was right in front of them, where he saw Alec, looking tall next to a small group.

As he and Catarina walked closer, Tony surmised that the high-heeled brunette in the tank top and black jeans was Alec's sister. She didn't particularly look like him, aside from the fact that she was as gorgeous as he was. The blonde with his arms crossed had to be Jace. The person they were all glaring at was the real issue here.

Sitting on a chair, looking cowed at the group around him, was a small mousy man. His features were sharp, with a thin pinched mouth, droopy eyes and a tuft of thinning green hair on top of his head.

Izzy was the first to notice their approach. She turned around, her mouth falling open, her dark eyes growing huge as her gaze fell on Tony. He could only imagine the shock she must be feeling at being confronted by a ghost. It was all fine knowing he was out there; it was something completely different when the ghost was walking towards her.

Her lip started to wobble, her eyes filling with tears. Damn, he shouldn't have come. He should have left it up to Alec and Catarina. To Tony's eternal gratitude, she pulled herself together by what looked like sheer force of will. He was filled with admiration as he watched her straighten her posture, tilt her chin up and blink the tears away. The blonde's eyes too had widened, but he did his best to mask the turmoil he couldn't quite hide.

"Tony," Alec greeted him, making sure his siblings understood how to address him, but all introductions were cut short by Caspian's distressed voice.

"Magnus! There you are! Tell them! Tell them I've got nothing to do with this!"

If they hadn't been before, every eye was on him now. Alec subtly raised an eyebrow in a way Tony had no difficulty understanding: play along. The trouble was, how to pretend to be Magnus when he didn't even know how the man behaved. Smart and sneaky were adjectives being thrown around, as were amazing and beautiful. Old and powerful were the ones he'd deduced.

From the glimpse he'd caught of Magnus in the short moment he could bear to look at the photo in Alec's wallet, he remembered catching a certain spark in his eyes. Adjusting his gaze to something he hoped looked similar, he leveled Caspian with a stern look.

"So it would seem," he said, in a voice that he imagined suited the man in the photo. Something flickered across Alec's face; maybe he'd hit the mark a little too close. Unless Alec was wondering why Tony was so sure Caspian was telling the truth. For one thing, if he was involved, he would have known Magnus' memories of himself had been overwritten and it was useless to beg for his help. Or Caspian was a very good actor.

Going with his gut feeling, Tony continued. "It doesn't explain where you've been all this time and why you were impossible to find. Why run if you've got nothing to hide?"

Caspian looked at him incredulously. "Come on, Magnus," he snorted. "What are you playing at? You're the one who told me to vanish!"

It was virtually impossible not to react to information that upsetting. The subdued gasp that rose among the assembled group was clear indication Tony wasn't the only one having trouble keeping his composure. On top of that, he could practically feel Alec's gaze bore holes in the side of his head, as if he was trying to dig for answers Tony had no way of providing.

"I told you?" he finally asked, playing innocent.

Leaning towards Tony, Caspian nudged him as he lowered his voice conspiratorially. "You even paid me? Five hundred thousand dollars worth of gems of my choice if I disappeared off the face of the earth for as long as you needed me to?" The more he talked, the more Tony saw anger grab hold of Alec. "For that kind of price, I'll take an extended vacation," Caspian added with a wink.

"Why?" Alec's growl interjected. He was barely holding his anger in check. His nostrils flared as his glare moved from Tony to Caspian. "Why would Magnus pay you to disappear?"

Caspian shrank away from the fury he saw in Alec's eyes, but then he shrugged and tilted his head towards Tony. "I don't know. Why don't you ask him?"

Those words shattered the delicate control Alec seemed to have on his anger. He surged forward, grabbed the front of Caspian's jacket and hauled him to his feet. His face inches from Caspian's, he snarled, "I'm asking you!"

"Alec!" three voices called out at once in horror, while Jace tried to pull him off Caspian, but it had had the desired effect on the cowering warlock.

"A spell!" he cried out in Alec's face. "He was working on a spell! One of the most dangerous he'd ever attempted!"

There was so much disgust in Alec's eyes as he pushed Caspian away from him, the force sending him crashing back into his chair. Tony could only stare, his heart hammering in his throat as he knew what would follow next.

As expected, Alec turned towards him, in what felt like slow motion. The disgust was still there in his eyes, but it was joined by such raw agony it made Tony's heart ache. "You did this to yourself?" His voice was shaking with the effort of keeping his emotions under control. "You _wanted_ to forget me?" And now he sounded heartbroken.

"Alec, I...," Tony started, not sure what to tell him.

Alec held up a hand to stop Tony, turning away from him as he spoke. "Don't. I can't..." He shook his head, hurt and anger contorting his handsome face. "I can't be here right now."

His footsteps echoed loudly across the capacious hall as he stalked away, a hand held to his head, as though the betrayal was hurting him physically.

"Alec!" Izzy and Tony called out, both moving to go after him.

After a moment of gazing at each other in helpless indecision, he deferred to Izzy with a shaky nod. What did he think he could do or say anyway? Not only did he barely know Alec, but he bore the face of the man who had basically stabbed him in the back.

She smiled at him, clearly feeling as lost as her brother on how to process this new information, before she went after Alec.

Turning back to Caspian, he saw Jace looming over him. "Why would Magnus want you out of the way for this spell?" It was clear from the tremor in Jace's voice that he was as angry as Alec was, if maybe he was better at hiding it.

Caspian looked from Jace to Tony in confusion, no doubt wondering why everyone was interrogating him when the culprit was standing right there. "With me out of the way, you'd assume I went into hiding out of guilt." As indeed they had. Caspian's voice turned pleading as he addressed Tony. "Please, Magnus, tell them! You have no idea what they'll do to me if I'm turned over to the Clave."

The Clave? Tony frowned at the unfamiliar word. From behind him, Catarina said, with a sympathetic sigh, "No one is going to turn you over to the Clave, Caspian." Jace smirked in a _that's yet to be decided_ way, but it was clearly for show and to intimidate Caspian. "Just tell us the truth."

"I _am_ , Catarina," he insisted. The pleading look at Tony turned to annoyance. "Why are you just standing there? Why aren't you defending me?" His gaze slid from Tony's face all the way down to his shoes. "And what's happened to you?" He shook his head in disapproval. "You've let yourself go since you started hanging out with these Shadowhunters."

"Okay, that does it," Jace announced, backing away from Caspian, while immediately dropping his intimidating stance. "He obviously doesn't have anything to do with this if he doesn't know about..." He waved his hand in Tony's direction without saying either of the names.

"Yes," Catarina agreed, "he's not that good enough of an actor."

Caspian just looked between the two of them, as puzzled and clueless as before. "That's what I've been saying all along!" He shrank back and put up both hands in defense when Jace turned back to him and simply glared.

"How long ago was this?" Catarina asked.

Caspian thought it over for a second. "Three months ago?" He pointed a finger at Catarina. "It was around that time there was a new Soul Sword activation threat."

Tony had no idea what that meant, but judging by the meaningful look being shared between Jace and Catarina, he was the only one.

"Before or after the Soul Sword was destroyed?" Jace asked. Caspian opened his mouth to answer, but Jace added, before he could, "Think about it long and hard. It's very important."

After another moment of consideration, he threw up his hands. "Before? I don't know! How do I know when the Soul Sword was destroyed? I wasn't there!" He turned to Tony and Catarina. "You were! You should know better than me!"

The unfamiliar words started clicking together in Tony's head. A new Soul Sword activation threat. The destruction of the Soul Sword. Was that how Magnus had 'died'? Alec had said he'd sacrificed himself for his kind. And if that was the case...

"He didn't look surprised I wasn't dead," Tony pointed out.

Jace's face lit up with realisation as he turned back to Caspian, who was now looking guilty as hell at being busted. "That's right," Jace said, "so you saw him _after_ the destruction."

Caspian pulled a pitiful face. "I guess?" He quickly snapped back to his _woe is me, I'm as much a victim as you are_ routine. "But that's all I know, I _swear_!"

Turning away from him with a disgusted snort, Jace addressed Catarina, as if Tony wasn't even there. He understood Jace was pissed off at Magnus, but that was hardly his fault. "Could Magnus have planned this all along?"

Catarina shook her head, looking completely baffled at the thought. "It's impossible, I tell you. There's no way Magnus can have cast a spell of that magnitude on himself. It's just..." Her voice deflated as she ended with a soft, "impossible."

"If anyone can find a way," Jace said, "it would be Magnus." The utter conviction of the statement took Tony completely by surprise. Any goodwill Jace might have felt towards Magnus was soon undetectable when he stepped right up to Tony and said with quiet anger, "I know you're not yourself right now or I'd remind you of a conversation we once had." The ice in his voice matched the harshness in his mismatched eyes.

Tony could just imagine what that conversation had been about. If Magnus had done what it was starting to look like he'd done, they all had every right to be angry, but he was as clueless about all this as they were. Despite that knowledge, he couldn't find anything to say in reply, or even continue to look Jace in the eye.

With a sharp nod, Jace grabbed Caspian by the arm and pulled him out of his chair.

"It's impossible," Catarina tried to tell him again. "He'd forget the spell halfway through casting it." Jace shook his head, unwilling to hear any explanation as he led Caspian away.

His mind made up, Tony turned to Catarina. "I need to see Alec," he said.

Catarina's gaze had been on Jace's and Caspian's departing backs - she was clearly torn about whether or not to follow them - but hearing his words, she turned to him, a sympathetic look on her face. "Oh, honey, I'm not sure that's a good idea right now."

He knew it wasn't, but he really needed to see Alec. Everyone in this place was a complete stranger to him. His world was shifting beneath his feet. He felt like he was drowning and Alec was his only lifeline.

Not waiting for her approval, he walked in the direction Alec and Izzy had gone. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Catarina had made up her mind and decided that Caspian needed her more than he did. Once he found himself in a corridor without any idea which way to turn, some of his confidence deserted him. Fortunately, Alec's sister happened to walk out of the glass door to his left.

She took a startled step back when she found him standing there. Her confusion on how to approach him was clearly written across her face.

"Izzy, right?" he said, taking the difficult decision out of her hands by walking towards her.

She still looked conflicted, though a ghost of a smile pulled at her lips. "I don't know if I want to hug you or punch your lights out," she told him bluntly.

"Yes, yes," he sighed with a dramatic roll of his eyes, "I already got the protective spiel from your blonder brother."

The smile broke through completely this time. He must have said something that reminded her of Magnus. She squeezed his arm affectionately for a moment before she pulled her hand away again.

"I am so happy you're still alive." Her voice wobbled, the tears appearing in her eyes again. "But I'm also going to kill Magnus when he makes his appearance again."

He nodded in agreement. She had every right to be pissed off. "Do you know where Alec is?"

"He's working through his anger the only way he knows how."

She tilted her head towards the large glass panels partitioning off various sections of the vast space. He had to take a few steps closer to look around a pillar, but then he saw it.

On the other side of the glass wall, Alec was beating the shit out of a punching bag. Tony winced at the cold furor fueling every blow, the massive punching bag swinging back and forth with the sheer force behind them.

Most troubling to see was the fact that Alec was hitting the bag with his bare hands. Even from where he stood Tony could see red splotches appearing every time Alec's fists made contact with the punching bag. No, that wasn't even the most troubling part. That honour went to the agonised fury twisting his handsome face into an ugly grimace.

His hand was on the door handle when Izzy warned, "Don't be surprised if he doesn't want to talk to you. I just tried, but..." Her voice trailed off as she shook her head in defeat.

Throwing her a smile that looked a lot more confident than he felt, he turned the handle and walked inside the room.

Alec had shed his jacket and shirt for his impromptu workout but admiration for the biceps flexing with every precisely delivered punch was the last thing on Tony's mind. His only concern was for Alec's pain.

Emotionally he was a wreck and as for physically... Tony couldn't even look at his bloodied knuckles without wincing. It figured Alec would be the type to need physical pain to cope with emotional upheaval.

The decrease in the frequency and force of his blows was the only outward sign from Alec that he noticed Tony's approach.

"Is that my face or Magnus'?" Tony asked.

The blows halted all together, as Alec stopped the bag's mad swing by gripping it with both hands. Tony thought his heart might shatter from the pain he saw written across Alec's face.

"Neither," he said, his voice raw.

And then Tony's heart did shatter, when Alec leaned his forehead against the cool leather of the punching bag. "Why?" The single word was an agonized sob. "Why would he have done this?"

The anguish that poured out of Alec was tearing Tony apart. Every part of him wanted to reach out and hold him so tightly. Oh, god, but Catarina was right. He was falling so hard for this man.

"I wish I could tell you," he said quietly.

Straightening, Alec finally turned towards him. Tony wasn't in the least surprised to see tear tracks stain his face. "I never told you how Magnus..." He stopped, swallowed and rephrased. "How I lost Magnus."

"Something to do with a Soul Sword?"

Alec looked surprised for a moment, but then nodded. "He didn't tell me about that either. Just did it, without telling me or even saying goodbye."

"Because he knew you would stop him," Tony guessed.

His gaze lowered, Alec shrugged. He was picking at the cuts on his knuckles, as if he wanted to make them hurt even more than they did.

Unable to watch it any longer, Tony took a step forward. When he took one of Alec's hands in his, Alec tried to pull it back, but Tony closed his own around Alec's even tighter. With his other hand, he ran soothing magic along the sore looking flesh.

"Catarina's been teaching me," he replied to Alec's surprised gasp. He even surprised himself with how well it was working, the wound healing up before his very eyes.

His magic still needed his full concentration, but even with his gaze on the hand in his, he could feel Alec stare at him. "I'm so mad at you right now," Alec said.

"Good," Tony replied without looking up. "Then we're even."

The answering chuckle seemed to have been shocked out of Alec. Tony smiled in victory as he finished healing one hand and let it go from his grasp.

"Other hand, please," he said, beckoning with his fingers.

"You know, I have a healing rune," Alec started, but his voice trailed off when Tony simply grabbed his other hand and began working on it.

For a while neither spoke, the crackling buzz of Tony's magic the only sound in the room. With nothing being said between them, his magic the only thing to concentrate on, Tony was suddenly all too aware of their proximity, of Alec's hand in his, of the heat radiating off his sweaty body. The tension between them needed to be broken. He needed to say something.

"I know you feel betrayed by Magnus," he said, his gaze still firmly on the wounds healing on Alec's knuckles. "But if it makes you feel better, Catarina's not convinced he could have done it. She doesn't think it's possible to cast a spell that complicated on oneself."

Alec's voice sounded hoarse when he replied, "Magnus would have found a way."

There it was again, that glow of pride in Alec's voice. Despite how hurt and betrayed he felt by Magnus right now, his trust and confidence in him never wavered. It ignited that warm something inside Tony's gut that kept growing larger all the time. He wanted Alec to feel and talk about him that way. In a sense, he was, but...

Sadness crashed into him as he finished healing Alec's other hand and loosened his grip around his fingers. He expected Alec to pull his hand back immediately, but when he left it lying on top of Tony's, his eyes flicked up to gaze at Alec in wonder.

The look on Alec's face was inscrutable, an intensity in his hazel eyes that made Tony suck in a shaky breath. They stood there, just gazing into each other's eyes, until Alec finally broke the moment with a sharp nod and a gentle squeeze of Tony's fingers.

Unable to get a word out, Tony watched as Alec turned, gathered up his shirt and jacket from the floor and left the room. He understood perfectly what Alec had been trying to say. With everything between them, the words thank you were too hard for him right now, so he'd said them with his eyes and touch. It was amazing how good he was getting at reading Alec. It was amazing how wonderful it made him feel.

===

His hands behind his back - his pristine, freshly healed by Magnus hands - Alec surveyed the conference table and the people sitting around it. Out of sight of the others, he kept tracing his fingertips along his knuckles, still glowing from the magic they'd absorbed.

It wasn't the first time Magnus had healed his wounds, but this time it felt different, almost like an apology. If Magnus had indeed done this to himself, it would take more than healing a few bloodied knuckles to forgive him, but for now, Alec's need for anger felt satisfied.

A part of him was still livid with Magnus, but watching him now, his heart felt nothing but sympathy. He looked so clearly uncomfortable, surrounded by people who were essentially strangers to him. Of course Clary had made matters worse by ignoring everything Alec had told her - so what else was new? - and launching herself in Magnus' arms upon seeing him. His heart constricted when he saw Magnus rub his thumb and index finger together. He probably wasn't even aware he was doing it; he rarely was.

"I keep telling you," Catarina said, for what felt like the hundredth time, "it's not possible."

"The answer to that is locked inside Magnus' head." Jace grimaced before adding, with an apologetic nod towards Magnus. "Sorry, Tony's head."

He had to give Jace credit for trying. Even Alec forgot a lot of the time and he'd been living with the man for the last few days. He still couldn't bring himself to think of him as anything but Magnus in the privacy of his own head.

"As is the reason why he did it," Izzy added.

That was something Alec wasn't sure he wanted an answer to. There was no reason on earth for Magnus wanting to erase him from his life that he could live with.

The contemplative look on Catarina's face snapped him out of the depressing path his thoughts had turned to. "There is something that could shed a light on the situation," she said, her tone hesitant as she looked at Magnus. "That something you and Alec told me about this morning?"

Magnus nodded, understanding what she was getting at, as did Alec. His eyes locked with Alec's for a moment before he turned to the others. "The spell apparently is at its weakest when I'm asleep. I had a nightmare last night and, well..." He turned back to Alec, leaving it up to him how much he wanted to reveal.

"I heard Magnus call out for me." He straightened his posture in defense of the ridicule he was sure he'd receive. They'd call it wishful thinking, say he was imagining things.

A little worried frown appeared between Jace's eyebrows, but to Alec's relief, that was the extend of their skepticism.

"So, are you saying we can talk to Magnus?" Clary asked. "Like with hypnosis or something?"

Alec had been halfway through rolling his eyes in response to her suggestion, but her additional explanation made him reconsider. "Would that work?" he asked Catarina.

"It might," she said. "It's definitely worth a try." She turned to Magnus sitting next to her. "What do you think?"

Though his whole posture was still screaming how uncomfortable he was, Magnus nodded. "Okay. If that's what it takes to get us answers..."

"You don't have to," Alec was quick to assure him. "If you'd rather not, we will find another solution."

Magnus threw him a grateful smile. "No," he said, lifting his chin with determination. "It's okay, I'll do it." He hesitated for a moment before he added, "But I don't want anyone present but Alec and Catarina."

"Of course," Izzy said, immediately rising from her chair.

Jace and Clary followed suit at once, voicing their own acquiescence, but Alec stopped them by holding up a hand.

"No, we'll go to my office. Tony will be more comfortable there." On their way to his office, he asked, "Do I have to be there?" He turned to Magnus. "Because if it makes you uncomfortable, I'll..."

"No," Magnus interrupted sharply. Turning away, avoiding eye contact, he added in a gentler tone, "I want you there."

A warm glow filled Alec at the soft confession, an involuntary smile spreading across his face. "Okay," was all he said, the warmth inside his chest growing even more intense when Magnus smiled back at him.

It was weird to watch Magnus wander around his office, take in everything with interest and curiosity, even though he'd been there numerous times before. They used to make out on that couch all the time; the thrill of discovery had only added to their ardour.

"So this is your office?" he said, his gaze roaming around. "This is where you do all your Shadowhuntery stuff?"

"Here's where I mostly take care of red tape, but yeah."

Out of sheer force of habit, he'd walked to stand behind his desk. His smile slid off his face when he noticed the picture of the two of them prominently displayed on it. The photo wasn't the same one he'd already seen in Alec's wallet, but still, there was no need to upset Magnus, especially not now, when they needed him calm and relaxed. He quickly reached out to turn it over, but as bad luck would want it, Magnus chose that moment to turn towards him and caught him in the act.

"It's all right," he said. He even stepped closer and picked up the photo so he could take a closer look. "Is this...?" Cutting himself off, he looked hesitant about whatever he was about to ask. Looking at the photo, he shook his head and smiled sadly.

"You can ask," Alec said gently. "Whatever it is that's on your mind."

His eyes lifting to meet Alec's, he turned the photo in his hand towards him. "Is this what does it for you? The..." He cleared his throat, seemingly finding it hard to put his thoughts into words. "The makeup and jewelry and stuff?"

The question took Alec by surprise. It wasn't at all what he'd expected him to ask. He thought it over for a moment and then shrugged. "It's part of Magnus, so yeah, I love it."

Nodding, he took in the information and put the photo back on Alec's desk, upright and facing Alec. There was a pensive look in his eyes, a gloominess that made Alec realise what he'd just said.

"If it weren't a part of Magnus, I'd love that too," he quickly added.

Magnus' eyes shot up to meet his, a bright fierceness shining in them. Alec couldn't look away if he tried. It was Catarina's discreet cough that snapped them out of it.

"Right," Alec said, clearing his throat and trying to pull himself together. He walked out from behind his desk and gestured towards the couch at the back of his office. "I thought you'd be more comfortable here."

Magnus seemed to have as much trouble shaking himself out of it as he did. "Uh, great, that's really considerate of you."

From the corner of his eye, Alec saw Catarina roll her eyes; was he really being that pathetically transparent?

"Do you want me to lie down for this?" Magnus asked Catarina.

"Whatever feels most comfortable for you," she replied.

Magnus nodded in understanding and chose to sit down. His nervousness was showing in the way he twisted his fingers together.

As Alec sat down beside him, he asked, "Is this okay?" He immediately knew he'd done the right thing when relief burst across Magnus' face when he turned to him.

Pulling a chair in front of Magnus, Catarina took a seat and faced him. "We'll start with our relaxation exercise. Close your eyes and listen to your own heartbeat."

Magnus did as told. While Catarina breathed with him, setting the pace, Alec found that he was subconsciously timing his own in- and exhales to theirs. Once she was satisfied with how relaxed Magnus was, Catarina's gaze flicked towards Alec. Suddenly apprehensive, he instinctively moved closer to Magnus, wanting to protect and reassure him, but in the next instant, Catarina's wrist made a graceful movement and blue magic came bursting from the centre of her palm.

Instantly under, Magnus elegantly drifted against the back of the couch. His eyes closed, his face looked relaxed and serene. Maybe it was Alec's imagination, but a smile seemed to hover around his mouth.

"Magnus, can you hear me?" Catarina asked. "Are you there?"

Alec held his breath, waiting for the answer. It seemed forever to come, but when it did, Alec's heart skipped a beat at the simple, "Yes."

Catarina leaned towards Alec and whispered, "Ask him something only Magnus can know."

Alec wondered for a second why she didn't ask him herself. She'd known Magnus much longer than he had. Maybe she counted on the intimacy of his relationship with Magnus to hold more weight.

The question itself was not that hard to decide. He thought of the _omamori_ Magnus always carried with him. It still broke his heart it had gone lost.

"What was my first gift to you?"

The smile that bloomed across Magnus' face made the memories come flooding back: the stunned look in Magnus' eyes, his startled little, "Me?", the way he immediately discarded the dainty gift bag from Tokyo in his eagerness to get to its content.

He was so sure the word _omamori_ would come out of Magnus' mouth, he sucked in a startled gasp when instead he answered, his voice warm with tenderness, "Your strength."

Tears stung behind Alec's eyes when he realised he was right. That was his first gift. They barely even knew each other back then, but he'd given his strength freely, long before he'd given the _omamori_ , long before he'd given his heart, his entire life to this man.

"It's him," he told Catarina in a choked voice.

Acknowledging his judgment with a nod, she immediately got down to the important questions. "Did you perform this spell on yourself, Magnus?"

So much depended on the answer, not in the least the state of Alec's heart. Whatever came out of Magnus' mouth next had the potential of breaking it beyond repair. His eyes fell closed, the tears he'd held back spilling from them with one single word.

"Yes."

Alec found he was digging his nails in his palm, just to feel a pain greater than the one inside his chest. Catarina would want to know how, but that wasn't the question most prominent on his mind.

"Why?" he blurted out, unable to keep the hurt from bleeding through in his voice.

Catarina cast him a quick frown, but then turned back to Magnus, as keen to hear the answer as he was.

"Had to," Magnus replied. And just when Alec thought he'd taken about as many wounds to the heart as he could take, Magnus added, "Had to forget Alexander."

It was too much. He couldn't... He couldn't... He couldn't be there and listen to Magnus admitting he did this _thing_ , this horrible despicable _thing_ , to himself and not just for any reason, but for the precise purpose of forgetting _him_.

Swallowing down the screams that wanted to erupt from his throat, he rose to his feet, needing to make his escape. He'd assured Magnus he'd be there for him, but this was too much. This felt like a betrayal he couldn't forgive...

He stared down when Catarina's hand closed around his wrist and held him in place. She was a lot stronger than he would have given her credit for.

"I thought you loved Alexander," she told Magnus.

There was pain in Magnus' voice when he replied, "More than anything."

 _Then why?_ Alec's mind was screaming.

"If so, why would you want to forget Alexander?" she asked.

Though desperate to hear the answer to that question, Alec wasn't sure his heart would survive. Every part of him wanted to run, but his feet felt nailed to the floor.

"Not want," Magnus said, "had to. Had to forget Alexander."

He hadn't thought there could be a balm to his pain, and yet, those words were remarkably soothing. Suddenly intrigued, he frowned down at Magnus.

"Why?" he asked again.

"I will destroy everything for him." There was a sudden cold darkness to his voice that made both Alec and Catarina gasp with surprise.

They shared a quick startled look before Catarina asked, "What do you mean? What will you destroy?"

What followed next went beyond anything Alec had ever experienced. The coldness they'd heard in Magnus' voice seemed to fill the room, chilling Alec to the bone. The darkness twisting around his voice and face were descending on them like a cloud of gloom. Catarina looked as freaked out as Alec was, clear indication that this wasn't something she'd considered as a possibility.

The voice that spoke was deep, booming, and echoed off the walls with a menacing heat that seemed to come from hell itself. "Everything!"

Even though not all her questions were answered, Catarina didn't hesitate. She immediately brought Magnus out of his hypnosis with a snap of her fingers. Not a moment too soon, as whatever dark place he'd found himself in was starting to manifest in the red sparks bursting from his fingers.

Alec and Catarina were still trying to process what had just happened as Magnus' eyes fluttered open. The consternation must have been clear on their faces; he frowned at them in confusion.

"What happened?" His gaze moved from Alec, still standing with Catarina's hand around his wrist holding him there, to Catarina's wide-eyed startled expression. "Did it work?"

"Uh... yeah, yeah," Alec said. As Catarina let go of his wrist, he quickly sat back down next to Magnus. "It... yeah, it worked."

"So?" Magnus' dark eyes were bright with eagerness, but his voice held an edge of dread.

Alec thought of the dark menace that had reverberated from his voice mere moments ago, a voice now back to its soft, dulcet tones. He'd seen Magnus angry, he'd seen him threaten people with that deceptively calm air of his, but the power cascading off him with one word, _everything_ , had been spine-chilling.

"Magnus performed the spell on himself," Catarina provided, when the words got stuck in Alec's throat. "We never got around to asking how."

He was watching Alec closely, gauging his reaction when he asked, "Why?"

That was the part Alec had the most trouble coming to terms with. He'd done it because of _him_? Because he was going to cause some kind of major destruction for _Alec's_ sake. Had Magnus sacrificed himself again?

He thought of the agonised sob of the previous night. _Alexander, I thought I'd lost you!_ Those words might be the best proof that Magnus hadn't wanted to do it, had dreaded losing Alec. Then what had driven him to perform that spell on himself in the first place? Alec was so lost in the connotations most of the explanation fell on Catarina.

After he'd taken in Catarina's account, Magnus looked at them, bewildered. "What does he mean, destroy everything?" Does he mean...?" He waved his hand around vaguely. "Everything?"

That thought had been going around Alec's mind as well. Sometimes he forgot just how powerful Magnus was. Powerful enough to destroy the world? The gloom descending on the room, the dark menacing voice cascading off the walls. It had sounded like an ominous herald.

"Can he?" Alec asked.

Catarina shook her head with a sigh. "Who knows? He is a prince of hell, after all."

Magnus' eyes grew huge in alarm. "Wait, wait, what?" he stammered, holding up a hand to make Catarina back up. "I'm a what?"

As Catarina's face twisted in realisation of what she'd said, Alec noted that he'd referred to Magnus as _I_ , though that was probably just the shock of this new revelation.

"Yes," Catarina said, looking sheepish. "Probably not the best way to find out, but your father is a prince of hell."

"Like the devil?"

"Well, not _the_ devil..."

She didn't get any further. Magnus jumped to his feet, his hands raised and waving about in agitation.

"That's it. That's fucking it, okay? I've listened to you people talk about warlocks and werewolves and magic, but now I'm _done_!" He swung the door open with force, continuing his rant as he stormed out. "I'm going home! You're all fucking insane!"

"Tell Izzy and the rest what happened," Alec quickly told Catarina before he sprang to his feet and went after Magnus.

His trail wasn't that hard to pursue, but by the Angel, could he move quickly when he wanted to. Fortunately, all Alec had to do was follow the stunned people jumping aside to make room for Magnus, gazing at Alec as he came after. The way he'd been fuming when he left Alec's office, it wasn't a reach to assume his magic would be running wild again. Alec just hoped he got to him before it went haywire.

As he ran out the front door and down the steps of the Institute, his pace suddenly slowed, relief flooding him when he saw Magnus sitting on one of the benches. The sun was just setting behind him, bathing him in a soft orange glow, as he leaned back against the bench and closing his eyes, tried to control his breathing, the way Alec and Catarina had taught him. Despite his efforts, the angry red sparks still crackled around his fingers, but even as Alec neared, he could see they were slowly dissipating.

Alec didn't say anything. He just sat down beside him on the bench and hoped that his presence provided the comfort Magnus needed. After a few minutes, his breathing grew more relaxed. He'd learned how to control his magic much faster than anyone would be allowed to expect. And he'd been smart enough to remove himself from a large gathering of people in case things did go south.

Several more minutes passed without either of them speaking. Sitting there next to Magnus, Alec watched the twilight set in and realised he'd never actually done this. He'd lived practically his whole life in the Institute and he'd never sat on a wooden bench and appreciated how spectacular it looked in the light of the dying day.

Slowly, he realised that Magnus was watching him. "Quite a lot to take in, isn't it?" he said, turning towards Magnus.

He huffed out a low laugh. "Understatement of the year." He shook his head in wonder. "The devil is my father?"

"Not _the_ devil," Alec repeated Catarina's words, responding to the amused undertone in Magnus' voice. Another thing he noted was how he'd again referred to Magnus in first and not third person. "Just _a_..."

"Just _a_ devil," Magnus said at the same time he did, which made them snort out a burst of laughter. It did sound ridiculous when you said it out loud.

His laugh was always one of the things Alec loved most about Magnus. As he looked at him, it struck him how much he admired _Tony_. He'd taken everything in stride, from finding out he had magic powers to the discovery he was the offspring of the prince of hell. Few people would be sitting on a park bench, laughing about it. Then again, it probably was one of those situations where laughter was the only response other than losing your mind.

"I think you're incredibly brave, Tony," he said, suddenly serious.

Magnus' laughter died too; he stared at Alec, a startled expression on his face. Alec wasn't sure what had surprised him more: Alec calling him brave or calling him Tony. Cat eyes flashed for a brief moment. Alec again wondered if he was aware he was doing it.

"Truth be told," Magnus finally said, smiling sheepishly, "I wish I could forget it all again." A playful smile curled around his lips, one that made Alec's heart hurt with longing. "But I guess that's exactly what your Magnus had in mind."

 _His_ Magnus. Alec couldn't take it anymore. He quickly rose to his feet, turning his face away. He just needed a moment to collect himself.

"Come on," he finally said, turning back and reaching out a hand to pull Magnus from the bench. "Let's go home." Too late he realised what that sounded like. "Uh... I mean..."

To his relief, Magnus laughed. "I know what you meant," he said and, grinning, grabbed Alec's hand.

\---

After all the revelations of the day, for both Alec and Magnus, what they needed most was a quiet evening, with no mention of what or who had given Magnus the idea he was going to destroy the world, or any reminder of hell-residing blood relations.

Upon their return to Magnus' apartment, Alec set about making them some dinner. When Magnus offered to help him, any accidental touches were not a distraction this time. If anything, every time they brushed against each other, it started to feel less and less accidental and progressively more deliberate. There was a charge between them that lasted all evening, as they sat side by side at the kitchen island to eat their dinner, as they stood in Magnus' tiny kitchen washing the dishes, as they moved to the couch for some light television to take their minds off the dark events of the day.

In the meantime they talked, about everything. About Alec's childhood with Izzy and Jace, about Tony's foster siblings he'd lost touch with. Neither of them acknowledged they were probably memories of people who didn't exist. The last thing their evening needed was more dark revelations.

When it came time to go to bed, Alec didn't want to presume. Just because he'd slept in Magnus' bed the previous night, it didn't mean he was welcome to do so again. He turned to Magnus, looking way too irresistible in his baggy sweat pants and soft T-shirt, smelling delicious from his shower and asked for the bedding for the couch.

Magnus almost looked shy when he said, "You don't have to sleep on the couch."

"Oh, okay," was all Alec could think of to say in reply.

The tension hung thick in the air as they walked into Magnus' bedroom. Not quite sure what to expect, Alec lagged behind, his hands twisted together behind his back, as he watched Magnus pull back the covers and get into bed.

"Will you get the lights?" he asked Alec, as he scooted all the way to the other side of the bed. He'd left the covers lying open in clear invitation. There was no way Alec could misinterpret what he meant.

With that in mind, he simply nodded, went to turn off the light and lifted the covers to get beneath them. Sparks were shooting all along his skin at the thought of Magnus so close. He tried to cover his nervousness by making an extra big fuss about getting comfortable. Once he was settled, he turned his head to find Magnus lying on his side, facing him, watching him intently.

The only light now coming from a small bedside lamp reflected off full-blown cat eyes. As always, the sight took Alec's breath away. He'd never been able to resist those eyes. Now too, they compelled him and Alec could only obey, turning onto his side to face Magnus.

For quite a while, they just lay there, looking at each other, without a word spoken between them.

It felt so amazing, so comfortable, quiet and serene, everything being said with their eyes. Words could hurt. Words could misrepresent, could be misunderstood. Magnus' eyes never could do any of those things.

One of them had to say something, or do something, or make some kind of move, but Alec couldn't seem to break the moment between them. They were in Magnus' bed; he was there at Magnus' invitation. He was going to let him decide what happened next.

The glow from the bedside lamp fell across Magnus' lips as they slowly curled into a smile, sadder than he would have expected. When he spoke, his voice was remarkably soft. "Magnus would destroy the world for you."

That notion was still too all-encompassing for Alec to wrap his mind around, the reason they'd avoided the topic all evening. He'd thought there could be no reason that would justify what Magnus had done. Maybe, saving the world, again, was the only one.

"Yeah," he said, the only word that made it past the obstruction in his throat.

Magnus nodded, his head pressed against the pillow. "He must love you so much."

He couldn't speak. There were no words forming in his head. He'd used present tense. Magnus hadn't loved him; he still did. He was still there, waiting for Alec to find him.

He startled when Magnus scooted a little closer. His eyes, still unglamoured, shifted at Alec's reaction.

"May I?" he asked softly.

 _Anything_ , Alec wanted to say. In that moment he could have asked anything from Alec and he would have given it to him. He nodded.

Given permission, Magnus slid a little closer still, until his head was almost on Alec's pillow, until Alec could feel his breath ghosting across his lips.

"I'm falling in love with you, Alec," he said, the soft, borderline sad admission sending shivers down Alec's spine. He sounded so resigned, so convinced he could never have what he wanted, a feeling Alec was all too familiar with.

Words still failing him, he could only look into those beautiful golden eyes, his breath stuttering out of him when Magnus' hand cupped his cheek, his thumb stroking just below his eye.

"I know it may be a little fast," he added on a chuckle, "and of course I wonder just how much are Magnus' feelings and how much are actually mine, but..."

His _but_ weren't actual words. Alec held his breath as Magnus closed the rest of the distance between them and his lips softly touched Alec's. He wanted to cry with how gentle the kiss was, how tender. Nothing like the raw passion of a few nights ago, just a gentle press of lips against his.

Even as their kiss deepened and they moved against each other, Alec's hand sliding across Magnus back to hold him closer, Magnus' leg slipping between his, it was all still so soft and unhurried. It was in fact so soft and sweet, Alec wondered how far Magnus would want to take things. Maybe a kiss or two was all he had in mind and wouldn't Alec be a dick if he jumped to conclusions and took things too far. But by the Angel, just kissing Magnus was making his whole body come alive. He wanted, needed so much more.

The thought of holding back flew from his head completely when the leg between his pushed up, Magnus' thigh pressing firmly against his already semi-hard cock. With a moan, Alec committed, deepening the kiss, his hand slipping beneath Magnus' T-shirt to roam across that warm hard back. He needed it off Magnus now, so he could let his hands run along every glorious inch of him.

He'd already grabbed the shirt to pull it over Magnus' head when he suddenly pulled away from Alec, looking at him with wide startled eyes. Shit, had Alec misread the signs after all?

"You said the other night you'd been faithful to one man your whole life."

Slightly stunned, Alec nodded, wondering where he was going with this.

"And you still are," Magnus added.

Oh, that was what he'd just realised. Running his fingers lightly across Magnus' back, he smiled. "Yeah."

A frown appeared between Magnus' eyes, one that couldn't mean anything good. His leg was still pressed between his, so it didn't look like he'd changed his mind.

"I haven't," Magnus finally admitted, his tone soft but not guilty. He just sounded sad. "I didn't remember you," he rattled off quickly. "Please don't hold it against Magnus."

He couldn't deny it stung to know, but like Magnus had said, he didn't remember.

"I don't," he assured. He wanted to show him by kissing him again, but the way Magnus was looking at him, he wasn't sure if he should.

The awkwardness lay between them a moment longer, but then that gold spark flashed across Magnus' eyes and he smiled and that was it. They were kissing again, as Magnus rolled Alec onto his back and settled between his legs, while Alec used the momentum to finally get his shirt off him. He threw it aside impatiently. Now he could get both hands all over the muscles rippling across Magnus' back, across those broad broad shoulders.

Magnus' hands weren't idle either. They'd rucked up Alec's shirt all the way up his chest. When Magnus stopped kissing him, Alec made an unhappy noise in protest, but it soon turned to gasps of pleasure when Magnus slithered down his body and sucked kisses into his skin. Alec helped him along by pulling his own shirt off and discarding it, writhing under the thorough attention from Magnus' mouth and tongue.

And of course, knowing how sensitive his neck rune was, Magnus spent extra time on every single one of them.

"What does this one do?" he asked, sucking a bruise into Alec's left flank.

"Agility," Alec gasped.

Magnus chuckled, his breath warm against the already sensitised rune. "I knew you were agile." He nipped it lightly with his teeth before he lapped a trail with his tongue to the rune on his other side. "And this one?"

"Stamina."

That got Magnus' attention, as he knew it would. His head snapped up, his cat pupils round. They looked a lot like the first time Magnus discovered that rune. "Is it now?" he grinned. "That explains so much about the other night."

He wanted to defend his honour, tell him he didn't need a stamina rune to keep up with him, but Magnus' grin had turned wicked and Alec soon found out why. Dipping his head, he sunk a little lower; Alec moaned with pleasure, his hips coming off the bed when Magnus mouthed his cock through his sweat pants.

"Please," he panted.

He lifted his butt as Magnus pulled his sweats off him. His cock was straining for relief, relief that finally came from those beautiful lips. From there on room for thought was gone. All Alec could do was moan and writhe in bliss, as Magnus did wonders with his mouth, his fingertips teasing at his balls. To Alec's distress, it was gone again way too soon.

He gasped in surprise and disappointment when Magnus lifted off his cock with an audible pop. Alec's raised eyebrow was answered with a grin.

"Oh, no, you don't, not yet. I've got plans for that."

Well, Alec couldn't argue with that, or with the way Magnus covered his body again, pressing him into the mattress with his solid weight, his mouth attaching back to Alec's for a heated kiss. Alec's hands slipped beneath Magnus' sweat pants - why the fuck weren't they off yet? - grabbing his ass with both hands and pulling him hard against him, needing that friction against his cock now that those delicious lips were gone. They moaned into each other's mouths, as Alec pulled the sweats completely off Magnus' ass, and he squirmed and wriggled out of them, kicking them off.

Both naked now, Alec rolled them over. It was payback time.

By the Angel, he could spend hours lavishing attention to every beautiful part of Magnus' body. Everything about it took his breath away. His lips and tongue paid homage to every smooth muscle, licking sweat off his pecs and from every ridge of his abs. When he came to Magnus' cock, hard and straining, his mouth was salivating.

The weight of Magnus' cock felt hot against Alec's tongue. He felt so good in Alec's mouth, the gasps and sighs coming from Magnus music to his ears. His hips came off the bed, as he panted, "Alec, please, so good, you're so good," his words disintegrating into incoherent mumbling when Alec took him all the way down again.

It was all so good, so familiar, he forgot for a moment that it wasn't. He was sharply reminded when he waved a hand in Magnus' face and nothing happened. He lifted his eyes to see what was going on and found Magnus staring at his hand with incomprehension.

For just a second it was almost too much to bear. His heart constricted with pain. He'd just expected Magnus would know what he wanted, having done this so many times before. The frown between his eyes as he looked at Alec's hand was such a cold reminder this wasn't Magnus, it tore Alec's heart to shreds.

Lifting off his cock, he gently said, "Tony?"

The use of his name made his head snap towards him, his cat pupils impossibly round as they gazed at Alec, in shock almost.

"Blow lube onto my fingers," he suggested kindly.

The frown was back, but then his mouth did that twisty thing that made something in Alec's gut clench. With a smile, he blew a mist of blue magic across Alec's fingers. Feeling the slippery substance appear on his fingers, Alec once again marveled at how quickly he was taking to magic.

The queasy feeling of unease in the pit of his stomach evaporated at Magnus' triumphantly soft, "Fuck, that worked!"

It ignited something in Alec. He was going to make it so good for Magnus. The breathless gasp that was torn from Magnus as his cock was engulfed in Alec's mouth once more made Alec grin with smugness. He waited for just the right moment, judging from the sighs and pants coming from Magnus, to take him all the way down his throat. The noises he was making were sheer perfection.

When his hips came off the bed, Alec grabbed the opportunity to get two fingers inside him, finding his target almost at once.

"Alec, Alec, please," Magnus panted, his hand patting Alec's hair frantically. "Don't make me come. Want you inside me." His actions were contradicting his words, as he pushed himself further onto Alec's fingers, torn it seemed between needing that release and waiting for Alec's cock.

Alec was torn as well. Lying on his stomach, he'd been rubbing his cock against the sheets, as desperate for release as Magnus was. So what if they came? Magnus was immortal, and had magic and hundreds of years of tricks up his sleeve. Alec had his stamina rune. Recovery time was for mundanes. And he didn't have to pretend to be one anymore.

Yet, as much as he wanted Magnus to come in his mouth, he couldn't ignore his pleas and the insistent twisting in his hair telling him to slow down. Letting Magnus' cock slip from his mouth, Alec looked up, licking his lips while he did. Magnus was watching him with hooded eyes, his breath coming fast and hard, his chest glistening with sweat. He looked stunning.

Alec couldn't resist twisting his fingers deeper inside him, grinding his hard cock against the sheets when Magnus moaned loudly, his neck exposed, his adam's apple bobbing, as he pushed his head back against the pillow.

Pulling his fingers out, he wiped them on the sheets, feeling a slight pang of guilt when Magnus sighed at the loss of them. Not to worry, he'd soon get what he wanted, what they both needed.

When he offered his hand to Magnus again, there was another moment of hesitation, but not for the reason Alec had expected. "Condom too, maybe?" Magnus asked.

"Yeah, sure," Alec muttered, taken by surprise, "whatever you want." It was yet another stark reminder that, as familiar as all this felt, it wasn't quite as simple.

Raising himself onto his elbows, Magnus looked at him. His biceps bulged under the movement. By the Angel, he was beautiful. "We don't have to."

"I'm totally fine with no condom," Alec immediately replied. They'd already established they were both clean.

"Okay, then," Magnus agreed, and without further ado, he grabbed Alec's fingers and blew lube onto them.

Sitting back onto his heels, Alec applied the lube to his cock, hissing at the contact. Maybe he'd let things get too far after all. He was so close to coming and he wasn't even inside Magnus yet. He could activate his stamina rune, but his stele was all the way in the living room...

His thoughts ground to a halt when he realised that Magnus had risen onto his knees as well. There were no words for how good he looked, all hard muscle and glistening smooth skin, his cock hard and straining. It started to dawn on Alec what he had in mind when he shuffled closer and wrapped his arms around Alec's neck. His fingers played with Alec's hair as he leaned in and kissed him. He would have expected a heated, passionate kiss, but it was so gentle, so tender, it made something inside Alec explode with sweetness.

"Stay like that," he whispered against Alec's mouth and then shuffled even closer until he was straddling Alec's lap. He rose on his knees, Alec positioned his cock...

They sighed in simultaneous bliss when Magnus sank onto his cock. Their kiss never broke, never lost any of its gentleness, as he sank down further until Alec's cock was buried inside him. It felt amazing, the tight hotness surrounding his cock, the tongue caressing his so sweetly, Magnus' sweaty chest against his, his hard cock trapped between them.

Magnus wriggled on his lap, in search of the perfect angle. The way he moaned into Alec's mouth would suggest he'd found it. But once he had, he didn't seem to be in any particular hurry to move. He just kept kissing Alec, his fingers playing with his hair, squirming just slightly to feel Alec's cock all the way inside him.

It was so much, too much almost. Alec felt so full the words fell out of his mouth before he could stop them. "I love you," he said between kisses.

He knew it was the wrong thing to say the moment it came out of his mouth, but he couldn't seem to find it within himself to regret it or take it back.

As expected, Magnus reacted immediately. Pulling back, he stared at Alec. "You love Magnus." There was a gleam in his cat eyes Alec wasn't sure how to interpret.

"Yes," Alec said, unable to be anything but completely honest. "I love Magnus." He quickly added, when he saw the harshness settle across Magnus' face. "I love his makeup and jewelry because it's a part of him. His demon half is a part of him and so I love that too. You're a part of Magnus and that's why I love you too." He concluded with a deliberate, "Tony."

Magnus looked at him a moment longer and Alec really wished he would do something, anything. This wasn't exactly the most comfortable position to be in and his thighs were starting to hurt. Most of all, he wished he'd bothered to get his stele after all...

All thoughts were chased from his head when Magnus' mouth crashed back onto his. There was no sweetness to his kiss this time, just desperate need. The muscles of Magnus' sweat-soaked back rippled under Alec's hands as he rose, with that grace only he possessed, just far enough to make them both moan with pleasure. Those sinful hips of his undulating, he sank back down on Alec's cock.

In no time they'd found their rhythm, slow and easy at first, until it became more frantic, more out of control, the tight friction around his cock unbearable pleasure. Kissing soon became as erratic as the sweet sweet rise and fall of Magnus on his cock. When kissing needed too much coordination, Magnus attached his mouth to Alec's deflect rune and by the Angel, that was almost too much.

On his knees like this Alec couldn't get enough traction to thrust up into Magnus the way he wanted to. It was starting to get really frustrating.

"Please, can I...?" he panted, his hands already sliding down towards Magnus' butt.

He immediately seemed to realise what Alec had in mind, as he wrapped his legs around Alec's waist. Without wasting another moment, Alec carefully lowered him onto his back and yes, now it was perfect. With Magnus' legs wrapped around him, he could thrust all the way inside now, hard and deep, breath knocked out of them with each one.

They wouldn't last much longer, they both knew it. One final thrust and Magnus came, spurting between them. Drinking in the sight of him, gasping for breath as he rode out the orgasm shaking his body, Alec followed close behind, panting as pleasure rocked through him.

Magnus sighed in contentment as Alec carefully lowered himself on top of him. His face buried against Magnus' neck, he tried to catch his breath, Magnus stroking warm and soothing circles across Alec's back.

"You okay?" Alec asked, when he'd finally caught his breath.

"Could not be better," was Magnus' happy reply.

===

How much of what he was feeling for Alec belonged to Magnus? It wasn't the first time Tony pondered that question, but right now, his fingers running through Alec's hair where he lay sleeping, his head on Tony's chest, it felt even more poignant. It had barely been a week since they first met, just two days since they'd had an actual conversation. Lust at first sight, he could understand - Alec was ridiculously hot - but what he felt for Alec ran so much deeper. Two days ago they'd had sex; tonight they'd made love.

His fingers slowed when Alec made a snuffling noise in his sleep, the sound making something tighten in Tony's chest. Messy hair tousled, sheets thrown haphazardly across his shoulders, Alec looked so gorgeous, so peaceful in his sleep. He'd heard of other people falling in love within days, but it had never happened to him. He snorted. Well, not that he could remember.

Which brought him back to his original conundrum. Alec had said he was a part of Magnus and that was why he loved him too, and god, those words had cut through Tony like a knife. Even thinking back on them made him gasp. No wonder Magnus loved this amazing man so much he was willing to destroy the world for him, loved him so vastly it bled over into Tony's memories.

He really needed to stop thinking about it. He'd done nothing else since he woke up an hour ago, the sun peeking through the curtains telling him it was early morning. It had been too early to get up, but the thoughts running through his head prevented him from getting back to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, visions of demons and angels filled his head. Getting up and doing something useful hadn't been an option either, not with a sleeping Alec on top of him.

But now the sounds he was making seemed to indicate that he was waking up too. A moment later, all doubt was removed, when he felt soft kisses being peppered along his skin.

"Good morning," Tony said.

Alec lifted his head, turning a blinding smile towards him. "Good morning."

A weight lifted off Tony's shoulders he hadn't even been aware was there. Alec didn't look like he regretted what had happened last night, as was even more obvious when he moved up Tony's body to kiss him so sweetly. His hand tangled in Alec's hair, he sighed into the kiss, savouring it. God, but he was so deeply in love with this man. Fuck the fact he'd only known him a few days.

Rolling them onto their side, Alec pulled back a little. His hands were still roaming across Tony's back, leaving delicious shivers in their wake, as he asked, "How did you sleep?"

"Like a baby."

Alec's answering smile was a ray of sunshine. "No nightmares?"

Tony shook his head, even though Alec must have known the answer already. His nightmare had woken him up when he was in the next room. It definitely would have done so when he was in the same bed.

He had a question of his own, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer. "Did you hear Magnus in my sleep?"

A shadow seemed to cross Alec's beautiful hazel eyes. His hands momentarily stilled on Tony's back. Without a word, he shook his head. Tony couldn't tell if he looked relieved or disappointed.

They were spared further awkwardness when Tony's alarm chose that moment to go off, a sharp reminder it was Monday morning and back to work. Tony rolled onto his back and stretched out his arm to switch if off, before turning back towards Alec with a regretful expression.

"Sorry, my kids are waiting."

Alec nodded in understanding, but didn't let Tony go or stop caressing his back. It was oddly soothing. Tony really didn't want it to stop.

"Do you me want to come with you?" Alec asked.

As tempting as the offer was, Tony shook his head. "I'll be fine. Catarina taught me how to control it."

Alec smiled warmly. "I was really impressed with the way you handled it yesterday," he said, taking Tony's breath away. "It was smart to remove yourself from a crowded place."

There was no way Tony couldn't kiss him after that. Five minutes later they were still at it, both unable to tear themselves away. They really should, before they started something they didn't have time to finish.

"I really need to go," Tony lamented, giggling softly.

"Yeah." Alec sounded as reluctant to leave his bed as he was. "There's probably a thousand messages on my phone from Izzy anyway."

It took a lot of effort, but he finally managed the first step: get out of bed. He couldn't seem to follow through with step two, though: stop staring at Alec. Who could blame him, when he was looking so gorgeous, the covers pulled back to pool around his hips, and gazing at Tony's naked body with a radiant smile and clear hunger in his eyes.

"Want to join me in the shower?" Tony asked, in an attempt to postpone the inevitable just a little longer.

It was a real boost to his ego how quickly Alec pushed back the covers and jumped out of bed.

The shower was delightful, to say the least. After the pleasures of sliding wet bodies against each other, they were enjoying breakfast at the kitchen island, their thighs pressed together, when Alec's phone rang. His sister needed to see him urgently. As Alec had expected, his phone had been full of messages from her, so the call wasn't exactly a surprise. It just confirmed what they'd already decided, that they would go their separate ways today, Tony to Rainbow House and his job, Alec to his at the Institute.

Saying goodbye, though, turned out to be another exercise in trying to tear themselves away from each other. After minutes of making out like teenagers at the front door, they finally made it into the hallway. The elevator door had barely closed behind them or they were already reaching for each other again.

It was heady to feel so in love. Tony loved every second of it, even while he knew how ridiculous it all was to feel so much so fast. Anything this intense was bound to come crashing down around him. Until it did, he was going to savour every moment of it.

===

Despite the circumstances, Alec couldn't hide the bounce in his step as he walked into the Institute. Any day he could start by kissing Magnus until they were both breathless was a good day. Yeah, sure, this Magnus was a little damaged, but after three months without him, Alec would take any Magnus over no Magnus at all.

As good as he felt, there was still the question of why Magnus had done this to himself and how to undo it. Maybe they weren't meant to undo it at all. To do something this drastic, Magnus had to have had good reason.

A question he was sure to get an answer to when he saw Izzy spot him and walk towards him with quick determined strides. Her face looked like a thundercloud as she approached him, to the point Alec wished he could turn and walk back out, just so he could preserve the good mood he was in.

"Are you guys sleeping together?" she cut right to the chase. At least she'd waited until she was close enough she didn't have to yell the question for the whole Institute to hear.

"Iz!" he admonished, but he had to turn his face away in guilt. She knew him too well not to recognise his _I got laid last night_ face.

"I don't care about your sex life, Alec." The milder tone in her voice made him look back at her; her expression too had softened. "If it makes you happy..."

The warmth in her eyes brought him back to that conversation they'd once had, when he'd first started sleeping with Magnus. She'd used pretty much the same words then. That was all she ever wanted for him, he realised, that he was happy.

"I love him, Izzy," he said softly, hearing the desperation in his own voice, as though those three words explained everything.

To him they did. He loved Magnus. To be as close to him as possible, physically and emotionally, felt like the most natural thing to him. It hadn't always. He'd had to unpack so much bullshit to get to this place. She couldn't take that away from him now.

"Oh, big brother," she sighed, her eyes full of compassion. "I'm not here to condemn you. The Angel knows I've made some questionable decisions on bed partners myself."

He chuckled despite himself, holding up a hand to stop her. "Don't need to know, Iz."

"It's just that getting too close to Tony..." She put air quotes around his name. "Might not be a good idea."

When he frowned at her with incomprehension, she beckoned him over to one of the transparent whiteboards.

"I've been thinking about it," she said, as she picked up a marker, "and I think there's a possibility Magnus accidentally created the very scenario he tried to avoid."

Even more confused than before, Alec frowned and crossed his arms as he watched her draw a horizontal line across the board.

"This is the original timeline," she said, turning back to him. "The one where nothing happened, Magnus didn't destroy the Soul Sword, where you and him live happily ever after."

Sighing, Alec silently wondered whether they could go back to that timeline, if he wished hard enough. His frown grew deeper when Izzy marked a spot along the horizontal line with an X.

"This is where Magnus destroyed the Soul Sword and/or performed his spell on himself. We're not sure yet which came first or which one resulted in what."

She drew a line from the X that sprouted off before it ran parallel with the original timeline. "A new timeline was created," she explained, "where you two don't know each other and live separate lives."

"The worst three months of my life," Alec muttered under his breath.

Of course Izzy had heard him. She shot him a sympathetic look before she turned back to the board and drew an X on the second timeline. "And here is where you meet again and..." She sprouted off another timeline that ran parallel with the first two. "A whole new timeline was created where you're falling in love all over again."

He was with her so far, though he still couldn't see what any of it had to do with why sleeping with him was a bad idea.

"Basically," she concluded, putting the marker down, "you were never supposed to meet again. But you did. And he's falling in love with you all over again."

There was no way he could hide how impressed he was at the accuracy of her assessment. His mind flashed back to the sweet kisses Magnus had bestowed on him, his softly whispered admission, "I'm falling in love with you, Alec," or the way they'd made love last night. They'd made love.

"Magnus is hundreds of years old," Izzy continued, her voice soft with understanding. "He's loved people before you. And he's never destroyed the world for them."

She had a point there. As much as it stroked his ego to imagine Magnus loved him more than he'd ever loved anyone before him, he knew it wasn't true. He was starting to see what Izzy was getting at.

"He might have wanted to, but he didn't," Alec realised, uncrossing his arms. "Because he had enough control over his powers, over himself." He'd had four hundred years to perfect his control over his magic. But Tony...

Izzy nodded. "He's created a version of himself with barely any control over his magic. If provoked..."

"He might unleash devastation," Alec finished her sentence. He'd seen what a simple flare of anger could do. He gave her a sharp nod. "Good work, Izzy."

She shrugged humbly, but her expression betrayed how pleased the praise made her. "It's just a theory."

"But a sound one." Thinking it over for a moment, he approached the blackboard and studied the timelines. "We really need to get Magnus back before the worst happens." He turned towards her with a soft smile. "Thanks, Iz."

Her answering smile looked sad. Draping an arm around him, she laid her head against his shoulder. "I don't blame you, Alec. I'd probably have done the same." She chuckled warmly. "If I'd ever felt anything as deep as the feelings you and Magnus share."

Putting his arm around her waist, he held her a little more tightly, appreciating her support. "Remember what you once told me?" Nodding her head against his shoulder, she let out a soft sigh of confirmation. "It'll happen for you too some day."

Maybe she'd find it with that mysterious girl she'd been seeing lately. He just hoped it wouldn't fuck her up as badly as it had done him.

===

"Hey, stranger!" Sophie called out from her study as he walked into Rainbow House. "Where have you been hiding?"

She immediately got up from her chair and walked towards Tony, smiling brightly. They met just inside the doorway, where she wrapped him in an enthusiastic hug, before taking a step back and giving him a thorough assessment.

"You look good. Happy." Her grin grew wider, never a good sign. "Eric tells me there's a dark, tall hottie - his words - in your life."

The smile slid off his face. How much should he reveal about Alec? Despite Alec's denials, Tony was still convinced he was the hot guy with hazel eyes who had abandoned him with Sophie and Suzanne three months ago. Part of him was tempted to ask her about the mysterious guy, whether he'd had any tattoos, but he decided against it. They would have mentioned any tattoos, which meant he must have glamoured them.

Maybe, all things considered, it was better if he didn't know.

Under Sophie's amused scrutiny, his good humour returned. "I'm gonna kill Eric," he grumbled, but it was mostly for show. As much tumult as he'd brought into Tony's life, he couldn't hide how in love with Alec he was.

Something Sophie noticed at once. Smiling, she patted his shoulder and took a step back. "We're happy for you, Tony." She tilted her head towards the door. "Go on, do your thing! Eric is here too, so feel free to kill him for spilling the beans."

When he got to the assembly room, he did indeed find Eric there, along with a handful of other kids from his regular group, though they weren't there to dance this time. Under the supervision of Christine and Rob, two of Sophie's brightest kids, they were working on a mural project they'd started a few weeks ago.

He didn't even get a chance to say hi to any of them. As soon as he walked in, Eric turned around from where he was 'supervising' the artists and announced loudly, "Mr. B, you look like you spent two days in bed with a hot guy with a neck tattoo."

Not about to be shown up by a teenager, Tony shook his head. "Wrong, Eric," he said, calmly walking towards him, "I look like I spent two days in bed with a hot guy with tattoos all over his body."

It was satisfying to watch Eric's jaw hit the floor to the accompaniment of howls and hoots from the other kids. Even if it wasn't the exact truth, it was close enough.

Crossing his arms, he stood back to admire the mural. It was a depiction of the work they did at Rainbow House, with every kid in the program represented. The LGBT rainbow colours took pride of place, which only stood to reason as it was also the name of their program, but the bi colours or the trans and ace ones hadn't been left out.

"It looks amazing, guys," he told them, genuinely impressed.

They beamed with pride as they explained what everything meant. He didn't really need the explanation, but he let them carry on. It was wonderful to see them so enthusiastic about something they felt passionate about. Even Eric's sarcastic interjections couldn't dampen their joy.

Their words washed over him as his eyes took in every aspect of the mural. They'd put so much detail into it. Tony could imagine a great future for both of them as artists, a thought that filled him with happiness.

The future scenarios running through his head for the artistic duo ground to a halt when his eye fell on one particular detail and something cold seemed to grab him around the throat. He couldn't quite describe the feeling that came over him. His heart started racing, a lightheaded feeling making it necessary to grab Rob standing beside him before he toppled over.

"Mr B, everything okay?" Christine asked, her face twisted with worry.

"Where...?" He had to take a breath before he could get the rest of the question out. "Where did you get that?"

He pointed a finger at a symbol in the right hand corner of the mural. It looked like a scale, but one drawn by Salvador Dali, with weird weighing pans holding two dots. He had no idea why it called out to him; he couldn't even remember seeing it before. And yet, it made something inside his head scream almost painfully.

Christine shrugged. "I'm not sure. We thought it looked cool."

"You must have seen it somewhere," he insisted. It was the first thing he'd recognised in months. He _had_ to know where it came from.

The two kids exchanged helpless looks for a moment, until Rob finally exclaimed, "Oh, I know!" After rifling through his bag sitting on a nearby chair, he brought out a book. "I saw it in this art book you leant us," he said, holding out the book to Tony.

He took it with a frown. He certainly recognised the book, and remembered showing it to the kids when they were looking for inspiration for their mural. The symbol, though, he couldn't remember seeing in the book.

"Here," Rob said, when Tony leafed aimlessly through the book in search of the symbol. He turned the pages back until they'd reached the introduction page.

And there it was, scribbled on the right hand corner. By Tony himself? He did tend to doodle stuff when he was distracted. Had he drawn that himself without even realising it? Or had it been Magnus trying to get a message across?

With a shake of his head, he closed the book and handed it back to Rob, who looked at him with a confused expression. "Thanks," he said, giving him a reassuring smile.

It had to mean something; he was sure of it. Making up his mind, he took out his phone and snapped a photo of the symbol on the wall.

 _Ever seen this symbol?_ he typed and sent it to Alec, along with the photo.

If there had ever been any doubt about the significance of the symbol, it was smashed to smithereens by the quickness of Alec's reply. Tony's heart raced as he opened the message. Even though he knew what it would say, he still sucked in a shocked breath when he read, _Yes_.

A second message quickly followed the first, one that made Tony frown. It was an address in Brooklyn. Alec's home address?

 _Can you meet me here?_ a third message said. _It'll be easier if I show U what it means._

He was still pretty torn about trespassing on Magnus' home turf, but if it gave him answers to his questions...

 _Okay_ , he texted back. _I'll be done here in about half an hour. Around 11.30?_

 _Great_ , Alec replied. _We can grab lunch together. There's something else I gotta talk to you about. Why Izzy wanted to see me._

 _Okay_ , Tony sent and put his phone back in his pocket.

It was hard to tell from Alec's message if the news he'd received from Izzy was good or bad. Either way, that wasn't what had Tony's gut tied up in knots. He was going to have to set foot inside the home Magnus... The home _he_ had shared with Alec, the happy home he'd forgotten, the home Magnus had wiped from his memory for god knew what reason. He wasn't at all sure he was ready for that.

\---

The first thing he thought as Alec let him in was how massive the place was. While Alec closed the door behind him, Tony couldn't stop himself from gaping around in awe. His place could fit about three times into this one.

Alec leaned towards him in greeting, but there was too much going on in Tony's mind to reciprocate, not in the least the overwhelming turmoil of _fuck, this is where Magnus and Alec live_ that flooded his senses. Fortunately, Alec didn't look offended when Tony turned his face away. His smile wavered for just a second, but he seemed to understand why he had trouble kissing him right there, right then. They, he and Alec, were too new, too fresh to compete with all the history this place held.

As he walked further into the loft, he was all too aware of Alec watching him attentively, maybe looking for signs of recognition? If that was the case, Tony would have to disappoint him. The only thing he recognised was how much time and money had gone into making the loft look as beautiful and perfect as it did.

"You weren't kidding about how rich Magnus is," he said, pulling the strap of his messenger bag over his head and putting the bag down on the floor.

Alec shrugged, looking slightly bashful. "Well, he did buy it in the Seventies when it was a lot cheaper..." He stopped talking when Tony fixed him with a look. Alec was doing it again, insinuating he was a lot older than he looked. "Sorry," he added with a grin.

Turning away from him, Tony made the mistake of looking to his right. A door stood wide open, showing the room beyond it. Bright red covers - they looked satin from where he stood - were draped elegantly across a large bed. Magnus' and Alec's bed, he realised, as he quickly swiveled around, feeling uncomfortable.

"You were going to show me something?"

The sooner they could get this over with, the sooner he could get out of there. Everything about this loft felt oppressive. It wasn't just the wealth the place radiated, with every piece of furniture and every object of art a testament of good taste. The walls practically whispered to him of all the things they'd seen, every intimate moment between Magnus and Alec they'd witnessed.

"Right." Uncertainty written across his face, Alec passed a hand behind his head. Maybe he felt Tony's discomfort. "This way."

Tony followed close behind as Alec's long legs carried him back to the hallway, where he swung open the doors of an antique looking cabinet with both hands.

A startled gasp fell from Tony's lips as he took an involuntary step backwards. In front of his eyes was the most extraordinary thing he'd ever seen. It looked like a huge golden disk with a star in the middle, each point of the star adorned with weird symbols. The disk itself was amazing enough, but it was the symbol at its centre that took Tony's breath away. It was the one he'd doodled in his book, what he'd started referring to in his head as the scale.

"What is it?" he asked, his voice subdued with wonder.

"Magnus' magic vault," Alec explained. "He keeps all his most valuable..." He grimaced. "And most dangerous magic hidden in there."

Which implied...

"Nobody but Magnus can open it," Tony guessed, sighing with resignation. If the vault existed to keep dangerous magic out of the wrong hands, it would have to be impenetrable to everyone but Magnus.

Alec nodded. "Yeah."

"Not even Catarina?"

"Not even Catarina." Immediately after saying those words, Alec's face lit up. "But," he added, sounding a lot more hopeful than Tony would have expected, "it makes sense that Magnus would keep some kind of backup plan in there." He snorted derisively. "I wanna kick myself for not thinking of it myself. Magnus would never go into a harebrained scheme like this without a contingency plan."

Just looking at Alec's expression, Tony could tell how relieved and happy he was Magnus hadn't left him completely high and dry. That twinge of jealousy shot through his gut again. No matter how silly he knew it to be, he couldn't seem to stop feeling it. The hope burning in Alec's hazel eyes made the jealousy flare even higher.

"Did you remember?" Alec asked, waving a hand towards the symbol at the centre of the golden disk guarding Magnus' secrets. His face lit up with hope, he looked so beautiful. It tore at Tony's heart.

"Sort of," he said, and told Alec about the doodle he'd found. "I thought it was just random stuff I was drawing. The significance didn't hit me until I saw it painted by two of my kids."

Alec nodded, a smile playing around his lips. "Magnus has very restless fingers too. He's always playing with his rings..."

It was too much. Unable to hide how he felt, Tony turned away from him abruptly. Last night Alec had told him he loved him because he was part of Magnus. He'd wanted to believe it so badly...

"Can we go now?" He winced when his voice came out harsher than he'd intended.

"Tony?" Such insecurity shone through in Alec's voice. Tony didn't have to turn around to see the hurt look in his eyes. His beautiful hazel eyes...

"This place feels stifling," he explained in a gentler tone, though he couldn't bring himself to look at Alec yet.

It was bad enough being constantly compared to Magnus, but standing there, where Magnus was looming at him from every corner and every surface, with Magnus knocking on his brain with cryptic messages, Tony felt like his presence was closing in on him from every side. He needed to get out of there before he started screaming.

"Yeah, sure." There was still some uncertainty in Alec's voice, but he seemed to understand why Tony was desperate to leave. "I just gotta feed the cats. You can wait outside if you want. I'll be as quick as I can."

That got Tony to turn towards him. "Cats?" he asked incredulously.

Alec smiled sheepishly. "Not ours. Just strays. But Magnus couldn't resist feeding them, so they keep coming back."

Of course. Tony wanted to snort out a huff. Of course Magnus would pick up literal strays. Was there no end to the man's perfection?

Shaking his head at the ridiculousness of being jealous of the man locked away in his brain, he followed Alec into the spacious kitchen where he got a few packages of cat food out of the cupboard. He raised an eyebrow at Tony when he saw he hadn't left yet.

Tony shrugged. "I love cats."

There was a little too much smugness, too much _I know you do_ in Alec's answering smile, but he let it slide and followed Alec up an ornate spiral stairway. Never having been in a luxury penthouse loft before, he was surprised when Alec opened a door and revealed a spacious roof patio. Just one shake of the cat food packages and they came running, some from over the balcony.

"How do they do that?" he asked from the doorway. They were literally on the roof of a six storey building.

Alec chuckled, as he divided the food among several dishes, the cats circling around his legs. "I asked Magnus once."

"And?"

Alec turned and grinned. "They're cats."

Tony pulled a face at Alec's amusement, but he guessed he had a point. Or Magnus did. It did answer his question.

His amusement faded when one of the cats, a tiny black one, looked less interested in the food than in Tony. His tail held high, he marched towards him, meowing loudly. Tony could have sworn it sounded a lot like a complaint, as though the cat was demanding to know where he'd been all this time. He let out a small gasp of surprise when the tiny thing rubbed up against his leg, letting his contentment show with a loud purr.

There was no way Tony could resist that. Squatting down, he scratched the little black thing behind his ear. "Miss me?" he asked. As affirmation, the cat pushed his head even harder against his hand.

He was so absorbed in the cat's display of affection, he didn't notice the effect it had on Alec until he said, his voice choked with emotion, "He always was your favourite."

Looking up, Tony frowned, not sure if the he Alec was referring to was the cat or Magnus. The question was instantly forgotten, as was the cat at his feet.

A sense of dread closed around his heart, his gut clenching together with fear and nausea. It was so strong, he felt dizzy; losing his balance he fell down gracelessly on his butt, a cry he barely recognised as Alec's name forced from his throat. No, it hadn't been Alec. He'd cried out, "Alexander." The name Magnus used.

Alec was beside him in an instant. "Hey." His expression and voice filled with worry, he sank down on his knees and reached for Tony, trying to get him back on his feet.

But all he could do was sit there and stare at the balustrade, unable to shake the devastating vision that had flashed across his eyes.

"You jumped?" he asked in shock. His voice shook, as tears stung behind his eyes. A gasp from Alec made him turn towards him, begging him with his eyes to deny the image his memory had conjured up, the image of Alec falling gracefully from this very rooftop. "You tried to kill yourself?"

For once Alec didn't look happy he'd remembered something. His eyes wide, his mouth opened and closed a few times before any words came out. "In a way..." He winced, instantly realising how that sounded.

In a way? What was that supposed to mean?

"There was magic involved," he mumbled, rambling on when Tony stared at him in bewilderment. "But Magnus said magic couldn't create fears, just bring them out, so in a sense I did..."

His babbling stopped, an _oomph_ surprised out of him when Tony launched himself at him, holding him tightly. He could still feel Magnus' horror, his love for Alec, his distress at the thought of losing him coursing through him. It had all felt so intense, so _real_ it left him shaking. Alec's arms immediately closed around him, his hands running soothing circles across his back.

"He's so afraid of losing you," Tony choked out, still in the grips of Magnus' sweeping fear. "He's lost so many people in his life."

"I know," Alec sighed in his ear, his hands never ceasing their comforting caresses.

Tony wasn't sure he did, not to its full extent, at least. He pulled away far enough to look into Alec's eyes. "He didn't do this lightheartedly, Alec," he assured, his heart giving a painful tug at the surprised look on Alec's face. "It tore him up inside. But he'd rather lose you than live in a world without you." He grimaced. "I know what that sounds like, but it made sense to him."

Maybe he was still swept up in Magnus' despair, but he cupped Alec's face in his hands and surging forward, kissed him hard. When previously he'd felt awkward about kissing him, surrounded by all the history he'd shared with Magnus, it now felt imperative. Alec seemed as desperate as he was, returning the kiss with equal ardour, one of his large hands cradling the back of Tony's neck tenderly.

It was only when the little black cat jumped on Tony's back, wanting in on all the love, that they broke apart. Laughing as the cat scrambled onto Tony's shoulder, he lowered his head against Alec's, basking in his strength and warmth. Alec held him tightly until they both stopped shaking.

===

During lunch, he told Magnus about Izzy's theory. He took it in with a nod. "He really meant for you two to never meet again," he said, stabbing salad onto his fork and putting it into his mouth.

The knowledge shouldn't still hurt as much as it did, but to hear it spelled out so bluntly was like a vice around Alec's gut. Some of the pain was softened by what Magnus had told him at the loft, about how hard it had been for him to do what he did, but it was like a band-aid on a Seraph blade stab wound. It stemmed only a fraction of the bleeding.

He couldn't deny that he'd hoped the loft would awaken some of Magnus' memories, but he never meant to stir up bad ones. Then again, it stood to reason that the memory of watching Alec fall to his death would be so devastating it was the hardest to suppress.

On the plus side, more and more of Magnus was starting to surface. Not only had he remembered Alec's almost suicide, but he'd recognised the symbol from his vault. With that in mind, the next step in their plan of action was quickly decided. Immediately after lunch they went back to Flushing to look for more symbols he might have doodled subconsciously. It was a long shot, but maybe it was a message.

By late afternoon they'd turned the whole place upside down. Fortunately, Magnus had only moved in a short time ago and there wasn't that much to go through. After every book, every notepad, every surface had been examined, another four symbols, all present on Magnus' vault, had been unearthed.

With something of satisfaction, they sat on the couch and looked at the five symbols, laid out next to each other on the coffee table in front of them.

"Now what?" Magnus asked.

That was a good question. If it was a message from Magnus' subconscious, what did it mean? Was it the combination to the vault? They needed an expert's opinion.

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, Alec snapped a picture and sent it to Catarina. They didn't have to wait long for her reply.

 _It could be the combination_ , it read, _but as long as we don't know the magic that goes along with it, we can't use it to unlock the vault._

Reading it together, they sighed in defeat when Catarina's follow up message came in. _Interestingly, the combination of those particular five symbols have a meaning. They mean father._

Alec looked up from his phone into Magnus' equally intrigued-looking expression. "Father?" they said simultaneously.

"Magnus' father?" Magnus asked, one eyebrow raised. "As in not _the_ devil but _a_ devil?"

Alec quickly sent off a thank you to Catarina, before he dropped his phone on the coffee table and reached for his tablet. A moment later he had the Institute's demon database opened.

"His name is Asmodeus," Alec said, as he looked for the relevant database entry. "He's one of the seven princes of hell." He looked up from the tablet to find Magnus watching him with wide, startled eyes. "That's why you're... Magnus is so powerful. He's literally royalty."

"A prince of hell," he echoed Catarina's phrasing, his voice subdued.

Leaving his search for the moment, he turned his full attention on Magnus. "Whatever you're worried about, it's not true." Magnus' expression went from insecurity to surprise at the fiery conviction in Alec's voice. "You're the kindest, most generous, most loving person I've ever met."

The passion in Alec's voice surprised even himself, but now that the floodgates had opened the words came spilling out of him. "It's not in spite of being a prince of hell. I've often wondered if it's _because_ you are. If you are so gentle and loving as a form of defiance, to prove that your blood doesn't define you."

He was breathing hard by the time the last words were out, but so was Magnus. Hearing them had taken as much out of him as saying them had out of Alec. His eyes shining, he said, "Good people don't want to destroy the world."

He sounded so sad, it broke Alec's heart. He had to turn away, his voice breaking as he countered, "You destroyed _us_ to stop that from happening. Don't you dare disparage that."

"Alec," Magnus said quietly, almost in awe, but Alec shook his head, not ready to pursue this any further. Turning back to his tablet, he stabbed at it furiously.

They'd stopped pretending the man sitting there next to him was anyone else but Magnus. Not Tony, the man he was hiding behind, but Magnus Bane, infuriating and amazing in all his magical glory. He wondered if Magnus had even noticed.

"Here he is," Alec said, pretending he didn't hear the tremor in his voice as he pulled up Asmodeus' entry.

Magnus leaned a little closer to look at the screen; suddenly his closeness was more than Alec could bear. He had to close his eyes, his left hand balling into a fist as he suppressed the shiver running down his spine.

"Handsome devil, isn't he?" Despite the flippancy of his statement, Magnus' voice too shook with emotion.

It made Alec's eyes snap open. Still unable to face Magnus he kept his gaze firmly on his tablet. A frown formed when he realised there was a drawing on his screen. It looked old and depicted a hideous creature with three heads, one human, the other two the heads of a ram and a bull.

"Sorry," he said with a grimace, "that's just a mundane interpretation of what he might look like. No mundane has actually seen him."

"So what does he look like, Alec?" He sounded breathless. Maybe their proximity was affecting Magnus as much as it was him.

His eyes still on his tablet, he shrugged. "I don't know. I've never seen him." He let out a sharp chuckle. "Magnus says Asmodeus is almost as good-looking as he is."

"Wow, lucky Asmodeus," Magnus said, his voice suddenly dangerously low, alarmingly close. He could feel Magnus' breath against his skin. It made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end.

Fuck, his hands were shaking. Why was he getting hot and bothered from talking about hell and demons? No, it was Alec's passionate outburst that had started it. Actually, no, it had been building, this charge between them, since this morning and Magnus' breakdown at the loft.

"Magn...," he started, turning towards him, but the name died on his tongue when he looked into his eyes. Every desire burning inside him was reflected back at him from those deep brown eyes.

They came together as one, lips snatching at each other in hungry kisses, hands scrambling to get their clothes off as quickly as possible. There was no way they'd make it to the bedroom, the urgency too great. Just kicking off their shoes seemed to take way too much time.

As soon as Magnus' shirt had been pulled over his head, Alec pushed him down against the couch, his mouth desperate to taste every inch of him. He licked and kissed his way down his chest, his hands in the meantime struggling with Magnus' pants button and zipper in his hurry to get them off him. They were barely off his ass, along with his underwear, before Alec's mouth was on his cock, swallowing him all the way down, Magnus' hips coming off the couch, thrusting into Alec's eager mouth with breathless moans.

"Alec, Alec," he panted, the sound fanning his desire even higher. He felt so good in Alec's mouth. "Inside me now."

The raw need in his voice made something hot settle in the pit of Alec's stomach. Letting go of Magnus' cock, he quickly took off his pants and underwear, and kicked them aside before he returned to kiss Magnus hard. When his hand was grabbed and he felt the waft of Magnus' warm breath across it, he grinned against Magnus' mouth.

His hand shook as he coated his cock with the lube on his fingers, his breath stuttering out of him when Magnus slung one leg across the back of the couch, offering himself with such wanton abandon it took Alec's breath away.

By the Angel, how in heaven or hell could anyone look as gorgeous as Magnus did right then? His chest rising with every panted breath, his cock hard and glistening from Alec's mouth. He wanted to take his time to get Magnus ready, but he'd barely got two fingers inside when he gasped, "Fuck, Alec, just do it," pushing himself even harder onto Alec's fingers.

Sliding into him felt like coming home, the hot tightness around his cock like a warm welcome. There was no sweet slowness like last night, just hard kisses and deep thrusts, until they were both a mass of moans and raw nerves. When he came, he thought he saw stars. He was so out of it, he only just noticed Magnus coming seconds later, clutching at Alec's back so hard he was sure he'd drawn blood.

Was it the best sex he'd ever had? Not even close. It had been too frantic, with too much fumbling, but by the Angel, had it been intense. And satisfying.

"Fucking hell," Magnus breathed, as they lay entwined, trying to catch their breaths.

Raising himself up, he quirked an eyebrow at him. "Really?" he asked, when Magnus grinned unapologetically. "Was that really necessary?"

In response, Magnus hooked his hand behind Alec's neck and pulled him into a messy kiss.

===

More plans started to form as they lay entwined in bed that night, until they agreed there was only one option left. They knew Catarina would be less than enthusiastic and that was why they waited until the next morning to let her know.

It was hardly a surprise when a portal opened right in the middle of the room while they were sitting at the kitchen island having breakfast, a voice booming, "You are _not_ summoning Asmodeus!" from it before Catarina stepped through.

"For crying out loud, Catarina," Tony said, more amused than annoyed, "I could have been naked."

Her mouth twisted in a smirk. "Please, I've seen you naked. It's not that impressive."

"Well...," Alec started to object, doing wonders for Tony's ego, but she shut him up with a single glare.

They had expected her to react the way she did, which was why they couldn't be blamed for wanting to have a little fun with her, especially considering the daunting task that lay ahead.

Barely suppressing his laughter, Alec quickly stifled it with a bite of his pancake. "Want some breakfast, Catarina?" he asked, once he'd swallowed it down.

Smoothing down her skirt, she shook her head. "No, thank you," she told Alec. "I can't believe you're encouraging this madness." She pointed a finger at Tony. "You, I can believe."

Shoving the last of his pancake in his mouth, Tony shrugged. "We're not asking for your permission, Cat, just your help."

"You're starting to sound more and more like Magnus," she said with a huff.

Tony exchanged a quick look with Alec, who smiled back at him warmly. He'd told him the same thing only last night. To his surprise, he didn't completely hate the idea.

"I don't like it," she added, pulling a face. "I think I like you better as Tony."

"Look," Alec said, getting up from his stool to put his dish in the sink. "Magnus' control over his magic isn't strong enough yet. That's why we need your help."

He'd been doing that all morning, calling him Magnus. Tony wasn't sure when it had started. Probably sometime last night, when they'd pounced each other on the couch. Again, he found he wasn't averse to it, not anymore. Alec had to be aware he was doing it. The reason he hadn't stopped was probably because Tony hadn't told him to.

Catarina's look turned disapproving. "You both don't seem to realise how dangerous this is." She waved a hand between them. "Look at you, laughing, pretending it's all a joke. When you're talking about summoning a prince of hell!"

Oh, they understood the gravity all right. That was the whole reason they were in such a jovial mood. It was either that, or cower in fear and call the whole thing off.

"He's my father," Tony said, and god, wasn't that still a difficult concept to wrap his mind around. "What will he do to me?"

Her eyes wide, Catarina sputtered in disbelief. "Do to you? What about us?"

"It'll be fine," Alec said, as he stepped from behind the kitchen counter. The sheer fire Catarina's dark eyes shot at him made him take a step back in surprise. "As long as you're here to guide Magnus' magic," he added in a placating tone, his hands held up, as though to ward off her anger.

A resigned look settled across her face. "I really can't talk you idiots out of this, can I?"

They shook their heads in unison. They'd talked about it for hours and they both agreed, it was the only course of action.

With a sigh she unhooked her coat, took it off and threw it across the back of the chair. An elegant flick of her wrist later, a bottle of beer was in her hand. She sighed in bliss as she took a sip.

"If we're doing this, I might as well be drunk." She took another gulp and muttered under her breath, "At least then I'll have an excuse for agreeing to this."

Tony's eyes widened in admiration as she downed the rest and vanished the empty bottle away with a wave of her hand.

"Right," she said, brushing her hair out of her face with both hands. "Guess we're doing this." Now that she was on board, she seemed impatient to get it over with. She fixed them with a hard stare. "What are you waiting for? I thought you were so keen..."

"Keen is an overstatement..." Tony started, but again she shut him up with a mere look. She might have agreed to help them, but that didn't mean she approved.

As Tony looked towards Alec, relieved to find him smiling back encouragingly, Catarina rolled up the sleeves of her colourful blouse and with a graceful twirl of her arms had redecorated Tony's living room. The couch and chair had been pushed back against the wall, freeing up a sizeable space in the middle. At the same time she'd drawn the blinds, blocking out the sun and magicked a triangle on his floor, a lit candle at each point.

"You!" she told Alec, "there!" She pointed to the triangle point to her left. Turning to Tony, she indicated the one to her right. When he'd taken up his place, she held out both hands in silent invitation to take them.

Two sensations immediately called for his attention when his hands were clasped on both sides. Cool magic was emanating from Catarina's palm, a flow of calming energy that he found he could draw strength from. On his other side, he felt Alec squeeze his hand, offering comfort of a more emotional but no less significant nature.

"I'll do the actual invocation," Catarina said.

Her voice had suddenly grown darker, deeper. He wasn't sure if it was needed for the summoning or if it was for show. Either way, it was very effective. He could feel sweat gather at the small of his back in response, his mouth turning dry. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all...

"But I'll need to tap into some of your magic," she continued, a sharp reminder that yes, they were really doing this. They were summoning a demon from hell. There was no going back. His apprehension must have been written across his face. For the first time since she'd stepped out of the portal, she smiled at him. "Don't worry, I'll guide you through it. Just follow where I go."

Alec's fingers tightened around his. "You got this."

Despite the reassurance, Tony could detect a slight quiver in Alec's voice. An image flashed across Tony's mind, of black smoke and voices yelling, "Alec, no!" Another memory? It would explain the pinched look on Alec's face.

There was no more time; Catarina had started the incantation. At first her voice was soft, soothing even. The words she spoke were not familiar to Tony, but they pulled at him, pulsed through his body like a living thing. His first instinct was to fight it, put up resistance, but he knew it was the wrong thing to do. Closing his eyes, he let the sound wash over him, carry him away on the flow of magic that crashed through his being. Catarina had told him to follow where she led; he had to trust her.

Slowly, gradually, her voice grew in strength, the invocation falling from her lips rising along with it. To Tony's amazement, the words almost started to make sense, but he didn't get a chance to draw comfort from that knowledge. The stream he was floating on had become an ocean, so vast, he couldn't find his way back. He tried to concentrate on Catarina's voice, but it seemed to come from far away. He was going to drown; he could feel himself being pulled under. He couldn't breathe...

He startled out of the panic that had seized him when he felt two hands, warm and oh, so familiar frame his face.

"Magnus."

That precious voice sounded worried. Maybe he should open his eyes and allay his fears. If only he could see a way out of the vastness surrounding him.

"Magnus!" that sweet voice repeated, even more frantic than before. Finally, a sigh and, "Tony, please open your eyes."

That plea was too sweet to be ignored. He opened his eyes, the most beautiful sight greeting him.

His hazel eyes wide, Alec breathed out in relief. "Oh, thank the Angel."

He was still on his feet, but mostly because Alec's strong arms were around him, holding him up. Dazed, Tony looked around. "Did it work?"

The whole room was cloaked in darkness, the only light coming from the three candles on the floor. Through the gloom he didn't notice the shape leaning against the kitchen island, until he straightened and took a step closer. Was that...?

A sinister voice crackled through the sudden silence. "Do you know what happened to the last people who had the hubris to summon me?"

The figure took another step towards them, out of the shadows and into the flickering light of the candles. Tony wasn't sure what he'd thought a prince of hell would look like, but it certainly wasn't a distinguished-looking gentleman in a fashionable dark suit. Leaning on an ornate cane, he took another step forward, the air around him shimmering with a film of bleakness.

Dear god, what had they done? The chill that seemed to permeate from the dark shape penetrated to the depths of his bones. Behind him he could feel Alec tense as well, his arms tightening around Tony, his breath coming fast as it wafted warm against Tony's neck.

And yet, despite the chill that had descended on the room, Tony's attention was caught by one thing, a totally insignificant but uncanny detail. He really did look like Tony, somewhat. He was taller and a lot leaner, but his facial features held a lot of the same characteristics.

As he stepped closer to the candle light, the three of them took a startled breath. He was smiling. Regarding them, Asmodeus looked genuinely amused.

"I don't recall," he said with a slight chuckle. Some of the threatening bluster had vanished from his voice. As he spoke, in clipped, beautifully articulated words, he sounded lighter, almost cheerful. Even the air around them seemed less oppressive. "Because why should I answer the call of some lowly mortals?

"I wouldn't have bothered now," he added, with a twirl of his cane, "if I hadn't heard the call of my own blood."

Tony took in a startled breath as eyes, black as coal, fixed on him and seemed to stare right into his soul. He wasn't the only one alarmed by the sudden attention. Alec immediately sprang into action, jumping in front of Tony, blocking him with his body.

It was a nice gesture, but what did Alec think he was going to accomplish against a literal prince of hell?

The low, unpleasant chuckle from Asmodeus confirmed Tony's fears and a moment later Alec was swept aside like a feather in the wind, landing on the floor a few feet away. All things considered, he'd been pretty gentle. He could have done a lot more damage. Tony winced, as Alec immediately scrambled to his feet again, none the worse from the looks of it. But the message wasn't lost on any of them: they were at Asmodeus' mercy.

With no barrier between them, Asmodeus shook his head, a sad pinch around his mouth as he advanced towards Tony. He could feel Alec's presence at his side, but his entire focus was on the figure in front of him.

"Is this how you repay me, my son?" There was a hint of disapproval in his voice, his face expressing fatherly disappointment. "After the great kindness I showed you?"

There it was, what they'd been hoping for: answers to their questions. As suspected, Asmodeus was involved in all this.

"And what kindness would that be?" Catarina asked.

Asmodeus cast her a fleeting look before he dismissed her with a wave of his cane and focused back on Tony. "I showed you a vision of your future and instead of embracing it, becoming everything you were meant to be as my son, you run and hide behind a memory spell." He said the last words with a mocking sneer. "Like a coward."

The insult was meant to sting, but it barely fazed Tony. He was too excited about Asmodeus' admission. He was the one who'd made Magnus believe he would destroy the world.

"You could be the greatest bringer of destruction this world has ever seen if you would just..." Asmodeus wrinkled his nose in disgust at Alec standing defiantly beside Tony, "stop caring about these puny, insignificant mortals."

"They're not insignificant to me," Tony said, surprised at his own daring. His voice had shaken just a little.

Asmodeus huffed. "That's always been your weakness. You were even willing to die for them."

Now they were getting to the good stuff. "Die for them?"

Turning away, he twirled his cane around his fingers before he replied, his voice filled with bored contempt. "The whole Soul Sword fiasco. Only Angels would come up with something so incredibly dull."

"You saved his life," Catarina said, gasping with realisation.

He looked slightly embarrassed now. "Yes, I yanked him out before the sword could kill him," he admitted somewhat painfully. "I wasn't about to sacrifice my son for you lot. Do I look like God?" He chuckled at his own joke.

After a while he sobered with a cough. "I took him with me to a plane of existence outside the earthly one." He shrugged. "You can't blame a father for wanting to spend time with his son."

"What did you do to him?" Alec's voice was brimming with barely contained anger. Tony quickly grabbed his arm and squeezed it, offering his love and assurance, hoping it would calm him down.

A dismissive twist around his lips, Asmodeus shook his head. "Nothing. Well, except for..." His smile turned wicked. "Showing him how far his love for humans would drive him." Tugging his cane under his arm, he moved his palms towards each other, a puff of harmless smoke bursting from their middle. "Kaboom! Goodbye world."

Anger was now vibrating off Alec. If Asmodeus kept taunting him like this, Tony feared for what he might do. He needed to know the answer vital. "Why Alec?" He was shocked to hear the pain in his own voice. "Why did I have to forget Alec?"

Asmodeus shrugged. "All I did was show you a vision of your future. I can't be blamed for how you interpret it." He thought it over for a moment. "How about this? I send..." He paused, as his eyes raked over the three of them and settled on Alec. " _You_ to the past and you can ask Magnus himself."

To the past? No, no, Tony couldn't allow Alec to do that; it was too dangerous. But even before the thought could form, he already knew what Alec would decide. He closed his eyes in defeat when Alec's voice rang out, clear and determined, "Okay, let's do that."

"Alexander, no," he said, turning towards him. Alec startled at the use of the name, as did Tony, but he didn't let it stop him. "You can't." He couldn't bear to lose him, not again.

Grabbing Tony's upper arms tightly with both hands, Alec leaned towards him, his expression resolved as he looked intently into his eyes. "I'll be back, don't worry. But I have to do this. If I can stop you from putting that spell on yourself, I have to try."

With those words he closed the distance between them and pressed a desperate kiss on Tony's lips. He could feel tears run down his face as he returned the kiss with equal urgency, his fingers twisting in Alec's shirt at the small of his back, desperate to hold onto him.

Panic and helplessness sweeping through him, he broke the kiss and turned to Asmodeus. "Let me go with him," he pleaded.

Asmodeus huffed. "There's already two of you running around in the past. Three would be a little..." He smirked. "Messy."

Tony frowned at the cryptic answer, but before he could get further into it, Asmodeus raised his arms, his cane held high in one hand. Guttural words erupted from his mouth. His mind reeling, Tony shook his head, in denial almost. He could feel his heart hammer in his chest, terror grab him by the throat. In desperation, his fingers twisted even tighter in Alec's shirt, as though that alone could keep him there.

This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening.

All thought evaporated from his mind as the room filled with dark smoke, stealing everything from his sight. A dull boom echoed around the room, the sound shooting through Tony's heart like a physical pain.

Slowly the smoke lifted. Through the blur before his eyes, part caused by the smoke, part by tears, he could finally look around the room. Asmodeus was gone. As was Alexander.


	6. ...And Build It Up Better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reactions to my last update have blown me away. Thank you to everyone who read, commented, gave kudos, hyped up my fic. I appreciate it so much. <3

Disorientation made him stagger on his feet. It took Alec a while to remember what had happened and why. When he did, it hit him like a ton of bricks - because he felt the grass beneath his boots, the soft breeze pulling at his clothes and the leaves rustling above him. Looking up he saw the stars shine through the tree branches.

No, no, it couldn't be. Bringing him back to the worst moment of his life was just too cruel. But there was no way he could mistake the setting; it was engraved in his memory.

Gazing about, he gasped, his eye falling on the tableau he'd been expecting. There he was, breaking down in Jace's arms, Izzy crying against his chest, as Magnus walked away from them. It was certainly quite an experience to watch himself from the outside, witness the pain he was in but with the foresight of things to come. He wished he could offer his other self words of comfort, tell him that Magnus was still alive.

When Clary looked up, he quickly ducked out of sight behind the tree he was standing under and focused on the events unfolding on the other side of the meadow. The first time around Alec had been too distressed to pay much notice, but now he focused all his attention on that hilltop, where Magnus was about to sacrifice himself for the sake of his fellow Downworlders.

Asmodeus had said he'd yanked Magnus out right before the Soul Sword could kill him. Would Alec be able to see when it happened? If only he could get closer. Maybe if he activated his heightened speed rune...

His stele... With something like panic he patted his pants, sighing in relief when he felt it in his back pocket. That at least would make things a lot easier. Pulling it out of his pocket, he activated his speed rune and dashed to a spot a little closer to the hilltop.

Watching it from a distance had been bad enough; being this close was almost more than Alec could bear. At least he had the foreknowledge that Magnus wasn't destined to die here, that his life would be saved by his father. It made the next moments a little easier to watch but not by much.

It was about as emotional as he'd ever seen Raphael. A muscle twitching around his mouth was the only outward indication of his distress. Alec still couldn't quite hold back the stab of hurt at the thought that Raphael had been there at Magnus' side when he wasn't.

He understood the reasons why. Magnus had eighty more years of history with Raphael than he did with Alec, and more importantly, their relationship wasn't romantic. Raphael's presence wasn't a physical reminder of what Magnus was giving up. Knowing that didn't stop Alec from narrowing his eyes at the vampire with unresolved resentment.

Then there was Catarina. Unlike Raphael, she did look on the verge of tears, though it was obvious to Alec she was doing her best to stay strong and be there for one of her oldest friends. Alec couldn't imagine what was going through her right now. The thought of losing Magnus had been bad enough for him. She was losing someone who had been her friend for hundreds of years, one of the few people she had left. She'd already lost Ragnor...

As though her thoughts were running in sync with Alec's, Catarina abruptly turned her face away, wiping at her eyes where Magnus, who was still walking towards them, couldn't see her grief. He had to admire her strength. She was stronger than he had been.

Finally, there was Dot. Though she looked upset about what was about to happen, her focus seemed to be more on the magic they were about to perform. She always had struck Alec as the pragmatic type. He watched with fascination as she twirled her hands gracefully, the magic shooting from her fingertips creating intricate patterns in the grass below their feet.

Magnus had reached the foot of the hill now. Alec's heart twinged with pain at the sight of him. He'd almost forgotten the red scales pulling at his skin. And yet, despite them, he was still so breathtakingly beautiful. As he ascended the hill, he looked so distinguished, so determined.

Or so Alec thought. He gasped, his heart giving a painful lurch when Magnus staggered, his step faltering. He quickly recovered his balance, but when he did, Alec could see the sad look on his face as he turned around, gazing off into the distance. He didn't have to follow the line of his vision to know what Magnus was looking at; he was gazing off towards where Alec was.

Alec couldn't stop staring at him, tears stinging behind his eyes, his heart fit to burst. He'd been so angry at Magnus back then, so consumed by his own grief, he'd failed to notice how deeply Magnus had been hurting. Just looking at the emotions playing across his face, the heartache, the loneliness, he knew Tony had told the truth. This was tearing Magnus up inside.

"Magnus...," a soft voice called to him.

He startled out of whatever reverie he'd sunk into and looked up the hill towards Catarina. Her eyes looked so soft, so understanding as they locked with Magnus'.

"You don't have to do this," she said, her voice shaking just slightly. "No one will blame you if you change your mind."

By the Angel... The idea shot inside Alec's head, grabbing him by the throat and cutting off his breath. What if he stopped it right here? His plan had been to stop Magnus from putting the memory spell on himself. But Asmodeus had dropped him all the way back here. There had to be a reason. He could stop Magnus.

He found his heart was racing, one foot already extended to run towards Magnus when common sense prevailed. Leaning against the tree, he tried to catch his breath, focusing on the rough bark cutting into his palm.

He'd begged Magnus at the time not to go through with it and he hadn't listened. His transformation had already progressed too far. The Downworld was still at the mercy of the Soul Sword. There was no argument Alec could add that would convince him.

And yet, he couldn't hold back the tiny hope flickering in his heart that Magnus would look at Catarina and say, yes, I've changed my mind. Even though he knew it wouldn't happen, that it wasn't how this was meant to play out, he held onto it with all his might.

Right up until Magnus, with one final wistful look towards where he knew Alec was, smiled, and shaking his head, continued his trek up the hill. It took all of Alec's willpower not to come bursting out of his hiding spot and stop Magnus, physically if need be. He'd known what Magnus' decision would be. Then why did it still hurt so much?

By now Magnus had reached the top of the hill and the people waiting for him. The first one he turned to was Raphael.

"You've been a pain in my ass for eighty years," Raphael started and yeah, that didn't make Alec want to run up to him and knock him off his feet. Raphael's expression softened as he added, "But I will be forever grateful for you taking care of me every time I needed it most."

His head tilted, Magnus shot him an amused look. "Don't get soft on me now, Raphael. The whole reason you're here is because I can count on you not to get sentimental."

That was one way of putting it, Alec supposed. But if that was the case, Alec might finally find peace with Magnus' choice to have Raphael there instead of him. He needed someone to help him stay strong. As much as Alec wanted to be that person, the fact that he was falling to pieces just a few yards away was proof that he couldn't be.

Raphael smirked. "Please, I'll be glad to finally see the back of you." His words were harsh, but his eyes were warm. Alec even thought he saw a shimmer of wetness appear in them, though he was sure Raphael would sooner beat the crap out of anyone even suggesting such a thing before admitting it.

"That's more like it," Magnus said.

Another moment passed between them where they just looked at each other, their feelings and thoughts transmitted with their eyes better than words could. Then they both smiled and as though by silent agreement moved together, arms wrapping tightly around the other person to hold them close. When they broke apart, they both coughed and looked around with embarrassed expressions. It was actually kind of endearing to watch.

"I've left most of my worldly possessions to Alexander," Magnus said, the confession drawing gasps from everyone present, most notably Alec himself. Magnus smiled at the worried look on Raphael's face. Like Alec, he seemed confused as to why Magnus would bring this up now. "But I left a good chunk to you too, Raphael."

"Magnus, I don't need your...," Raphael quickly assured, looking even more alarmed than before, but Magnus stopped him with two raised fingers. 

"It's not for you. I need to be sure my family will be taken care of. Can you do that for me, Raphael? Can you look after my children?"

Raphael simply nodded. It looked like he didn't trust himself to speak. Alec couldn't blame him. Magnus' heartfelt plea had tugged at his own heart. He found he had to swallow hard past the obstruction in his throat.

With Raphael's assurance his family would be taken care of, Magnus turned to Catarina. She wasn't pretending to stay stoic the way Raphael was. Tears were streaming down her lovely face, as she reached for Magnus without even a word, hugging him tightly. Alec couldn't help smiling at the fierceness with which she pulled him to her, Magnus making squirmy noises as his face was pressed against her neck.

"Cat, Cat," he sputtered, trying to catch his breath, which only made it look even funnier.

"I'm so proud of you," she choked out. "This is the bravest thing I've ever seen anyone do."

He'd finally managed to extricate himself from her tight hold. Taking a deep breath, he straightened and smoothed down his coat.

"Trust me, it has nothing to do with bravery." His voice was so quiet, Alec had to strain to understand him. "It's necessity as much as anything else," he added, waving a hand towards his whole appearance.

Her face turned soft with compassion. "Oh, honey," she sighed.

There wasn't a hint of self-pity in the way he shrugged, just resigned inevitability. "We talked about it long enough, Catarina. At least this way I can assure the safety of the Downworld and my family." He seemed to think something over for a moment. "Tell Alexander..."

Alec's heart almost leapt out of his chest at those words, his palm digging deeper into the sharp tree bark to distract from the pain in his chest. He wanted to shout at him: _tell me yourself!_

With a sad smile, Magnus shook his head. "There's nothing I can say that'll make this easier. I don't expect him to ever forgive me."

He sounded so resigned. By the Angel, it was more than Alec could bear. The desire to run to Magnus, hold onto him and never let go, was stronger than ever. The reason he couldn't manifested itself just a moment later.

As Alec dug his palm ever harder against the tree bark, Magnus' face twisted. A sound that could only be described as a snarl erupted from his throat. He seemed to be more dismayed about it than his onlookers.

"Catarina, we've got to do this now. Before it's too late and I can't control the demon anymore."

Still distraught, Catarina nodded. As she inspected the work Dot had done, Magnus pulled himself together again, with what looked like a lot of effort, and smiled at Dot.

What they'd had together was so many years ago, but Alec could feel the warmth and affection flow between them. He should have felt jealous, perhaps, but he realised he wasn't, not even when Dot said, her voice shaking just slightly, "We'll always have Queen."

Whatever the cryptic message meant, it seemed to make sense to Magnus. "Be happy, Dorothea," he said, smiling back at her, before he pulled her into a tight hug.

At last, the moment of truth had arrived. Even though he knew it was coming, Alec wasn't prepared for it, not by a long shot. He realised with a frown he couldn't see the Soul Sword anywhere. That mystery was quickly solved when Catarina waved a mist of magic around and with a flourish pulled the sword from beneath her coat.

Where she and Magnus had kept it hidden was a mystery to the entire Shadowworld. After the massacre of so many Downworlders at the Institute a year ago, the Downworld Council had insisted it stay out of the hands of the Clave or any Shadowhunter. There wasn't really much the Clave could produce as a counter argument, or much the Council would have accepted as one, especially after Valentine used it to summon Raziel.

As Magnus was directed to stand at the centre of the group of sigils Dot had drawn into the grass, Catarina told Raphael, "You'd better stand back." He exchanged one last meaningful look with Magnus and did as told.

Once he was at a safe distance, Catarina said, turning back to Magnus, "There's a protection spell on the sword. Just in case it's tempted by any lingering traces of your father's fallen angel blood running through your veins." With those words she handed him the sword.

Something tightened around Alec's insides as a clawed hand closed around the hilt. Angel blood? Magnus had angel blood? Why had he never told Alec? He didn't get a chance to get worked up about it. This was it. It was happening.

What did in fact happen wasn't what he expected and it took his very breath away. The moment Magnus' hand touched the sword, a torrent of words fell from his lips. Alec knew the Soul Sword compelled the person who touched it to tell the truth. He hadn't expected it to bring forth the most heartbreaking confession from Magnus.

"I hope Alexander finds happiness," he said, his voice shaking. "Losing a loved one is the hardest thing anyone can face. I don't want it to make him hard and bitter, the way it had made me before I met him. He brought love back into my life when I'd given up on ever feeling it again. I hope he keeps that deep ability he has to love, and gives that love to someone else some day. He deserves someone who can grow old with him. I could never give him that in the first place."

The words tore right through Alec. The hand that wasn't feeling the sharp sting of tree bark was pressed against his mouth. If it weren't for the knowledge that Magnus wasn't going to die here, he might have rushed to him. Alec didn't give a fuck Magnus wasn't going to grow old with him. He just needed Magnus in his life, for as long as possible. That was the one thing he'd learned from all this.

As the thoughts raced through his head, Catarina and Dot stood on either side of Magnus, their magics joining to form a loop around him. If he was going to stop this, he had to do it now. But even as the thought shot through his head, he knew he wouldn't. His mouth hanging slightly open, desperately trying to breathe, he stood nailed to the ground and stared.

The colours of their magic mixing were even more spectacular up close. Alec sent a quick thought to his other self going through hell a few hundred yards away.

He kept watching as long as he could, but as the sword was raised high in the air and the ground beneath his feet started to tremble with the force of the combined magic, he had to turn his face away. He remembered how the light had been blinding when he was hundreds of yards away. Why did he think he'd be able to catch Asmodeus when he carried Magnus away?

Last time around it seemed to take forever before the pounding in his ears stopped and the light ceased to stab his eyes, but now it felt like it was over in a blink of an eye. And this time Jace's arms weren't around him to keep him on his feet. Wondering just what the point was of dropping him off here, he sank against the tree trunk. It felt like losing Magnus all over again.

===

"Who could have called this? Who could possibly have predicted that summoning Asmodeus was a bad idea? Oh, wait, I did!"

His head sunk into his hands, Tony sat on the edge of the couch and tried to breathe, while Catarina paced in front of him, her arms gesturing wildly as she ranted. She hadn't stopped since Asmodeus disappeared five minutes ago, taking Alec with him. He wouldn't mind so much, if it wasn't making it difficult for him to concentrate.

"Asmodeus said something curious," he pointed out, raising his head to look at Catarina. "He said there's already two of me running around in the past."

Catarina immediately stopped pacing. Her face alight with wonder, she stared at Tony. "That son of a bitch," she swore, stabbing a finger at him. "That's how he did it! I knew it was impossible to cast a spell that complicated on yourself."

Tony had a reasonably good idea what she was getting at, but he wouldn't mind her spelling it out, so he raised an eyebrow at her in invitation.

"It's easy enough to put a spell on yourself," she said. "We do that all the time when we glamour our warlock marks."

He frowned at that. What was his warlock mark? What was hers?

"But a memory spell is something quite different," she added. "It's literally tampering with someone's memory. Like I said before, he'd forget the spell halfway through casting it." Her face beaming, she held up a finger. " _But_ if there are two of you, one can perform the spell on the other." She pulled a face. "When I say you, I don't mean literally you, I mean Magnus..." As her voice petered out, her lips twisted in a helpless manner.

"It's okay," he assured. "I don't mind if you call me Magnus." Alec had been doing it all morning. His heart gave a small lurch at the thought. Alec was the only thing he cared about right now; they could call him Napoleon Bonaparte, if that would bring Alec back safe and sound.

"So what you're saying is, Magnus somehow found a way to go back in time to perform the spell, technically on himself, but really on another version of himself." It all sounded a bit unnecessarily complicated, if he were being honest.

Her expression one of pure excitement, she nodded vigorously.

"Can we do that?" he asked. "Can we go back in time using..." He twirled his fingers, tendrils of golden magic swirling around them. It was amazing how fast it had become second nature.

Catarina's excitement faded away. "No," she said, sighing with regret. Her face almost instantly lit up again. "Which means he must have had help from Asmodeus."

Tony had reached the same conclusion. "He did more than just show me a vision of the future."

A finger on her chin in thought, Catarina nodded. "But why? To what purpose? Asmodeus doesn't do anything unless it's beneficial to him."

"Like saving his son from the Soul Sword." Tony couldn't help feeling the two things were connected. "Catarina," he said, turning to her. "You have to tell me everything that happened that day."

A pensive expression on her face, she sat down in the armchair. Tony listened with rapt attention as she told him about the transformation that had started to take hold of Magnus, how the Soul Sword had made a reappearance and Magnus' decision to kill two birds with one stone. She winced a little at her own choice of words.

"What provoked the transformation?" he asked, after she was done.

Catarina shrugged. "We don't know."

Her answer made him frown. "There had to have been a reason." He waved a hand at her. "Warlocks don't spontaneously transform into their demon halves, do they?"

"Well, no," she admitted with a puzzled frown, "but then most of us are the offspring of lesser demons..."

"Not a prince of hell," Tony finished with a sigh. He really wished they'd been able to keep Asmodeus around longer. The answers he'd provided had opened up even more questions. A thought suddenly occurred to him. "If Alec tries to stop me from casting a spell on myself, won't this whole timeline cease to exist?"

 _He_ would cease to exist. At least, this version of him would. The thought suddenly filled him with dread. What about his work with Rainbow House? What about his kids?

"I suppose," Catarina replied, mulling it over. She cast him a sympathetic look. "That doesn't mean you, or your work, wasn't relevant, Tony."

Appreciative of the use of name, Tony smiled back at her. He understood that. It was just weird to think that any moment now Alec could do something in the past that would turn him back into Magnus and Tony would never even have existed.

His eye fell on the sigils still lying on the coffee table. "We have to find a way into that vault, Catarina," he said, rising from the couch with a sudden sense of purpose. "You can hypnotise me again, if that'll help."

All of this could vanish in a puff of smoke without a warning, but until it did, he had to do something. He couldn't just sit there and leave it all up to Alec.

Rising from her own seat, Catarina gave him an encouraging nod, her dark eyes beaming with enthusiasm.

===

Once he'd picked himself up, Alec knew what he had to do. It was no use looking for Magnus yet. He was on some other plane of existence with his father, whatever that meant. But he knew where his other self was, on the roof of the Institute, shooting arrows off it until his hands bled and the pain overwrote the one in his heart. Now was the perfect time to retrieve everything he needed from the loft.

Letting himself in, he gasped in wonder as he walked inside. He didn't know what he'd expected. For some reason he seemed to have forgotten the state he'd left it in those three months ago.

The message from Magnus was still lying on his desk where he'd thrown it after reading it, in too much of a hurry to rush out and get to him before it was too late. The takeout he'd gotten for the both of them was sitting next to it, completely forgotten, sauce congealing at the bottom of the paper bag.

What really took his breath away was how much the place vibrated with Magnus' presence. It shouldn't have come as such a shock. He had literally just stepped out a few hours ago. But he'd become used to how the loft looked and smelled these days, after Magnus hadn't set foot in it for three months. Not until a day ago...

He'd tried to keep it the way it was when Magnus still lived there, but in time the scent of his cologne had faded. Sprinkling it around the rooms had only made him feel worse. It needed that special alchemy that could only be achieved through the combination with Magnus' skin. Without Magnus there to provide the mixological perfection required it was just cologne.

But there, he still lingered in every inch of the place, his larger than life personality bouncing off the walls, off the furniture, off every piece of art. It was so overwhelming, it brought tears to Alec's eyes. They spilled down his cheeks when his gaze fell on something, a tiny something he'd thought he'd lost. The _omamori_ was lying on top of the note, right where he'd left it.

He'd come back to the loft the next morning to find it missing. He'd torn the place upside down looking for it. As his fingers closed around the small charm, he realised what had happened. He'd been the one who took it all along?

"Time travel is a bitch, isn't it?"

The unexpected voice made him jump out of his skin. He twirled around, instinct making him reach for his bow that wasn't there. Standing behind him, leaning on his cane, an infuriatingly smug smile on his face, stood Asmodeus.

"What? How?" he stammered, before he got himself under control again. "Aren't you on some other plane with Magnus right now?"

Asmodeus raised one eyebrow in a way that was so familiar it made chills run down Alec's spine. "Aren't you shooting arrows off the roof of the Institute right now?" he shot back matter-of-factly.

Touché, Alec supposed. His thumb stroked along the _omamori_ , hoping to draw strength from it. To his utter surprise, it seemed to work. He could feel the energy sparking along his skin and up his arm until it made his entire body glow.

That magnificent son of a bitch! He should have known. He should have known Magnus would leave something of himself behind. And he would leave it in one of the things he treasured the most. That was why he'd left it behind for Alec to find.

His fingers closed around the _omamori_ , drawing strength from it. "Why did you send me to that meadow?" he asked, his voice hoarse with the pain of having to relive that dreadful moment again.

Asmodeus shrugged. "Thought you might want to see where it all started."

Turning away, Alec slipped the _omamori_ into his pants pocket. "Thanks, but I was there the first time around."

"Oh, that's right," Asmodeus chuckled. "Even though you hadn't been invited."

The words made Alec turn back towards him sharply. "Magnus told you that?" The thought hurt more than he was willing to admit. He let a finger slide across the _omamori_ iin his pocket, relishing its calming energy.

"Not exactly," he admitted, the words soothing a little of Alec's pain. "If I'd known he was going to whine as much as he did, I would never have taken him with me." His expression turned mocking, as did his tone. "I hope Alexander's okay. I never meant to hurt Alexander. I love Alexander. God, I get it already. Shut up!"

Alec's eyes widened at the sudden outburst. "So you brought him back here?" If he could just get Asmodeus to reveal where he'd taken him when he brought him back.

Asmodeus looked up from where he'd been examining one of Magnus' many sculptures. "Oh, yes, there's only so much self-flaggelation a demon can take." The distraction in Asmodeus' face turned into realisation at what Alec was doing. "Ah ah ah," he grinned, wagging a finger at Alec, "I'm not making it that easy for you. If you want to find Magnus, you'll have to work for it. See you around, _Alexander_."

And with a mocking chuckle, he tapped his temple with the knob of his cane in farewell and twirled out of existence with a soft popping sound.

Damn, he should have known it wouldn't be that easy. At least now he knew where Magnus had inherited his grace from.

With Asmodeus gone, he dug the _omamori_ out of his pocket. On closer inspection, it did seem to give off a goldenesque glow. Had it been there before and he hadn't noticed? It would be just like Magnus to imbue an object with magical power and leave it behind to be awakened by Alec's touch. And he'd never known about it, believed Magnus had just abandoned him, because his time-traveling self had absconded with it.

For a second he contemplated leaving it for its intended recipient, but with a shake of his head, he put it back in his pocket. Right now it was much more important to find Magnus and stop him from erasing his own memory. He needed the _omamori_ to track him. Besides, he'd already taken it in the original history. Who knew how much of the past he would be upsetting by leaving it behind.

Once that was decided, he took one final look around the loft. He knew it was a mistake, but it felt like a compulsion, like picking at a scab you knew was nowhere close to fully healed yet. His feet carried him towards their bedroom, again something he couldn't seem to stop himself from doing.

Magnus' presence felt more stifling here than in any of the other rooms. It wasn't just the acts of intimacy they'd shared in this room. It was the warmth of waking up, safe in the protection of Magnus' arms, the sun peeking in through the curtains. It was breakfasts in bed, pouring over the plans for the day or lying awake at night, consulting each other on Shadowhunter and Downworlder affairs.

So many memories came crashing into him, he had to sit down on the edge of the bed to recover his equilibrium, and by the Angel, that turned out the be the biggest mistake of all. He quickly jumped up again, before he was tempted to bury his face in Magnus' pillow and let his fragrance cascade over him.

He had to get out of there, before his other self came home and found him, but most of all, before he lost his mind. The only problem was he didn't know where to next. He'd planned to use the _omamori_ to track Magnus, but there was no parabatai tracking without Jace, and honestly, he preferred to keep him out of this. Not in the least because he would probably think grief had made Alec irrational.

The thought of Jace made another memory come crashing down on Alec. _There's an echo on our parabatai bond_ , Jace had said to him on the Institute's rooftop. At the time Alec had been too absorbed in his grief to pay it much attention, but now he realised Jace had sensed both of them.

Alec shook his head at the thought of two of himself running around. Asmodeus wasn't kidding about time travel being a bitch. Maybe he could use the magic infused in the _omamori_ to track Magnus. One thing was certain, the answer to his questions lay in the charm now safely tucked in his pants pocket.

Before he left he went to the closet to get his jacket. Asmodeus had transported him without warning and it was getting a little chilly in just his shirt. At the door he turned around for one final look before he closed it firmly behind him.

===

Before they could even start devising a plan, they were interrupted by Tony's phone. "Hello?" he said cautiously when he didn't recognise the number.

"Hey, it's Izzy."

Oh. Alec must have given her his number.

"Look," she immediately continued, "Magnus... Uh, Tony..."

"It's okay," he assured her. "Call me whatever you like."

"Is Alec okay?" she cut right to the chase.

"Uh..." Not sure what to say, he exchanged a quick look with Catarina. "Why?" he finally asked instead.

"Jace has been doubled over with pain for about half an hour now. He says he can't sense Alec." Oh, right, the parabatai bond. "And we can't reach him on his phone." She took a deep breath. "Just tell me he's with you and everything's fine."

As much as he wanted to answer her plea, he knew he couldn't lie to her. "It's uh... It's a little difficult to assess right now, Isabelle."

It was clear from the sharp intake of breath on the other side of the line that she understood the severity of the situation. "Where is he?" she asked, her voice shaking just slightly. He had to admire that.

Pacing back and forth, he hesitated for a moment on how much he should tell her, but then he came to a stop and the decision that brutal honesty was the best way to go.

"He was taken to the past." He quickly added, before she could get in too much of a state, "He's safe, as far as we know. Catarina and I are working on it." He wasn't sure yet what that it was, but he knew they wouldn't leave a stone unturned to find it. "Trust me." He found his own voice was shaking with emotion as well. "I will do whatever it takes to bring him home safely."

The softly spoken words that drifted down the line made him close his eyes in pain. "I know Magnus will."

She was right. Why should she trust him? He was already stammering out an assurance that he might not be Magnus but he'd come to care about Alec a lot, too much to let him down, when Izzy surprised him again.

"That wasn't a slight against you, Tony," she said, with clear emphasis on his name. "I just meant that Magnus is in there somewhere whether you, or he, knows it or not. And that part will fight to the end for my brother."

It wasn't just his voice that was shaking when he said, "Thank you, Isabelle." He was trembling all over. He wasn't sure he deserved her faith in him. Without him, her brother would be safe and sound with her and their brothers. "Is there anything we can do for Jace?"

She sighed. "We'll try to make him as comfortable as possible."

Tony wasn't sure he was very impressed with a bond that weakened one half when the other half went missing. The thought sent an image flashing across his mind: Alec, sweating profusely, lying unconscious on a bed too small for his large frame, Magnus' strength weakened from all the magic he'd poured into him. There wasn't even a moment's doubt in his mind of the vision's veracity.

"You focus on getting Alec back to us," Izzy said, snapping him out of the memory. There was a warmth to her voice when she added, "It's what you do best, after all."

Bolstered by the memory, he turned to Catarina. "Is there a way we can help Jace? Alec being gone is messing with his parabatai bond."

"I'll send Dot," she answered as she immediately got her own phone out.

After he'd passed the message to Isabelle, he closed the call and turned to Catarina, more determined than ever. "You have to do it, Cat. You have to put me under again. We have to open that vault."

The hesitancy practically radiated off her. "Look, Magnus," she said, shaking her head sadly, "I understand how worried you are about Alec and how much you're itching to do something, but summoning Asmodeus sapped a lot of magic out of both of us. We need to rest." A twist around her mouth, she looked at her watch. "Besides, I need to pick up Madzie from her..."

The next words came out with deliberate slowness as she noticed the way Tony's ears figuratively perked up at the sound of that name. "... baby... sit... ter." She instantly realised her mistake, her eyes growing wide as she shook her head, "No, no, no, not a good idea."

Right, Alec hadn't wanted him to meet her either. He did understand. The little girl was barely over his death. To confront her with a living version of him who didn't even remember her would be too cruel.

Except, he _had_ remembered her. How much more might he remember if she was right there with him? Maybe enough to unlock that vault.

Catarina was watching him, pity and sympathy warring on her face. Yeah, she was probably right. Putting that little girl through a lot of heartache on the off chance that it might trigger something in his memory was very selfish of him.

"You know what?" she said, her expression softening as she reached for her coat lying across the back of the chair. "We need to get our strength up before we attempt any new magic. Let's go grab some lunch. I'll bring Madzie over. She doesn't even have to see you."

It wasn't much, but it was probably the best he could hope for. "Thanks, Catarina," he said and went to get his own jacket.

===

If there was one sensation Alec had learned to recognise during his years as a Shadowhunter, it was when he was being followed. It usually started as a shadow darting in and out of his peripheral vision, followed by an unmistakable prickling along his skin. And that uneasiness had been present for the last few blocks.

When he'd left Magnus' loft, he'd started walking around aimlessly, while he tried to work out what his next move should be. He'd occasionally let his fingers slide across the _omamori_ in his pocket, relieved to feel its calming energy seep into his skin, but if he thought it would provide him with inspiration, he'd been wrong.

That presence behind him tingling along his spine, he kept his head faced forward and kept walking, not wanting to alert his pursuer that he was onto him. Or her. While he started scanning the streets for an side street he could duck into and surprise the person following him, he realised he'd let his feet carry him in the direction of the Brooklyn Bridge. He knew this neighbourhood well. He used to walk home this way all the time when he left Magnus' place feeling a little too... uh, keyed up to take the subway. There was a street just up ahead that would be perfect for what he had in mind.

As casually as possible, he turned the corner, immediately flattening himself with his back against the wall, waiting for the shadow behind to follow him. Holding his breath, he tried to make himself as small as possible, never an easy feat, and waited.

It worked even better than he'd hoped. His pursuer turned the corner with unsuspecting ease. All Alec had to do was fling out his arm and cover their mouth so they couldn't yell for help, while restraining them with his other arm.

But as soon as his arm pushed against the person following him, holding them firmly against the wall, he gasped in shock. He'd recognise that shape, or the way it felt in his arms, in a heartbeat.

He was so startled, it took him a moment to pull back the hand still covering the other person's mouth. He stared at the wide dark eyes gazing back at him above his hand, eyes contoured with perfect eyeliner and highlighted by immaculate eyeshadow.

"Magnus," he breathed, his voice shaking. As he eased up on the pressure holding Magnus against the wall, he took a staggering step back.

Neither of them seemed capable of finding the right words. Or their breath for that matter. Alec could only speak for himself, but it wasn't the short physical exertion or the adrenaline rush that had knocked the breath out of him.

It was Magnus. It was really him. Standing there, right in front of Alec, looking even more beautiful than he remembered, in tight black pants and a dark burgundy coat. And most importantly, gloriously alive.

The spell between them was finally broken, by one word, one magnificent word, falling from Magnus' mouth like a prayer. "Alexander."

Something inside Alec broke free at the sound of that name. With a choked sob he reached out and gathered Magnus in his arms, holding him tight, so tight, never wanting to let him go again. His fingers twisting at the back of Magnus' coat, he buried his face against his neck and breathed him in deeply.

By the Angel, he smelled so good. He'd chased that scent for the last three months, always finding it just out of reach. And now it was filling his senses again, making him almost lightheaded. Wanting even more, he dug his nose inside Magnus' shirt collar, taking his fill, savouring the way it made a chill run along Magnus' spine.

"Alexander," he sighed. He was holding on as tightly as Alec was, his thumb tenderly brushing up and down the back of Alec's neck in a gesture so familiar it broke Alec's heart all over again.

All the questions he'd had vanished from his mind. He didn't care about the why or the where or the how. The only thing that mattered was Magnus back where he belonged: in Alec's arms.

Magnus seemed to be as reluctant to let go as he was, so neither of them did. They just pulled back far enough so they could look at each other. The question running through his head seemed to be reflected back at him from Magnus' eyes.

Should he kiss him? Yes, it was Magnus, but was it the one who'd made up his mind to erase Alec from his memory? Maybe, in that case, he definitely needed to kiss him, just to show him what he'd be missing.

Before Alec could make up his mind, that smile, that beautiful soft smile he'd missed so much, flitted across Magnus' mouth. Holding Alec's face gently in both hands, he pulled him towards him, and all Alec could do was sigh with contentment as their lips met in a bruising kiss.

He could feel tears leak from his closed eyes at the familiarity of the soft bristles of Magnus' goatee against his skin. The kiss was so sweet and yet so painful at the same time. It felt too much like a goodbye instead of a _hello, there you are, I missed you_. Guess he'd figured out which Magnus this was.

Hurt made Alec break off the kiss abruptly. He took a step back, turning around to wipe the tears away before he faced Magnus again. He looked bereft, now that Alec was no longer holding him. His arms were wrapped around himself, maybe because he didn't know what to do with them now that they were empty or maybe he was protecting himself from the words of reproach he was expecting from Alec.

He certainly had enough of them bottled up inside, but looking at the lost expression on Magnus' face, he found he couldn't get any of them past his lips. Instead he decided to focus on what mattered right now.

"What the hell are you doing following me? I could have..." His voice trailed off. He could have hurt him? The other way around was more likely. Magnus' magic was deadly, but he hadn't even tried to use it to defend himself. Whatever Alec was going to unleash on him, he'd been prepared to take it.

"Magnus," he said, his voice softening at the realisation. "Why _are_ you following me?"

Magnus seemed to have trouble meeting his gaze. His eyes darted around the street for a moment before he pulled himself together with a deep breath through his nose and looked him in the eye.

"You took the _omamori_ ," were the surprising words that came out of his mouth. "I hadn't left it for you."

Two realisations flew through Alec's mind. One, the _omamori_ was a tracking device. He'd meant to use it to track Magnus and instead it had brought him to Alec. Two, Magnus knew he wasn't the Alec he'd left the _omamori_ with. Probably because he wasn't surprised that Magnus was still alive.

"Why?" Magnus asked before Alec could think of anything to say. Gold-yellow cat eyes flashed for a second, along with a hint of suspicion. "Who are you?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Alec shot back.

"Ah," Magnus said, a knowing smirk around his lips. "Something tells me you already know."

Up until now he hadn't been sure, but those words sealed it. Asmodeus had said Magnus' whining drove him insane, but Alec was pretty sure they were still off in that other plane of existence of theirs. Furthermore, this Magnus looked way too calm and composed for someone who'd just come back from a visit with his prince of hell father. The dark eyes gazing into Alec's were steady and sure, and lit with determination. This was a man on a mission. He didn't need to be a genius to figure out what that mission was.

"It doesn't work, by the way," Alec blurted out, now that he knew who he was dealing with. "We meet and fall in love all over again."

It shouldn't have been this satisfying to watch the smug look slowly drain from Magnus' face and be replaced by guilt and pure devastation. He never wanted to see hurt in Magnus' eyes, but by the Angel, what he'd done - or was planning to do in this case - was so horrific and had caused Alec so much pain, he couldn't help feeling a slight twinge of vindication, even though he knew how wrong it was.

"What... What are...," Magnus muttered, before he gave up and turned away from Alec to gather his thoughts. Alec didn't think he'd ever seen him as lost for words as he was now, nor was he surprised to see him twist his rings around his fingers the way he always did when he was upset.

When he turned back to Alec, his eyes looked haunted. "How?" he stammered. "I've been working on this spell nonstop for a week. It's perfect. I won't remember you."

It really shouldn't still hurt as much as it did, but Alec couldn't help flinching. To have Magnus admit it so brazenly... Alec hadn't failed to notice the tremor in Magnus' voice on the word _remember_. He had to close his eyes for a second and breathe through the pain.

"You didn't erase _you_ from _my_ memory." He wanted to say more, but he found his voice was shaking too hard to get the words out. All of him was shaking too hard.

It was clear from the sad smile around Magnus' lips that he didn't need further explanation. "I'll be honest," he said, with that part amused part sly smile that Alec had come to love and dread at the same time, "the thought did cross my mind."

Whatever Alec had expected him to say, nothing could have been as devastating as those words. Forget Magnus? Everything he'd brought into his life? Every wonderful, amazing, terrifying moment he'd shared with him?

At the horror Alec couldn't keep off his face, Magnus quickly added, "but I couldn't do that to you."

But he could do it to himself? Alec swirled around, suddenly unable to look at him. It was only then he realised they were attracting attention. There weren't that many people about at two a.m. but enough to have raised eyebrows and curious gazes thrown in their direction.

"Look, Magnus," he said, lowering his voice as he turned back to him. "Is there some place where we can discuss this with a little more privacy?" He tilted his head towards their onlookers.

Magnus had apparently noticed them too. "There's a place I've been staying at for the last week," he said.

Why were those words filling Alec with a sense of apprehension and foreboding? He'd mentioned working on the spell for a week, and this new information added to Alec's belief he'd worked out where this Magnus was coming from. But that wasn't what had caught his attention. There was a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that he knew which place Magnus was talking about.

With a sharp nod, Magnus closed his hand around Alec's wrist to pull him deeper into the side street and away from prying eyes. It was hardly the first time Magnus had touched him and it certainly wasn't the most intimate. There was no reason for him to suck in a startled breath, as a warm glow spread from the spot where their skin touched.

Once they were far enough down the side street, he let go of Alec's wrist. An elegant sweep of Magnus' arms later and a portal had opened in front of them. It had been months since he'd seen him perform magic with such effortless grace. Alec couldn't seem to stop himself from grinning happily, his heart suddenly so full.

When Magnus turned back to him, he raised one startled eyebrow at the sight of Alec smiling at him like a fool. He looked from Alec back to the portal behind him, and rolled his eyes with an amused shake of his head. So Magnus' magic turned Alec on. That wasn't about to change and Alec wasn't about to apologise for it.

"It's not exactly the loft," Magnus warned, which reminded Alec where they were going, instantly wiping the smile off his face. "But it's been home." He held out a hand to Alec. "Do you still trust me?"

There was such insecurity in his eyes. He had never seen Magnus so uncertain about anything, least of all Alec. The emphasis he put on _still_ , as though he was sure he'd lost Alec's trust forever, tore at his heart. He had to swallow hard before he nodded and his eyes locking with Magnus, took the offered hand.

Magnus' answering smile looked so small yet so grateful. They didn't say a word as Magnus guided him through the portal.

Emerging on the other side Alec wasn't sure if he wanted to burst out laughing or be sick on his own shoes. As expected, they'd portaled into the living room of the apartment he'd lived in for the last few days: Tony's place in Flushing, Queens.

===

The sun was beating warm on his face. That was about the only positive thing Tony could think of as he sat on a park bench, waiting for Catarina and Madzie. Everything else had pretty much gone to shit. And now Alec was gone, off somewhere in the past and any second now something he did back there might wipe Tony's very life out of existence. He couldn't be blamed if his thoughts were turning a little morose.

Watching the children having fun on the swings and seesaws, he was reminded of the afternoon he'd sat on a bench like this with Alec. Had it really only been three days since he'd taken Alec back to his place? It felt like a lifetime ago, a lifetime he'd discovered was only a projection of his mind, the result of a very sophisticated memory spell. And as if all that wasn't mind-boggling enough, Tony himself had created and cast that memory spell.

If he hadn't been sitting on a park bench in broad daylight, mundanes and their playing children all around him, he'd probably have summoned a drink. He'd become quite good at summoning and god, did he need a stiff one right now.

The phone buzzing in his pocket startled him out of his thoughts. He didn't need to look to know what it would say, but he did so anyway. As expected, it was a text from Catarina warning him they were close.

Tony didn't have any worries Madzie would recognise him, but he ducked his chin a little deeper into the collar of his jacket anyway. With the help of Catarina and her magic they'd made him look unrecognisable. The plan was to observe Madzie while she was playing and hope that the sight would trigger some memory.

He couldn't deny he was feeling apprehensive, and not just at the possibility that nothing would happen and not even the sight of someone who was as close as a daughter would stir up memories. It was that notion in particular that made his stomach twist into knots. According to Alec, there were dozens of other Downworlders Magnus thought of as his children. Who were they? And why was Madzie the only one he could remember?

His heart raced a little when he noticed Catarina at the edge of the park, a tiny bundle of bouncing exuberance at her side. God, she looked just like he imagined her. Flowery skirt, bright pink shirt and of course the pigtails.

She smiled brightly, eyes darting about at all the wonders around her, as she chatted to Catarina. Even though she was too far for Tony to hear her, the soft lilt of her voice echoed in his head, her cute lisp so clear it was like he was standing right next to her. His chest suddenly felt heavy with a feeling he'd never felt before; it was impossible not to smile.

And then his eye fell on the colourful scarf around her neck. Her warlock mark, he remembered, his mood sobering. She hadn't always been the happy child he saw before him now. Another image flew across his mind, one of a scared, withdrawn little girl, who never smiled, and regarded him and the world with a wary distrust.

Though he was trying to keep a low profile, he couldn't help leaning towards her, drawn in by her, as the emotions and memories cascaded over him. Much later, he wondered if it was the vulnerable state he was in that had drawn her attention. In that moment, he was too shocked to think. Gasping with surprise, he drew back, as Madzie skidded to a halt in her run towards the swings, swirled around and found him sitting on his bench. Despite the distance her eyes locked with his with unerring precision.

He thought about getting up and making his escape. He thought about how he was in disguise and she couldn't possibly see through it. But even as those thoughts ran through his head, he watched the blinding smile bloom across her face and he knew it was already too late.

"Magnus!" she yelled and then started running towards him, as fast as her little legs could carry her.

From the corner of his eye he saw Catarina glare at him, but he couldn't feel too bad about it when his heart was feeling this light and there was a tiny ball of happiness thundering towards him. He could feel the giant smile pull at his mouth as he got up from the bench and crouched down just in time to have her crash into his chest. He barely got a chance to hug her before she darted away again.

"I told them," she said, looking pleased with herself. Her lisp was exactly how he'd heard it in his mind. "I told them you're coming back." Her bright smile turned into a glower as she looked up towards Catarina who'd appeared beside her. "I told you he's not dead."

Tony exchanged a quick worried look with Catarina. The displeased look he'd seen on her face when Madzie recognised him had morphed into one of resignation.

"I know you did, kiddo," she said, patting Madzie's hair.

Alec had told him how hard it had been for Madzie to accept his death, the reason why he was reluctant to let Tony meet her. But looking at Catarina's face, he knew they'd come to the same realisation. It wasn't grief that had made Madzie stubbornly refuse to accept his death. It was the absolute certainty that he wasn't. Which meant...

He could see Catarina reach the same conclusion he had: Madzie had seen Magnus, after he'd supposedly died. "Out of the mouths of babes," she mumbled under her breath.

He nodded at her almost imperceptibly. A babe who tried to tell the adults around her and wasn't taken seriously. Maybe that was why Magnus had entrusted her with his secret, because he knew she wouldn't be. He hoped he'd done so to spare her the heartache of his death. The way she stood there, beaming at him, at least alleviated some of his concerns that he could have abused her trust.

"You did great, Madzie," he said, and going with his gut, added, "Just like I knew you would."

It would seem he was on the right track as her smile grew even bigger, if that were at all possible.

"I remember," she beamed at him. "Look, Magnus! I remember what you teached me."

His eyes widened in alarm, but apparently the word _look_ had been enough to alert Catarina who immediately erected a shielding wall of magic around the three of them. Any misgivings he might have had about Madzie doing magic in front of the mundanes vanished from his head when he saw what the sweep of her little arms had conjured up.

"Is that...?" He whispered to Catarina in complete awe.

"Looks like..."

At the hesitancy in her voice, he tore his gaze away from Madzie - she looked so proud of herself - to find Catarina stare back at him with equal confusion.

Right in front of them, at the centre of a cloud of golden magic, floated the five sigils they'd discovered all over Tony's apartment. That in itself might be amazing enough, but what made it breathtaking was the order in which they were arranged. And that wasn't even all. There were other symbols scattered around the five sigils, most of them Tony didn't recognise, along with writing he couldn't even read. It had to be the combination to the vault. It had to be.

At the lack of praise from Tony or Catarina, or even any acknowledgment, the smile slowly started to fade from Madzie's face. As her arms lowered the magic in front of them fizzled out of existence.

"I didn't do it right?" she asked, her voice suddenly so small.

That snapped Catarina and him out of their daze. "No, no, don't worry, baby," she said while Tony immediately assured her too.

"You did it perfectly, Madzie. Just like I showed you."

Her beaming smile was back in a flash. If Tony's heart hadn't already been captured by this sweet pea, that smile would have done it. And to think they might have had the solution to their problem all along if they had just thought to take a little girl seriously. Alec would kick himself if he ever found out.

He turned to Catarina to give her an incredulous look, one she returned with a flabbergasted shake of her head. When he turned back to Madzie he found she was staring at him. There was a frown between her eyes, her hands on her hips as she gave him a serious once-over.

"What's wrong, sweet pea?"

Her lips twisted in obvious disapproval. "Why do you look so silly?"

Tony burst out laughing, as did Catarina. He was sure it was a release of tension as much as it was amusement, and an overwhelming sense of relief to know they had the next piece of the puzzle.

"I do, don't I?" he said, still laughing. He'd completely forgotten he was still in disguise.

"Silly Magnus," Catarina agreed, laughing even louder when he pretended to glare at her.

Safe in the knowledge they were still hidden from curious eyes by Catarina's magic, he snapped his fingers, doffing the disguise he was in. He wasn't going to ask how she'd seen through it. After the magic he'd watched her perform, he was just going to assume she was just that powerful.

The frown slid off her face, replaced by a smile. He startled a little when she stepped into his space, but then he chuckled when her little hands rummaged around in his hair. Once she'd made it stand in high peaks, she took a step back to assess her work.

"Not right yet," she decided and waved her hand in his face. What she'd done, he could guess from the way her face lit up at the result. "There you are! Hi, Magnus."

His gaze turned from Madzie to Catarina, who looked slightly uncomfortable and if he wasn't mistaken, a little misty-eyed. Her voice was warm and her lip trembled just a tad as she echoed Madzie's words. "Hello, Magnus."

It was obvious what Madzie had done, but did he want to see it? Did he want to be confronted with the picture he'd seen in Alec's wallet, or the one that took pride of place on his desk? Was he ready to accept he wasn't Tony Barnes, but a half demon half human warlock called Magnus Bane?

Before he could change his mind, he conjured up a small mirror and with a deep breath, took the plunge and looked into it. As expected, she'd put makeup on his face, with all the finesse and subtlety of a five-year-old. But it wasn't her lack of sophistication that made him gasp at his own reflection. It was the face staring back at him from behind those deep lines of eyeliner and dark smudges of eyeshadow. It was _him_ , the man he'd held back for as long as he could.

"Hello, Magnus Bane," he added his own greeting.

===

Things didn't become any less awkward once they were back at Tony's place... Well, Magnus' place again. Alec just stood back and waited while Magnus popped on the lights with a click of his fingers - a gesture so familiar it made a shiver run down Alec's back - and pulled off his jacket.

"I probably never told you about this place," Magnus said, as he hung his jacket in the closet with another distracted finger snap. "Not that it's a secret. I have properties all over the world that just never came up in conversation. Don't worry. We're not on the other side of the world. We're in Flu..."

"Flushing, Queens," Alec finished with him.

Magnus quirked an eyebrow at him and then smiled. "I guess I did tell you."

Alec shook his head. "I inherited it from you." He decided not to mention he'd been living there with Magnus' memory-spelled future self. It had just been a statement of fact, not intended to hurt Magnus, and so he winced along when Magnus did.

Now that Magnus had turned on the lights Alec could see that the place didn't look anything like the one he'd shared with Tony. For one thing, there was warlock paraphernalia everywhere, much like the loft had once been. There were vials and utensils, jars of unidentified substances Alec preferred stayed that way.

When he turned back to Magnus he wasn't surprised to see him reach for the whisky bottle on the kitchen island and pour himself a generous amount. It was another thing so quintessentially Magnus, it made him smile. Tony drank, but not to the extend Magnus did. Maybe because he didn't realise he was immortal and excessive alcohol use wouldn't harm him.

The longer he looked and the more whisky Magnus gulped down, the faster Alec's smile faded. It might not affect his health, but he was knocking it back a bit faster than even Alec was used to. That alone was an indication of just how much of an emotional upheaval Magnus was in.

He wanted to go to him, hold him in his arms, kiss him until they were both breathless, but that thing was still standing between them like a wall.

"So," he said, just to say anything, "you're from one week in the future?"

Magnus almost choked on the mouthful he'd just taken and, lowering his glass slowly, stared at Alec, as though he'd just realised he was still there. If he was surprised Alec had guessed, he shouldn't be. He'd said he'd been living in this apartment for the last week, one week in which he'd perfected the spell he cast on himself.

A smirk twisted around his lips, as he set his glass down on the kitchen island. "You always were too smart for your own good, Alexander." There was a warm sense of pride in his eyes as they locked with Alec's but it stood in sharp contrast with the accusatory harshness of the words that followed. "And you're from how far into the future?"

Alec wasn't even a little bit surprised Magnus had him figured out. "Three months," he replied without hesitation.

Apparently he was still capable of taking Magnus by surprise. "Three months?" he asked, his eyes wide in astonishment.

As he processed that information he poured himself another glass. Alec had long ago grown out of the habit of calling Magnus out on his drinking, but maybe this warranted an exception. When he noticed Alec staring at his glass, he threw him a flirty smile.

"My apologies, I'm a bad host. You want one?"

Alec rolled his eyes. "Funny," he grumbled good-naturedly. Magnus knew damn well he didn't like whisky, as his grin clearly showed. Once he'd gotten over his need to impress Magnus, he'd given up on trying to acquire a taste for it. He didn't like it, never would.

"I put the old spell on the fridge if you want something a little tamer."

He had? Alec wondered if it was still on Tony's fridge. He'd never tried because why would he?

He wasn't really thirsty, but now that he thought about it, he was feeling a little peckish. He hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast.

Taking off his jacket, he dropped it on the back of the easy chair and walked to the fridge. There, he closed his eyes, and thought of a turkey sandwich and a lemonade before he opened it. Both were waiting for him when the door was opened.

"Hey, you want anything?" he called out as he pulled the two items from the fridge and closed the door with his elbow.

It felt so familiar, he'd done this so many times, it was only when he turned around and was confronted with the cramped kitchen of the Flushing apartment and not the spacious kitchen back at the loft he remembered. The realisation landed with the force of a punch to his stomach; he had to suck in a gasp. This wasn't just an evening of the two of them hanging around the loft like they used to. Three months had passed since then. They could never go back.

There was a sad smile on Magnus' lips as he shook his head. "I'm good." He knew what had gone through Alec's head. He'd felt it too, Alec was sure of it.

His heart too heavy for words, he sat down at the kitchen island and bit into his sandwich. He was sure it was delicious, but he couldn't seem to taste any of it. He just chewed and swallowed, too rattled to enjoy it. Magnus sitting down beside him, nursing his whisky, didn't help either.

"Who sent you back?" Magnus asked.

"Asmodeus."

Magnus snorted. "I thought as much."

Alec swallowed the bite he'd taken of his sandwich and turned to Magnus. "He told us he'd shown you a vision of the future and that made you put a memory spell on yourself."

Instead of confirming Asmodeus' claim, something else seemed to have caught Magnus' attention. "Us?" Alec wondered if he'd imagined the jealous edge to the single word.

He had no right to be jealous of anyone Alec chose to see or sleep with for that matter. He'd removed himself from Alec's life. Still, he couldn't find it within himself to make Magnus suffer, even if he deserved it. Not in the least when Magnus winced, his lips drawn tight when Alec replied.

"Yeah, me and Tony."

Magnus nodded, pretending he didn't care, but Alec knew better. He'd have known, even if the way Magnus knocked back the rest of his drink wasn't a huge giveaway.

He shook his head and added with a sigh, "That's what you call yourself by the way. Tony. That's you." As Magnus' head swiveled towards him, his mouth hanging open in astonishment, a thought occurred to Alec. "Why Tony?"

"What?" was all Magnus could stutter in reply.

"Why did you turn yourself into a Tony? It's not really a name I'd associate with you." It was too ordinary, not magical enough. Maybe that was precisely the reason, so he'd blend in more.

To his surprise, Magnus jumped off his stool and paced away, his hands raking through his hair. He had to be upset, if he was willing to mess up his hair.

"Tony?" he said, when he turned back to Alec, "why would I call myself Tony?"

Alec frowned. That had been his question. "That wasn't part of the spell?"

Still looking freaked out, Magnus shook his head. "The spell is supposed to erase you from my memory.

"Sorry," he added, when Alec winced. You would think it would become easier to hear after a while.

"Well, the spell did more than that," he said. His appetite completely gone now, he slammed the rest of his sandwich down on the plate and swiveled on his stool towards Magnus. "It erased most of who you are."

It was obvious from the way Magnus was fiddling with his rings how badly he was taking this news. "It's not supposed to," he admitted slowly.

Okay, maybe that would make it easier to persuade him not to go through with the plan. There were obviously kinks in the spell that needed working out...

He realised Magnus' mind had turned onto the same path when he saw his face set in determination. A snap of his fingers later, there was a book in his hands. Leafing through it, he seemed to dismiss Alec completely, as he sank down in the easy chair, completely intent on his book.

Oh, no, no, he wasn't still going to go through with it, was he? As Alec rose from his stool, about to confront Magnus, he stopped, realisation sneaking up on him. Had Magnus just summoned that book from the loft? Fuck, was that where they had gone to? All those times when he'd questioned his sanity, it had been Magnus summoning his books to concoct his memory spell?

Even more angry than before, he marched up to Magnus and snatched the book out of his hands. "You're kidding me, right?" he demanded, when Magnus looked up at him startled. "After everything I've told you, you're still gonna go through with it?"

With nothing to occupy his hands, all Magnus could do was study his nails. That alone should have warned Alec, but he was too caught up in his own messed up emotions to take heed.

"It's nothing personal, Alec."

Alec gasped, his fingers clutching the book in his hands so tightly it was starting to hurt. He wasn't sure what had hit the hardest. The coldness in Magnus' voice or his use of the name Alec. The only time he used that name was when he was trying to keep Alec at a distance.

It wouldn't work, not this time. "Nothing personal?" he asked, his voice hoarse with hurt. "You're erasing me from your memory. That's about as personal as it can get."

"It's for the greater good."

Alec gaped at him. How could he sound so detached, so cold, as if it didn't mean anything to him? If he'd been less emotional, he would have noticed the way Magnus couldn't look at him or the way he plucked at his nail polish with single-minded stubbornness.

The book in Alec's hands was shaking with his need to slam it against a surface or hurl it across the room. He was so angry right now he could barely see straight. He'd spent so many months mourning Magnus, he'd forgotten how infuriating the man could be.

"How will the greater good be served by you forgetting about me?" he asked, his voice thick with anger.

He wasn't sure what he'd expected, but it wasn't Magnus jumping up from his chair and shoving his face in Alec's with a growled, "Because it scares me how much I love you."

They stood there, staring at each other, breathing too hard and both aware too much had already been said. There was only one way out of this impasse.

The book fell to the floor with a thud as he hauled Magnus to him, clinging to him for dear life. Magnus was trembling, Alec found. They both were.

"It's not gonna happen," he assured, his lips against Magnus' neck. "Whatever you're afraid is gonna happen, it's not."

Magnus took a shuddering breath. "I can't take the risk."

Alec pulled back far enough to look into Magnus' eyes, not in the least surprised to find himself gazing into gold-yellow cat eyes. "What makes you so sure Asmodeus isn't just fucking with you?"

"I'm not," he admitted with a shrug. His hands came up to frame Alec's face tenderly. His cat pupils dilated to round balls, taking Alec's breath away, the way they always did. "But what if he's not? I'm genuinely scared of the things I would do to keep you safe."

His eyes looked haunted. In the black depths of his round cat pupils Alec thought he could see the terror he'd been living with for the past week, the torture he'd put himself through. He imagined he saw fires and people screaming in those dark pupils. What had Asmodeus put Magnus through? Alec would make him pay.

Not sure if Magnus would let him kiss him, he pressed his lips hard against his forehead. "No more than you would do to keep anyone you love safe. Whatever it is that Asmodeus showed you, you have to let it go. It's eating you alive, love." Magnus let out a choked sob at the term of endearment that had slipped out of Alec's mouth. "It's not making you think clearly."

Those last words seemed to have hit a nerve. His arms tightened around Alec, pulling him even closer, and Magnus sagged against him, his cheek tucked against Alec's neck.

Words Magnus had once said to him popped into Alec's head. _For almost a century I've closed myself off to feeling anything for anyone, man or woman._ Was it possible Magnus had closed himself off so tightly, so efficiently, his feelings for Alec were crushing him?

Alec could only speak from his own experiences. He'd become so used to pushing any attraction he felt for men to the back of his mind it had become second nature. When he met Magnus it felt like being steamrollered by emotions and desires he'd spent so long pushing down. It had scared the crap out of him, so much even that he'd almost married a woman to escape them.

What if something similar was happening to Magnus? His heart hadn't felt love in almost a century. Almost a century of a barren wasteland, a heart deaf to any real feelings that had the power to hurt him, a heart made numb to protect himself from the pain that could destroy him. And suddenly that empty space was filled with everything he felt for Alec. Maybe it was like running a marathon without the proper warm up: you were bound to pull a muscle.

"What you feel for me isn't stronger than what you felt for other people you loved," he assured in Magnus' ear. It wasn't a sense of self-deprecation that was speaking; he honestly believed it was the truth. "It just seems that way because you haven't allowed yourself to _feel_ for such a long time."

Magnus sighed, his breath drifting warm against Alec's neck. "It felt so real." He didn't have to elaborate for Alec to know he was talking about the vision of the future Asmodeus had shown him.

"But it wasn't. Magnus..."

His fingers curled around Magnus' biceps, he pushed him an arm's length away. Cat eyes had turned back to warm brown; that at least was a good sign. It meant he'd calmed down enough to pull his glamour back under control.

"You're so very powerful. It's easy to forget sometimes because you have such a tight control over it, control you let slip on occasion but never to the extent that it might hurt someone."

Magnus' expression was practically begging him to keep reassuring him, so he did. "Maybe you've allowed your love for certain people to do things that were questionable..." Magnus' nose scrunched up at those words, because yes, they were both thinking of one person in particular. And though there was still so much he didn't know about Magnus' past relationships, he felt confident enough to add, "but if you haven't unleashed death and destruction on the world in all those centuries you've been on it, you're not about to now, and certainly not for me."

Apparently it was just what Magnus had needed to hear. His smile looked so soft, so at peace, as his hands slid behind Alec's neck and he sank against him again, sighing in bliss as Alec closed his arms around him and pulled him even closer.

Alec could just imagine how his despair at what he'd seen had made him spiral further and further down into the belief that there was no other solution but to erase him from his life. And with no one to bounce ideas off, nobody to challenge his view, it had grown a life of its own. Maybe Alec was well on his way to convincing him it didn't have to be that way.

===

"So, now what?"

After they'd all had lunch, and Tony and Catarina'd had a chance to restore their strength, they'd dropped Madzie off with Dot, who brought them up to speed about Jace. She'd given him a potion that would make him more comfortable with Alec gone, and once again Tony wondered just what the point of a bond that inconvenient was.

And now he and Catarina stood in the loft shared by Magnus and Alec, still as impressive as before, if maybe not quite as stifling, staring at the opened cabinet and the magical vault within. Tony had been too overcome by the meeting with Madzie to take in much of what she'd shown them, but Catarina had taken careful note.

A sweep of her arm later, the sigils and writing he'd seen Madzie create were reproduced in front of them. "Cross your fingers this works," she mumbled before she launched the spell at the vault.

He was sure she meant it figuratively, but he crossed them behind his back anyway. He'd never been a superstitious person, as far as he knew, but this time he felt they could use all the help they got. His breath caught in his throat when the gold disk at the centre of the vault door was pushed inwards before it spun a slow half turn to the right. And then, with a soft click, it sprang open.

They'd done it. Or at least, Catarina had, he conceded with a thrilled tilt of his head. He shared a quick triumphant smile with Catarina before he turned to the opened vault and his smile vanished... The vault was empty.

"No fucking way," he exclaimed, throwing his arms up in contempt as he turned his back on the vault. No fucking way they'd gone through all that trouble for nothing.

When his outburst wasn't met with a reaction of equal frustration he turned back to Catarina to find her staring at the empty vault with an intrigued look on her face. As he was about to speak, she held up a finger to stop him.

"Magnus keeps all sorts of magic in there, some of it very dangerous. Of course it wouldn't be visible to the naked eye." She turned a mischievous smile at him, alleviating some of his fear they would be walking out of there empty-handed. "Ever tried Magnus' fridge?"

Not sure what she was getting at, he frowned in confusion as he shook his head. Of course he hadn't. He'd never been in the loft long enough.

She raised an amused eyebrow. "He put a spell on it. All you have to do is think of what you want as you open the door and voila..."

And with those words magic curled around her fingers and shot from them into the darkness of the vault. At first he thought it hadn't worked and nothing had happened, but then he saw it, a speck of colour disturbing the vast dark emptiness of the vault's interior.

As Catarina's hand reached inside and pulled it out, Tony saw she was holding a tiny, maybe five inch long notebook in her hand. "How did you know?"

She grinned back at him. "Magnus and I have a code between us. If we want to hide something from everyone but each other, we use this particular spell."

"So he wanted you to find it?" Tony realised.

"It would seem so..." Her voice trailed off, her focus intent on the notebook she was leafing through. It was less than reassuring to watch her smile fade the further she progressed.

"Is it the spell?" he asked, unable to keep the hope out of his voice, despite the questionable squint between Catarina's eyes. Looking over her shoulder at the scribbles on the small pages, he couldn't make out anything intelligible; it all looked like gibberish to him.

"Yes," she said.

And okay, that was the most dejected yes Tony had ever heard. Considering everything they'd gone through to get this far, there was no way anything positive could follow that.

"But it's not complete," she added, confirming his suspicions. Her eyes clouded, she looked up from the notebook to meet Tony's gaze.

Of course it wasn't. Trust Magnus to make this as fucking hard as he possibly could.

Tony sighed, feeling Catarina's disheartened spirit sink its teeth into him as well. "So what do we do now?"

She did her best to smile, an effort he was very grateful for, but it didn't reach her voice. "I'll give it a closer look with Dot. Maybe I'm overlooking something."

Somehow Tony doubted she had and she was just saying it to make him feel better. "And what do I do in the meantime?"

"You can help us?" She chuckled when he reacted to her suggestion with a snorted huff. At least it was nice to see her good cheer was making a comeback. "Don't undersell your importance in this. After all, you are the one who created this spell." She waved the tiny notebook in her hand to add emphasis to her words.

"Magnus did," he pointed out.

When she tilted her head at him in what looked like gentle admonition, he smiled back at her. It was true, the lines between Magnus and Tony were starting to become blurrier all the time, even to him.

"It's even harder to forget," Catarina said with a soft laugh, "with all that on your face."

He frowned in confusion as she waved her palm in front of his eyes, but then he remembered. Oh, right, the makeup Madzie had conjured onto his face. He hadn't had a chance to take it off yet.

Or maybe he wasn't in any particular hurry. He had to admit it brought out his eyes. True, the outfit he was wearing, plain blue jeans with his usual tan jacket didn't really match his face, but maybe Magnus wouldn't mind if he borrowed something from his wardrobe...

His thoughts ground to a halt when he saw the way Catarina was smirking at him. "Oh, shut up!" he grumbled, as she laughed and gave him a gentle push.

It was good to hear her laugh, even more so if it was for the reason Tony suspected. Maybe he really could access his inner Magnus, and help her and Dot to unravel the mystery of the incomplete spell.

===

"So you and this Tony?"

The words made Alec gasp in the darkness, mostly because he'd been expecting them. Even though he wasn't in the least tired - it was somewhere in the late afternoon according to his body clock - it was four a.m. where he was, and he and Magnus had gone to bed.

Just to sleep, but still, he'd never have thought lying next to Magnus could feel this awkward and uncomfortable. He'd suggested sleeping on the couch, but Magnus wouldn't hear of it, insisting it was fine. Hadn't they done way more intimate things in bed than sleeping? He'd even summoned PJs for Alec, maybe from the loft, and now Alec couldn't help but wonder if his other self would be puzzled as to where his PJs had gone.

He'd just been pondering the question if he had when Magnus' words startled him out of his thoughts. It wasn't the fact Magnus was as awake as he was that surprised him. He knew what a sleeping Magnus sounded like. He'd slept next to him every night for almost a year. It was the question he was unprepared for, even though he knew he'd get it sooner or later.

"Yeah?" He left the rest hanging, hoping Magnus would elaborate. He knew damn well what Magnus was asking, but he couldn't seem to volunteer the information without further prompting.

Magnus' low chuckle in reply seemed to suggest he knew Alec was stalling. He probably did. Who knew him better than Magnus?

"You said you fell in love all over again. So you love him?"

Alec's eyes briefly closed at the insecurity he could hear in Magnus' voice. What was he afraid of? That Alec had fallen in love with Tony? Maybe he had, but for one reason only.

"I didn't have far to fall," he replied honestly, hearing the tremor in his own voice.

Magnus' voice was unbearably soft when he said, "Because he's me?"

"Yes." It was just one small word, but in it Alec could hear the echo of all the pain and loneliness he'd suffered in those three months without Magnus, the relief and joy he'd felt when he met Tony, and recognised the second chance he'd been given.

He didn't have to wonder if Magnus heard it too, as he sighed and said, "I was fully prepared to die that day, Alec."

By the Angel, Alec didn't think he was ready to hear it, not yet. For the last week he'd wanted nothing else, just an explanation, an answer to the question: why? But now, taking a shuddering breath at the way Magnus called him Alec, always a tactic to keep him at a distance, he wanted to run as far as possible, sure he didn't want to know.

Magnus gave him a moment to process that information before he added, "I was supposed to die that day. There was no way I could have known Asmodeus was going to pull me out before it happened."

Alec wasn't sure if he imagined a hint of resentment in Magnus' tone. "Do you wish he hadn't?" he asked quietly, not sure if he wanted to hear the answer. It would make sense that Magnus regretted having his father interfere, wished he'd never been shown that wretched vision that had started everything.

Magnus sighed, his voice soft and strained when he said, "I've been alive for centuries, Alexander." Alec couldn't quite suppress the shiver that ran down his spine at the use of that name. "It wasn't the first time I came face to face with death. I'd made my peace with it."

"I hadn't," Alec said, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice. Three months later and he realised he'd still hadn't forgiven the way they'd gone behind his back. He probably never would. "I never did."

"Oh, Alec." It was a heartfelt, sweetly tender whisper that cut straight to Alec's heart. "I never meant to cause you any pain."

Alec swallowed down the hurt he couldn't seem to get past. "I understand why you did it," he said in a quiet voice. "The Soul Sword had to be destroyed. You were protecting thousands of Downworlders. It broke my heart..." He paused for a second when Magnus sucked in a shuddering breath. "But I understand." He knew his next words would hurt Magnus, but he couldn't keep them inside any longer. "What I don't understand and probably never will is how you could erase me from your life." His voice broke down when he added, "You didn't even let me know you were still alive."

Silence met him. Only the sounds of nighttime Flushing filtered in and mingled with the unsteady breaths coming from beside him. Maybe it was for the better. Alec didn't think there were any words Magnus could use to justify his actions.

But then a soft admission floated through the silence. "I almost gave into the temptation."

Alec's eyes snapped towards him. "You what?" he breathed on a gasp. "When...?" His question trailed off when he figured out the answer himself. "The alley behind the Hunter's Moon," he realised. It hadn't been his imagination, after all. Magnus had really been there.

"I had a moment of weakness," Magnus admitted on a sigh.

Despite the quiet that once again lapsed between them, it didn't feel uncomfortable this time. They weren't in their big, comfortable bed back at the loft, but bed was the place where they talked through most of their problems. Maybe it was this familiar sense of ease between them that made Alec turn his head on the pillow towards Magnus.

Magnus was lying on his side, facing Alec. There was enough light in the room to see that he was watching Alec, the gentlest smile on his face. "You thought I was dead. I thought it would be easier for you to keep believing that."

Did Magnus really believe that? He had to know that Alec could have handled almost anything better than Magnus' death. Yes, even the knowledge Magnus never wanted to see him again would have been easier to bear. At least it meant he was still out there, somewhere in the world.

"Easier for you," he pointed out, though the bitterness he'd felt earlier seemed to be missing from his voice. Maybe that had something to do with the soft glow in Magnus' eyes, the way his mouth pulled tight at Alec's words.

"Perhaps," he conceded. The admission was more than Alec had expected to get. "I had to make sure you wouldn't come looking for me." Before Alec could even feel hurt by that statement, Magnus' next words cut off his breath completely. "Because I knew I would be helpless in resisting you."

His eyes wide at the softness in Magnus' voice, the honesty in his words, Alec took a shaky breath. He'd used the word helpless. When someone as powerful as Magnus used a word like that it was a humbling experience.

"And I was right," Magnus continued, his smile turning even softer, if that were at all possible. "Of course I fell in love with you all over again. Who wouldn't?"

"Magnus..." It was a soft plea to make him stop. He didn't know how much more of this he could take, how much more he could hear before he crumbled and gathered Magnus in his arms and held him, so tightly. As much as he wanted to, they couldn't pretend like the last three months hadn't happened. Even so, Alec found himself curling towards him, as if his body had a will of its own and just gravitated towards Magnus.

Magnus gave a little nod. If he was agreeing to change the subject, he did so in a way that made Alec gulp in surprise when he said, "So you've made memories with him."

There was no question who he was talking about. Once the shock had worn off, Alec smiled and shook his head in amusement at the emphasis he put on the word memories. He knew damn well what Magnus was hinting at. That was probably why it gave him a perverse sense of pleasure to answer with a simple, "Yes."

"Memories you'll lose if I don't perform the spell on him."

The smile slid from Alec's face. He hadn't even thought of that. Tony would cease to exist and with him the memories Alec had of him. Images flashed across his mind. Seeing him for the first time in that police station interview room, his eyes fixed on his hands lying flat on the dingy metal table. The dance studio with the rowdy kids and the expert way he had corralled them and made them laugh. He saw Tony sitting opposite him on their first date, so nervous and yet so charming and spellbinding. How they'd tumbled into bed that first night. How they'd grown closer in the days that followed, as Tony learned to trust him.

"Are you prepared to lose all that?"

The soft question spoke of so much understanding. Magnus must have seen Alec's confusion and devastation play across his face. He'd already lost so much.

He found his voice was shaking when he said, "There's no alternative." There wasn't. He'd come back to stop this from happening. He couldn't let anything deter him from that mission. If he was lucky, he'd forget what he'd lost. Not much of a consolation, but the only one he could cling to.

"Maybe there is."

That definitely got his attention. "How?"

Magnus' eyebrow quirked at the hope Alec couldn't keep out of his voice. "We undo the spell on Tony. That way he gets his memory back but neither of you forgets what you shared in the meantime."

Was it really that simple? "You can do that?"

Magnus' mouth twitched. "I've got the counterspell locked in the vault."

His eyes growing big, Alec sat up. "I knew it!" he exclaimed. "We were this close to opening it when Asmodeus brought me back here."

Maybe Tony and Catarina had done it by now. Looking down at Magnus beside him, he saw a look of guilt flicker across his face. Damn, he should have known there'd be a catch.

"The spell is incomplete," Magnus admitted in a soft voice. When Alec gave him an incredulous look, he quickly added, "I left part of it out as a security measure. I didn't want anyone to misuse it."

With a sigh, Alec lay back down, his mind turning a mile a minute as he stared at the ceiling. He couldn't fault Magnus for his reasoning, but it did complicate matters. As he lay there, another thought occurred to him.

"You'd have to go through with the memory spell," he realised, turning back onto his side to face Magnus.

It was clear from the unfazed look on his face, Magnus had already reached that conclusion. "Yes," he said, oh so softly.

But stopping Magnus from tampering with his memory was the whole reason he'd agreed to let Asmodeus bring him back. He could save himself months of suffering, loneliness, and despair.

"You've already gone through all that." Magnus' voice was as gentle as the look in his deep brown eyes. "The worst part is behind you."

And that was another thing Alec hadn't considered. It wasn't just about losing the memories he'd made with Tony. Those three months after he'd lost Magnus were the worst in his life, but they had shaped him in ways he couldn't even fully comprehend.

Would he rather not have gone through those months? Absolutely. But like Magnus had pointed out, it was behind him. He'd survived, had been hardened by the experience and now he was reunited with the man he loved. If Magnus could indeed restore Tony's memories, he'd have everything he needed.

Magnus' soft chuckle brought him out of his thoughts. "You don't have to decide right now. We can sleep on it."

"Okay," he agreed, returning Magnus' soft smile. Maybe, now they'd talked it through, he might be able to sleep. As his eyes closed, Magnus' soft words made him smile even wider.

"By the way, I have no idea where the name Tony comes from."

===

After three hours of pouring over the tiny notebook without any progress, they called it quits. Dot and Catarina agreed that a significant portion of the spell was missing and without it there was no use in trying to implement it. Which meant they needed Magnus to complete the spell.

The idea of hypnotising Tony again was bandied about, but in light of what had happened the last time they decided to keep that as a last option.

And so Tony was on his way back to his apartment, leaving the two ladies at it while he grabbed dinner, a shower and if he was lucky, a few hours sleep. With the possibility hanging over his head that he might be wiped from existence at any moment, sleep would probably not come easily. He was actually quite surprised he was still there. He would have thought Alec had convinced Magnus not to go through with the spell.

It struck him, as he unlocked the front door and stepped inside, how empty the place felt without Alec. Had it really only been two days since Alec had moved in with him? It felt like he'd always been there. He'd only been gone a few hours and Tony already missed his smile, his beautiful hazel eyes, the warmth in his voice.

He doubted Alec missed him. Not in the least if he was reunited with his beloved Magnus.

Shrugging out of his jacket, he threw it across the easy chair with a huff. What was the point of feeling jealous of Magnus? He _was_ Magnus. And what did it matter anyway? He would soon disappear and with him Alec's memories of him. He might as well have dinner why he waited.

Yet another thing he hadn't done alone in the last few days. The thought made him snort in disgust at himself. Good grief, was that all he could do? Mope around about Alec? What was happening to him...?

First things first: food. His hand stilled on the fridge door, Catarina's words echoing through his head. _All you have to do is think of what you want as you open the door._ Surely it wouldn't work...

He closed his eyes and thought of a satsuma, plump and freshly sweet, the way you could only find them in Japan. His jaw dropped when he opened the door and one lonely satsuma greeted him.

The spell... It had worked.

In total awe, he took the satsuma out of the fridge and as he closed the door, turned it over and over in his hands. He'd picked something he knew for sure wasn't in his fridge. And there it was, bright orange and fragrant in his hand.

That meant... Magnus had been here?

Of course he had. Some of Tony's excitement drained away when he remembered that this apartment used to belong to Magnus. He could have cast the spell years ago. Seeing how old he was - and Tony still didn't know exactly how old that was - the spell could have been on his fridge for decades. Tony hadn't known because he'd never tried.

Somewhat deflated, he put the satsuma on the kitchen counter when another thought occurred to him. If Magnus had lived in this apartment, there might be stuff left by him but hidden away by the same spell Catarina had used to uncloak the notebook. If only he remembered the spell she'd used. Then again, he probably wouldn't be able to replicate it anyway...

"Surprised you're still here?"

Sunk in thought, Tony jumped at the deep voice that seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere at once.

"So am I, to be quite honest."

Gazing about him, trying to locate the source of the voice, he sucked in a gasp when a figure rose from the easy chair and turned around towards Tony. He'd guessed it was Asmodeus, but that didn't prepare him for the presence of a prince of hell in his living room. Aside from anything else, he was alone this time, no Alec or Catarina at his side.

"What do you want?" he asked, quite proud to hear his voice had only shaken a little bit.

Asmodeus twirled his cane around his fingers and shrugged. "Thought you'd like to know Alec made it safe to the past."

Okay, that was indeed good to know. Though judging from the wicked smirk on Asmodeus' face, there was more to the message and he wasn't going to like the second part.

His suspicion was confirmed when Asmodeus added, "and has been reunited with Magnus."

He tried to keep his facial expression as neutral as possible, but he couldn't hold back a slight wince. It wasn't as if the news came as a surprise. Stopping Magnus from casting the memory spell on himself was the whole reason Alec went back in time.

"Good," he said, squaring his shoulders and hoping he sounded more convincing than he felt.

Asmodeus' mouth twitched with nefarious intent. "They're wrapped up all nice and tight in bed..."

And okay, maybe Tony didn't need to hear the specifics. He was happy for Alec, he really was, but goddammit, it hurt like hell to know he'd been cast aside so quickly for the more superior version of himself.

"What do you want?" he snapped, realising too late that it was probably not a good idea to get cocky with a literal demon.

"Can't a father spend some time with his son?" Asmodeus' attempt at innocence was transparent as hell. As he walked closer, his expression darkened when Tony couldn't hide his distaste. "Even one who locks himself away behind a memory spell like a coward."

Switching back to charm like it was nothing, he leaned against the kitchen island separating them, and continued conversationally, "You know, it's a real pity you don't even remember what you're running away from."

The words were warning enough, but it all happened so fast, he didn't even get a chance to dodge out of the way or conjure up magic to block Asmodeus. With a speed almost too fast for the human eye, he swung his cane around. As it landed on Tony's head, more gently than he'd expected, he cried out.

Or maybe someone else did. His ears were filled with the sound of voices wailing in pain and despair. Just when he thought the sound would drive him insane the images started before his eyes.

At first all he saw was the flames, so bright he could almost feel their heat scorch his skin. Not surprising, he realised, when he saw himself at the centre of that sea of fire. The flames licked at his clothes and hair, but he seemed to be untouched by them.

Those all around him weren't so lucky. The screaming voices of agony were coming from the people consumed by the devastation he was unleashing onto them. The him at the centre of all that mayhem had an ugly twist across his face, not unlike the one he'd seen on that horrific drawing of Asmodeus on Alec's tablet.

The vision, Tony realised. Asmodeus was showing him the vision that had driven Magnus to do what he had done. As much as he realised it was happening, he couldn't seem to do anything about it. The vision was so overwhelming, all he could was clutch the edge of the kitchen island with all his might and try not to pass out as he rode it out.

All in all it couldn't have lasted longer than a few seconds, but it felt like hours. Sweat was dripping from Tony's temples, his legs wobbly beneath him, when Asmodeus finally released him from the vision. Gasping, he had to clutch the kitchen counter top in order not to topple over.

"That's just a fraction of what I showed you before," Asmodeus' voice drifted through the cacophony of voices still ringing in his ears. "I don't want to overload your fragile little _human_ mind." Contempt dripped off the word human.

"How...?" he croaked, stumbling on the single word. His throat felt raw, as though he was the one who'd been screaming. Maybe he had been. "How...," he tried again, "how could you do that to your own son?"

Through the blur in front of his eyes he saw Asmodeus was leaning both hands on his cane positioned in front of him. He looked like he was about to launch into a Fred Astaire routine. At any other time it might have looked hilarious.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "Hell gets pretty boring. Do you know how tedious it is to be surrounded by pretentious whiners bemoaning their fall from heaven? Sometimes I have to create my own amusement."

Confusion and turmoil were starting to make way for anger. "With the life of your son?" he spat out.

Asmodeus didn't look in the least contrite, but then Tony hadn't expected him to be. "I warned him of what's to come. Some people would call that looking out for him."

Shaking his head in disbelief, Tony snorted. He wasn't feeling quite as shaky on his legs anymore, but his hands still felt clammy where they clutched the counter top. He could feel sweat trickling down his back. He desperately needed to sit down, but he'd be damned if he'd give Asmodeus the satisfaction.

"That was only a fraction of what you showed Magnus?" he asked, in need of any answers he could get.

If it was, Tony could understand why it had motivated Magnus to do what he'd done. He was struggling for breath, his mind in a tailspin, and that, if Asmodeus was to be believed, was nothing compared to what he'd put Magnus through.

"Why?" he demanded, when Asmodeus' only reply was an ugly smirk.

The sneer turned into a grimace. Red flames danced at the centre of Asmodeus' eyes when they bore into Tony's, a sharp reminder that he was dealing with a prince of hell.

"Because you needed reminding," the dark voice boomed ominously. "Of who you are. Of your destiny."

Tony's fingers closed tighter around the kitchen counter. He refused to let Asmodeus see him cower. "And what's that?" he gritted out.

Asmodeus raised his cane high above their heads. Despite his best efforts, Tony couldn't help but shrink back in anticipation of what his father would do.

"A god among mortals," Asmodeus' voice echoed off the walls. "With the power to destroy them all!"

"A destiny Magnus rejected."

The cane lowered slowly as Asmodeus faced him, his features twisted in disgust. Tony was surprised at his own audacity, or the calmness of his reply. A serenity seemed to have come over him, one he couldn't help wondering if Magnus was responsible for.

Asmodeus hissed, "You're a fool!" before he disappeared in an ostentatious cloud of smoke.

For several moments Tony couldn't move. He couldn't even unlock the tight grip he had on the counter top. All he could do was hang his head and take deep, calming breaths.

When finally he could take a few staggering steps, he stumbled towards the bathroom, where he made a beeline towards the sink. The cool water felt so refreshing as he scooped it onto his face and down his neck.

His hands gripping the sink, he let the events of the last few minutes settle in his mind. Asmodeus' outburst had uncovered Magnus' motive for his desperate act: to defy his father's prophecy and refuse his role as the destroyer of mankind. The price had been his love for Alec, a price he must have deemed worth paying when compared to the alternative.

With a sigh, Tony lifted his head and looked at the reflection staring back at him from the mirror. For a moment he didn't know whether to laugh or cry. The makeup Madzie had conjured was half washed off his face, giving an odd impression of both Tony and Magnus residing there.

It was oddly fitting, a visual representation of the split personality he was becoming. Was he Tony or Magnus? He wasn't sure himself anymore. He chuckled without amusement as he began washing off the rest of the makeup with sure determined moves.

His stomach rumbled as he relieved himself, reminding him he hadn't eaten yet. He longed for a relaxing shower, but maybe food should come first. At least he wouldn't have to cook, now he knew about his magic fridge.

As he walked into the living room, his mind on what had happened with Asmodeus, he saw it. His heart skipped a beat as he stopped in his tracks, a surprised gasp torn from his mouth. That hadn't been there. He was sure of it.

Slowly, his feet started moving again and he walked towards the object in question as if in a trance. On one of his shelves stood a book, one that must have belonged to the previous owner... Well, Magnus apparently. It had been there when Tony had moved in, and as it had looked interesting - a reference book about dance in art - he'd read it.

But it wasn't the presence of the book that was such a shock. He found his hand was trembling as he reached out towards it, his fingers tracing the spine with what almost felt like tenderness. What was new about the book was the symbol burnt into the spine: a deflect rune.

===

Though they went to sleep on either side of the bed, when Alec woke up a few hours later, he found he was wrapped around Magnus, his limbs entwined with Magnus' like an octopus. There was naked skin under his palm - somewhere during the night his hand must have wandered beneath Magnus' pajama top. Alec hummed in pleasure, as still half asleep, his hand traveled higher across that broad chest.

Waking up like this had been so commonplace for so long, Alec didn't really think about what he was doing. He savoured every ripple of muscle under his touch, moving down again until he'd reached the extra sensitive area right above Magnus' pajama bottoms. His hand would have dipped lower, beneath the silky smooth fabric, if it hadn't been for Magnus' breathy, "Alexander," snapping him out of the sleepy haze he was still in.

Awake in an instant, he yanked his hand away, lifting his head to gaze at Magnus in utter dismay at what he'd done. The dark eyes looking back at him were so gentle, so warm, the smile hovering on his lips so kind.

"It's okay, Alec," he assured, "I wasn't exactly complaining."

That smile, it was doing things to Alec. For one thing, it wasn't helping the state he'd started working himself into, merely from touching Magnus. He realised he was staring at Magnus' lips, but he couldn't seem to stop himself.

"Should we?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

In reply, Magnus licked his lips, proof he understood all Alec was asking for was a kiss, even if it did nothing but fuel the fire igniting deep in the pit of his stomach. "Maybe we should find out."

Any hesitation he might have left was overridden by the need bubbling inside him, a need that drove him to lean towards Magnus and press his lips to his.

The kiss started gentle enough, but it quickly deepened to open-mouthed urgency. Alec's sigh mingled with Magnus' when their tongues met, and he pressed even closer, relishing the feeling of Magnus' fingers grasping his hair, his own hand snaking behind Magnus' neck. Oh, yeah, this was it, so good, the rasp of Magnus' beard against his own morning stubble felt so incredible...

No, no, he couldn't... Despite how amazing it felt, he pulled out of the kiss abruptly, staring wide-eyed at Magnus in shock at his own decision. Of course there was no resentment in Magnus' eyes, only kindness. Why always so much kindness? It made Alec feel even worse.

"I can't," he mumbled, not even sure what had come over him. "I can't."

"It's okay, Ale...," Magnus started, but Alec shook his head to stop him. He needed to make him understand, even though he wasn't even sure he did himself.

"I feel like I'm in a relationship with someone who's you but then again isn't."

It wasn't like he'd made a commitment to Tony, but he'd only just begun to earn his trust. He couldn't betray that trust.

Magnus' hand slid from Alec's hair down to cup his cheek. "Don't worry about it. I understand."

Without any makeup on, Magnus could be mistaken for Tony right now. His beard was the only thing that gave him away. Before he could be tempted again, Alec threw back the covers and swung his legs out of bed. His back towards Magnus, he raked his fingers through his hair and tried to compose himself. Thank the Angel he was wearing pajamas.

The noises behind him and the shifting of the mattress told him Magnus was getting out of bed as well, but he didn't turn around, just waited, his heart racing, for Magnus to speak first.

When he did, he cut right to the chase. "We have to decide today if we're going through with the spell or not."

So much for easing into that conversation. Twirling around towards Magnus, Alec couldn't suppress a smile when he watched him shrug into one of his swanky dressing gowns. Trust Magnus to have all the luxuries of the loft, even when he was living in a small apartment in Flushing Queens.

"Why today?" he asked, pulling his mind away from how good Magnus always looked first thing in the morning. It really shouldn't be allowed, when the rest of humanity had to deal with hair standing up in weird angles, blotchy skin and bags under their eyes.

Tying the sash on his dressing gown, he gave Alec a grave look. "Asmodeus is dropping me back to Earth sometime this afternoon. If we're doing this, it should be before the other Magnus has a chance to think about it."

Think about it, that was precisely what Alec had trouble doing. The timelines were all starting to blur together in his mind. It was giving him a headache.

"If you're gonna erase his memory as soon as he gets back, who's gonna work on the memory spell for a whole week?"

Magnus' hands stilled on his sash. He didn't say a word, just held Alec's gaze unflinchingly until he'd worked it out himself.

"You're going to vanish," he muttered, his voice soft with sudden reverence.

Magnus shrugged with a nonchalance that looked too practiced to be real. "The perils of time travel," he stated in a tone that was way too calm for the circumstances. He held Alec's gaze for a moment longer - Alec was staring back at him in horrified shock - before he turned and walked out of the bedroom, the words, "What do you want for breakfast?" echoing behind him.

Alec couldn't move for a moment. He sat on the bed, desperately trying to process the information. Once he realised that was an impossible task, he jumped up and hurried after Magnus. He couldn't just drop a bombshell on him like that and then walk away. Alec had questions, so many questions.

He first made a detour to the bathroom, his need to pee more urgent than the one for answers, but when he emerged some time later, he was disturbed by how calmly Magnus was preparing breakfast, as if he hadn't just announced he was going to disappear soon.

"Magnus..."

His voice trailed off when he realised he was making Alec's favourite, blueberry pancakes. From scratch. Not by clicking his fingers and magicking them into being. Tony didn't even remember what his favourite breakfast was.

But Magnus said he could undo the memory spell he'd cast on Tony. What if they went through with the memory spell and Tony's memory couldn't be restored? And if this Magnus disappeared after he'd cast the spell, who was to undo the one on Tony?

That thought in particular kept running through his head as he watched Magnus conjure a pan onto a stove burner that lit up with a snap of his fingers. It was comforting to see he still hadn't learned the patience to do some things manually.

"How can you be so blasé about disappearing?" he blurted out.

He knew how good Magnus was at playing it cool when he was really distressed. Outward signs of his inner turmoil were usually confined to a twitch in his cheek or the slow rubbing together of his thumb and index finger. But this, this bordering on disregard for the consequences was excessive, even for Magnus.

As Magnus stirred the blueberries into the batter in the bowl in front of him without replying, the truth dawned on Alec, Magnus' own words from just a few hours ago popping into his head. _I was fully prepared to die that day._

"You've already made your peace with it," he said, his voice soft in realisation. Just like he'd made his peace with dying. He'd had a week to perfect his memory spell, plenty of time to come to terms with the knowledge it would erase him from the world.

Though he didn't look up from his task, a soft smile hovered around Magnus' lips. Alec knew that smile all too well. It was his _proud of Alec for figuring it out on his own_ smile. It should have made him feel better, but it did no such thing.

With a sigh he stepped behind the kitchen island. Grabbing the butter, he melted a piece in the pan, before he extended his hand towards Magnus to hand him the bowl of batter. He knew better than to argue with him when his mind was made up. All it would accomplish was Magnus clamming up on him even harder. At least it was good to know, he thought, as Magnus didn't miss a beat and pushed the bowl into his hands before he went to the fridge to get syrup, they hadn't lost their perfect synchronisation.

The first pancakes hit the pan when Magnus said, "It's not like I'll really disappear."

Alec looked up from the pan to find Magnus leaning with his back against the fridge door, two fingers running up and down the condensation forming on the syrup bottle in his hand. It was the first outward sign of Magnus' inner struggle Alec had seen, proof he wasn't as unaffected by what lay ahead as he pretended.

"That timeline will just cease to exist and transform into the one where I'm..." He chuckled softly, though the sound held no amusement. "Where I'm Tony," he added, with a baffled shake of his head. The smile he directed at Alec broke his heart. "At least we'll meet again. I didn't have that to look forward to."

Because they weren't meant to...

Leaving the pancakes to cook, he stepped closer to Magnus, his voice soft with warmth when he said, "I've read a theory once. That time is a fixed line and it will always find a way to correct itself. You can make a stream part for a set of rocks but it'll come back together once it's past them. Us meeting was meant to happen. Even you can't stop it."

Magnus' eyes turned unbearably soft as they met Alec's. He held his breath as Magnus' hand reached up and came to rest tenderly against the deflect rune. "Of course I fell in love with you all over again," he whispered, just before he leaned up and brushed his lips against Alec's so softly.

When he pulled back, way too soon for Alec's liking, there was mischief sparkling in his eyes. "But you didn't read that anywhere. You saw that in a movie we watched together." Alec frowned, which made Magnus laugh quietly. "X-men? The one where you spent more time arguing about the inconsistencies than enjoying the movie?"

Oh, now he remembered. "The result should have been instantaneous for the X-men in the future!" he said, getting irrationally angry all over again. "It wasn't dependent on how long Logan had been in the past. How can the whole premise of your movie be its biggest plot hole?"

Magnus laughed even louder, but he stopped when he noticed the crestfallen look on Alec's face. "Alexander, what's wrong?"

He shook his head, but had to turn his face away so Magnus wouldn't see what had upset him. "The pancakes are burning," he croaked out, searching through the drawer for a spatula so he could avoid facing Magnus.

They'd relived a memory, one they'd shared. He hadn't done that in three months, least of all with Tony, who didn't remember anything of their shared lives. Alec was completely blindsided by the violent emotions that realisation sent coursing through him. Were they really going to do it again?

He found his hand was shaking so badly he had trouble flipping the pancakes. When Magnus gently took the spatula from his hand and nudged him aside, he gladly let him take over.

"It's behind you, Alexander," he said, flipping the pancakes with that elegance he applied to everything. "It can't hurt you anymore."

For something that couldn't hurt him, it sure was doing its best to try. He understood what Magnus was saying, but he found he was pressing his nails into his palm in an effort to feel something other than the pain in his heart.

Having flipped the pancakes successfully, he turned towards Alec. "Tony's memories can be restored. You'll have all of that again in your own time."

"How?" His nails cut ever deeper into his flesh until it felt he'd broken skin. "If you vanish with this timeline, who's gonna cast the spell to restore your memories? Caspian?" Aside from Magnus, he was the most proficient at memory spells, after all.

"He could," Magnus agreed. "Or Catarina even. The spell itself is not that complicated."

"But not complete," Alec remembered.

Magnus' lips twisted as he turned back to the stove and flipped the pancakes onto the plate he'd summoned in his hand.

Watching him put the plate down on the kitchen island and pour more batter into the pan, Alec wondered aloud, "Can either of them complete the spell?"

"Maybe."

The single word didn't sound very promising. If it had been Magnus' usual hubris or lack of faith in his fellow warlock's abilities, Alec could have dismissed it as such. But it was clear from his serious tone, he harboured genuine doubt they could pull it off.

"Okay," Alec decided, refusing to be defeated, "that means we have to get the missing part to them somehow." His gaze darted around the kitchen and the apartment beyond when inspiration struck. "Tony lives here."

Magnus' eyes shone as he gazed at Alec in wonder. He'd clearly reached the same conclusion. "We can leave a message for him to find in three months time."

Alec beamed back at him. "And it'll be instantaneous for him, something that shit movie couldn't get right."

"It wasn't that bad," Magnus said, laughing softly.

Hope reignited, he left Magnus to his pancakes and started looking around the place. They had to leave the message somewhere Tony would find it, somewhere he'd look. The despair that had taken a hold of him a moment ago had been replaced with a sense of purpose that burned through him.

If he was at all surprised Magnus continued making pancakes like that was his highest priority right now, he soon realised he shouldn't be. Magnus trusted him to know what to look for; as short as Alec's time with Tony had been, he knew him better than Magnus did.

The sizzle of the pancakes was in fact a rather soothing soundtrack to his search. It reminded him of the domesticity he'd once shared with Magnus and had started to recapture with Tony these last few days. It put him in the perfect frame of mind to relax and focus on what might catch Tony's eye.

He let out an excited, "Yes!" when his eye fell on just the thing. His index finger pulled at the spine of a book stuck between half a dozen of Magnus' spell books.

"I've seen this book," he told Magnus, turning to find him looking back at him over a pile of pancakes sitting on the kitchen island. "It's still in the apartment. I've seen Tony look through it."

As Magnus joined him, he gave it a closer look. Dance in Art, the title read, over a picture of a painting depicting young ballerinas in a dance studio. Considering Tony's interest in dance, he could imagine the book calling out to him.

"Ah," Magnus said, as he took the book from Alec and studied the front cover. "Degas." There was something of disgust in his voice, his nose wrinkling with the same sentiment. "Met him once. What a racist asshole. Great artist, though."

Alec stared at him in disbelief. "Really?" he asked incredulously. Now was so not the time for one of Magnus' trips down memory lane. Yet, at the same time he couldn't help but smile. It was so Magnus it made his heart glow.

"Sorry," Magnus said with a smile that belied the apology. "I don't remember how this book got here. It might be mine."

His hand flat on the book's cover, he closed his eyes, as golden magic glowed around his hand. A moment later, the magic dissipated and Magnus opened his eyes.

"Apparently I bought it somewhere in the Eighties." A cheeky smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. "I was trying to impress this art student I'd..."

"Not the point," Alec interrupted, even though he was mostly amused and under different circumstances would have loved to hear the story. He might have to remind Magnus once all of this was behind them. Now, they had more urgent fish to fry.

"Right." Magnus shook the memory off with a sharp nod. "It's been here since the Eighties. So yes, it makes sense Tony still has it."

Alec frowned, curious despite himself. "Why is it here? Why not at the loft?"

He knew he shouldn't have asked when Magnus' eyes shifted guiltily. "He thought I was a poor student. Could hardly bring him back to the loft..."

The book momentarily forgotten, Alec stared. "Wait, is that what this place is? For hookups?" He held up a hand as Magnus opened his mouth to speak. "You know what, don't tell me. It's not important." He turned the book over in his hands. "How to get Tony's attention?"

An idea popped into his head. Smiling, Alec pulled his stele from his back pocket and burnt the deflect rune into its spine.

"That should do it," Magnus agreed.

There was a note of hesitation in his voice. He wondered if Magnus was worried Alec was mad at him. He wasn't, really. Magnus had lived for hundreds of years before Alec came into his life. That life included other lovers. Seventeen thousand of them. He could hardly get jealous of all of them; it would be a full-time job.

The deflect rune completed, he held the book out to Magnus. "Your turn."

Magnus accepted the book with a nod, his eyes cast down as he opened it. Graceful fingers wiggled over the open page, golden sparks shooting from them.

As the sigils emerged on the page, Magnus said, his voice soft, his eyes still cast down on the spell he was writing down, "I haven't used this place since we met."

Something warm exploded in Alec's chest. "I know that," he said, his voice equally subdued.

Of course he did. He'd never doubted that. A smile pulling at his mouth, he reached out and squeezed Magnus' arm, his smile growing even wider as Magnus lifted his head and smiled back at him warmly.

===

"Are you sure?"

Through the excitement in Catarina's voice, Tony heard a hint of hesitation. He couldn't blame her for not wanting to get her hopes up. If he hadn't been looking at the strange squiggles and diagrams on the book lying in front of him right now, he might be as skeptical as she was.

"As sure as I can be," he said into the phone. Unable to sit still, he rose from the couch he'd just sat down on a few minutes ago and raked his hand through his hair. "I leafed through this book just a few days ago. The scribblings weren't on there." He could understand Catarina's concern it might be an old spell of Magnus', if it weren't for the most convincing argument of all. "The deflect rune burnt on the spine certainly wasn't."

"A message from Alec in the past?" She chuckled softly. "Guess he got through to Magnus."

That certainly was another strange turn of events. Tony was still there so he hadn't convinced Magnus not to cast the memory spell on himself. But he had talked him into sharing the counterspell with them. A compromise, maybe?

"Look, Catarina," he said, "I know it's late..."

Realising what he was about to say, she interrupted him. "I can't come over. Madzie's already in bed. Besides, I doubt either Dot or I have the energy to perform the spell right now."

He tried not to let the crushing disappointment he was feeling seep through in his voice. "Yeah, okay, I understand. I just wish I knew what I was looking at."

Catarina let out a deep sigh. "I'll open up a portal. Why don't you bring the book here and I'll take a look at it."

"Thanks," he said, instantly feeling better. He knew he wouldn't sleep if he wasn't sure this was the spell they needed.

He'd barely closed his call with Catarina before the portal whooshed into being a few feet away from him. Snatching the book from the coffee table, he stepped through it.

He didn't really have any expectations of what Catarina's home would look like, but he was still taken somewhat by surprise. He'd seen Magnus' loft, spacious and expensive. Maybe he'd come to expect all warlocks lived in such luxury. Not Catarina, it seemed. Her apartment wasn't that much bigger than his.

Beyond the fireplace on his left was a huge bookcase filled with tomes of varying thickness and age. These two features took up most of the limited space in Catarina's living room, but she'd still managed to give off an air of space and cosiness. He wondered if the effect was achieved by magic.

She smiled when she saw him look around in wonder. "Can't afford a penthouse loft on a nurse's salary."

Tony shook his head. "I'm sorry," he stammered, though he wasn't really sure what for. Assuming she made a living like Magnus did, selling her magic for high prices? Taking her away from her nursing duties?

Whatever he was apologising for, she seemed to understand. "Don't worry about it," she said, waving it away with a smile, "I took a few days off at the hospital."

"You didn't have to...," he started to say, but when she gave him a stern look, he stopped. "Thanks," he said instead, "it's appreciated."

"Let me take a look at that," she said, holding out her hand towards the book under his arm.

The first thing she did when he handed it over to her was inspect the rune on its spine. Her eyes closed for a moment as sparks of golden magic shot from her palm hovering over the rune. Tony held his breath, waiting for her findings.

Her eyes opened, a smile blooming across her face, "You're right," she announced, the words exactly what he'd hoped to hear. Tony relaxed, letting out the breath he'd been holding. "I can feel its age. Three months more or less."

Three months. Right on the dot. "Look inside," he urged, "page 116." He moved closer to her side, so he could look along with her.

Reaching the page, she let out a startled gasp, her eyes quickly scanning the squiggles that were incomprehensible to Tony. "I didn't want to believe it, but you're right again. It's the spell to restore your memory. The complete one..." Her voice trailed off as she turned her head, her eyes growing wide as she stared at him. "That's how you did it? You used the Douleur spell and converted it to Ju parameters? That's..." She shook her head, searching for the right word. "That's genius." Admiration shone through in her voice on the last word.

Tony stared at her, unable to understand a word she said. "Magnus did," he pointed out with a grin. He'd washed off the makeup; there was no need for her to mistake him for Magnus, even if it didn't bother him that much anymore. What had lifted his spirit was the fact she seemed to understand the spell. It was promising, an instant boost to his confidence. "So you can cast it?"

She'd waved away his correction and turned back to the sigils in the book. "It looks straightforward enough." She shook her head again. "It's so elegant and simple. I don't think either I or Dot would have come up with that solution." She smiled at him. "I told you Magnus was the only one clever enough to pull it off."

"Maybe," Tony conceded, "but he still needed Asmodeus to take him to the past to perform it on himself."

"Pffft," she huffed, walking away, "no false modesty, please. It doesn't suit you."

If she was still confusing him with Magnus, he decided to let it go this time. He followed her into the kitchen, where, the book still open in one hand, she perused a cupboard full of jars. He'd seen a similar collection in Magnus' loft. Warlock supplies, he guessed.

"I've got all the ingredients we need, except dragon eggshell..." She turned a raised eyebrow at Tony. "Very expensive. Not really affordable on a nurse's budget. And also not very common in healing magic."

She pushed the book in his hands - he grappled with it in confusion, his mind still stuck on the dragon egg. Dragons were real? - and started pulling out jars and vials.

Her arms full, she marched back out of the kitchen, a flummoxed Tony behind her. "Dot probably has some. We might have to involve Caspian. I'm not fond of the little weasel, especially after what he did, but he does have the expertise we need." With those words she deposited the supplies on her dining table.

"Doesn't Magnus have dragon eggshell back at the loft?"

Swirling around, Catarina pointed a finger at him. "Of course he does! I'm sure he won't mind if we raid his supplies." Her eyes were gleaming wickedly. Even Tony knew enough about Magnus by now to know he would not be amused. She shrugged at his doubtful expression. "He owes me that at least after all the trouble he's caused."

Her expression sobered. "I wasn't kidding, you know. Neither Dot nor I have the energy to perform the spell tonight. Especially a spell this powerful and complex."

He was sure the disappointment could be read across his face. It wasn't that he was in a particular rush to shed Tony; it was the only life he knew. He simply didn't relish the thought of going back to his apartment. He could go to bed, but he already knew he would be tossing and turning all night.

For one thing, the prospect of the spell looming over him would keep him from sleep, but most importantly Alec's absence would do so even more. It had only been a few days since Alec had been living at his apartment and it already didn't feel like home anymore without him.

He startled out of his thoughts when Catarina said, her voice soft with sympathy, "You can stay here for the night, if you want to," as if she'd read his mind. Maybe she had, he realised, as he beheld her soft smile. "You'd have to sleep on the couch, though. Madzie's already taken the guest room."

Relief flooded through him, along with gratitude. "That's fine. I won't sleep anyway. I just..."

He left the rest hanging, but she nodded. As he suspected, she understood precisely why he didn't want to be alone right now. And so they found themselves on the couch some ten minutes later, each holding a huge glass of red wine, as he told her of that other surprise turn of the evening.

Catarina didn't know what to make of Asmodeus' visit any more than he did, but she listened to his story with rapt attention and nodded in sympathy when he said he could understand why Magnus resorted to the measures he had. Tony had only experienced a fraction of what Asmodeus had unleashed on Magnus and it had left him reeling.

After a moment of contemplative silence, while they enjoyed their wine, Catarina asked the all-important question. "Are you ready to say goodbye to Tony?"

With a sigh, he put his glass down on the side table. That was another reason he hadn't wanted to go back to an empty apartment: too much time to worry about what would happen once the spell was reversed.

Would he forget about his time as Tony? A lot of it he wouldn't mind forgetting, but there had been good times too. His kids at Rainbow House and the dance group. Sophie and Suzanne. And of course, getting to meet and fall in love with Alec all over again.

"Or more importantly," she continued when he didn't reply to her first question, her tone slightly hesitant, "are you ready to be Magnus again?"

He gave her a startled look. That possibility hadn't even occurred to him. "Is that what you think I'm doing?" Asmodeus had accused him of hiding from his destiny.

Her mouth twisted as she took another sip of her wine. "Well, you have been Magnus Bane for over four hundred years. Maybe you were due for a break."

He gaped at her. If this had been a movie they would have timed it to him taking a drink of wine so he could spew it all out again in shock. His mouth opened and closed a few times but no words seemed to make it from his brain to his lips.

Over four hundred years old? What the hell? He knew Magnus was older than he looked, but... Four hundred years?

"Oh, honey," Catarina said when she saw him struggling to process the information, her expression filled with concern, "you didn't know?"

Lifting his glass from the side table he took a big gulp and swallowing, shook his head. "Not that he was that old." He eyed her speculatively. If Magnus was over four hundred years old...

A frown appeared in response to his scrutiny. "Darling, you're not about to ask a lady how old she is, are you?"

He grinned back, appreciating her attempt at lightening the mood. "Wouldn't even dare to dream it."

===

The moment had arrived. They were dressed and about to head out to find Magnus, an odd concept when he was looking at Magnus pulling his jacket around him.

He looked amazing. His light grey eye shadow and dark eyeliner immaculately applied, his dark pants tight around his thighs. It almost felt like he'd taken extra effort to look his best in preparation for meeting himself.

He appeared calm, in control, but as always there were the telltale signs that gave him away. That muscle was twitching in his cheek again; he was twisting his rings around and around on his fingers.

"You okay?" Alec asked, shrugging into the jacket he'd taken from his wardrobe at the loft. "Not having second thoughts, are you?"

A small smile broke through as he looked at Alec. "Are you?"

His lips pulled into a tight line. He couldn't say he had no reservations at all, but he had convinced himself it was the right thing to do. Like Magnus had said, this was all behind him. It couldn't hurt him anymore. And he couldn't lose the memories he'd made with Tony.

Enough doubt lingered to stop him from being wholly committed in his answer, so he shook his head and, lowering his gaze, shoved his hands in his pockets. That's when he felt it, the warm tingle of magic radiating off the _omamori_ as his fingers brushed against it.

His eyes wide, he pulled it out of his pocket. "What was the idea behind this?"

Magnus smiled warmly, and taking a few steps closer took it from Alec's hand. "I couldn't leave you just like that. I had to leave something behind that would offer you comfort and protection." He twirled the _omamori_ around in his graceful fingers, reverence and affection in his eyes, the exact same way he had when Alec had gifted it to him. "That's its job after all."

His eyes shone with love as he smiled up at Alec. It shook Alec to the core. All this time he'd thought Magnus had just abandoned him, but he'd left one of his most treasured possessions behind for Alec. And he hadn't even known.

"Magnus," he breathed.

His smile was so soft, so full of love, Alec didn't think he could bear it. His heart hurt even more when Magnus pressed the _omamori_ back into his hand.

"Picture a memory of us," he said, his voice unbearably gentle.

It took a moment for Alec to tear his gaze away from Magnus' face, but then he shook his head. Closing his eyes, he did as told and went to one of his favourite memories.

They were alone at the loft, the first time since they'd met. There was no demon to be summoned, no Jace and Clary making dopey eyes at each other, no annoyingly chatty mundane tagging along. It was just the two of them, the Brooklyn night alive and loud outside the loft's large windows, but the chemistry between them quiet and serene.

He'd been so confused back then, so in turmoil over the feelings this beautiful man kept invoking in him. Yet despite the fear of discovery tearing at his heart, he knew there was nowhere else he wanted to be, no one in the world who made him feel this alive.

He gasped, his breath shuddering out of him as the magic Magnus had imbued the _omamori_ with wrapped itself around him, transporting him back to that moment. He knew it was just an illusion, but he found himself looking into eyes rimmed with gold eyeliner, dark brown eyes sparkling with amusement as an elegant finger lifted.

For a moment he thought he'd touch Alec's lips. His heart hammered out of his chest at the prospect, petrified he would, terrified he wouldn't. But the finger hovered just in front of his lips and Alec didn't know if the pressure in his chest was relief or disappointment. All he knew was the overwhelming joy spreading across his entire body, happiness like he'd never known before as he allowed himself, for the first time, to feel something he'd repressed all his life: attraction for a man.

He felt it now, as sure as if he were standing in that loft again, and just as it did then, a smile he couldn't hold back to save his life spread across his face. He was breathless by the time he opened his eyes and gazed at Magnus in wonder.

"Was it a good memory?" he asked in a quietly gentle voice.

Alec's own voice was barely above a whisper when he replied, "The best."

What had he done? He gazed down at the _omamori_ clutched between his fingers. The comfort this would have brought him in those moments he'd missed Magnus the most.

He turned back to Magnus as he said, "Should we give it back to...?" He left the rest hanging, not sure how to address his other self. The rightful recipient?

Magnus' smile turned sad. "Maybe it's best if things run their course. If we change things now..."

He didn't finish the thought, but Alec understood what he meant. The tiniest change could have disastrous consequences. They might not even meet again and that was a thought too horrifying to contemplate.

His chest tightened when Magnus wrapped his hand around his, closing his fingers around the _omamori_. "Why don't you hold onto it."

Breath was suddenly a hard thing to catch as Alec nodded. That small smile was directed at him again, breaking his heart. They stood there for a moment longer, the connection between them, through eyes, touch, their whole being, too precious to sever.

Eventually Magnus did. Letting go of Alec's hand, he turned and walked away. It felt as if Alec could breathe again, and so he did, sucking in much needed air through his nose.

As Magnus waved his arms gracefully, a portal opened before them. Though hardly something new or surprising, Alec gasped at its appearance. This was really happening. There was no going back now.

Another thought struck him. "You're just going to leave everything?" he asked, frowning at all of Magnus' warlock paraphernalia still scattered around the place.

Magnus' mouth turned down into what would have been a smirk under any other circumstances, and quirked an eyebrow at Alec. Of course. He was an idiot. As soon as Magnus cast the spell on himself he would disappear, along with all the changes he'd wrought. The place would instantly revert back to its previous state, the one Alec had found it in when he first set foot in it. Four weeks from now...

"Where are we going?" he asked, joining Magnus in front of the portal.

"Where it all began." He cast an encouraging smile towards Alec and stepped into the portal.

A feeling of dread had begun to squeeze Alec's stomach together at Magnus' cryptic reply. Surely he didn't mean...

Taking a deep breath, he squared his shoulders and followed Magnus through the portal. Even though he'd suspected as much, he reeled back when he felt grass give under his shoes, heard the soft breeze rustle the leaves in the trees overhead. Like Magnus had said, they were back where it had all begun.

At least it was the middle of the afternoon this time. The meadow looked almost peaceful in the warm sunlight. Birds were chattering in the trees, their wings whooshing softly as they took flight. The cheerful chorus of their excited voices rendered the whole place a lot less gloomy than it was in his memory.

Nature was booming and alive all around him, almost as if it knew Magnus was on his way back home. The notion, as fanciful as it was, made him smile.

"There!" Magnus said.

His smile faltered when he realised where Magnus was pointing. Of course it would be that hill, the very same one he'd had to watch Magnus die on.

Noticing the pinched look on Alec's face, Magnus' expression turned apologetic. "That's where he took me so that's where he brought me back."

"Okay, here we go," Alec said, gathering all his determination around him. Lifting his stele from his back pocket, he activated his speed rune, and with a nod towards Magnus, raced towards the hill.

That was the plan they'd come up with. They'd both agreed the best course of action would be to send Alec ahead. There were few people Magnus trusted more than him. If anything, seeing Alec there would ground him, reassure him, after the harrowing experience he'd just had with his father.

They'd timed it perfectly. Barely a few minutes after Alec had arrived on the hill, a dull thud in the air sounded beside him and there he stood, so beautiful and perfect it took Alec's breath away.

The demon scales were gone. Whatever Asmodeus had done to him, wherever he'd taken him, he'd brought him back completely restored to his former glory, his human skin shining with more health than ever before.

Magnus' eyes looked dazed as they darted around him in confusion. He staggered on his feet, but Alec was there immediately, hands reaching out to steady him.

Slowly, Magnus' eyes raked across Alec's body, growing wider and more bewildered as they reached his face. "Alexander?" he breathed, the name spoken with the kind of reverence usually reserved for prayer. "What...?"

His voice cracked on the single word. He had to take a moment before he'd regained his breath and could continue. Alec rubbed his shoulder the whole time, making sure Magnus knew he was there and he could take all the time he needed.

"How did you know?"

"Kind of a long story...," Alec started to say.

His words were drowned out by Magnus', "I don't care how, you're here!"

His hands framing Alec's face, cat eyes flashed, gazing at Alec in wonder. Magnus' smile was blinding, and it was tearing Alec apart with grief and guilt, knowing what he was there to do.

The smile slowly faded away as Magnus' eyes searched his. It made something cold close around Alec's heart. Did he know?

"Unless," he stammered, "this is another illusion." The fear, the apprehension in Magnus' voice was more than Alec could bear. The hands were sliding down Alec's face, as Magnus started to retreat, his face contorted with distrust.

Alec couldn't stand it anymore. With a sob, he reached out and pulled Magnus in his arms. He struggled for a moment, still unsure of what to believe, but then he sighed, and seemed to melt against Alec, his hands sliding back up Alec's chest to lock behind his neck.

"Shhh," he whispered against Magnus' neck, "it's not an illusion. I'm here. I've got you."

The words made one of Magnus' hands twist almost painfully in Alec's hair, but he welcomed the discomfort. It was the perfect counterpoint for the pain in his heart.

And by the Angel, did he feel good in Alec's arms. He tightened his hold on him, just to feel him pressed even closer against him, his nose buried against Magnus' broad shoulder. Magnus could have warned him he'd come back as naked as the day he was born, though.

He should have known, really. Not much use for clothes in that other plane of existence he'd just come from. There was nothing sexual about their embrace, but would it have killed Asmodeus to put some clothes on him? He didn't seem to have a problem with the concept of clothing when it came to himself. All part of his further humiliation of Magnus, Alec realised.

As the Angel was his witness, he was going to make Asmodeus suffer for what he'd put Magnus through. For now, he curbed his anger and just held him, provided him with the safe haven he needed. His hands swept across Magnus' broad, naked back, finding as much comfort in the caresses as Magnus seemed to.

When Magnus finally seemed to have taken his fill of the comfort provided and pulled away slightly, Alec noticed he was shivering. Hardly a surprise in his naked state. The sun might be out, but there was quite a strong breeze. It blew right through Alec's own jacket.

He immediately started shrugging out of said jacket, but when Magnus realised what he was doing, he gave him a teasing smile. "Nothing you haven't seen before, Alexander."

"Well, yes," he agreed reluctantly. His movements halted with one arm still in his sleeve when Magnus snapped his fingers, clothes materialising on his body.

Damn, why hadn't he thought of that possibility? Had he spent too much time without Magnus' magic in his life? Or had he thought he wouldn't be up to it after what he'd been through with his father? Alec's hand moved behind his head almost automatically, rubbing the back of it in confusion, taking in the dark pants, the dark purple shirt and the black velvet jacket Magnus had conjured.

Now that he wasn't so naked anymore, Magnus seemed to be more in control again. He frowned at Alec's posture, recognising it for the sign of insecurity it was.

"What _are_ you doing here, Alexander? How did you know where I'd be?" There seemed to be a hint of suspicion in Magnus' dark eyes. He had every right to be.

Okay, crunch time. He'd better make this work. The whole reason he'd been sent ahead was to ease Magnus into this.

"Magnus, you trust me, right?"

Magnus' eyebrow shot up in question. "Of course." The speed, the certainty of his reply, the utter trust in his eyes and smile, it took Alec's breath away. "Why?"

He wasn't sure how to put it into words. Luckily he didn't have to. While he and Magnus were talking, the other Magnus had started walking up the hill and was advancing towards them.

Magnus must have felt something in the air around them. Or maybe he reacted to the way Alec looked over his shoulder and froze at the sight of a second Magnus walking towards them. He turned.

Upon seeing what Alec did, he gasped, his hand reaching blindly behind him to close around Alec's forearm. "What?" he stammered, "What is happening?"

Alec's hand covered the one holding his arm in a death grip. Anything he could do to assure Magnus of his support. It occurred to him that, with Magnus' back turned to him, he could easily grab the opportunity to restrain his arms and make sure he couldn't use his magic. He didn't, though. He would never betray his trust like that. This was going to be done voluntarily or not at all.

"It's okay," Alec assured, squeezing the hand around his arm. "We're not going to do anything against your will."

Magnus tore his gaze away from his other self to stare at Alec. By the Angel, he looked so betrayed; Alec didn't think he could stand it.

"Against my will?" His voice was pure ice as he spat out the words.

His hand slowly disengaged from Alec's arm. He lifted it up and away from Alec with measured deliberateness, as he looked from Alec back to his other self.

"Who are you? What do you want?" Of course he had figured it out by now, that Alec wasn't the Alec he'd thought he was.

Other Magnus held up his hands, palms spread out towards his other self. Alec suspected it was a way of showing he wasn't going to use any magic. If anyone should recognise the gesture, it would be himself. He could only pray to the Angel it would work.

===

The moment had arrived. Tony sat back on the couch, watching Catarina and Dot prepare everything for the spell. He wasn't the only one following the procedure with fascination. Madzie was standing on a chair, her keen eyes eagerly taking everything in.

"Always be careful with dragon eggshell," Catarina explained to her, as she added the carefully weighed amount to the mixture she was concocting in a bowl. "It's very potent and more importantly," she added with a twist of her lips, "very expensive. Use it sparingly."

"Yes, ma'm." Madzie beamed as she soaked in the knowledge being handed down to her by two such experienced warlocks. It stood to reason that Catarina would use the occasion to teach her about her profession.

Tony's gaze moved to the other person in the room. Caspian had arrived a while ago, but had been told firmly to stay out of the way. He was sitting on the other end of the couch, waiting for his turn in the procedure and looking about as comfortable as Tony was feeling.

They exchanged tight smiles as their eyes met, but immediately turned back to the potion-brewing activity on the living room table. For one thing, it was more interesting and for another, he and Caspian had nothing to say to each other. Maybe when he was Magnus again...

That thought made his gut let out loud distressed noises, much like when he'd had too much pasta. It truly was an extraordinary thing to contemplate. In a short while, Tony Barnes, the man he'd been, would no longer exist. Maybe he should have paid a visit to Sophie and Suzanne before they went through with the spell, prepare them for the shock, or say goodbye or...

"Okay," Catarina announced, completing her mixture by banging her wooden spoon against the bowl's edge. It was amazing to Tony how they were using everyday kitchenware to create magic spells. "I followed your instructions to the letter." Waving her spoon at Tony, she grimaced. "I mean, Magnus' instructions."

It hardly mattered now. If everything went according to plan, he'd be Magnus again soon enough.

Picking up the book Tony had brought with him, Catarina looked at the diagram in it and smirked. "You really went old school with this one, didn't you?"

Tony had no idea what she meant with that, but he was sure he'd soon find out. His eyebrows rose in amazement as Dot cleared the furniture to the side with one flick of her wrist, not before she'd lifted Madzie from her chair and to a safe distance, of course.

In the space she'd cleared, the two women set about recreating Magnus' diagram with the powdery mixture from the bowl. Tony began to understand what Catarina meant with old school when he realised they were creating the drawing by hand. It would have been so much easier, not to mention faster, to use magic.

Once the diagram was finished, Dot put the bowl aside as Catarina waved over Tony and Caspian. They rose from the couch simultaneously. "You," she said, pointing at Tony, "over here." An elegant finger indicated the spot at the centre of the sigil on the floor.

As Tony gingerly stepped into the middle of the diagram, careful not to disturb their hard work, Catarina turned to Caspian. "You, here."

"I wanna help too," Madzie sang. Watching Dot, Catarina and Caspian form a circle around Tony, the little dear must have been feeling left out. Her face was twisted in a pout.

"Some other time, kiddo," Catarina assured. "This one's a little too delicate to be used as a lesson."

If the words sounded ominous, Tony was prepared for it. He knew how tricky this spell was, how high the odds were that it wouldn't work. Worse even, it might backfire. In that case he could lose not only Magnus' memories, but Tony's of the last three months. Was it worth it?

Catarina seemed to sense his hesitation. "It's not too late to back out," she told him.

Images flew across Tony's head, memories he wanted to cling to in case this all went pear-shaped. Shane doing a little victory dance when he finally got his room back. Reading Maddie a bedtime story, doubled over in the little children's chair beside her bed. Suzanne and Sophie curled up beneath a blanket on the couch. Alec smiling at him over a bacon burger in the East Village. Alec panting beneath him, his head tilted back. Alec, a frown between his eyes as he looked down at their locked hands, watching Tony heal the cuts on his knuckles. Alec's arms tight around him as he clung to him for dear life. Alec. Alec. Alec.

Taking a deep breath, he nodded at Catarina. "Let's do this. Tell Alec..." He hesitated for a moment before he added, "Tell Alec I love him."

"Tell him yourself," Catarina told him resolutely, and with those words, she grabbed Dot's hand on one side and Caspian's on the other. As the other two clasped hands, Tony could feel magic shimmer into being and the circle close around him.

===

Everything inside Alec was screaming how wrong this was. This was not why he'd come back here. He'd come back to _stop_ this from happening.

But Magnus trusted him. Magnus agreed to do this. So he did his best to assure him, the words tumbling over each other on their way out of his mouth.

"It'll be fine... Well, not fine, obviously, because the next three months are gonna suck, but on the plus side, you won't even remember me...

"Alexander," Magnus called a halt to the words cascading out of his mouth. They were sitting in the grass, Magnus cradled between Alec's thighs. "You're rapidly talking me out of this."

"You can, you know. If you've changed your mind, we're not doing this, period. I meant it when I said this has to be voluntary. We'll accept the consequen..." He realised he was babbling again when Magnus gave him a look. "Sorry," he said, lowering his head. It wasn't just nerves talking. He was genuinely terrified.

A soft hand on his cheek made him look up into warm brown eyes. "You're right," Magnus said, before he added, his lips twisting as he jerked a thumb towards his other self. " _He's_ right. It's best we keep to the timeline you're on. If we upset the apple cart too much, who knows what could come falling out."

When Alec couldn't hide his trepidation, Magnus smiled and said, "It's going to be fine, Alexander. You've lived it. You know it will be." With those words he leaned closer and pressed his mouth to Alec's in a gentle but deep kiss.

"This is positively unsettling," Magnus from one week in the future said, shattering the beauty of the moment.

As he pulled away from Alec, Magnus glared at his counterpart who stood a few steps away from them. Both of them turning towards him, future Magnus tilted his head away, innocently examining his flawless nail polish.

With the size of Magnus' ego, Alec expected he'd have been thrilled to meet himself, but no, that wasn't the case. The universe apparently couldn't fit two personalities that big in the same location. They'd been sniping and glaring at each other since they'd met. The circumstances of their meeting probably had a lot to do with that...

A haughty lift to his chin, Magnus ignored himself and turned back to Alec. "You're here with me," he said, his eyes warm and soft again. "You don't know how much that means to me."

Other Magnus once more interrupted the moment by clearing his throat excessively loudly. If Alec didn't know any better he'd almost start suspecting he was actually jealous of all the intimacy between Alec and... Himself?

As if all of this wasn't complicated enough as it was. "I'm not going anywhere," he assured the Magnus he was holding in his arms.

The smile Magnus shot back at him was tight and barely there before it was gone. He was putting up a brave show, but it was obvious he was as unsure about this as Alec was.

"You might have to, Alexander," future Magnus announced, which earned him another narrow-eyed glare from his one week younger version. Was it the Alexander part he was objecting to? "This spell is very powerful. I don't want you caught in the blast."

"Oh, no." Alec shook his head with absolute conviction, his arms closing even tighter around Magnus. "There's no way I'm letting him go through this on his own."

Magnus leaned his head back against Alec's shoulder and sighed. "Alexander..."

"No," Alec said firmly, before either Magnus could offer any kind of rationalisation. "I'm not going, okay?" Just so future Magnus got the message too, he raised a _don't even try to challenge me_ eyebrow at him. "You'll just have to figure something out."

"Fine," future Magnus agreed, admitting defeat on a sigh. As the Magnus in his arms attempted another whispered, "Alexander...," his counterpart's face lit up. He snapped his fingers rapidly in a way that Alec recognised all too well and made him smile with anticipation.

Eyes bright, future Magnus took a few steps closer to them. As Alec expected, he'd just thought up something incredibly clever. It made Alec's heart swell with pride.

"You're right, Alexander. You stay where you are."

Whatever he was planning, younger Magnus hadn't seemed to have caught up yet. He frowned with suspicion at the other Magnus kneeling down in front of them. All Alec could feel was relief he was allowed to stay and offer Magnus his strength...

His mouth opened in a little, "oh," of realisation. Over Magnus' shoulder, future Magnus smiled back at him.

"Yes," he said, in reply to the query in Alec's eyes. "I can use your strength to enhance the spell." His smile wavered, along with his confidence. "With your permission, of course."

"Yeah, yeah," Alec blurted out without hesitation. "Take whatever you need."

Their gazes held at the shared memory. It was so weird. Even though he had Magnus in his arms, he felt drawn towards the other one, wanting to kiss him too. He was just so hot when he was being smart. And after all, they were both Magnus.

"Remind me never to have a threesome with myself," the Magnus in his arms cut through the tension.

The bored irritation in Magnus' voice snapped Alec out of the moment. "Yeah, no," he stammered, clearing his throat self-consciously when he realised he'd already been leaning towards the other Magnus. "Not happening, trust me."

Future Magnus smirked which made the other one roll his eyes. "I'm actually relieved I'm going to lose all memory of this conversation," he stated with a twist of his lips that only made Alec want to kiss him even more.

"And I'm almost relieved I'm going to disappear as soon as this spell is cast."

By the Angel, Alec had forgotten all about that. "Magnus," he whispered, one hand untangling from around the shape in his arms to reach out towards him, but he shook the touch away with a tight smile.

"It's fine, Alexander." The words and tone were practically identical to the ones used by the other Magnus a moment ago. The strange echo made a shiver run down Alec's spine. "The perils of time travel, remember?"

One week younger Magnus' gaze moved between the two of them, a frown between his eyes, clearly puzzled by whatever it was he'd missed.

The other one cast Alec a fleeting smile before he rose to his feet again, reached inside his coat pocket and pulled out a cylindrical vial. The silvery powder inside the tube was clearly magical. It sparkled and shimmered in the dying light of day.

"Dragon eggshell?" the first Magnus asked.

"Among other things," the other Magnus replied, pulling the stopper from the vial.

"There's no need to be so protective over your recipe," the first one said with a snort, "I'm you. I'll figure it out. Besides, I'm about to lose all memory of it anyway."

The other Magnus sighed and found Alec's gaze over his counterpart's shoulder. "How do you put up with me?"

Before Alec could even form a word of defense, Magnus began pouring the dust on the grass, moving around them as a clear pattern started to emerge. It struck Alec how the tube never seemed to empty, no matter how much Magnus used of the stuff.

When he was done, he put the stopper back on the vial - it looked as full of the glittery powder as when he'd started - and put it back in his pocket. Kneeling on the grass in front of them, he sat back on his heels.

"Are you two ready?" he asked.

Doubt came surging back when the Magnus in his arms twisted his head around to graze Alec's cheek with his lips. "I love you, Alexander," he whispered. "Don't forget that. Even if I do."

The words tore at Alec's heart. He was ready to call the whole thing off again, but once he'd said the words, Magnus took a deep breath, met the other one's gaze and said, "Yes," with utter conviction. His voice didn't even shake.

Buoyed by Magnus' resolve, Alec did his best to smile and nodded.

"Okay, then," the other Magnus said. His hand did a wavy thing in the air that made his other self huff out a, "Show off," and reached one hand towards Alec.

"Wait," younger Magnus said before their touches could meet. The alarm in his voice made Alec snatch his hand back immediately. Had he changed his mind? "Isn't this changing things from the last time?" He turned his face to look at Alec. "You weren't here."

The same worry bloomed on the other Magnus' face, as his hand fell back to his side. "That's a good point."

But Alec started laughing, so uncontrollably the other two were looking at him with horrified concern. He'd just put it all together. By the Angel, how hadn't he before? It was so obvious.

"But I was," he explained, once he'd caught his breath. He turned to Magnus in his arms, not even surprised to find him staring at him like he'd lost his mind. "I _was_ here. I know, like I know that the spell will render you unconscious," he told him. "It'll start to rain. And I'm gonna take you to Sophie and Suzanne's."

"Who?" they asked simultaneously.

And he was going to abandon Magnus with Sophie and Suzanne, he realised, his merriment quickly dying with that thought. It had all happened before.

"The perils of time travel?" Future Magnus asked.

"Yeah," Alec confirmed with a sigh.

"So we're good to go?"

"Yeah," he said again.

The thought of leaving Magnus behind was unbearable, but at the same time he knew it was inevitable. For one thing, they couldn't deviate from the previous timeline and for another, what other option did he have? Alec couldn't stay there; he had to return to his own time. Magnus would be safe at Rainbow, they would care for him until his path crossed Alec's again.

"Time travel really can kiss my ass," Alec mumbled in frustration.

Both Magnuses chuckled, the sound even more melodious in stereo, as they gave him identical sympathetic looks.

"That's why I try to avoid it," Magnus said, glaring at his one week older self.

That version held up two fingers. Magnus' face at having his trademark move used against himself would have been hilarious under different circumstances. It was an effective move, though. It even shut himself up.

The lifted hand extended gracefully towards Alec in invitation. After a moment's hesitation, he swallowed hard and reached out. Their hands clasped together, he sucked in a shuddering breath as Magnus' magic coursed through him.

===

Light exploded behind his eyes. It didn't hurt, but it wasn't exactly comfortable either, like something heavy was pressing his brain against his skull.

Words were filtering in, but they seemed to be coming from very far away. Where was he? Whose voice was that? Was everything around him vibrating or were those his own legs crumbling? He'd tried to keep his eyes open, but they'd been forced closed by the bright light. Or was that only in his head?

Oh, wait, he knew that voice. That was Catarina. Was she performing a spell? On him? And was that Dorothea's voice rising in harmony with hers? Why? What was happening?

Slowly, the layer of veils around his mind started to lift, like delicate fingers were reaching into his brain to peel them all back. Little by little the blinding brightness shone into every crook and cranny of his memory, shedding light where once there had been darkness.

Like waking up from a bad dream, Magnus' eyes shot open. "Alexander," he croaked, before his legs gave up under him and he sagged to the cold floor.

===

The last time he shared his strength with Magnus had been to heal someone. Now Magnus was draining his strength to enhance his spell. The pull wasn't quite as forceful this time, but it still made Alec grit his teeth.

As painful as it was for him, it seemed to take even more out of the man in his arms. The hand that wasn't clasped with future Magnus' was pressed tightly in Magnus' chest, offering his strength in a purely emotional rather than magical sense.

His head leaned back against Alec's shoulder, Magnus had his eyes closed, his breaths ragged as the spell raged through his system. Alec knew it would happen, but he still bit back a gasp when Magnus gave up the fight and fell limp against him.

As if the sight of a lifeless Magnus wasn't enough, when he looked up to see why his hand was now clutching thin air, his heart constricted when he realised the other Magnus was gone. Another thing he should have anticipated, in hindsight. The moment one Magnus passed out, the other had ceased to exist. A corner of Alec's mind wondered if that was perhaps why the spell hadn't worked the way it should have.

It hardly mattered now. Not in the least when the heavens chose that moment to open up, as if they too couldn't withstand the power of Magnus' spell. Cradling Magnus in his arms, Alec just sat there, letting the rain soak him to the skin, the way deep sadness was soaking through his bones.

===

 

Eyes opening, his vision slowly narrowed and focused, not on the two sets of worried brown eyes, but the beady set right next to them.

Struggling to sit up, he snapped at Caspian,"What the hell are you doing here?" Why was he lying on the couch? Catarina's couch?

"Magnus?"

He frowned at the hesitant tone in Catarina's voice, the caution in her expression. "Yes, of course it's me. What the hell...?" His words trailed off when he looked down at himself. "What the hell am I wearing?" Jeans? And a T-shirt?

That's when it hit him, even before Catarina's half-relieved, half-exasperated, "Wow, I miss Tony already."

"Oh, shit," he groaned, a hand holding his suddenly painful head. "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit."

"You got that right," Catarina said, her arms folded in front of her.

Dorothea sounded a little less harsh and judgemental, as she leaned over him, a hand on his shoulder and asked, "How much do you remember?"

"Oh fuck," he upgraded his swearing according to how screwed he felt. He shook his head in helpless confusion, his gaze moving from Dot to Catarina. "Everything."

He remembered everything. Including...

Immediately on his feet, he stared at Catarina and Dot in sudden alarm. "Alexander?"

"We haven't heard from him yet." Catarina's expression softened as she smiled encouragingly. "But he must be doing okay. He got us the spell that restored your memory."

"Right, right..." Rubbing his chin, he paced the floor, trying to make sense of the memories tumbling over each other in his head.

Huh, no hair on his chin. That had been a while. Wait, no, it hadn't. This was all very confusing. Why couldn't he make sense of these memories?

Realisation finally sank in. "Fuck," he breathed again, lowering himself down on the couch in bewilderment. "You're right. Alexander is fine. Or he was." He ran a hand down his face, huffing out a breath in utter disbelief at what he was about to say.

"He was there." He felt like he wanted to burst out laughing hysterically, but he pulled himself together. "He was there with me," he explained, as Catarina and Dot gazed at him with equally confused expressions. "He was there three months ago, when my memory got altered."

Catarina's face lit up in understanding. "These are new memories," she said, pointing a finger at him. "Memories you didn't have before. Memories created by Alec's presence in the past."

That explained why he was having so much trouble lining them up. Looking up, his gaze fell on something, a problem with an easier solution than his disorganised brain.

"Are you waiting for the wizard bus?" he asked a still hovering Caspian.

"Thanks for your help, Caspian. You're welcome, Magnus," Caspian replied in a mocking tone, as he summoned a portal and walked through it, but not before flipping Magnus off first.

"I paid you handsomely," he threw at Caspian's back, but the portal had already closed behind him. "I guess that was a bit harsh," he admitted with a shrug.

Catarina snorted. "You've earned it. You've been through a lot." Her face twisted, she admonished, "And most of it of your own making," as she hit him gently upside the head. "I swear, if you ever do that to me again."

He was surprised to find actual tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry?" He turned his most contrite pleading look, first towards Catarina, then Dorothea. It usually worked on Alexander.

Dot was the first to crumble. "We're just happy to have you back." She choked back a sob, as she hurled herself at him, her arms around his neck.

If that wasn't startling enough, a moment later Catarina followed suit, and Magnus found himself with his arms full, not really sure how to react. He knew they loved him. He hadn't really thought about the hole he'd leave behind in their lives.

"Ladies," he said gently, rubbing one hand down each of their backs. "It's flattering how much you've missed me, but there's more urgent business to get to."

The expressions on their faces looked self-conscious and uncomfortable as they disentangled from him. "Yes, absolutely," Dot said, smoothing her dress with one hand, while Catarina cleared her throat and expertly avoided his gaze.

"First things first," he announced, rising from the couch and snapping his fingers.

Ah, yes, that was much better. He immediately felt more like himself dressed in his favourite pants, shirt and waistcoat combination. He'd magicked on a dab of dramatic dark eyeshadow and eyeliner, and did something about that tragic hair while he was at it. Now, he was ready.

"We have to summon Asmodeus," he announced without preamble.

Dot's eyes looked like they were about to pop out of her head. Catarina's reaction was a very firm, "Oh, no, no, no," while she walked away from him, head and finger wagging with objection. "No, we do not. That's how we got in this mess."

"Exactly."

The single word made her pivot towards him, her eyes now curious and intent.

"He's behind all of this, Catarina," he said, hoping she'd see his point. "He's the one who started me doubting myself." Another memory surfaced, one which left even him breathless with surprise. "He's the one..." He needed a moment to collect himself. "He's the one who started my demon transformation."

"Oh, Magnus," Dorothea gasped, her hand on her mouth.

"How do you know?" Apparently Catarina would need more convincing.

"He told me. When he took me to that other plane." He shook his head in wonder. "I don't know why he hates me so much..."

"I don't hate you," a dark voice boomed from behind them. They swiveled around as one to find Asmodeus leaning against the hearth, idling twirling his cane. "You're just a huge disappointment to me, that's all."

Rage burning through every fibre of his being, Magnus didn't even think of the consequences. Fury drove his momentum forward, until he was right in front of his father, his hand around Asmodeus' throat slamming him against the wall.

"Careful, boy," Asmodeus taunted with a smirk. "You're exhibiting that dark rage I couldn't get you to unleash on the world."

"Why?" Magnus gritted out through clenched teeth, breathing heavily through his nose.

Asmodeus shrugged. "I was bored."

The indifferent tone of his voice made Magnus squeeze even harder, but there was a reason Asmodeus looked barely fazed. It wasn't like Magnus didn't know his warlock powers were a poor match for a prince of hell. With just a blink of Asmodeus' eye, Magnus was flung back across the room.

He scrambled to his feet, ready to square off with Asmodeus again, Catarina and Dorothea at his side. His hands lifted, red fire bursting on his fingertips, but all his father did was snort with derision.

"I'll say hi to loverboy for you," he announced, an ugly sneer around his mouth. Tapping the knob of his cane against his temple in farewell, he vanished in a puff of smoke.

Disregarding the theatrics, he turned to Catarina and Dot. They didn't need to hear the words. The looks of devastation on their faces were indication enough they understood Asmodeus' threat.

He said them anyway, just because he had to hear them to make them real. "He's going after Alexander."

And there was nothing he could do about it.

===

Leaving Magnus behind was the single most difficult decision of his entire life, but it had to be done. He ducked his head as he headed back out into the rain, Sophie's startled gasp as he activated his stealth rune still echoing in his ears.

Where to now? This part of the story was unwritten. Or at the very least still a mystery. The loft was out of the question. His other self would be back from Catarina's by now.

With that in mind, he directed his step towards the subway station. Back to Queens, it seemed. He'd failed in his mission to stop Magnus from casting the spell on himself. All he could do now was wait for the fallout.

The thought that brought a glimmer of light in the darkness of his mind was the realisation that Sophie and Suzanne were exactly like Magnus had described them. That knowledge softened the hard decision he'd made somewhat. Magnus would be well taken care of. He knew that.

He still wasn't sure what had possessed him to tell Sophie Magnus' name was Tony. Still clinging to the determination not to deviate from the previous timeline, he assumed. For that same reason, and as Tony had said nothing about runes, Alec had glamoured them before he knocked on their door.

When he arrived back at the Flushing apartment, he unlocked the door with the open rune and switched on the lights. He was struck with how different the place looked. Not only from the way it looked in his present, with Tony living there, but from just this morning.

All traces of Magnus were gone, or at least all the strikingly obvious ones. No sign of warlock paraphernalia or ancient spell books to be seen. Just a lonely apartment that obviously hadn't been lived in for quite some time.

Did that mean...? Fear wrapping around his heart, he hurried towards the bookcase. The deflect rune was still on the spine, he noted with a sigh of relief, but as he took out the book and leafed through the pages, his unrest grew. He couldn't find the warlock sigils and diagrams Magnus had put in there.

It looked like the rune was there because Alec still was. The spell inside the book had vanished, along with Magnus. He could only hope that Tony had gotten the message.

With a sigh, he put the book back and turned to look across the living room. It was then he jumped back with a startled gasp, his back hitting the bookcase.

"Hello, Alexander," Asmodeus said, the emphasis on his name deliberate and sinister. "I said I'd be back."

He was sitting in the easy chair, one leg crossed over the other, his hand on the knob of his ever-present cane. Alec wasn't sure if he'd been there the whole time, hidden from view by the high-backed chair, or if he'd just appeared out of nowhere, like he was known to do.

Pushing away from the bookcase, Alec pulled himself to his full height. "Now that you've had your fun, you can take me back to my own time," he told Asmodeus, his face twisted with resolve.

Magnus needed him. The Angel only knew what other sick games Asmodeus had played with him.

Asmodeus rose from the chair with the same grace he'd passed on to his son. His eyes blazed as they locked with Alec's. "You were supposed to stop this silly thing from happening, pretty boy," he said, his voice surprisingly calm and measured. "Instead you've enabled his cowardice."

"It wasn't cowardice," he shot straight to Magnus' defense. "That was one of the bravest things I've ever seen anyone do." And the most humbling to Alec. To think that Magnus trusted him that much...

Advancing slowly, Asmodeus shook his head, with a tsk tsk. "But you can see my problem, right? How am I going to unleash all that powerful fury inside my boy now?" The smile slid from his face, his expression turning as dark as his voice when he added, "There's only one thing I can do, is there?"

Power of habit more than anything else made Alec reach behind his shoulder for his bow and arrow. A well-aimed arrow might do the trick, the way it did with Azazel. He cursed beneath his breath when he realised his bow wasn't there.

The eyes boring into his were red now with fire. As Asmodeus kept advancing Alec suddenly realised he couldn't move. Asmodeus held him paralysed with his gaze.

"I'll just have to take away the one thing he loves above all else in this world," he stated. "The one thing that holds his infernal fury in check."

It hardly came as a surprise when Alec felt his throat suddenly clench tight, as if an invisible hand was closing around it. Asmodeus wasn't even doing anything, just standing there, his hand on his cane, staring at Alec.

Alec's hand moved to his throat, clawing at the skin, trying to dislodge a non-existent hand. He choked out gurgling noises, gasping for breath.

This was it. This was the end. He'd die here and now. Izzy. Jace. Max. His parents. Madzie. Clary even. All their faces swam to his mind, but his last thought was of Magnus. He'd never get to hold Magnus again, kiss him again. _I love you,_ he thought, but shadows were already hovering at the edges of his vision, closing in on him with alarming speed.

===

"Magnus, you can't," Catarina insisted, trailing his every step as he went from her supplies closet to her bookshelf. "That's very powerful magic. You're still weak. None of us are at our full strength yet."

He'd do it on his own if he had to. He couldn't just sit there and do nothing.

"You don't have Dante's book?" he asked. He couldn't remember the spell from memory, partly because it was a rare spell seldom used, but mostly because his memory was still in complete shambles. "I know you're a healer, Catarina," he admonished, "and your priorities are different, but Dante is a classic."

Turning away from her bookshelf he contemplated portaling all of them over to the loft. He'd have everything he needed there. Then again, that would take energy, energy he needed to preserve for this spell.

Coming to a decision, he spread his hands and muttered a spell under his breath. The book materialised in his hands, open on the page he needed. He set it down on the living room table, and turned to the ingredients he'd assembled there.

With the book open in front of her, Catarina could see what spell he was planning to cast. He might have noticed her eyes growing wide in alarm if he hadn't been so focused on the concoction he was creating, but he did catch her sharp intake of breath.

He didn't care if she disapproved. There was only one thought going through his head in a continuous loop: Alexander needed him. Alexander was going to die if he didn't do something.

"Magnus." Catarina's voice had that _Magnus, you will listen to me, what you're suggesting is madness_ quality to it that he'd come to love and dread across the centuries. "That spell is dangerous. It's only been cast a few times and when it was it only led to disaster." Her hand closed around his arm to pull him around to face her. "You can't do this."

"I have to do _something_!" he practically yelled in her face, swiveling towards her. He could hear the edge of despair in his voice and he didn't care. "Please," he all but pleaded.

Her expression softened when she realised how he was drowning in helplessness. "You don't have an anchor," she pointed out, a last ditch effort to get him to hear reason.

But he did. "The _omamori_." He could see Catarina's resolve start to waver and he was going to make the most of it. "It's imbued with my magic. I can lock onto that."

He knew he had her on board when she sighed. "You're determined to do this, aren't you?" she asked, her voice soft with empathy.

"I'll do it on my own if I have to," he confirmed her suspicion. "I'd rather not, when there's three of us." Damn, he shouldn't have sent Caspian home. There was strength in numbers...

His thoughts ground to a halt when a tiny voice piped up. "Four."

All three of them looked down, all wearing different versions of the same shocked expression. Madzie looked so defiant, her chest sticking out, her nose in the air, as she met their gaze. She was clearly expecting to be turned down by the adults, which she indeed was.

"Oh, no," Catarina immediately told her, her expression set. She was not brooking any argument on this one. "This is way too dangerous, kiddo. You're staying out of this."

"I want to help Alec," she insisted.

Of course she'd picked up on what was going on just from listening to their frantic conversation. She really was too smart for her own good. He didn't even want to contemplate bringing a small child into this, but then again, she was so powerful, probably even more so than he had been at her age.

"It's going to get really scary, sweet pea," he said, trying to put her off.

"Magnus, don't you dare," Catarina warned, her voice pitched low, but he was already kneeling before Madzie.

"You're not scared of the dark, are you?" She shook her head, but he could see the trepidation emerging in her eyes. "Because it'll get very dark in there."

Determination won from fear. Her mouth set in a harsh line, she reiterated, "I want to help Alec!"

"Okay," he said. Standing up, he put his hand on top of her head. "But you do exactly as I tell you, okay?"

Her eyes lit up. "Okay," she agreed, her face beaming with pride at being included.

"Magnus, I swear, if anything...," Catarina started, but he cut her off.

"You really think I would put that little girl in danger?" With a snort, he turned back to the ingredients on the table. "Thanks, Dorothea." He smiled at Dot in gratitude for finishing the mixture. "The only one in danger here is Alec and the longer we argue about it the more likely we'll be too late. So..."

He took a deep breath to collect himself. "Please," he pleaded, looking at each of the ladies in turn. "Please help me do this. I need all of you to pull this off successfully."

===

Darkness enclosed his consciousness, encroaching on it further and further until only a pinpoint of light could still make its way through. It was through this ever tinier growing ray of light he heard it. He heard the voice that always brought joy in times of sorrow, calm during chaos.

"Alexander?"

It was amazing, just the sound of that melodious voice speaking that name and a sense of peace seemed to envelop Alec. He was dying and the voice was probably just in his head, a comfortable illusion provided by a brain in its final death throes. If he had to die, he couldn't think of a better way than with that voice in his head.

"Alexander, if you die on me, I'm going to kick your ass from here to next Tuesday."

Wait, that wasn't very peaceful or soothing. Why would his brain make Magnus sound so frantic, so... So scared?

He reached out carefully with his thoughts. _Magnus?_ This was real?

He could feel Magnus' relief cascading over him. "Oh, there you are," the voice in his head sighed. "Please hang on, my love. It's taking all our strength just to keep the connection going."

_We?_

"Long story," the voice replied, as if in answer to his thoughts. Oh, right, the voice was in his thoughts. Magnus was in his head?

"Not exactly, but sure, let's go with that. Alexander, I need you to do something for me."

_Kinda busy dying here._

"Don't get smart with me."

If Magnus was going for flippant, he'd missed it by a country mile. The concern and borderline panic were vibrating at the edges of Alec's mind. He could feel how much effort Magnus was taking not to let it show, but his fear kept bleeding through into Alec's head. He'd do anything to soothe Magnus' pain.

_What?_

"You've got the _omamori_ with you?"

A feeling of such love swept across him, along with those words. It was astounding. He knew Magnus loved that charm, but to feel just how much, to share it from the inside was a humbling experience. It filled Alec with a sense of wonder. And a determination not to die. He owed it to Magnus not to die.

Despite his dwindling strength, he managed to get his hand into his pocket. As soon as his fingers felt the _omamori_ and the magic radiating off it, his spirits shone bright, Magnus' relief mingling with his.

"That's it, my love. That's all you had to do. Let the magic soak through you. Recall a memory that brings you great joy. We'll take it from there."

A memory that brought him great joy? Several sprang to mind.

"Try not to make it anything sexual." Amusement with a darker tinge of lingering concern accompanied that statement. "I've got ladies here with us."

_Mention that next time!_

He was suddenly bathed in the sunshine of Magnus' laughter. It was exhilarating, unlike anything he'd ever felt before, not anything like the parabatai bond. This was so much more personal, so much more intense. He could get used to having Magnus in his head like this.

Surrounded by Magnus' happiness, it was almost too easy to recall the memory that gave him the greatest joy. Early, lazy mornings in the loft, the scent of freshly brewed coffee filling the air. Magnus still in his PJs, robe untied, unhurriedly moving around the kitchen with that elegant ease of his, cooking breakfast because Alec had proven to be a catastrophe behind the stove. Alec coming behind him, burying his nose in his neck to breathe in that intoxicating fragrance that was so uniquely Magnus. I love you. By the Angel, I love you.

"Alexander..."

A fleeting wave of awe, gratitude and so much love came pouring over him, before Magnus could rein it back in. It was followed by unfaltering determination.

"And we have lift off. Hold on tight, love. We're bringing you home."

Something started pulling at him, but he wasn't worried about the force yanking at his consciousness. He was surrounded by Magnus' presence. He'd never felt safer in his life.

And then he no longer was. He searched around with his mind. Where was Magnus? Where did he go?

===

"Damn, he's slipping."

Magnus' eyes snapped open and stared around at the two ladies opposite him. The three of them were gathered around the sigil drawn at their feet, all their magic concentrated at it. Beside them, Madzie was sitting on the table, her legs dangling from the edge, observing them. He didn't want to bring her in until he absolutely had to.

"Magnus, what's happening?" Dot asked, her voice frantic. "You said you got him."

"I did," he stammered, not really sure himself what had happened. One moment he was right there with Alexander, the connection between them so strong, the next he couldn't feel him anymore.

Panic closed around his heart. Had they lost their grip on Alec? Was he lost? He'd never forgive himself if he'd attempted a spell, a very dangerous, volatile spell, and it left Alec trapped in limbo forever.

His gaze shot towards Catarina. Her eyes tightly closed, her magic was straining at theirs. "You've still got a hold on him?"

Catarina's nod was tight, her face pulled in a painful grimace. "Yes, but barely. You have to do something, Magnus, and do it now."

He couldn't postpone it any longer. Trying to hold the panic at bay, he hoped he didn't look too worried as he turned to Madzie.

"Hey, sweet pea," he said, relieved to find his voice was steady. "Remember what I told you about helping me find Alec? Can you do that? Can you reach out with your mind and try to call out to him? I'll help you find him."

Her dark eyes were big and full of apprehension, but she looked so determined and fearless. He'd never been more proud of her. With a resolute nod, she held out her small hand.

"You're the bravest little girl I know," he said, as he took her hand in his, his voice shaking with pride.

"Be careful, kiddo," Catarina warned through clenched teeth, all her magic still trained towards the tenuous hold she had on Alec.

The moment their hands touched, he could feel Madzie's magic connect with his. It wasn't the first time, but it still took his breath away. So much raw power in such a little girl. She would be an extraordinary warlock some day.

Her voice joining his, her magic reaching out along with his, it took only a matter of seconds before the connection was re-established. With Madzie there, it wasn't as intimate as before, but Magnus didn't care. He'd take anything he could get. His entire being shook with relief as he was once again wrapped in the warmth of Alexander's consciousness.

"Where did you go?" Alec thought at him. Magnus had to concentrate hard to understand him, Alec's thoughts and emotions so scattered and confused. He had to calm down or the spell would never work.

 _Shhh,_ he assured him, _don't worry about it. Just go back to that happy memory. Lazy mornings. Fresh coffee. Pancakes sizzling in the pan._

Slowly, Alec's spirit startled to settle. "You," he sighed.

 _Yes._ He could feel Alec sink into a warm contentment, just the way he needed him to. _You and me. Together and in love._

"Mmmn, you smell so good."

Now was the perfect time, with Alexander so happy and relaxed. This time it had to work. They wouldn't get a third chance.

The force of the spell sent them flying backwards. Magnus hit his head hard when it connected with the floor, but he barely felt it. Desperate to know if the spell had worked, he ignored the pain and immediately moved to a sitting position, cautiously looking towards the spot that held the sigil.

His heart stammered out of his throat at the sight before him. A shape, a very familiar, loved, tall shape was lying on top of the sigil, but it was crumbled up, folded in on itself.

No, no, no, it echoed through Magnus' head as he crawled on all fours towards the mass of limbs. Around him, the others started to move, groans of pain coming from all directions, but his focus was on one thing. _Please be alive,_ his brain kept repeating, _please, please be alive_.

He barely dared to breathe as he put two fingers against the deflect rune, all his fears and worries escaping in a gasp of relief when he felt the steady beat beneath his touch. There were actual tears in his eyes, he realised, when he moved Alec's arm out of the way and could finally look upon that beautiful face.

God, but it was a sight for sore eyes, even with his face slack and his eyes closed. He was alive. Whatever happened next they could face together because he was alive. Alexander was alive.

He gently brushed a lock of hair from his forehead. "Alexander? Alexander, can you hear me?"

His heart took another leap when a soft groan came from Alec, seconds before his eyelids fluttered open. He wanted to cry with happiness when he finally looked into those gorgeous hazel eyes again. He realised he was.

"Magnus?" he croaked, his long limbs slowly unfurling from the fœtal position they'd been curled in. He still seemed unaware of his surroundings when he added, his voice hoarse, "I thought you'd gone. I couldn't feel you anymore..."

"I'm sorry, love," he choked out through the tears. He couldn't believe he was actually there. Alexander was actually there, alive and in front of him, and only a little worse for wear. It was a small miracle. "We lost connection for a moment."

"It's okay, I knew you'd come back for me." As he spoke, he struggled to sit up, Magnus immediately reaching out to support him. "Magnus, I knew..." He stopped abruptly, his large eyes even more impossibly big as he stared at Magnus. What? What had he seen?

"Magnus?" His voice sounded strangled with emotion.

 _What?_ Magnus wanted to yell, as Alec looked around, his breath stuttering out of him when he saw where he was, saw Catarina and Dot watching him fondly. An actual sob came out of Alec's throat when his gaze fell on Madzie. It was as Alec turned back to him, his eyes so full of wonder that Magnus finally understood what Alec had just realised.

"Magnus?" he asked again, his voice soft with awe. He reached up, his huge hands cupping Magnus' face entirely. "It's you?"

They were both crying now, neither of them caring about their audience, it seemed. "Yes," he whispered back, the warmth of Alexander's touch seeping into every corner of his being.

"You got our message?"

He couldn't even get the words out. He nodded, the tears falling faster than Alec's thumbs could brush away.

"You got our message," Alec said, relief bursting out of every word.

They gazed at each other a moment longer before they came together as one in the sweetest kiss Magnus had ever experienced, filled with so much longing he thought his heart might burst. With the salt of their tears on his lips, he couldn't remember ever feeling this light before in his life.

He couldn't even be annoyed when their kiss was interrupted by Madzie who threw her arms around both their necks. "I did it!" she exclaimed happily. "I finded Alec!"

He and Alec broke apart laughing. "Yes, sweet pea, you did," Magnus said, sniffling as he brushed the back of his index finger across her nose. "Aren't you a clever girl."

She beamed in delight, but then she squealed when Alec picked her up and twirled her around. Magnus watched them, his heart filled to the brim with love.

===

The best part, and the worst, was that second every morning before he opened his eyes. The best because he'd open them to gaze upon the most stunning sight in the world, Magnus right there on the pillow beside him. The worst because every morning he was convinced this would be the day he found out that, despite the snuffling breaths he could hear, the scent of Magnus surrounding him, it was all in his head and this was all a dream, a beautiful, heartbreaking dream and Magnus was still gone.

He took a deep breath and took the plunge. He wanted to cry.

"Hey," Magnus said softly, his head turned towards him on the pillow, his dark eyes warm with love. "Good morning."

For a moment he couldn't breathe. It had been three days. He should be used to it by now. But after three months of waking up to an empty bed, his chest a hollow cavern, his eyes almost couldn't handle this much beauty first thing in the morning.

"Good morning," he choked out.

He had to. He couldn't not. Moving closer, he pressed his lips to Magnus' in a tender morning kiss. As Magnus' thumb stroked behind Alec's ear, Alec sighed into the kiss. His own fingers tangled in Magnus' hair as the kiss deepened.

He could do this all day, get lost in this soft sweetness. It had been three days now and he still couldn't get his fill. He never would. Which was probably why they'd barely made it out of this bed for the last three days. Not because they couldn't stop having sex, no, that wasn't even that high on their list of priorities. They just wanted to hold each other and be close. And of course catch up on some much needed sleep.

Three days where they hadn't heard or seen a trace of Asmodeus. They'd both decided to take this as a good sign. Until they were proven wrong, they'd take each day as it came. And this one was off to a fantastic start.

Pulling back from their kiss, Alec lay there and just watched Magnus, his hand sliding down his muscular arm. He looked so amazing, gazing back at Alec with that warm soft smile that always did funny things to his insides. The goatee was growing in again. Every day he looked more and more like the Magnus he'd spent three months missing like a hole in his chest.

He didn't just look like his Magnus again. He _was_ his Magnus, complete with an intact memory, a fact that still took Alec's breath away. Like it did now, when Magnus said, his voice low and intimate,

"Remember when you said we always found our way back to each other?"

Alec sucked in a shaky breath at the reminder. Not just because of how painful that memory was, but also because Magnus had remembered at all.

"Yeah," was all he managed in reply. Magnus' thumb was still stroking behind his ear, stealing Alec's ability to think.

"You were right," Magnus said, his smile faltering. "I did everything I could think of to exorcise you from my life and I still ended up falling in love with you all over again."

Alec could barely breathe through Magnus' words. Struggling to put on a smile, he said, "I'm always right."

Magnus' smile was the softest thing Alec had ever seen. "I know," he sighed. "No more tampering with fate. We're just meant to be together."

There was no way Alec couldn't kiss him after that. The slide of their lips together, tongues lazily stroking each other, Alec's hand sliding down that broad back to pull Magnus closer... It felt so good, so familiar. This was... It was home, Alec realised.

Sighing in bliss, his hand dipped lower, until it cupped a perfect butt cheek in its palm. Magnus let out a noise of approval when he squeezed gently. Not so much when Alec broke their kiss and glared at him sternly.

"But I still want to kick this cute ass for what you did."

An anguished groan came from Magnus, as he buried his face against Alec's neck. Worry gripped Alec at the sound of Magnus' heavy breathing against his skin.

Had he taken it too far? He was just kidding. Surely Magnus knew he'd already been forgiven. He realised the grip on Magnus' butt had subconsciously turned into a caress, as if in silent apology.

His concern lasted just until Magnus lifted his head and looked up at him with big, brown, flirty eyes. "Can't you take it out on my ass in some other way?"

Alec gaped. "Oh," he breathed in mock outrage, "oh, is that how you wanna play it?" As he spoke, he'd already rolled Magnus onto his back, both of them laughing.

With Alec's weight pressing down on Magnus, laughter soon died on both their lips. A moment of silent communication between them was all it took. Magnus' hand at the back of Alec's neck, he pulled him into a searing kiss.

"Alexander," Magnus breathed, between one hungry, desperate kiss and the next, "I really am so..."

Alec silenced him with his lips. "Shh," he said, "it's all in the past," echoing Magnus' words back at him. He rose slightly to give Magnus a wicked grin. "I should know. I've been there."

Magnus rewarded him with a gentle slap on his ass.


	7. Epilogue: Who I Am

"Stop it."

Alec's gentle reprimand snapped him out of the spiral his thoughts had taken. What had he been doing? What did Alexander want him to stop? Alec tilted his head towards Magnus' hands. Oh, he was twirling his rings around his fingers, apparently.

"Magnus, it's gonna be fine," Alec assured him with a warm smile, just before he took Magnus' hand in his. Well, at least this way he couldn't fiddle nervously with his rings. "Just ring the doorbell."

He was right, of course. It would be fine. And if anyone should be scared, it would be Alec, after what he'd done.

Taking a deep breath, he rang the bell and quickly summoned a bouquet of flowers. It would be fine. Alexander was here, squeezing his hand in silent support. It would be...

Fuck, the door was opening. There they were. They were...

Magnus gasped. They were... Exactly the same.

Dressed in jeans and a comfy sweater, just the way he knew her, Sophie beamed as she opened the door, her bright smile faltering just slightly when she saw Magnus. Yes, he should have known she'd react that way. He did look quite different, after all.

As her gaze moved to Alec, her mouth literally fell open. "Shit," she swore, "it really is you."

"Hot guy with hazel eyes," Suzanne breathed, appearing next to her wife.

It was Magnus' turn to squeeze Alec's hand in support, as Alec ducked his head, clearly uncomfortable under their scrutiny. Magnus suspected it was as much to do with being called hot as what he'd done the last time they'd seen him.

"Sophie, Suzanne," he said, "I believe you've met Alexander."

"Yeah, he made quite an impression." Sophie's gaze took Alec in from head to toe. Magnus was relieved to hear the note of amusement in her voice, despite the seemingly harsh look in her eyes.

Not quite as aware of Sophie's sense of humor, Alexander started to flounder. "About that. That was the worst moment of my life, believe me. I never wanted to leave him..."

Sophie's eyes widened, but Magnus called the torrent of words to a halt with a simple, "It's a long story."

"And one we probably shouldn't be having on the doorstep," Suzanne chuckled awkwardly.

"Right." As Sophie stood aside to let them in, Magnus handed over his bouquet. "Oh, that's sweet," she said, taking the flowers from him with a broad smile. "You shouldn't have, Tony... I mean..." She shook her head in confusion. "Magnus?"

He nodded.

"That's gonna take some getting used to," Suzanne muttered.

Sophie frowned up at Alec. "Then why did you tell me his name was Tony?"

Alec froze with his arm halfway out of his jacket. "Uh..." He cast a quick helpless look towards Magnus before he smiled at Sophie. "Long story?"

Her nose wrinkled, Sophie nodded. "Of course," she said, taking their jackets.

Being led into the living room was certainly a strange experience. The memories he had of this room belonged to a different person. And yet, he remembered everything about that other life. Even the fake memories that had been planted he'd retained.

"Hey," Alec whispered, when he noticed he was spacing out. "You okay?"

He nodded back, giving Alec his best convincing smile. As always, he saw right through it. There was no point in pretending. "It's just a little weird," Magnus admitted.

Alec's eyebrow flew up. "Yeah, you're telling me."

It was then Magnus noticed Alec's attention was on the couch they were standing in front of, the same one he'd left him behind on. But where it had happened three months ago for Magnus and the inhabitants of this house, the events were only a few weeks old for Alec.

Reaching out, he grabbed Alec's hand and squeezed it gently. It was in that moment Sophie came back into the room, carrying a tray with four glasses.

"Martinis still your poison, Tony?" she asked, before she sputtered out an apology. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I keep forgetting." She added with great emphasis, "Magnus."

"It's fine," he assured, "and the answer is yes."

When they were sitting down a while later, martinis in hand, he and Alec side by side on the couch in question with Sophie and Suzanne opposite them, it struck Magnus that the house was a lot less tumultuous than he was used to, and the reason why.

"Where are the kids?" Surely they hadn't emptied the house for him?

"They're in my study," Sophie said. "I told them they could see you, maybe, if they behaved."

"And?" He knew there had to be more to that promise. As interesting as he found himself, he doubted he held the same kind of fascination to a child. Or at least not enough to warrant their best behaviour. Especially not as regular schmoe Tony Barnes.

Sophie grinned. "Okay, fine, and an extra hour of TV every day for a week."

That made more sense. Smiling, Magnus put down his glass on the coffee table. "Before I see them, I want to talk to you two."

"Yeah, that's what we figured," Suzanne said, a pensive expression on her face. "We don't hear from you for days and when we finally do, it's to tell us your real name is Magnus Bane and you're back with the guy who dumped you here?" She winced at her choice of words. "No offense," she told Alec, though her voice hadn't softened at all.

"None taken," Alec replied. "You've got every right to feel that way." A note of defensiveness crept into his voice when he added, "But believe me when I say that was the hardest decision of my life." He turned to Magnus, his eyes shining with warmth. "I love Magnus. More than I can say."

"Kid," Sophie's voice cut through the lovely moment between them, "that was one of the few things about that night that actually did make sense. Your love for... Magnus..." She smiled at him for getting his name right. "... was never in doubt."

"But you must have a million questions about the things that didn't," Magnus said. "Make sense, that is."

"You were in some kind of trouble, weren't you?" Suzanne asked.

Sophie's laugh was bright. "Suze's got a whole theory. You were on the run from some secret government agency and that's why you had to leave Magnus here with us. Hence the reason for the false name."

She wasn't that far from the truth, if the secret society she was thinking of was really a prince of hell.

"It's true that it's all very hush hush," Magnus confirmed. "I wish I could say more than I can."

Suzanne sighed. "We're never gonna know what really happened that night, are we?"

"I'm sorry." Magnus grew slightly concerned when in reply to his words, Sophie put down her glass and leaned towards him, even more so when she reached out to take his hands in both of hers.

"But are you happy?" she asked in an insistent voice. "That's all we wanna know." He didn't miss how she threw a surreptitious look towards Alec.

The fact that she was concerned about him filled him with such warmth, he couldn't help smiling at her. "Very," he assured.

"Well, then..." Smiling back at him, she squeezed his hand. "That's all that matters."

Picking up her glass she lifted it towards Magnus. He did the same; after clinking them together, they both took a generous drink.

"There's something else I wanted to talk to you about," he said, lowering his glass. "If it's okay with you ladies, I'd love to continue my work with the dance group."

That seemed to take them by surprise. It had him. He hadn't expected to miss it, miss his kids, as much as he did. His schedule was pretty full with his warlock duties, but he'd make time, magically if he had to.

"Yeah, sure," Sophie stammered after a moment's confusion. "Of course you can. You know the kids are gonna love seeing you." She chuckled. "You do realise Eric's gonna give you a ton of shit when he sees you like..." She waved her palm to indicate all of him.

Magnus smirked. "I'm ready for Eric." Bringing Alexander along, flaunting him in Eric's face should do nicely in shutting up his smart mouth.

He grew more serious at the prospect of his next words. "Finally," he said, leaning forward to put his drink on the coffee table, "there's one more thing."

He reached two fingers inside his waistcoat pocket, but then hesitated. The last thing he wanted to do was upset or offend these two wonderful women. They had to understand he only had the best intentions.

"What you've done for me these last three months...," he started, his voice soft with sudden emotion. "There's no way I can repay that."

Suzanne and Sophie started talking at the same time.

"No, don't..."

"It's really no big deal..."

He stopped them with two raised fingers. "It really is. That's why I want to show my appreciation." He slid the small piece of paper he'd dug from his waistcoat pocket across the coffee table.

The gasps came from both of them. It was, after all, hard not to recognise the piece of paper he'd just slid at them as a check.

"It's made out to Rainbow House," he added, before they could even think about objecting again. "It's just my contribution to your cause, just like any other sponsor."

That seemed to do the trick. "You really didn't have to, Magnus," Sophie started, "but it's true we can use every bit..."

Her words were drowned out by a loud, "Holy shit!" from her wife who'd picked up the check and was staring at it. "Soooph, am I seeing things?" she asked, her voice shaking as she shoved the check under Sophie's nose.

Sophie's eyes grew large, while Magnus started fidgeting with his rings. It was too much. He knew it. They'd think he was a freak.

Alexander's long fingers curled around his, stopping the nervous habit. Magnus smiled up at him gratefully. When he looked back, he found two ladies staring at him, Suzanne with her mouth wide open.

"Who the hell are you?" Sophie breathed, before she quickly recovered and added, "Sorry, that came out all wrong. I mean... We are..." She started giggling through her next words. "I don't even know how to process this. There are so many things I could do with this money." She shook her head, as she seemed to sober. "But I can't accept this. Magnus, this is too much."

"Yes, you can." He wasn't going to allow no for an answer. "You took in a stranger who was dropped on you out of nowhere." They all three turned to mock glare at Alec, who suddenly found something very interesting about the ceiling. "You could have turned me in to the authorities," Magnus proceeded, but not before he'd squeezed Alexander's hand affectionately. Alec turned back to him with a smile, as Magnus added, "as maybe you should have. Nobody would have blamed you if you had."

He took a deep breath. Suddenly he found it impossible to continue without getting choked up. Alec clutched his hand tighter in support.

"But you didn't," he said, his voice shaky with emotion. "You took me in, made me part of the family." He waved at the check in Suzanne's hand. "That's not even close to repaying what you've done for me."

Both Sophie and Suzanne were having trouble holding back their tears, he noticed. They all seemed to stop trying at the same time, as Sophie rose from the couch and bent down to hug him.

"You'll always have a family with us, don't ever forget that. Whatever your name is. You'll always be welcome here."

She let go of him to make room for her wife. As Suzanne wrapped her arms around him and whispered, "Thank you. This money will help so many children," he heard Sophie tell Alec in a teasing voice, "You better be good to him or we're coming after you."

"Yes, m'am," Alec assured her solemnly.

His heart full, Magnus grinned up at him. For the first time, in maybe four hundred years, he felt like he had a real home, a real family, with Alexander and Madzie, and Sophie, Suzanne and the kids.

\---

When hours later they walked home, Alec could feel Magnus practically vibrating beside him. He understood why. Seeing him with Suzanne and Sophie, sharing a meal at that giant dinner table, the laughter and teasing of the kids, Alec understood what was bubbling beneath Magnus' skin. There was only one release for that kind of energy; Alec found himself trembling with anticipation.

Sure enough, the loft's front door had barely closed behind them when Magnus twirled towards him, his cat eyes blazing. Alec had just enough time to shrug out of his jacket. It fell uselessly to the floor, the door banging loudly as Alec's back hit it.

He didn't care. He stopped caring about what the neighbours thought a long time ago. Even more so when Magnus pressed up against him, his mouth attached to the deflect rune and the noise that was torn out of Alec was even louder than the door. That spot was so sensitive. His fingers tangled in Magnus' hair to pull him even closer, the scrape of Magnus' beard against the rune exquisite pleasure.

Despite the urgency, Magnus didn't seem to be in any hurry to move from his spot. His mouth lingered, lavishing attention to the rune with nips and licks until Alec's head slammed back hard against the door. Neither the loud bang or the pain registered.

All of Magnus' weight was pinning him to the door, but even that hard body against his wasn't enough. One of his hands moved to clutch at the back of Magnus' pants, pulling his pelvis against his, drawing a moan out of both of them. Their lips hadn't even touched yet and they were both hard.

"Magnus," he sighed with need.

His plea worked. Magnus lifted from Alec's neck; the sensitised, wet skin tingled wonderfully as it came into contact with the cool air. Whereas Alec thought he'd lean up for a kiss now - he dipped his head to meet him halfway, needing Magnus' lips on his now now now - Magnus just leaned far enough to quickly discard his jacket and waistcoat. He cast them aside with a disregard for his wardrobe he only reserved for moments like these.

Magnus' gaze darted up just long enough to flash a wicked grin, causing Alec's stomach to flutter with anticipation. His natural grace on full display, Magnus pushed Alec's shirt up and dipped down to suck a kiss onto his belly. Soft, nimble hands on either side of his torso, he rucked Alec's shirt up as the path of his mouth moved north, brushing lips across skin along the way, lingering on runes, reducing Alec to a panting mess of sensation.

So that was what Magnus was in the mood for tonight: a worship of Alec's body. The last person to object, Alec lifted his arms helpfully. With the shirt pulled over his head and tossed aside, then and only then did Magnus lean up to kiss him.

Driven to distraction by that point, Alec let out a needy moan as they came together in deep, hungry kisses and Alec's hands immediately returned to Magnus' ass to pull him against him, one hand pulling his shirt loose and sneaking underneath across that broad hard back.

If he'd thought the wonderful sensation of their hard cocks against each other would inspire Magnus to get on with it, Alec clearly didn't know him very well. When Magnus pulled away, Alec let out a moan of disappointment, and craned his neck to chase the retreating lips. Damn, he needed more.

"Magnus," he moaned, using his hand on Magnus' butt to increase the friction against his cock. The hiss Magnus let out was very satisfying; the provocative smile he threw at Alec less so.

"Patience, my sweet," he said, in that silky soft voice that promised Alec he'd be out of his mind by the time this was all over. He couldn't really be upset about it, not with Magnus popping the button of Alec's pants as he said the words. Sliding down the zipper, he pulled Alec's pants and underwear down at the same time, smoothly sinking to his knees.

Alec's head hit the door a third time, but he probably didn't have to worry about the neighbours hearing it, not over the loud, "Fuck," that burst out of him as his cock was engulfed in the talented warmth of Magnus' mouth. He might have four hundred years of experience, but he was really too good at that. Lips soft around his cock, tongue pressed against the length of it, fingers teasing at Alec's balls... His head kept thumping against the door, in rhythm with his hips arching into that mouth.

"Fuck, so good," he panted, and licked the sweat off his upper lip. It felt so good. Too good. "Please, Magnus, don't make me come." But Magnus didn't stop. Hadn't he heard Alec? It felt so good, he didn't feel like repeating himself.

His mouth hanging open, his nails digging in the wood behind him, Alec tried to catch his breath and accepted his fate. He was there, he was gonna come...

He gasped in shock when coolness hit his cock and he suddenly found himself humping thin air. Looking down, he saw Magnus sitting back on his heels, watching him with a wicked smile.

"Had no intention to do so," he said, and licked his lips, cat eyes flashing as they met his.

"Fuck", Alec said again, as Magnus rose to his feet with that inimitable grace of his. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," he swore again, quickly kicking off his shoes and socks, followed by the pants and underwear still around his ankles.

He knew that gleam in Magnus' cat eyes. Magnus knew exactly how far he could bring Alec without letting him come. And he'd do it again and again.

Alec's pants kicked aside, Magnus was back in his space. Pinning him against the door again, he leaned up to press his mouth to Alec's in a searing kiss. It should have made him self-conscious to be completely naked when Magnus was still fully dressed; once upon a time it might have. All it was to Alec now was unbearably hot.

His response when Magnus pulled at his thigh was immediate; he gave a little hop until, with Magnus' hand grasping his thigh, he was pushed against the door, his legs wrapped around Magnus' waist, his weight held up by Magnus' strength.

Oh, yeah, there was no way the neighbours could fail to guess what they were up to. And that thought shouldn't have made any of this even hotter.

His cock trapped against the soft fabric of Magnus' shirt, he couldn't help rutting against it, the sensation against his erection so good. Magnus could fuck him like this. He had before. He was definitely strong enough.

While Magnus' mouth attached to the parts of skin he could reach, Alec's hand stroked along the biceps straining at Magnus' shirt. His arms were huge; Alec couldn't get enough of the feel of those muscles rippling beneath his touch. He let his hands roam, adoring how the soft fabric and hard muscle beneath felt against his palms.

"You're way too overdressed," he breathed, popping the button at Magnus' collar, sliding his hands underneath the silk fabric and across smooth skin.

The first sign Magnus was as far gone as he was came in the shape of breathy sighs against Alec's skin. Popping more buttons, he slid the shirt all the way off his shoulders. By the Angel, they were so broad...

Alec's thoughts ground to a halt when Magnus' tongue flicked across his nipple, his breath shuddering out of him. He wouldn't last... If Magnus kept this up...

He bent his head until his lips were at Magnus' ear. "Fuck me," he gasped, before he took the ear between his teeth and gave it a sharp tug.

Okay, that got the message across. Alec grinned in victory as Magnus shoved him higher with his hands under Alec's ass. His arms wrapped around Magnus' neck, he held on tight.

The strength it took to carry Alec to the bedroom, the strain it put on the muscles bulging beneath Alec's touch, it was all even more of a turn on. Even so, Magnus was breathing heavily with the effort when Alec bounced across the mattress of their big bed. With his legs still wrapped around Magnus, he came tumbling after, both of them laughing.

Magnus' face, so beautiful, bright and happy above him, brought words bubbling up inside Alec. _Angel above, I love you._ As soon as he thought it, his head filled with light and joy, the feeling reflected in Magnus' cat eyes. The intensity of it took Alec's breath away. _What the..._

He needed... Fuck, he needed.

One hand behind Magnus' neck, he pulled his lips back onto his, where they belonged. He sighed into the kiss, moving on to the next most urgent task, getting that shirt off him. Some maneuvering later, he could finally toss it to the floor and let his hands luxuriate in those thick arms bulging as they supported Magnus' weight over him. Fuck, did he love those arms...

There were still too many clothes on him, though.

Magnus let out a startled laugh when he was rolled over and found himself with Alec on top of him, grinning wickedly. "Two can play at that game," Alec said, his voice thick with promise. And if anyone had a body made for worshiping, it was Magnus. "It's a good thing I've got a stamina rune," he reflected dreamily.

Truer words had never been spoken. Any other person wouldn't have lasted, straddling Magnus, ringed hands stroking across their thighs as they watched his chest rise and fall with shallow breaths, his cat pupils round and black in their golden irises, perspiration gathering across all that smooth skin. They'd come at the mere sight.

Dipping his head, Alec licked and nibbled his way down Magnus' chest, taking in every moan and sigh, every gasped, "Alexander," his head filling ever more with that lightness he couldn't explain but it felt amazing. Sliding from the bed, he took off Magnus' boots and socks.

"Alexander, please," he sighed, as Alec opened his pants and slid them, along with his underwear, off his legs.

Standing back, Alec drank in his fill. Yeah, definitely hoorah for the stamina rune. Magnus in all his naked glory was too much for anyone's senses.

With a growl of need, Alec crawled back onto the bed, and more importantly, the feast spread across the golden satin sheets. Magnus' cock was hard and beautiful, and it was making Alec salivate.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, leaning over Magnus to kiss him fleetingly. Magnus' moan of protest at the briefness, his head coming off the pillow to chase Alec's lips might have convinced him to linger a little longer, if he hadn't been so intent on his next move. Soon Magnus' moans were of pleasure, as Alec's mouth traced a path down his chest, until he'd reached his prize.

Magnus' hips came off the bed at the first touch of Alec's lips and tongue. The sounds he made were music to Alec's ears. By the Angel, he loved this part, knowing he could give Magnus such pleasure. He sucked his balls, licked up his cock, took him all the way down his mouth, Magnus' moans and curses adding to his own arousal. The pull of Magnus' fingers in his hair, the weight of his cock against Alec's tongue, it was all so fucking hot. Alec rubbed his cock against the satin sheets, needing the friction.

"Alexan..." Gasping for breath, he arched into Alec's mouth. The fingers in his hair had started pulling insistently. "Unlike you," he panted out, "I don't have a stamina rune. If you want me to... Oh, god."

He let Magnus' cock slide out of his mouth with a satisfied grin. Leaning over him, he wiped the back of his hand across his lips, grinning even wider when Magnus moaned in response to the sight.

"Don't be silly," he breathed close to Magnus' lips, "you don't need a sta..."

The rest of the words were swallowed in a bruising kiss, Magnus surging up to capture Alec's lips. Magnus' hands twisted in his hair as his tongue explored Alec's mouth.

Stamina rune or not, he needed Magnus inside him now. He gave into the temptation to slide their cocks together just once, but as he'd expected, it was too much already. They moaned into the kiss, one of Magnus' hands letting go of Alec's hair to dig nails in Alec's ass. He hissed at the sharp sensation, pulling away from the kiss, just as Magnus rolled them over.

Alec immediately let his thighs fall open, so fucking ready for it. He wasn't the only impatient one; almost at once Magnus had lubricated his fingers with one click and was working them inside Alec.

"Fuck, yes," he sighed in utter bliss. The intrusion felt so good, Magnus' deft fingers so clever, so sure of what they were after. "Magnus, right there..." The rest of what was left of his breath was snatched by the mouth on his. He arched up, desperate for more of those clever fingers, sucking on the tongue in his mouth. It was so much... Magnus better not think about...

His head snapped back against the pillow. He gasped for much needed breath as the tendrils of Magnus' magic seeped into his skin, hitting every pleasure centre on their way.

"Fuck, Magnus, do it already," he panted once he'd caught his breath. "I'm gonna..."

"No, you're not," Magnus cut him off, in a tone that left no doubt about it and Alec knew that no, he wasn't going to come. As always, Magnus knew just how far he could take him. Once again, he'd brought him right to the brink, but refused to let him fall over. Trembling with need, it would have been torture if it didn't feel so fucking amazing.

Alec could have sobbed with relief when Magnus' fingers withdrew and he felt his cock push inside. _Yes, yes,_ screamed inside his head. Possibly, out loud as well. The stretch of Magnus' cock inside him was so good, just on that edge of too much and just fucking perfect. As Magnus pushed all the way inside, Alec wrapped his legs around him, pulling him even deeper, moans of pleasure drawn from them both.

With Magnus leaning over him, Alec's hand caressed all along the hard biceps, bulging under the strain. Magnus' necklaces trailing across his chest was nothing new and so familiar by now, but as always it filled him with that sense of sensuality that took him back to the first time they'd made love. The necklaces never felt cold, always warmed by the heat of Magnus' skin, but the sensation had been so new back then and such a thrill. It made Alec shiver thinking back on it.

As Magnus dipped his head to capture Alec's mouth in a deep kiss, he felt it again. There was laughter in his head, a deep sense of joy and happiness, and that was what finally tipped Alec off to what was going on. The last time he'd felt this presence in his head was when Magnus performed the retrieval spell on him. The joy he was feeling was... Magnus'?

"Magnus," he breathed, his voice filled with wonder and elation, "I can feel you."

Magnus lifted his head just far enough to raise an amused eyebrow. "I should bloody well hope so," he teased, his hips moving in the smallest thrust to emphasise his point.

"No," Alec gasped. If he wasn't having so much trouble stringing a thought together, he might have narrowed his eyes in irritation. "Here," he said, tapping his temple. Was he imagining it? Would Magnus call him crazy?

A look of such utter love settled across Magnus' face, it took Alec's breath away. Never in his wildest dreams had he ever believed he'd be allowed to have this, have a man want him, look at him with so much love in his eyes. And here he was, getting it from the most beautiful man in the world. Because in that moment, sweat drops glistening between his eyes, his face betraying how much effort it was taking to hold it together, Magnus most certainly was.

There was also a sliver of trepidation in his expression, and Alec couldn't fathom why it was there, until Magnus explained. "A side effect of the retrieval spell. I've been hearing you on and off for the last week or so." A muscle twitched in his cheek. Was he afraid of Alec's reaction? "Not your thoughts," he quickly added. "Just your emotions. And only if you're emotionally open."

"Magnus," he breathed in awe. The laughter in his head was subdued now, probably because of the uncertainty Magnus felt about his reaction, but it was still there. "Magnus," he said again, cupping Magnus' cheek. His eyes closing briefly, Magnus leaned into the touch. "This is incredible. Do you hear me now?"

Magnus' face lit up and with it the intense light of joy buzzing inside Alec's head. "Babe, you're singing in my head right now."

"I don't sing," was Alec's immediate denial.

Magnus giggled. "And you don't snore, either." Alec tried to glare at him, but it wasn't very heartfelt. His lips against Alec's, Magnus whispered, "You're singing."

As he said it, those sinful hips of his withdrew and moments later, pushed back in, letting Alec get used to the feeling. Alec took a shuddering breath, fingers tangling in Magnus' hair to draw his mouth back onto his. The light inside his head was blinding now, but in a way that intensified every nerve in his body. To know how this felt for Magnus, to be emotionally and physically connected... It was breathtaking.

At Magnus' next thrust, he had to stop kissing him, the need to suck in breath too strong. It was good, so good, but it could be better still...

Maybe it was the emotional bond they now shared, but they seemed to move as one. Alec drew his legs a little higher still, just as Magnus pulled at his thigh and the angle he hit in that precise moment rocked through Alec's body like lightning. He had to gasp for breath, his legs trembling where they were wrapped around Magnus.

"Am I still singing?" he asked in a shaky voice.

Magnus' reply was a gasp. "Opera."

Now he was just fucking with Alec... Well, more than just literally. Alec couldn't be upset. There was no doubt Magnus felt it too. His eyes were wide as they locked with Alec's, his breathing harsh and laboured and the light inside Alec's head... That was a ball of fiery explosions.

Magnus leaned down, but anything other than a quick touch of lips really was out of the question right now. He thrust again and again, setting a rhythm that made the explosions inside Alec's head go off ever brighter, and his body hum with life. Magnus' pace picked up, his thrusts just erratic enough they took Alec by surprise again and again. Out of his mind with pleasure, he scraped his nails down Magnus' broad back, his mouth hanging open inelegantly as he panted for breath.

"So close, Magnus, please," he pleaded.

The friction against his cock, Magnus' cock tight and big inside him, the bright explosions inside his head. It was all too much, too good. With Magnus' next thrust, Alec came crashing over the edge. His legs around Magnus were shaking, his head was thrown back as he came all over his belly.

"So beautiful... Alexander, love you... so much," Magnus panted and then he came tumbling after, moaning his pleasure, his hips still thrusting as he came.

As Alec swept his hands across his back lazily, Magnus lowered himself on top of him. His face buried against Alec's neck, he tried to catch his breath. The words sighed against the hot skin of his neck took Alec's breath away all over again.

"I'll always be with you, no matter how old you grow, or how young I remain. Always."

It was a vow, a promise, and after everything that had happened in the last three months, after everything he'd thought he'd lost, it made his heart ache with love.

Swallowing down the tears that wanted to flow, he cupped Magnus' face in his hands and lifted it until he could look into his eyes. They were regular, deep warm brown human eyes again, but oh, were they beautiful, shining with love and devotion. The ball of light inside his head had turned into a warm glow, not unlike a cosy hearth on a dark, rainy day. He wondered what Magnus' image of Alec's feelings was right now. Maybe one day he'd ask.

For now, he looked into those amazing eyes and said one word, a vow and promise from him. "Always."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After my previous 35K chapters I hope a mere 5,5K wasn't a disappointment. I just wanted to give the boys some happiness after all the angst I put them through.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who stayed with me through this adventure. Thank you for the comments, the kudos, the happy squees. It all means so much to me.
> 
> And most of all, thanks to my amazing beta, [Keiko Kirin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakana17/pseuds/Keiko%20Kirin). I would never have finished this without them. <3


End file.
